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About overthought

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  1. I mainly started a thread because I was curious if this was a trend across social justice types, or if I just happened to be interacting with a certain subset. I've learned INTJs can be stubborn and myopic at times. I was trying to step outside by own head a little.
  2. So, in the political spectrum, I'm a fairly firm centrist libertarian, with some conservative leanings on some issues, namely free speech, gun control and size of government. I am also very much pro civil rights, have openly homosexual friends, a smattering of acquaintances who are transgendered and honestly, unless someone is victimized, I don't care what consenting adults do. Heck, don't even care if it is on TV, because I have this insane ability to turn it off if I don't want to see it. So, yesterday I waded into the #YesAllWomen discussion, by stating it is quite objectifying to judge any group, by some of its members. I foolishly believed that by stating, that if you view all members of oppressed groups as individuals, that non-oppressed groups should be seen as individuals too. I stood up for the idea, that throughout history, many great minds stood up against what was considered "right" at the time and are quite famous today for it. Alfred Wegner, Galileo and MLK come to mind. It went on and on, with people informing me that humans are incapable of making a decision not dictated by marketing and social pressure. I acknowledged marketing pressure and social pressure are powerful, but I do think humans have the ability to apply analysis to the pressure being applied to them, recognize it's influence and make a decision despite that influence. Otherwise, in human history, how else would we have EVER progressed? If not, we would still be stuck drinking from the same water we dumped our sewage in, because social pressure told us it was "right." I tried presenting logical arguments, but they were ignored. Eventually it descended into ad hominem attacks, including "you are a cis white male and can have no opinion" and "you need to examine your super gross, unexamined privilege" as well as the ever enlightened "ur a disphit." I used to think social justice was a cool idea, but after this exchange (and witnessing other similar exchanges), on one level I want to reject most social justice warriors on the grounds that they haven't really examined their thoughts, and instead are reacting to social pressure that change needs to happen, and think they can somehow force it by discrediting every cis straight white males opinion categorically. I've expressed my opinion, but I'd like to hear other thoughts and differing opinions, in a logical, ordered fashion versus just being told to shut up because of my privilege.
  3. No I dont. I see falling for someone as a beautiful thing. It makes me feel almost human, vs an into robot. The rest of society, not so much.
  4. Nothing major happened. We ate dinner, cuddled a little and we both fell asleep. Anticlimatic...but ehhh, that might actually be good.
  5. Turns out I was just over analyzing. Everything was chill and comfortable. Some minor awkwardness, but I would think that is normal.
  6. It would make me happy if we became more connected as a couple in a natural way. That doesn't necessarily mean we have to have sex. It would be the worst to have super unnatural, obligation feeling sex. My only concern about expressing my intentions is I can be too direct, so I have to think about making my message more palatable. ---------- Post added 05-02-2014 at 01:01 PM ---------- Oh geez, we both get insomnia sometimes. Sounds like a Mexican standoff of not sleeping. ---------- Post added 05-02-2014 at 01:02 PM ---------- Why do you think that? ---------- Post added 05-02-2014 at 01:10 PM ---------- There wasn't much blurting.... More of I searched out what I thought/felt and the amount of time we had known each other and its what I wanted to say. I'm not even thinking LTR..because that is trying to predict something that is quite hard to predict. There is just potential for crossing new relationship lines and I'm not the best at people always. I was trying to get opinions on how to make it natural/positive versus weird.
  7. Both, it was a back and forth, but she said get whatever room you can, I don't care about the sleeping arrangement. ---------- Post added 04-30-2014 at 09:20 PM ---------- It does, but it is a high occupancy weekend where you have to get what you can. I have myself on a list to put us in a two bed room, if one opens up.
  8. Yes, I am willing to risk losing the friendship. It isn't a kneejerk reaction. I know I wouldn't always be asking "what if" if I didn't try. I think what we have going for us vs the pressure, is a history of communication and respecting each others boundaries. ---------- Post added 04-30-2014 at 05:11 PM ---------- We don't have to, I agree. It was more her idea to be honest. I was just going to get a room for myself and she asked to stay there. I can throw in an air mattress as a contingency though.
  9. Explain what you mean by ifs? I know some things she is completely comfortable with. I know she feels safe to tell me if she isn't comfortable. I know what I'm comfortable with. What I don't know (and I don't see a way that I can aside from her saying so) is what new things she might be comfortable. I just trust we are adults and can work things out between ourselves.
  10. I don't intend to pressure for sex at all. My goal is to grow closer, in whatever form that takes. I know from the past, expressing a verbal desire for sex would make her very anxious. She has given me a carte blanche to kiss, hug and cuddle with her, so keeping my hands completely to myself wouldn't be good. I do thing I grasp what you mean, in terms of don't go for areas considered off limits without permission.
  11. So, I (30 y/o) have been platonic friends with a woman (26 y/o) for a few years. We've always had a fun, semi-flirty energy between us, but it never went anywhere. We had an open discussion about dating a few years ago and mutually decided it wouldn't work, mainly due to our jobs pulling us different directions at the time. We stayed in touch and grew to be very close friends and well, we are in closer proximity now and life is more grounded for us both. She was having a bad day, I mentioned I loved and cared about her, she responded similarly. We went on a casual date and ended up kissing. So, we are doing some local travel this weekend and a splitting a hotel room. We've slept in the same room before, but always in hostels or other group environments. She's clearly comfortable with me and the idea, but I can tell she has some normal anxiety about it also. What can I do to help her not feel anxious? What are some pitfalls? Even if we don't have sex, it is a jump in the relationship, and it can have some risk.
  12. Yes, you nailed it. Its an intellectual observation.
  13. Maybe? I don't want to rush into marriage because it is the thing to do. ---------- Post added 01-27-2014 at 10:53 AM ---------- Occasionally, usually they are smart and introverted, and so am I. I think I may go too slow.
  14. Actually, I'm 31. I'm honestly not 100% interested in settling down, at least not in the traditional sense, e.g. marriage, kids, etc. I guess I want something stable and fun? The best of both worlds.
  15. So, for much of my dating life, I've always assumed something was wrong with me. The voice in my head saying, "No woman will ever want my company." But, I've developed a series of strong female friendships in the last few years, who actually enjoy my company. But, its left me with a greater source of confusion. In that I'm fundamentally an interesting, good person to have around, but my interpersonal relationships lack that nebulous quality that turns them into dating. Its possible that it has much to do with me being reserved, and quite, and often very far into my own head. Has anyone else been here? How did you handle it, if so?