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    Rock climbing, mountain biking, martial arts, philosophy, Reading.
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  1. That's the beauty of nihilism. Nothing means anything until you give it arbitrary importance. In the case of relationships, there is probably a biological compound to a certain extent but I think marketing/consumerism/social constructs are responsible for a big part of this.
  2. Thank you for bringing that up: This is probably the most important contribution to this thread. Not only does it apply to relationships but just about 99% of everything in life. I find that "On the vanity of life" and Nietzsche's "On truth and lies in a nonmoral sense" makes life so much easier. I wish I found those when I was younger.
  3. To me, the label is unimportant as it is totally abstract. What is of crucial importance though is being on the same page about what's going on and the general direction of where it is headed. It is a major mindfuck for me when I absolutely have no clue of what she's thinking about "it" when it is starting to get more serious in my head.
  4. I agree with the op. I always try to be considerate when I leave someone, being available to answer all their questions and trying to make it the smoothest possible... while making sure they understand there is no coming back if it's what they seem to be thinking. For some reason, the last few girls I met ended up slamming the door out of the blue after things have been running more than smoothly for a while. No explanation or they remained extremely vague, if they didn't cut all contact completely. When you try to inquire about what happened, just so you can heal faster and improve yourself... you just feel like a needy clinger who doesn't want to let go... on top of already feeling worthless. Worst feeling ever... and I do everything in my power so people I break up with don't feel like that.
  5. Not too sure what you're asking exactly but I'll try my best to answer. Negging. I'm not a big fan of it but I think it has it's place in certain situations. It's mainly a tool used to break "bitch shields" and calm down big egos. I hardly ever come across bitch shields and honestly, women on their high horses are a big turn off to me so I just ignore them altogether. Who wants to talk to someone who acts like a cunt anyway? I'm not desperate. I kinda use it sometimes, after I think I might have given one too many compliment, I will toss a "neg" or two in there just for the sake of not looking like a supplicating doormat and keep her ego in check. It's more in the optic of playful banter than anything else and it's a great tool to gauge a woman's character. You have to use it carefully, as it will backfire on you with more insecure women. Honestly, I find it simple basic logic and I used it long before I ever heard of PUA. I know negging is used by some PUA artists as a way to decimate women's confidence so they fall back on the pua since he looks like he's the only guy who has enough of a big heart to consider giving a damn about them. I guess that's what the bad press comes from but as I've said before, some of us can take the "good" out of concepts and leave the bad aside. Honestly, I wouldn't want anything to do with a woman who would fall for such a trick. I like witty girls who can strike back with clever comments (negs) and you don't see me accusing them of being castrating radical feminists objectifying men and hallucinating patriarchal control everywhere now do you? Guys are not all the same and we aren't governed by a superior hive mind. Shocking, I know. You cannot toss all men in 3 groups. It just doesn't work like that. I will speak for myself here. People say I look more than decent, I have a "great" job, I'm very fun to be around, super nice and bla bla bla. They can't believe I don't have a girlfriend... yet I can't find one to save my life. Why? mostly because I work with guys only, do activities who are mainly individual or guys (or couples) oriented, I have a very small social circle and I'm not really at ease with the notion of online dating. I don't go to bars or clubs as I don't see the point and I'm only interested in a long term relationship so picking up random girls is out of the question. Not much of a douchebag here, I think you will agree. I hardly ever meet any girls so it's even more rare to meet one that I really like. So when I do, I kinda feel like I don't have the choice to "one shot, one kill" and if I miss, it will take forever before I meet another one that I like... So I have all the leisure in the world to think long and hard about what went wrong and how to fix this for the next opportunity. I used to be very socially awkward, to the point where I was too anxious to "open up" a guy in a familiar setting to ask the most basic questions. Imagine how it went for "approaching girls"... It just didn't happen, ever. When I first came into contact with the PUA stuff, I read about the "hi challenge". Basically, it's for shy people. You have to say "hi" to 10 random girls in the same day just to break the shyness shell. You don't have to flirt with them, "number close" them or anything. Just say "hi", that's it. I never really gotten around to do it BUT my inaptitude in doing such a basic action really opened my eyes to some of my weaknesses. I took me a long while of "self positive reinforcement" (fake it until you make it I guess) until I actually started chatting random people up. I also picked up a few tricks to keep the "dreaded small talk" going, which I was pretty bad at. Now I can open up pretty much anyone with ease in familiar settings and manage to have good conversations going. It's been a huge improvement in my life. Also, I'm quite a nice guy in general. To my family, to my friends and SOs also, of course. All your life you're told that being nice to girls is usually good enough but experience taught me that it's just not the case. When my ex dumped me she told me "I should have dumped you long ago but what had me stay for so long is that you were so nice". So yeah, PUAs demonize the "white knight" or "AFC" syndrome and offer a few solutions. It's one of the things that was a real eye opener to me at first and it led me to correct a few "bad habits" of mine that I thought were cool things at first but ended up being the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot. I hardly ever read "pua" stuff anymore (not that I read all that much in the first place). Sometimes I get stuck in a rut and I go read up their "advices" to find new ideas on how to correct my perceived shortcomings. Concrete examples: I'm introvert. I can have great conversations but sometimes I just like to sit back and listen. Especially with dates. I like to see what makes them tick so I just toss brief questions in there and let them talk about themselves. That's just me. It works out fine because most people seem to love talk about themselves. According to PUA it's a great "technique", as you keep the conversation going while keeping a "mysterious" vibe going, which chicks dig apparently. After a few failed dates (hahaha) I realized that even if the date went beyond my expectations, they never called back. I realized that even though my dates were going great, the girl went back home and didn't have the slightest clue of who I was. So I figured out the mysterious stuff doesn't work all that much. I did what INTJs do best and started trying to gather info about how to counter this problem. So I searched on how to create attraction (which I obviously failed to do!) and read about "eliciting value". I don't go all "douchebag" about it but since I introduced that variable, I can keep their interest running for much longer. I don't see it as a script you have to adopt and play the best you can. I've seen some guys work so much on their pick up lines that it made brain surgery look like child's play. I think that's just retarded. Nowhere I try to be someone I'm not, you just pick up general ideas and try to include the stuff that could help you where you have sticking points and that's it really.
  6. It depends on who you read. Some authors approach it more like self help for life in general while others will try to sell you gimmicks to pretty much mind control women. You can't just read one guy and get a clear picture of the whole deal but it seems like people tend to put all of them in the same basket. Nobody is good at everything. Some people require more effort than others in certain areas wether the goal is becoming good with social interactions, at a sport, at math or whatever. It might be shocking but some people actually try to become better at things they're not good at! Who would have thought!
  7. Isn't it how learning in general works? 1- You seem to believe dating shouldn't be fun. 2- That's assuming the pua stuff works every time... 3- Cheating means that you adhere to a certain set of rules.
  8. Damn, this topic seems to get a lot of people's panties in a bunch. I had a good laugh reading the overly emotional replies. Blueback seems to have understood what it's all about while most people in this thread seem to spew blind hate. I've read a bunch of pua stuff myself after a friend told me to check it out. While we agreed a lot of the stuff is indeed bullshit, we learned quite a few invaluable lessons through it. The way I see it is that there is a lot of misinformation about seduction floating around and they put some "bad habits" into the light. Also, the rules of the "game" have been changing a lot and I think it's important to adapt to modern times. I thought learning meant studying a concept, taking the good and ditching the bad but it looks like it's a lot more comforting to some of you to just rip on the entire thing. Your loss I guess. As someone said, the more you think you know, the more you lock yourself in your concept... I partly disagree. It's good on paper but in real life it works differently. Around here, it seems most women have absolutely no trouble in finding someone they like, quite fast on top of it. I tried the "be yourself and get shit done, you'll find someone eventually" advice every woman always seem to give but the truth is that it just doesn't work unless you're starring in a holywood movie. There are so many guys out there working hard to find someone that if you don't put yourself out there, take some risks and "hone your skills" (pua bullshit aside) unless you get lucky (and who wants to rely on luck?) you will most likely end up with the rest of the forever alone crowd. Now being out there and taking risks means invariably getting rejected. Women get hundreds and hundreds of message on dating websites. Ideally, only one guy wins so a hundred guys of will lose. There is just no way to remain sane in such an environment than to get over rejection very fast. Hell, even in real environments you get women actually complaining that they get approached too much. It's not by staying home reading books in your bedroom that you will meet someone. Don't wonder why some guys will fall back and rely (too heavily sometimes) on stuff like pua that tells them "be confident, learn how to spark discussions, be likeable and elicit value" if they think it can give them an edge in the current setting. I agree with you that it is true it will cause one to wall in and it's a bitch to break that wall afterward... But in such conditions, I don't think it's wise to let yourself get decimated after every rejection as they have become to be so common nowadays. I really like the quote "It is not a sign of good health to be well adjusted to a sick society." but what can you do about really?
  9. The way I see it is that if a woman is worthy of a relationship in my mind, she should be more than worthy of a friendship. I know where to draw the line if I've been rejected and I expect them to be able to do the same after I've rejected them. I'm currently friends with a female I rejected a while ago. She's been seeing other guys since and I really don't care and she seems have gotten over her feelings for me or hides them very well. This is working well so far. On the other hand, I've had girls who were initially very interested in me and I ended up not making the cut for a relationship. It happens. I tried staying friends with them as we had a bunch of activities in common but more often than not they completely cut off contact right after, even if they liked me a lot. From my personal experiences, I'd say it's all about maturity.
  10. Why were the last days horrible? What led to this epiphany of yours? Just curious. I've had a similar experience recently. I thought life was good but since that happened, I've been having the time of my life.
  11. Yeah, that's how I feel I am. I don't feel the need to shove my ideas into people's face but if they ask for it I have no problem in sharing what's going through my head. Hardly anybody ever ask the "right" questions, so I often keep quiet and I live with that just fine as I don't need their validation. It's always weird to me though because I like digging to find what makes people tick but most of them are content with merely scratching the surface. Whatever floats their boat I guess but I fail to understand how you can get a good grasp of somebody after only knowing what's their job and what they do on weekends... What I was referring to in my initial post though, is that some women seem to claim that they like the challenge and the mystery of having to dig hard to get some INTJs to put into words what is going through in their head. While it can be charming at first, I find it's usually the kind of stuff a lot of women end up finding quite irritating and complain about on the long run. Be nice, serial killers have feelings too.
  12. I feel more attracted toward committed sex within a relationship as I seem to crave intimacy more than sex. It seems the bigger the bond is, the better it is. Not being attracted to casual sex much (I seem to crave intimacy a lot more), I must admit that I never really tried it though I might missing a side of the argument... Lately, I've been juggling with a lot of concepts and turning them inside out, sex/relationships being one. I don't know much about biology/sociology but when you think about it, isn't the "goal" of most, if not all, living organism reproduction? The more I think about it, the more I feel I must consider that the "only committed sex" line of thinking might possibly be the result of social conditionning. It seems possible that our primal instincts have been perverted under pressure of social factors. After all, a lot of mammals don't really give a shit about bonding. It's more about "may the strongest genes win"... So on one end of the spectrum, I've read studies who demonstrated that people who have a lot of casual sex seem to develop problems truly bonding with others on the long run. I also know that a lot of mental disorders lead to the inability of being able to bond with people for long. On the other hand, pretty much all the sexual partners I had were not very good at it I found, so the odds are that I might not be very good at it either hahaha. Sometimes I meet "wilder" girls I would be very curious about having sex with them, despite knowing that no healthy relationship could ever come out of it. If anyone has some input on this, knock yourself out by all means.
  13. From my experience, it's mostly irrelevant unless one cares a lot about a social status or maintaining a particular lifestyle.
  14. I saw the OKC study where it says females consider 80% of males as "below average". Does not compute.