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About BlackFlames

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    Dont know what to say O_O
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    Video Games, Intellectual persuits, about my self
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  1. @EchoFlame i thought feeling alive would equate to having a purpose? I was torn between the two but WonderingWolf put it nicely. I guess I would have to say Well Being. Like Wolf, when I have some sort of structure in the main areas of my life I can put my mind in other places and really shine. But because I feel a slight imbalance in my life right now I'm left with defining my purpose.
  2. @TheTank What does that feel like? To ACTUALLY want to get to know someone assuming you mean for a potential date, "See if we hit it off" vibe? Is this because you WANT to or is it based off instinct? As far as gyms go I'm like you. I'm fine with them until they start to get too crowded and it seems like people are watching you. I prefer to workout at home if I can....or catch the gym early in the morning.
  3. I'm more so selfishly thinking of the inconvenience it will be for me to have to fly out their and attend the funeral. But I love them dearly...
  4. I honestly don't know how this started but its not the first time its happen. What happens is my eyes will gravitate towards a particular direction that makes me feel at ease in public settings. At work, If someone happens to be stationed in that direction I'm not necessarily looking at them but through them. HOWEVER, as this continues I realize they are looking at me now, and now through my office travels I almost can NOT STOP looking at them and it becomes a awkward each time. I begin to get extremely annoyed by that persons presence and will have an irrational attitude towards them by rolling my eyes, extreme indifference like they they just killed my dog. And this shit always happens with other males!! I bet their like "the hell is wrong with this guy keeps looking my way? Is he gay or something" LOL!! What I THINK might be the issue is I'm admittedly somehow curious about them. This is usually the case with other guys who I don't really communicate with. I don't know if I'm just trying to figure them out or I'm just creepy. This never happens with females...
  5. You are seriously like...my personal Oracle or Sage.
  6. I love another and thus I hate myself.
  7. I was watching a show (Insecure) and two characters who are seeing each other opened up about their past sexual experiences. The female revealed FIRST that she use to make out with other girls during her college years. The guy thinks nothing of it and eventually tells her that he did a little experimenting himself with another guy who gave him oral but but didn't like it. She was shocked, appalled, disgusted, and question his sexuality and eventually ended their potential relationship because she wants her "man to be a MAN"... As I know this is a real belief of many it leaves me to ask WHY is it okay for woman to explore themselves sexually and not really be called derogatory names, labeled, and the earth continues to spin?? Why can they be "Sexually Fluid" but with men its Black or White: Either you're gay or straight? If a mans masculinity is questioned for his dip and dab on the same team for whatever reason then a woman's femininity ought to be questioned too, no? ^ and men aren't?? This annoys me and I find it immature. So in cliche movie scenes where two sexy woman are making out and winks and gestures for the guy watching them to join which eventually leads to a threesome...is this the fantasy they see? Because I don't think that's a realistic outcome in most situations and those scenes only seem to stroke the ego's of some men who think they can pull to woman at the same time. http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2014/09/26/why_the_sexual_fluidity_trope_is_sexism_in_disguise.html http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/12/when-will-men-be-ok-exploring-same-sex-hookups.html
  8. @gunnerstahl Emotional connection seems worth it or just being with someone who truly understands you. @ischulte Its true, I'm not trying and I don't know. But even if I wanted to try I always have a feeling I'll be betrayed and I consider myself to be pretty loyal so that would sullen if I was betrayed in any kind of way. When I look at other people that have all these relationship issues I just don't think its worth it. And yes I know I know nothing will be perfect and "Everyone goes through something" but ughh! I just feel that most of the issues I see can easily be avoided. I guess I'm just avoiding them by being alone. @ENFPEACE I suppose? I might can think of one or two occasions where that might had been the case. I think its more so people just being nosy and trying to figure me out because I don't match up to their expectations than considering me for a partner. @Bisclavret That makes me think about my mother saying "Everyone want's companionship" and when I told her "Not everyone" she fired back with "Yes they do! Anyone who doesn't want companionship you're a weirdo and need to be seek help" or something similar to that. Me saying "Not Everyone" was my to get her to ask me my how I felt about it all but I closed off with her strong opinion on the matter. @Cockney Red No. Thank you to @Beesnthebreeze, @Avenicci, and @NSchet for your awesome posts. Yes, I understand the on surface reasons (marriage, sex, compainionship, family etc) But as @beesnthebreeze said it seems like there's this unauthentic approach people have and they don't acknowledge it and I just find it interesting. But I'm also am not letting companionship happen so I'll try to make myself available to others and will just have to embrace the bullshit that follows.
  9. No, you're not being a dick. You're right, I like people to answer my questions even though I MIGHT know the answer or am not completely clueless. @Hurricane It could be sexual confusion and over thinking.
  10. But it's like they're not really connecting. It's like they're trying each other 'just because'' then they decide to connect later and either find out they don't like each other or will continue for an actual relationship. I feel like it if I'm going to find a mate there has to be a reason and motive behind it. What can I get out it? What's the purpose? What will my partner get out of it? Are they wasting my time? Would I waste there time? I don't know, maybe I'm making excuses. I just know I'm really comfortable with my own time and don't really like to have 'new energies' come and offset mine. I'll give it a try though once I feel more established in self.
  11. I just really enjoy my own company so, when I see other guys talk to girls that they think is attractive and they end up dating I honestly don't get how that happens and why did it happen. I feel like I'm lacking something that most people have when it comes to finding a mate and it seems like it's the natural instinct to WANT a partner or seek. I go through my days just working and trying to create a level of independence for myself with no motive of asking anyone out. Yet, for other people it seems in that initial moment that they come across someone, say in a casual conversation, there's absolutely no motive or reason behind why they decided to hook up later other than the fact that it seems they have that natural instinct... I hope I'm explaining my thoughts on this clear enough.
  12. HOW DARE YOU!!!! Have you lost your mind???? One does not have to be a sensor to unable to accept change. *Also, you can't even see a members mbti type on threads. This is really important.
  13. Sorry, I don't know where else to express this. The old design was perfect!!! Now this looks all new and bubbly. My eyes have to adjust and learn a new flow pattern as things are spaced differently and more crisp....*sigh!!* edit: AND THEY KILLED MY AVATAR!!
  14. Yes, I was bullied my 9th grade year and I believe it was because I was quiet, wasn't really loud and ignorant like my classmates so they couldn't figure me out so the only thing they could pin on me was that I was gay lol. Didnt have the latest trends of clothing (I kept my shoe game up sometimes). I literally was the joke of the day almost everyday and it never got to me. Maybe it did in other psychological ways (became to self conscious, social anxiety, etc) to where later in life I could admit to myself that I did feel some type to way. But I made jokes at them as well so I wasn't completely helpless. Yes I have bullied others around the same time I was being bullied. Picked on another kid (not at school) because he always hanged around kids much younger than him and we just thought he was different than me and my best friend' see how that works lol. Me being bullied I think has affected me at one point but I've gotten better with dealing with people and social issues. For a while, I didn't acknowledge the fact that I was bullied and never told my mother or complained. At 25 I couldn't care less if I met those same people.