Welcome to INTJ Forum

This is a community where INTJs can meet others with similar personalities and discuss a wide variety of both serious and casual topics. If you aren't an INTJ, you're welcome to join anyway if you would like to learn more about this personality type or participate in our discussions. Registration is free and will allow you to post messages, see hidden subforums, customize your account and use other features only available to our members.

Ambra

Core Member
  • Content count

    10,436
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Ambra

  • Rank
    Core Member

Personality

  • MBTI
    INTJ
  • Enneagram
    8

Converted

  • Homepage
    http://intjforum.com/showthread.php?t=152205
  • Biography
    None.
  • Gender
  • Personal Text
    Impressively dumb ass.
  1. Hi first time reader, and only read this. I agree that equality is an illusion, as is stands. True equality means, anyone, from any walk of life, given any circumstance, has an equal ability and opportunity to succeed to their desired comfort level, and that it's respected by all. This can't exist, unless everyone agrees to share resources, and even then there would have to be someone or thing to reinforce it, which would in turn just be another sign of inequality. This person's word is strong than your own, and so you've been enforced. I think the intention is there. First it starts with not generalizing people, that's the biggie, but that also leads to concepts in which no specialization can occur (it cancels itself). But there are so many other factors at play. Age, demographic, personal desire, proclivity for a certain action, power dynamics, omg the list goes on and on. We're simply not there yet. We can't see or treat others as equals, the best we can do is treat others as people, and allow our self to interact with their self, and that's as far as we've come. But yours and my interaction is regulated by a society that dictates what the interactions should be, and rules are enforced by enforcers, and ultimately created by a man. Preferably the one who has the most wide range vision. And that's about all we have. I think it's a societal thing. Power in numbers, or even when one individual gauges himself as more important than everyone else for the sake of equality. I don't think it's psychology related, society related would be better, since you always have the option to go live in the wilderness by yourself and survive on your ability to gather/hunt food, and provide shelter for yourself. The only way true equality could ever exist would be if the world changed so I could walk out one door, be a the ocean, one door be in a mountain, walk out another, be in a desert, walk out another, be in a grass land. And through each door, I could be whatever I wanted, have different experiences, and change it when I see fit. And everyone would have to be of the same mind, to contribute equally, reap rewards equally, and all have the desire to live as one cog in the system that is humanity as a whole. Even then it wouldn't exist though, since one man's hell is another man's heaven. And that's why true equality will never exist.
  2. Yeah this actually reminds me of INTP/ISTP young guys. The guy closest to the camera I don't get an INTJ feel for. ...... added to this post 3 minutes later: You'll notice the kid in the video is always looking around but not reactive of his surroundings. He speaks clearly on issues he is well informed about, and he's informed about a lot. But even as he's speaking from muscle memory, he's observing the outside world. He is not as the first guy in the video, always listening to his friend, and reacting to everything he says. But I do think the second T guy is more of a T than the "INTJ".
  3. I think that was exactly was I was saying. Are you thinking the person closer to the camera is the INTJ? Okay correction, the back guy is identifying as ENTP...hm. I know you're going to have a quick response so I'll post this, and respond more in depth in a second.
  4. Okay! Got into 4:11 of the second video, and that was all I needed to see. This kid is clearly brilliant and understands things far beyond his years. I'm saying yes, he's very smart. MBTI is hard to gauge as he isn't really speaking from his own experience alone. But if I were to type I would say INTJ with a HEAVY parental influence.
  5. Person addresses person rather than ANY content listed in the response. Yeah not going down that rabbit hole again. I find conversations like that frustrating to the point I want to stab myself in the eye balls. It's like being married again.
  6. I really wish people would read the whole thread... not this again... I already explained the tone in which those comments were meant, my joking around with him and playing back, and that the contact thing was his idea. Also so if you've ever tried to put on contacts it looks worse than it is because of the tugging on your eye to hold it open, not because of poking yourself in it. And, people who aren't stupid can do things that are stupid. That doesn't mean I think my son as a human being is stupid. :roll eyes:
  7. How am I degrading my child? I've called him smart, clever, stated he does his chores, doesn't throw tantrums and is generally well behaved....
  8. Lol yeah, follow up the "You misinterpreted the situation that I contrived for exactly that purpose," followed by financial advice...."Why do people hate us?!?!" Lol!
  9. Sorry, I didn't see this reply earlier. Or maybe I did but forgot to post. So your parents did chose for themselves which side they were on. That's awesome. Now you wanted to know how it was egotistical. Asking your parents for support is not the same as asking your siblings. If you were the one providing support they should have known it was coming from you. They would be better able to gauge the situation, and plan accordingly. Now you can say, "Well support is support and all is supposed to be temporary." Yes and no, If I were to get support from say my parents, I would think it to be long term, extra, and assistance I could count on for a long period of time until I established myself (that's kind of what parents do). If I knew the assistance was from a sibling, I would be less inclined to take it, knowing that they too were establishing themselves, and unless I wanted a parent/child relationship with them, I would decline the offer. What you, even with the best of intentions, denied the family, was freedom of choice. You provided for them under false pretenses. And now somehow they will feel indebted to you, even if they were comfortable with the arrangement from their parents. Maybe they did extra for their parents, maybe they went out of their way to show appreciation, because of the money, and the thought. And now you're stating this was all me, and I can't do this anymore. You're assuming no reciprocation was given. You're judging them by how they spent the money, and all the while...you were innocent and even a hero for all of it. Would your siblings have accepted your assistance? Would they have treated it the same way? Probably not. But you created this illusion, and suddenly you want to not only stop it, but judge them in how they handled it. That's all you and all ego. Your parents did well in exposing the truth when asked. Obviously they couldn't keep the charade if you didn't. And why should they deal with the consequences of my parent cut me off, rather than my sibling isn't going to contribute anymore. Sudden shaming for something they never agreed to receive. A dishonest contribution that served only your ego and guilt, or debt to repay them. Basically you decided how they should feel about assistance and judged them unworthy when they didn't react the same way you did, without disclosing the actual facts or giving them a choice to be different. ^^This
  10. Exactly, the only unmet needs my son has is self discipline, and accountability. Which I am trying to teach. When he changed the terms of the deal he 100% thought he got out of cleaning, and it would be an easy win. When it wasn't he resorted to sympathy tactics, and when that didn't work he threw a fit out of frustration because his plan didn't work out so well. But see this can be a double edged sword too. As a kid (and I say kid because he's dawning on not kid status) I anticipated all his needs, he wasn't the type of child who ever cried, or threw tantrums. But where other children learned how to cope with things like failure he never did, life is always easy. Even tempered and not ever having to deal with any kind of throwback from his decisions. He followed intuitively and I led intuitively, which made for very easy parenting....because he was never a bad child. There was no need for discipline. But now he's developing his own little personality and experimenting with pushing the limits. Sometimes he succeeds, and sometimes (as he now knows) that doesn't work out so great. I remember having a parenting discussion with DancingQueen during the Nola Meetup, and we were discussing this exact thing. I was saying that as a parent I'm able to anticipate my sons needs, and I put him first beyond my own, if he can avoid suffering it's my job to do so. She was with the idea that trying and failing, not always being there when they hit a wall was a better way to raise a child. Which I disagreed with at the time, since it seemed like, it was easy to navigate my son away from "learning life the hard way." Now, I get what she was saying, you have to let them learn through trial and error, and you can't always be there to avoid the unnecessary failure or obstacle. He's at a point where he wants to test the waters and that's fine (for me) as long as he's testing them in a safe environment. Better to have him learn and learn to cope with the consequences of his actions in a neutral environment, then send him half cocked into the world where he discovers there are people much more clever, and much smarter, who have succeed over a much longer period of time, and have him get the hard hits. I guess I'm currently in a middle stance of both perspectives. Tight rope with a safety net. ...... added to this post 1 minute later: Good idea. Damn it I keep hitting the quote rather than multi quote button, and don't want repeated ones. ...... added to this post 7 minutes later: Uh, he is more than compensated for his efforts, borderlining spoiled. I would list the reasons why, what he has, but that would be a whole other thread. I guarantee, he's not being used as child labor. Noted, and not showing this post to my son, lol. Now that's deep. I can teach him these things all I want, but if he's not in a place to receive the information it's a moot point. You cannot teach wisdom before its time. I actually think trying to do so is unfair, and a bit hypocritical.
  11. I went back and read the OP and see why it was confusing. For clarification, I made the thread because I was about to cave and buy him the game due to his effort in trying the contacts, and intuitively I knew that would be a bad idea to cave. The original deal was mine about cleaning. The contact deal was his idea which I agreed to, and that's where I went wrong (see I have been listening to the advice in the responses). The thread took a turn I wasn't expecting in pointing out the deals and negotiations as being non parent like, so I tried to show how that wasn't exactly the issue at hand. That it's part of our playfulness. Where I went wrong was, and what seemed like a good idea at the time, was that he came up with the contact idea, and I agreed. Much like Distance said, allow him to come up with one of the ideas for the deal. I knew he would probably not get them in, and so I agreed. The point was for him to realize he set himself up for failure. Which he tried very hard to avoid but in the end fell short of the goal. So what he did was, decline the original offer, renegotiate an offer of his own (which I accepted), then fell short and wanted pity points that he tried very hard to get the game. I almost fell for it but without exactly knowing why it would be bad for me to cave. Now I understand the dynamic of it much better. If he set the terms and fell short of his own terms, and I bought him the game out of pity, he would have spun the situation in his favor, failed to complete anything, and would have gotten his way anyway. He does that EP gestalt thing, and that almost worked. But at the last minute it didn't, which caused his fit. Kids throw a lot of fits when they don't get their way with other kids, in this case his cleverness didn't pay off. So he lost it. But that's fine, as long as I didn't cave. Since he wants to learn to play hardball, he should be more aware of his limitations. He set an impossible goal for himself, and I allowed him to see what happens. The OP was confusing and I think I meant to edit, walked away and forgot then just submitted the thread. I was waiting for the picture to come through. But I was in the OP trying to point out his cleverness, and creativity, because I knew that was a factor at play here. The anger represented in my posts just came off the wrong way without the right tone. In my mind it had the tone of, "THIS mother fucker!!!" Or like an old man chasing a kid calling him a little shit and to stay out of his yard after the kid retrieved his ball from it and the kid is laughing as he out runs the old man a lot. The tone was supposed to be exaggerated but funny irritation. Anyway, apologies for being unclear in the OP, but the intention of the thread was not to sting posters along. The humor found in some of the posts was because the content of the responses were not the direction I was expecting. Which happens on internet forums sometimes.
  12. Lol, no I agree. It's certainly creative. Just not what I expected. Of course most people would think of a stand using nails and wood that the nails would hold the wood together to make a stand out of multiple pieces. When I first saw it, I was like, "What the...?" "You hate it!" "No, it's just not what I expected...there is actually something beautiful about the simplicity of it." Then he went on a three hour rant about how things are probably not complex enough for my tastes. "Oh sorry, am I not using words that are complex enough?!!!" "Oh sorry I didn't open this door complex enough!" The point is, he has fun with taking things and spinning them around to different meanings, or "deals", that's part of his playing, his fun. I try to get in there and give him a challenge or play back when I can.
  13. Exactly that's where I hit the wall yesterday after seeing how hard he tried with the contacts, but he still didn't meet the requirement. I wanted to cave and give him the game because I felt sympathetic as a parent. But then, that would have broken the friend/parent balance. I should have never switched the deal. My mistake. I can take him to hang out in places where kids are, like trampoline park (super fun), but then we get home, and it's not like when I was a kid that we would go play outside with other kids all night until we HAVE to come home. So it's not like he's building those day in day out relationships with other kids where you learn compromise, and conflict resolution from someone who's not just, the boss (parent).
  14. Just to showcase my son's mentality, he gave me a souvenir of a sparkly ball he thought looked like a planet once. In an effort to give him an outdoor project to do, I asked him to make me a stand for it with wood and some nails. He came back 5 minutes later with this. Lol! ...... added to this post 1 minute later: Well when you're a single mom to an extroverted child in a neighborhood with no other kids, if you want them to be well rounded, you take on many roles to ensure that type of development.
  15. Lol at the interpretation of events. The contact thing, he's not too young. I used to work for Ophthalmology and would teach kids to out in contacts for the first time. He's having difficulty with it, but wants the contacts, so I was trying to motivate him to stick with it until he reaches the goal since he wanted to practice again. It's not uncommon for people trying to get the hang of it at first to have irritated eyes from failed attempts to put them in. Also boys tend to take longer to figure it out at first than females. Also, I'm not angry or emotionally charged, and I didn't develop this habit with my son. He's an EP personality and likes to negotiate terms, it's part of his fun. I didn't create that, I just have to maneuver through it. Teaching him to simply comply would take out the fun of it, for him. This just happens to be one stand off where he's trying to wiggle around it, and I refuse to budge. I am his parent but I'm also his sibling and friend. I know that's hard for people to understand and it probably sounds terrible, but as a kid you learn to play with other kids and work out compromises, deals, or whatever. My parent hat is something different than my sibling hat. In this case he is trying to offer a deal to get the game, not ignoring his chores to begin with. If he want doing what's required of him, the parent hat would be different. This is a bonus deal, and my friend or sibling hat is on. He wants something I have, money, and in order for him to get it he needs to make it worth my while, that's compromise. I know sometimes the language I use sounds definitive, but if you take my comments in jest you'll realize it's part of the playing with him. Teaching him people skills, "Dude you don't take the deal that's dumb," is just the same as a friend saying to another friend, "Dude you don't take the deal that's dumb, your mom's going to make you clean anyway." Suddenly that's not terrible. My son gets this, and I've read a few of the posts in this thread to him. He laughed at the apologize for my insensitivity and give him a hug comment. Walked over to me, and said, "Come on, let's get it over with..." and gave me a hug while laughing. We are not angry with each other, lol, but then we go back into deal mode, and both of our eyes narrow on each other. I agree that the contact thing was stupid because I shouldn't have switched the terms of the deal. I just thought if he pushed through it, and managed to teach himself how to put them in and take them out, it would be a life skill worthy of a treat. Bad planning there on my end. Oh and last point, the chores I'm asking him to do aren't too difficult for him. He's done them before....come to think of it, last time was also because he wanted to negotiate a deal for something he wanted. Anyway, it's always interesting to hear the responses in threads like these because there are so many different ways of parenting. Some make me think, some make me laugh, and some make me wonder what happened to the OP as a child. Lol ...... added to this post 2 minutes later: Oh and he took the deal within the hour, started it, and then decided it wasn't worth it after cleaning the bathroom. No he says he'll just set up a Go Fund Me. Lol, he still has until the end of the day to complete the work if he changes his mind. Oh and now he wants his $7.25 for his hour of work. "If you go to work, and leave early, are you still paid for the time you were there?" ".....No....." "Lies!" And then we laughed.