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This is a community where INTJs can meet others with similar personalities and discuss a wide variety of both serious and casual topics. If you aren't an INTJ, you're welcome to join anyway if you would like to learn more about this personality type or participate in our discussions. Registration is free and will allow you to post messages, see hidden subforums, customize your account and use other features only available to our members.


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About ModernLit

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    Core Member


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    thinker, wanderer, loner


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    daydream delusion
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  1. knitting, art, comedy, music, reading, meditating, sleeping.
  2. fun synth pop cover? ...and now for the ambient falling asleep to music:
  3. People are weird and they accept because they think saying no would label them. People don't often know what they're doing, or why, or ask for what they want...
  4. It's not really related directly, but I had the opposite (sort of) situation recently with someone I met recently that I ran into again and she glommed onto me and wanted to chat and wouldn't shut up, and was wildly gesticulating and telling me how socially awkward she was and how she just wanted friends so badly and to please get a drink with her... and I just was hit WHAM with all this needy/clingy energy from her that I had to leave soon after. She completely drained my energy, and the harder someone pushes to will themselves to be my friend and get super close really fast, the more I want to run away from them. She just seemed really insecure and made comments about needing to look good and put on a performance to hide how inept and weird she feels inside and I was just cringing. I suppose the first step is identifying your problems, and that's what she appears to be doing, but I just got 'inauthentic' vibes from her and it was scary to meet someone who was so uncomfortable in their own skin that they aren't comfortable with silence, and NEED SO BADLY for validation from outside sources. That's not the life stage I'm at right now, and she's on a different path. It would take way too much effort to talk her down, get her to relax, calm down, and be real, because she was just putting on a show and I saw that immediately. That makes ME uncomfortable. I don't know you personally @AesSedai, so I have no idea what you're like IRL or what vibes you put out for IN (or other) types to pick up on, but I'm very sensitive to being pushed. I'd much rather be the initiator--like if I wanted to be her friend, I would have given her my number or my card or email or whatnot. I just feel like if I run into her again, we're going to repeat the scenario and I'm going to say no again and feel just as uncomfortable as she feels because I'll just mirror her vibe, and I don't like that. You can't make anyone do anything they're unsure or unwilling to do at that point in their lives. I also suggest to potential friends that they tell me their MBTI type, so I can better understand them and make an informed decision re: whether we'd get along or I'd be able to understand them and vice versa! Being drawn to INF types generally, usually they all know their type and know about MBTI. I'm happy to help educate skeptics or other people, too. One person I met at a networking event seemed fascinated, so I hope she tests herself and lets me know... I suspect she's ENFP. I'm pretty good at typing people that I generally hang out with, which would be INFPs and INFJs, some INTJ and INTP thrown in. I also can spot ISTJ pretty easily, and ENTJ. But I'll invest more energy pursuing types that I know are just easy to be friends with. If people typically come across someone strange, odd, out of the ordinary--their response isn't usually a friendly one. That's something rarer types just have to experience and deal with and work around. But I wouldn't invest time and energy in people who aren't reciprocating, or who would straight up tell you "why are you inviting me to X?" because... they don't trust you or feel comfortable enough, and they've just told you so. Work is difficult because a lot of people just do it to live, and don't live to work. The one friend I made awhile ago at my first job just seemed to share a lot of the same hobbies as I did (she was already always reading intently on the bus, which is how I started the conversation to begin with: she generally was very wrapped up in her book and she's an INTJ and has the 'don't talk to me' face, so she was skeptical at first, but warmed up a bit over time; I gave her time and space to do so). I've sent a couple emails to new workplace colleagues that have gone unanswered, so I'm getting the sense that there isn't much socializing outside of work going on, and some places and people are like that. So I'm going to drop it. I have other friends that reciprocate; I don't need "friends" at work who aren't willing to put in work. One-sided relationships aren't good for anyone involved.
  5. Hi, Luna. Welcome. This is the place for interesting, smart folks (and all the others, haha). It was hard, but I eventually found the people around me who could understand. INTJ problems.
  6. who's we in this context? both of us or just INFJs?? :p

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. ModernLit


      *bops you on the head with a pool noodle*

    3. Madden





      Clearly I need to engage my magickal INFJ aux-Fe wide-eyed look and stuff:



      ^ :undecided:

      How could you? HOW COULD YOU?!

    4. ModernLit


      How did you know bunnies and puppies were my weakness? Is the INTJ that transparent?! Nooooo. (Hahaha)

  7. Lol'd, yes. And I forgive her when she gives me those wide eyed puppy dog eyes. Dammit. (She's not intentionally late, I get it, she's more spacey than I am... I can't even picture her being deliberately late. She's just that NICE. And she knows better than to deliberately try to make me mad )
  8. Relive your younger years! Indeed it reminded me of being 14, 15 again... before I discovered the Beatles and decided I would just listen to whatever made me happy.
  9. interesting, my INFJ friend is notoriously late all the time to the point of it bothering me and i just now plan on her being late so it bothers me less. but i will point it out and she will apologize. ha! and i am also sometimes late if i'm wrapped up in something or get stuck on public transport or held up by people (some of those examples are out of my control). i can be spacey and prepare to be on time only to look at the clock and see, shit, now i'll be late and i prepared with TOO MUCH TIME to spare. and it also depends on time of day. night things? i'll be on time because i function better in the evening. morning things? not so much, and that has been a pattern back to childhood. right handed INTJ. a little ambidex but not much... weakest on J, highest on I. don't call me an INTP; you'll get hurt
  10. guess sometimes weird things happen when you let a playlist just play for a long time... kinda amused, though. so mission accomplished? reminds me of my pop/punk phase. ah memories. this isn't bad, either. i have no idea who these people are. they do look like metal heads.
  11. i would also like a summer home and some lifelong friendships. both are goals i'm currently working on. and someday, i will finish my book
  12. there are lots of non-INTJs in this forum and the world probably. you're on a weird time zone though, aren't you?
  13. it is never a given. never. ask a roomful of people the last book they read. watch anyone doing stuff on their phones to kill time--they're not reading, they're playing farmer candy word crusher monster. yes, it's shocking. no one who attempts small talk with me asks what i'm reading or thinking about. they ask how was my weekend, what did i have for lunch. it's INANE. my friends are all readers, and i take that for granted. i can't imagine a world where i wasn't reading and talking about books and ideas with people on a daily/weekly basis. sometimes you forget the rest of the world is not like you are. you have to say something someone will say, "i've never heard that word before" or "huh" and i realize... i need to explain every literary reference, and every word above an 8th grade level to the people around me.