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About Maedhi

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  1. My family isn't physically affectionate at all. I have no recollection of being kissed or hugged by my parents, and it is usually implied that we are above such behaviour – we show affection to pets but not people . Our way of bonding is through activities and discussion. My sister is the nearest to being physically affectionate which is limited to her occasionally running her fingers through my hair. I don't know if this is a good thing. I have no problems within my family, but I do struggle in the outside world where I often don't know how to respond physically, even for something as simple as shaking hands. I sometimes wonder if being taught that physical affectionate is wrong is why I struggle with romantic relationships (as in never had one) – my friends and acquaintances who are physically affectionate with their families seem to have no trouble getting significant others. On the other hand, my extroverted feeler friends who occasionally hug me when they get emotional have told me that I have a very warm hug. Perhaps I just need more practise.
  2. I thought a widow's peak was considered to be very attractive. Or so my mom said.
  3. I have a few friends/acquaintances who share a selfie every day. To me this is no different from us wearing different clothes to work each day. The internet is a new way for us to step out into the world, and we try to show some personality online just as much as we do offline. There are men who accuse women of trying to attract male attention whenever they try to dress smartly, or even just step out of the house. It is a type of slut shaming and says more about the person shaming than the person being shamed. It is possible that the male partner has other reasons to think she is posting selfies to flirt, but that indicates a pattern of behaviour on her part (or a great deal of insecurity on his).
  4. I would say that my friends made friends with me, though I suppose it must have been a two-way process. The common factor between all of them is that I sat next to them, one at school and the others at work, and they all like to read. They are all extroverts, and they are usually the ones who initiate interaction. I'm their serious friend, the guy they turn to when they're bored of fun and need to have a serious conversation. I'm often the only one who knows where they've buried the bodies, because I'm non judgemental. Most of them are in the US (none are in the same country as I am) and we meet around once in 2 years or so. We keep in touch primarily by writing, moving from email to Yahoo messenger and now to Telegram. These friendships took time to develop though we did get along well from the very first meeting. I should note that while I don't seek friendships or company, I don't avoid them either unless I have good reason to dislike that person.
  5. If they are effectively equal, then it doesn't matter which one you choose. Or they are not equal, and you need to find the one that best suits you. But why do you need to decide now?
  6. They beat him up? I can see why he doesn't want to go home, he may not return if he does. Why are the grandparents opposed to this match? Do they want him to bring in a lot of dowry, or are they a business family where marriage is used to forge partnerships and expand the business empire? Why do the grandparents have more say in the matter than his father does? Did his father marry into a wealthy family? Is the family's wealth ancestral? These types of relationship issues are very common in India. They work well for people who enjoy drama and the thrill of forbidden love (so most Indians ). They can have happy endings, but it depends a lot on the couple - how much commitment and patience they have, and how much emotional blackmail they can stand.
  7. It depends on what his elders are like. It can be very difficult to stand up to your family if they are threatening to kill themselves - and sometimes actually do it.
  8. I'm Indian. One of my ancestors courted and married a British woman more than a 100 years ago. Dating and marrying outside our race/ethnicity/religion is fairly common in my family. My male friends and acquaintances who have moved abroad do date women outside their race - both before and after marriage. And the only openly gay guy I know only dates non Indians.
  9. It is the lack of privacy and its association with Facebook that makes me avoid WhatsApp. A phone number is a unique ID that can be traced across all transactions and services which is why I prefer to avoid purely phone based services like Instagram. I don't use Facebook on my phone for the same reason - strictly desktop. I can't use Signal because it doesn't have a Windows Phone app yet. I use Telegram which is registered as a trust so that it cannot be sold to any company and it also has end-to-end encryption and an open API, but I still use it primarily on my desktop (haven't enabled mobile internet on my phone), but other than a few of my friends I haven't been able to persuade anyone else to use Telegram. But there is a price to pay for this, which is that I lose out on a lot of communication. Sarea mentioned how WhatsApp is being used at the workplace and not being in that loop is a very big problem for me. I lose out on networking opportunities and essential communication some of which is very important. Recruiters are also using WhatsApp and WhatsApp groups are beginning to replace LinkedIn groups. Now add the large amount of political information that is flowing through WhatsApp because many other channels are censored. A great deal of neighbourhood news is on there as well e.g., during recent civil unrest in my city WhatsApp users not only knew which trains were still running on which routes but also which streets leading to the stations were not clogged while I was clueless. Resident associations in many apartment complexes are also using WhatsApp instead of the noticeboard. Want to know when water supply will be cut for pump maintenance? Better have WhatsApp. So I will use a second phone number and a second phone, with a removable battery. I can leave it at home, turn it off, even remove the battery when I don't need it. But I can still enjoy (using the term very loosely) many services if I need them. Different device ID, different IP address, and a different user account from a different provider to separate my personal and professional life (and it is usually my professional contacts who use services like TrueCaller so that is another bonus). I realise this is a losing battle and if these companies are determined to track me they will find sufficient overlap but I can at least make it a bit difficult for them. And even if that doesn't work I can turn off one phone to shut out some very annoying people :)
  10. I haven't quit Facebook but I refuse to use WhatsApp and that has cost me a lot, to the point where I am thinking of a getting a second phone for such uses. If I didn't have Facebook I would be even more of a hermit than I already am and that wouldn't be a good thing. It is a bit ironic that I find social media so difficult while working in digital marketing.
  11. No role models, but since you mentioned Dawkins I can say that Robert A Heinlein is someone whose writing resonated a lot with me when I was a teenager. I used to wonder why my father couldn't speak to me the way Heinlein did.
  12. I've been called an asshole several times, and many other terms like jerk, arrogant, and taskmaster. But I consider myself meek. I'm a speak-when-spoken-to type, for the most part, and have trouble initiating conversations or any type of social interaction. I go through life just as I do on this forum - I lurk.
  13. I never forget to wish my friends for their birthdays. I am famous for that. Only one of my friends is the same way, and she is a very strong J.
  14. It depends on context. Sometimes people go on fishing expeditions to identify my caste/community which I dislike, especially when it happens in a job interviews. At other times it based on curiosity or just a way to break the ice, which I don't mind. People are curious about my name because it combines two religions and the way it is spelt is typical of people from a different part of the country.
  15. * Should enjoy my company (should actually like me, and not just find me useful) * I should be able to be myself with them * They should be reliable I don't have degrees of friendship. There are friends, and then there are acquaintances, colleagues, schoolmates, etc. I have only 4 friends, and none of them are in the same country as me. Only one is in the same continent.