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too late

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About too late

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    what bullshit
  • Personal DNA
    Fuck you.
  • Brain Dominance


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    garbage truck
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    sick of this
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  1. <p>Thanks for the comment. I've made a lot of progress since that thread, I think I've fixed pretty much 99% of the problem (the 1% is just residue, it'll probably always be there). If you want to talk more about it just PM me. Taking a break was the best thing I've ever done. It also seems many people have had similar problems.</p>

  2. I could have written that post myself. I'm 20 and in the exact same predicament, except I'm not taking time off. Going to be a junior next year. I'm also interested in what people have to say about this. I didn't post because I don't have anything useful to add other than "I understand completely".

  3. They're ok to look at, somewhat interesting in a "so that's what people look like on the inside" sort of way. Videos are painful to watch though, especially beheadings.
  4. you're right, I think I was an INTP this whole time

  5. It sounded like a good idea to me, too. But I know I wouldn't last 2 days exercising. I don't stick to things like that. I never had any difficulties in school, ever. Not academically. It pisses me off that I was paying this dumbass to 'teach' me. If he's not going to explain shit well, why should I have to be learning it myself when I don't even care about the major in the first place? There's no point in taking his class at all if he's going to give us assignments and say "you can figure it out by yourself, lol". Like I want to waste 6 hours of my day on homework that could've been done in 20 minutes if he actually taught it. The class wasn't hard. It was all him. He'd copy the lesson plan from another professor (not making this up, he confirmed it) because he didn't even know what the hell he was talking about. And this is not one of those defense mechanisms were I ascribe failure to external factors. Point is, I know I don't have a lot of motivation. So I need a GOOD reason to continue doing something that I hate, such as school. I don't mean to sound like I'm mad at you or anything, I wanted to vent. Thanks, I've been doing this more or less. So far so good.
  6. I'm pretty sure I'm an unmotivated INTJ (which sort of describes INTPs...I don't even know anymore). But I hear you about labels.
  7. At first I was relieved. Then I thought I was so cool. It was pretty pathetic how I used the INTJ label to compensate for my lack of self esteem and at the same time feed my ego. Now I hate everyone who appears to be doing the same. At some point I didn't think I was an INTJ, turns out I just don't fit the stereotype. I'm not mentally stable and absolutely hate putting effort into things (my J gets a kick out of watching me suffer). Math and science are blah. I'm not goal oriented, I'm not even oriented, just don't care much about anything. But it's cool that behavior descriptions of other MBTI types can be easily observed in people I know/encounter.
  8. Honestly, like a 1 on average. That was done by calculating how high (or low) on the scale it would be when I actually DO have a sex drive and then lowering that number depending on how often I get it.
  9. Yes, I'd prefer to never be born. Why? Because the world is disgusting and I find humanity to be pretty pathetic.
  10. I thought about journalism, but you have to be good at communicating and not just writing. I lack too much. Thanks for trying to help, but I'm hopeless.

  11. Well, it doesn't mean you have to be that social. Other than that: have you thought about journalism?

  12. Well.....ok a lot of you guys are right. I'm just frustrated at myself. Thanks for the advice (especially cizzo, who I'm about to PM), this is one of the many reasons I like this place. I think so too, but it's one of the more 'social' majors. For that reason I'm not so sure I would go for it.
  13. Because that's what I like to do in my free time at my own pace. Add pressure to the situation, I'd probably do bad and eventually I won't even like doing those things. I understand what you're saying. But very few people also completely lack the strength to go through with something when they're not sure of themselves. It's like I can't proceed without figuring it all out. Everything has to be planned, controlled, and predictable. Black and white. I've been living in a box my whole life, figuratively and literally (my room is where I spent most of my time). Always thinking/analyzing but never acting. I know this is the root of my problem, climbing out of it is the hell I always tried to avoid and I'm living it right now. Yes, that's exactly it. "One thing at a time", I guess that's what I have to keep telling myself. Still though, this issue of mine is so deep seated that it will take me ages to actually feel comfortable in the real world. As for your career question, I honestly don't have the slightest idea. None whatsoever, I'm lost. Thinking way back, I never had any specific goals to begin with. As far as desires go, does the default "live comfortably" counts? That hasn't changed. I don't want to make a lot of money, just enough to move out and support myself. I don't want to make a difference or anything. I'll take any job with decent pay (30k a year would suffice, I'd honestly be happy with that as I'm only one person) and low-ish stress. Preferably one where I won't have to interact with people every single minute. That really drains me. You're right. This job doesn't really suit me, I initially wanted to just clean tables (busser) but they didn't have any positions open and told me they needed more hostesses. So I not-very-willingly decided to do it. I'm sticking to it until I go back to school. I realize that about grades. Doing well in school doesn't necessarily make one smart anyway. I knew that all along yet I kept depending on A's to make me feel good about myself. Pathetic.
  14. (I apologize for the length) I don't know how I'm supposed to get a job and survive when I don't know anything about the world and have nothing to offer to potential future employers. It's not even just a self esteem problem. I think (or thought) I'm fairly intelligent and there's many things I'm good at. I'm very talented at drawing for example. Except not only is that useless, but I don't even enjoy doing it anymore so it doesn't count. In general I'm decent at many things. But when it comes to the real world I'm quite ignorant. I don't know anything because I grew up very sheltered. Couple that with general anxiety, from mild to moderate, and being naturally very introverted, and everything gets complicated. I'm 21 and currently taking a break from college because I realized I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I know what I enjoy and what I hate but it has nothing to do with working. I like the internet, reading, intellectual conversation, music, digital art and visual things in general, problem solving, movies, debating, etc. None of this has anything to do with jobs. I recently went through a really bad experience in college last semester. I thought I had picked the perfect major: computer science. But the professor who was teaching my intro to programming class was new and he clearly had no idea what he was doing. We'd be given assignments and quizzes on things we never covered. He was all over the place with his lessons. Everyone else felt the same way and a lot ended up dropping the class. I eventually dropped it, too. But it was so bad, I mean SO bad, that it threw me off and made me question pretty much everything about my life and eventually led me to withdraw from the university for the next semester. In a way I'm glad this happened because I'm beginning to put my problem together. I obviously have really low self esteem and over the years I would compensate for it through grades. I've maintained a 4.0 GPA throughout college and when I failed a quiz for the first time (and I mean I've rarely ever gotten a B on anything, let alone an F) in that class with the incompetent professor, it's like my whole world came crashing down....a little dramatic I know, but that's how it felt. And since I based my self worth on grades and I managed to screw that up once, it's like I was left with nothing. I was empty. Ever since I finished the last semester I've been trying to build up my confidence. So I got a job hosting at a restaurant as a first step, plus I needed to do something during my time away from school. So far, it's not really working. It's like every time I take a step forward, the next day I'll take 2 back. I don't really even know what I'm doing, and that might seem hard to believe because how much easier can it get? You just sit people down at a table, right? But it's much harder when it gets super busy, and even harder because of my anxiety of talking to people. I end up getting so overwhelmed at times that I start to stammer. When I think about jobs in general, I always wonder how people even do them. How can I even think about getting a better job when I can't even handle an "easy" one? Feels like I'm not making any progress and I still have absolutely no idea what major I'm switching to when I return to college. I don't even know if I really hate computer programming or if I "hate" it because of that bad experience. And again, I still don't really understand the world, especially business and money and things that adults should know. I have no idea. My hosting job is really fast paced when the restaurant gets busy and I get so confused and can't think straight/focus. I'm a daydreamer and my energy is on the lower levels so I can't handle that very well. It's been 2 months since I started that job and I don't feel like I'm getting any better. 2 months, once or twice a week (since it's part-time)....I think that's more than enough time to start seeing improvement but I'm not seeing it even though I really try. Not to mention that I work with another hostess who is really good at it due to years and years of experience and I keep comparing myself to her. Don't know what to do with my life down the road. In short, I know what my problem is but I don't know how to fix it because what I've tried so far hasn't done anything to make me "believe in myself". It's normal to make mistakes the first couple of days, but like I said, it's been 2 months already and yesterday I made so many mistakes I looked like someone who's never worked a day in her life. It's scary to think how I'm ever going to find a better job with more responsibilities if I suck at one that anybody can do. Then I can't help but conclude that I'm not nearly as intelligent as I thought. I'd appreciate any sort of input. ---- Wow I just read my whole post, it all sounds so trivial.