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itsjustme

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About itsjustme

  • Rank
    Member

Personality

  • MBTI
    INTJ

Converted

  • Location
    New York
  • Gender
    Male
  1. computers + psychology = UX, human computer interaction, etc so look into those
  2. That's pretty much what UX is all about, the underlying function and structure of products. The visual design is handled by graphic/UI/product designers.
  3. Interesting, is it common for those two things to be at odds with each other? I haven't encountered that. like what?
  4. As a User Experience Researcher, my job is to utilize various research methodologies in order to drive (mostly digital) product design. I love my job for the most part because it allows me to ask questions, observe people, identify problems and think up better solutions for them; a great combination of analytical and creative skills. I've always felt INTJ is well suited to user research roles, and just came across this study that confirms it to a higher degree than I imagined. http://uxpamagazine.org/who_would_want_usabilty/ Does anyone else work in UX or similar qualitative research roles?
  5. My first job in IT was 1 phone interview, a follow-up in-person interview, and then a hiring/HR interview (not really an interview, just a formal offer). Next was at a tech start-up in a creative role. 1 interview to get an internship that eventually turned into a job. Other companies since then have been 3+. They usually start with 1-3 phone interviews (first with HR/Recruiter, then possibly phone interview with someone on the team). Then another 1-3 in-person interviews. Most recently: 1 phone interview with a recruiter 1 in-person interview with my (possible) direct superior and her superior 1 in-person interview with a few others on the team
  6. Haha yes that is the plan, yet another check box to add to my growing list. Some of my favorite female friends are ENFJs and I often wonder what it would be like to date someone of that type. Earlier in the year I was crazy about an ENTJ, but we live on opposite sides of the country and we arent really financially able to do something long distance like that at this point in our lives. I have dated an INFJ and INTJ before but neither lasted too long, but my feelings were much more clear-cut. I knew when it was time to stop seeing them. These ISF_'s put me in this confused state where I'm simultaneously drawn and repelled and I can't figure out what to do. Its so cliche yet lol yet here I am doing it without even realizing. I'm really looking forward to seeing my therapist in a few days.. ---------- Post added 09-11-2015 at 02:27 PM ---------- I was talking to her today and brought up MBTI and she said she thinks she's INFJ and now I'm even more confused. Have I not given her enough of a chance? Am I doing the typical INTJ jumping to conclusions based on limited data? Sometimes I think I put way too much investment into MBTI.
  7. I just ended a relationship that seemed to be on the serious track very early on because of the lack of the "mind meld". I kind of wonder if I made a mistake because she seems fantastic in other ways. But I've only ever been in relationships with sensors and never been involved with another intuitive and I feel like its something I need. It's very confusing.
  8. The short version: I realized for the 3rd time I'm starting a relationship with an ISFx. First 2 were ISFP, the most recent was (in my estimation) ISFJ. They all started the same way: feeling excited to have found someone I feel comfortable around, yet at the same time don't necessarily feel a deep connection with. They are all great activity partners, affectionate, and physically compatible, but I get a vague yet present feeling of doubt very early on in the relationship. I try to sweep it under the rug preferring to focus on things that I do like. Our bonds and emotional investment gets deeper, but that feeling of doubt/disconnect never goes away, until it gets unbearable and then I end the relationship months later (or longer), feeling that despite all the good things it's just not enough. I feel heartbroken yet relieved, and the girl feels heartbroken and confused. I figured out what was going on much sooner this time around with the ISFJ with some help from a semi-bad trip on psychadelics. I knew I couldnt go down that road again so we broke up. I feel pretty confused about dating now or how to proceed. The long version: So I was dating this amazing girl for about a month and a half and we just broke up. On paper she was perfect: warm and kind, very physically attractive, great attitude about life, keeps busy with various projects, and we even have some common interests. We had great activity dates doing things we are both genuinely interested in. Something was nagging me in the back of my mind though. Later I realized our conversations never felt very engaging. When we talked it felt like we were both just telling each other things, as opposed to having real back and forth conversation. She would be talking to me and get really excited about something, and I'd just be nodding along and get enjoyment out of how excited she was about such & such, and maybe throw some questions in there to show interest, but deep down I wasn't necessarily that interested. Likewise when I would talk to her about things I was interested in she would listen attentively, but it never really developed past that. I picked up on this disconnect on our first date without really fleshing out what the feeling was, but she was so attractive and seemed really different and interesting compared to other girls I've dated in the last year or two. She was also really interested in me which helps. Basically, even without the strong conversational chemistry there was still enough there to keep me interested, so we kept seeing each other and things progressed really quickly and intensely. We got physical quickly, and I felt really comfortable around her. Physically and emotionally and in terms of outlook on life I felt we were really compatible. The last 2 years I've been going on lots of dates with lots of women and most of the time they just dont lead anywhere, so it was so exciting to feel like I found someone I could really be with. But there was still this persistent feeling of doubt in the back of my mind all along that I couldn't really put my finger on. Sometimes I wondered why she was so into me and it scared me that I might not be feeling the same thing, something I've also felt before in my longer relationships. We recently went away together on an overnight trip out of town, and she wanted to do some psychadelics. I was a little hesitant since our relationship was still so new, and since I felt this subtle yet present uneasiness in the back of my mind, but at the same time it sounded like it could be an interesting, fun adventure. We discussed the risk of having a bad trip ahead of time and then just threw caution to the wind and went for it. It was an intense trip to say the least. We went to a museum, and then a park but I felt really uneasy being out in public. At the same time, we were in the struggle together, and I felt a bond and was glad to have her there with me. Eventually we got back to our hotel and the rest of the trip was pretty nice, we laid around and listened to music and just felt generally relieved and good to be by ourselves, safe from the scary outside world. And then, this horrifying thought occurred to me: I noticed all these similarities between this new relationship and a previous relationship. I was able to keep the thought at bay for a little while, reminding myself that its unfair to compare the new girl with the ex because they are two separate people with separate lives and feelings. It worked for a bit and we finished out the trip ok. We had come down and were exhausted, just laying in bed too tired to do anything, but unable to fall asleep. We weren't talking, there was no music or TV or anything on. I tried to strike up some conversation unsuccessfully. So I was just stuck lying there with my thoughts. Eventually she fell asleep and I was up the rest of the night, tossing and turning trying my best to fall asleep but stuck in this negative thought loop. When she woke up in the morning she asked me what was wrong so I opened up and told her everything. She was so kind and receptive and told me she was glad I told her. I didnt immediately think we should break up. I focused on all the things that i liked about her, and wondered if it was just fear getting in the way of my happiness. But I couldnt shake that feeling that I've been down this road before and when it came down to it, I didnt really believe anything would be different this time. After mulling things over a few days and talking to some close friends and to her, breaking up seemed like the only thing to do. It felt like it would be irresponsible to both myself and her to continue seeing each other. She took it really well and although I'm not really sure if she understood where I was coming from and why I felt this disconnect, she listened to what I had to say without arguing or trying to convince me otherwise. The other weird thing I realized is my mom is a sensor (ESFJ or ESFP I think) and my dad was INTJ like me. I wonder how they made it work? He passed away a few years ago, I really wish I could talk to him and ask how he dealt with that disconnect.
  9. I was always very self-conscious about my crooked/overcrowded teeth. At 25 I finally decided to get braces and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I had just gotten out of a relationship and I was pretty nervous about what it would be like dating as an adult with braces. As it turns out, I was much more confident with braces on at a later-than-normal age than I ever was with my crooked teeth. I definitely smiled much more. No one seemed to mind and a few girls even gave me compliments on them. I have a baby face and they added to my boyish charm ;) Just do whatever makes you feel best. The self esteem boost I got just from doing something to solve a long-standing problem was huge, and I'm sure it made a positive impact on dating. On the other hand, just as no one really cared about the braces, most probably wont care that your teeth are a little wonky either.
  10. this. exactly this. Whenever people get really vocal about their dislike of nudity I just think to myself "Grow up. They're just bodies, everyone has one."
  11. Yes, I always respond. Even if its just to say "I don't know" or make up an excuse about not having time (the point gets across) or even "Don't contact me again, I will not respond next time." And perhaps I am overly-sensitive to it because the whole non-response thing was one of my main issues with our relationship. She never told me when anything was bothering her. I just had to assume she must be mad when she stopped returning my messages or wouldnt answer her phone. When she was finally ready to resume communication she would never open up about what was bothering her, preferring to just brush it under the rug. Then days, weeks, or months later she would explode and it would all come out at once, far too late for me to do anything about it on my end. So you might see it as an isolated incident of rather understandable behavior, while I see it as just another instance in an established pattern. I tried pretty hard to be open with her about my feelings, which as INTJs we all know does not come easy, and she never made the same (or any) effort back. All of these things are possible. I am making assumptions that she did not reply to me out of spite or indifference. That's why I hate it, I have no idea where I stand with her.
  12. Yeah I do. I would never want a relationship with her again (the way she acted this weekend reinforced that), but I would've loved to hang out with her for a day or two if we were on good terms. She made a comment to our mutual friend about seeing me when she came out here. The friend couldnt tell if it was a joke or not. That's the only reason why I thought there was even a chance she would want to. Yep that sounds about right.
  13. I found out from a mutual friend that my Ex was coming into town for the long weekend. I haven't seen her since last January when we broke up on bad terms. When my anger subsided I saw that there were a lot of things that I did to her which were very insensitive and disrespectful. We now live on opposite sides of the country and there was no chance I'd be able to apologize in person, so I wrote her a letter. She replied the next day thanking me for my letter and the thought that went into it, but without really expressing anything more personal from her end (typical of her). It seemed like we had moved a step or two towards reconciliation, so when I heard she was coming into town I reached out with an email asking if she wanted to get together to catch up. It was a very short email, left it totally up to her but let her know I was open to it. Well she didn't want to meet up. She didn't even respond. Which is pretty much the rudest thing in my opinion. I'd rather she tell me to fuck off and go to hell. At least that would be genuine. Alas I just get the silent treatment as if I don't even exist. According to our mutual friend, she's "too proud" to reply. In my opinion it's not pride at all, she's too much of a coward to say what's on her mind. I surprised that I had such a strong emotional reaction to something rather insignificant. I thought I was completely past all this, but I guess she can still push my buttons after all.
  14. So just as an update, I ended up moving away from the area. I came back to visit 6 months later and we got together. I brought up this whole situation, mentioned how it was confusing to me at the time but that I was kind of glad it happened that way since it was just another loose end I wouldnt have to tie up. Turns out she was interested in me after all but was just unsure of where things might lead. She admitted she was probably overthinking it.
  15. So let me get this right. You met two women who both already have boyfriends. Nothing significant happened with either of these women. Now for some reason you think that the reason nothing happened with these women, who have boyfriends, is because you dont have a lot of friends. Is that correct? It couldnt possibly be because they already have boyfriends? Why dont you have any friends? How do you expect to cultivate a relationship if you cant cultivate a friendship? A romantic relationship is pretty much just a friendship with the addition of sex and intimacy.