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About IceDream

  • Rank


  • MBTI
  • Enneagram
    5 wing 4
  • Global 5/SLOAN
  • Astrology Sign
  • Personal DNA
    Reserved inventor


  • Biography
    Australian atheist sceptic.
  • Location
  • Occupation
    I work for the Government.
  • Interests
    Reading, writing, selling on Ebay
  • Gender
  1. I never remember dates, and I don't expect anyone else to remember them, either.
  2. I wouldn't know how to determinate that :/

  3. Perhaps he is gay? Is that a possibility?
  4. Ha ha! I think I'll give the "new man" part a miss. I think the single life might be more suitable for me! But, thanks for the sentiment :-)
  5. Yes, he's tested as INTJ, but only on online tests. I'm pretty sure he is a Sensor as he is a very concrete thinker, terrific with facts but awful with analysis, abstraction or theory. He is certain not a Feeler. His dominant function in my view is introverted Thinking, followed by extraverted Sensing. So, I think that would make him an ISTP. He does claim to be an INTJ, though. ---------- Post added 04-26-2013 at 12:36 PM ---------- Yes, I have considered these matters. For instance, she may have had a 'revenge' affair after her husband cheated on her. Or, they may have an open marriage. Et cetera. But, I give a lot of weight to what you have said about her character. I think that if I told her husband (and even if I did so anonymously, she could probably figure out that I was responsible) she might seek revenge on me. And, seeing as we work in the same place and considering she probably knows a lot about me, she would have quite a bit of scope for that. ---------- Post added 04-26-2013 at 12:37 PM ---------- She is still with her husband.
  6. The affair went on for just over a year apparently. I think the youngest child is about two years old, but I don't know for sure. So, I doubt that my partner is the father. I agree about not using the husband's work account. I hate the way this is so entangled with my work. I think I'll have to get a new job. ---------- Post added 04-26-2013 at 10:46 AM ---------- That's funny and very similar to my experience. My ex gave his lover the exact same presents he gave me, too. Sometimes, she actually rejected some gifts (some of the emails show this) and then he gave them to me instead. This meant that he gave me duplicate gifts. So, two pairs of identical pearl drop earrings. Two identical pairs of diamond earrings. Et cetera. I always found that very odd as he has an excellent memory and I couldn't understand why he would give me the same things twice.
  7. Congratulations

  8. I feel inclined to phone her, but not yet. I understand what you're saying about your whole marriage not being defined by the affair. However, I think that mine is defined by it. It is hard to accept that he was doing this for over a year, and that he was also meeting women from adult dating websites at the same time. He was really attentive and kind to me, always. However, he was also very secretive and did not share his thoughts or feelings with me at all. I guess I just didn't know him very well despite almost twelve years together. Your comment about the bed makes me laugh as it is so accurate. I guess we act in predictable ways when these things happen. So, I have bought a new bed but it won't arrive for a few more weeks. In the meantime, I've bought new bed linen and completely rearranged the bedroom. Can't wait for the new bed to arrive :-) ---------- Post added 04-26-2013 at 12:06 AM ---------- I feel that I am lacking some sort of closure. It sounds like you achieve some closure when you emailed your ex-husband's lover.
  9. Yes, I'm tempted, but I know my only motivation would be revenge, and I'm not really comfortable with that. I feel so indecisive and that feels horrible to me. Usually, I make decisions quickly and without regrets. But, this is a foreign landscape to me; I feel out of my depth. I think I should wait until I'm sure.
  10. Oh, hi. I just saw your message from over two years ago LOL. I'm not very good with this forum business! Yes, I did finish my study. I graduated with the PhD last year.

  11. Thank you! Your comment did make me laugh. I thought I'd gone over every possible aspect of the situation but I certainly hadn't thought of seducing her husband! That would be poetic justice!

  12. I'm worried that by doing so, I would also be subject to the fallout from the nuke. ---------- Post added 04-25-2013 at 11:28 PM ---------- What made you decide not to take revenge? Did you regret that? I think the safest option for me is to do nothing. If I found in, say five years, that I regretted not taking action, well, I still could. It's a timebomb, really. She will probably always be fearful that her husband will find out. Especially as we all work at the same place. In fact, perhaps it is likely that he will find out via the rumour mill. When I first found out what had happened, I was upset and I told several friends at work what had happened when they asked me what was wrong.
  13. Also, I have her cell phone number.
  14. Yes, I find it really hard knowing that she was in my house and my bed. I'm very private and rather territorial so I find that to be a major intrusion. I agree that it is likely that the mistress was the one to send the emails; it makes sense that she would want my partner to herself. I did assume it was the mistress sending the emails at first, but her sister-in-law has been acting so strangely that I changed my mind and decided that it was the sister-in-law who wrote the emails. I guess, I just don't know really. Probably never will. ---------- Post added 04-25-2013 at 11:20 PM ---------- The emails came to my work email address.
  15. Yes, it has occured to me that there is no actual third party emailer. The mistress could have sent the emails herself in the hope of breaking up my relationship and thus allowing her to have my partner to herself. However, that seems pretty risky. I haven't spoken to her, but I'm considering it. I'm so unsure of what to do that I am doing nothing. I absolutely don't trust my own instincts when it comes to dealing with complex interpersonal situations, so I'm paralysed. ---------- Post added 04-25-2013 at 10:57 PM ---------- The details in the email were painful. She described my bedroom in detail, the picture on the wall, the colour of the quilt, et cetera. She also spoke about 'her blood going on the sheets' and how my partner washed them. Really gross. Not sure why there was blood involved but YUK! She also described how she had sex with my partner just before he and I went to my university graduation ceremony for my PhD. And how she and my partner would meet at my house when my children were away and I was at work. I do wonder why anyone would tell a friend all those details.