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About Winklepicker

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    mail delivery
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    bull fighting
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  1. I have a similar educational background to your friend. MD and MPH (master of public health). I started a residency and then left it, because... hell no! Wasn't for me. The environment sucked all the lifeblood out of me and I felt like I was in a straightjacket in hell. I can sympathize with the position your friend's in. I had a very, very difficult long stretch of being underemployed (at best) because the timing of my leaving my residency with the economy was awful. It took me a long road to find any kind of financial/career footing, and even now, I'm always thinking about growth/evolving what I do. I think the economy is not helping your friend, and I think the best thing I can advise is to keep on keep on *reinventing* yourself to get any career footing in this scenario. In this economy, I think that requires being open to looking into new avenues you didn't necessarily envision yourself doing. I'm being very vague right now, and am probably not very helpful, so...sorry for that. I guess I don't have an all-encompassing answer for someone in these shoes, because there are a lot of different paths you could go. As for my story – I am currently doing technical, marketing, and medical writing (and editing). I juggled multiple low-paying jobs while getting started in medical editing that paid me pennies for hours of skilled and hard work. I tried a couple of these medical companies (Cactus Communications and Edanz – Edanz is *way* better to work for, for the record) and just kept doing medical editing for them while doing other measley-paying jobs at the same time just to make ends meet. I got really bored in the process and started my own health/travel blog where I did research and writing just for kicks, because I'm nerdy like that. I actually turned it into an LLC company and ended up putting in on my CV. Finally, enough time passed so that my CV was starting to show over 1 year of medical editing plus 1 year of writing health blogs (plus my other research/public health work history) – and a recruiter ended up contacting me on Linkedin about a web editing role for a company that writes about a certain area of medicine. I have been in that role for almost a year now and am transitioning out now for some new opportunities with writing (which I prefer over editing). I think this economy is just a killer for anyone looking at a certain point in their career. It's like musical chairs, but the song's already over and the seats are all already filled. If there's anything I can say from the bottom of my heart to your friend, it would be to seriously understand that her difficult time finding work is not a reflection on her or her abilities or what she brings to the table. I had years (4-5) of being caught in a really awkward dry spell that really flattened me to the ground. I'm pretty sure that period changed me deeply in a way that will affect me the rest of my life. I think I can say it has been the most difficult phase of my life so far. I still struggle with the deep insecurities that come from my own internalizing the job search difficulty. I'm not sure any of that was helpful at all, but I guess I just can deeply sympathize with your friend and want to offer encouragement that she can't take it personally. Looking back, again I would emphasize the importance of being flexible with your career – and the importance of reinventing yourself to adapt to an extremely difficult economy. All the best.
  2. I've used it on my hair, too, but I understand that if you use it too long, it can dry out your hair. As for teeth--I've also used it on my teeth, it's a natural tooth whitener. But everything I've read about brushing your teeth with it seems to suggest it's not a great idea to use it on your teeth for more than a week at a time. Not sure why. Sorry, too tired to look all that up right now ha, but I hear ya--baking soda is really great for many things! I love how natural and non-chemical-y it is. Very effective, too.
  3. Leave the apartment to avoid trick-or-treaters. I feel like a grumpy jerk saying that, but...
  4. Probably writers and certain kinds of artists.
  5. Ok, so today I just got a long-sought-after job offer -- totally a home run for me. I'm trying to figure out how to handle salary/package negotiations. During initial interviews, I was asked about salary goal and tried to tactfully defer the conversation--which didn't work, so then I tried to ask if they had a salary range in mind. The lady finally named a figure--let's say "X" (dollars). I was internally floored at the amount she named (way better than other offers out there--in general and also for this role in my region). When she named that number, she sounded almost nervous of naming the number and quickly after naming it came right back with, "but we want you to feel you can live comfortably"--almost like she was apologetic for what I might have perceived as a low number. Although inside I was thrilled, when she asked me if that was close to my range, I played it cool and paused and then sort of neutrally/calmly said with a tad hesitancy that it was roughly in the ballpark of what I was after (haha). Now with today's offer--that included that "X" salary, the offer included awesome benefits and bonuses (seriously, I'm starting to get slightly skeptical of this company, it seems almost too good to be true). My questions: -should I still come back with a counter offer higher than "X"? I'm not sure I can justify the increase based on similar jobs in this region - but I could maybe get away with it from my credentials. Like I said earlier, her apologetic tone at initial discussion of this number made me think maybe they have even more wiggle room with their salary offer. -if I should come back with counter offer, and the offer is already pretty fricking darn good, what percentage higher should I counter with? -I've thought about negotiating some other things, too, in this negotiation: new work laptop and maybe even a quiet place to work, if not also my own separate work room/office, and possibly also a slight modification of my proposed title. Is it too much for me to make a financial counter offer and also put in a wish list for these other things too? I've read some advice saying not to negotiate on much more than 2 points (like salary plus one other element of the job). Would looooovvvee any advice/wisdom here. Thank you!!!!
  6. I lived in Bali, Indonesia for a while while making horrible pay (by U.S. standards) working remotely/shifting into a different industry. It was uber cheap, and I'm grateful for the experience. I have cross-cultural/overseas living in my veins, anyway, so I really didn't do it just for the money. I imagine sometime in life I'll be doing something similar again, as I seem to repeatedly find myself in long-term overseas living situations. I have to say, though, it's great to have access again to lots of creature comforts - ease of driving less than 15 minutes to the exact store/repairman/movie you're looking for, not worrying about visa issues, having good internet/air conditioning, access to certain foods/drinks, etc etc. I'm not sure what else to say about it. It's not for everyone. I think if travel and adventure's in your blood, then it will be worth the hassels/hardships involved in making it happen and sustaining life like that. You also have to be prepared for long stretches of time of loneliness/being alone before you make social connections in a location where probably English isn't the first language.
  7. Bring with you those little portable instant coffee bags. Then you just need to get a hold of hot water, which should be a lot easier.
  8. I believe a bit more in "one of the ones," as mentioned earlier. Having said that... In addition to compatibility of values/faith/intellect/humor, general comfort in his presence, and mutual passion for each other: -I can be vulnerable with him with my deepest or momentary soft spots or dark sides - fears, weaknesses/insecurities - and he shows to be trustworthy and kindly responsive to those things -time shows his relational resilience and commitment - that difficult circumstances or bumps throughout our relationship do not weaken his resolve to do whatever it takes to work through things to get back into the light/joy together - we've had our fair share already, and this gives me so much more assurance/confidence in our relationship Probably more involved of an answer than the OP called for, but oh well. Those are my things.
  9. My man has a beard. I never thought I would be into a beard on a guy until he started growing his. I find him even more attractive/hot with it, now (I should add that I found him attractive/hot before the beard, too). It fits his style, too. I also think it makes him look more mature - in a good way. I like when the sides are at least trim enough to see his jaw line shape - sometimes he leaves the chin part to grow a bit longer - it's really grown on me (heh heh... *liking* the beard, that is - not the beard, itself). Oddly enough, it's really not that annoyingly noticeable when kissing. Only occasionally it seems to find its way up to tickling my nostrils, which is kind of funny, but it doesn't happen that much. Overall - I love it on my man and right now actually prefer it.
  10. Wow, ok. I will definitely have to kill my former mindset, then. I apparently think I'm doing an expected/thoughtful courtesy but instead am just shooting myself in the foot. I really appreciate your thoughts. Henceforth...I will change my ways.
  11. I'd like to hear your opinions here, as I know there are plenty of you who either live in the UK or have worked there. I've read mixed opinions and am confused on the best approach. For UK jobs and employers, is it better to send a post-interview thank you note or better not to? It would be for a job at a publishing company. For the U.S., I've been following standard advice of sending thank you notes including a brief highlight as to why I think I'm a great fit for the job...although I'm even questioning the effect of this these days.... About UK jobs - I've read that conventional job-seeker advice is similar on some UK job boards - however, whenever I've seen this topic discussed elsewhere, it seems employees and employers alike consider this move not to be proper etiquette but rather intrusive, desperate, and arrogant. If anyone has UK experience or advice on this, I'd appreciate confirmation. It's very difficult for me to not send a thank you note, but I absolutely don't want to send one if it has the negative effect described above. Thoughts?
  12. And you're very welcome!

  13. Gotcha, just saw it and replied on the post :-)

  14. Ok, in terms of amount of alone time needed - I think that depends on the individual and also on the circumstances, stress levels, and why time alone is needed. -As for me, even if life is good, nothing's going wrong, and even in my serious (engaged) relationship, I need at least a couple days a week where I'm not physically meeting up with my guy. And I adore getting at least one solid day completely alone by myself per week -- "alone" meaning - pretty much zero to uber minimal contact. -If I'm stressed in life or heavily processing things in the relationship, then it's probably more like needing 2 days completely alone (like, no/minimal texts even) per week. -If I'm uber uber stressed or having serious internal turmoil over the relationship, then probably more like 3-4 days of the week completely alone would be helpful. Also, if the reason I'm taking alone time is random life stress, I'm more ok with a bit more minimal touching base over text or something. But if the reason is relational turmoil/stress, then when I'm in alone time, I usually want a lot less of even minimal text communication. I should add that so far, I'm only speaking in terms of when I really "need" time alone. If it just so happens that 5-6 days go by where I have to be apart from my guy, although I do miss him, I just eat up the time alone and love recharging and fully engaging in a lot of hobbies/interests I have. About the robot thing - it's funny, I actually am pretty sure I get like that sometimes. I've no idea if it's all the same reasons as your lady, but for me - I notice it's very difficult for me to give any more of a response when I'm going through a lot of inner turmoil (and usually about something in the relationship, for me, anyway). One other reason I occasionally get like that on text is when I'm just tired of texting...as in, my thumb is literally tired of texting. So I'd rather call/skype/meet in person. ps, I forgot to address the maximum time thing - I'd say I really would dislike going longer than 6 days - beyond 6 days or so, I'm not sure that would be helping on restoring myself at that point, because I'd probably really start to miss him a ton. But I guess everybody's probably different on these timings and tolerances and needs.
  15. Originally Posted by Winklepicker View Post

    Sometimes I do need that bit of time alone to recuperate/recover or to process thoughts/feelings to figure out what's going on for me and what should be communicated, if anything.

    I don't know how far along in your relationship you are, but I think it's fair, once she's done with her alone time, for you communicate (in a good vibe moment) that you respect the space that she needs but that you also have needs "X, Y, or Z" for those times when she's getting her space. Or maybe if this is difficult for you, maybe there could be some kind of agreement about communication during/after these times.

    One thing I was curious: Alone time: Could that mean a full day, a week, a few hours? What would you deem sufficient alone time? Or better yet, what's the maximum amount of alone time you'd need to recharge your battery?

    With my INTJ, I'll consider a few hours of not responding to me pretty concerning. So in terms of time, we're usually communicating. But I don't mind if she'd need a day or two. Once we didn't talk for four days and I have to admit, when we started talking again, our communication was very fresh and positive.

    But the part that really bothers me is at times when we text, she reads literally like a robot. I mean, over a half a day, I could understand; you know she's busy but she'll drop a quick "xoxo" or something like that, and that's understandable. But over a week and there's no personality when she speaks to me always worries me. And that's what I mean when I say she's distant. It's like the personality part of her who I fell in love with has been stolen and replaced by something else void of a soul.