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Are INTJ Women Capable of Being Good Mothers? None
Old 08-22-2012, 11:59 PM   #1
Machpen
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This is a burning question I've had since i found out I was one. An INTJ, that is.
I have never, ever, understood the rush that some women have to bear children.
I even get irritated when I see women at the store with three children. This is perfectly
normal, and yet I get irritated and disgusted. Is this common of other INTJ women?
See, I am already 30. I have abandoned all desire to try. I was once married, but
I was overly career-oriented (now divorced). I hate the price we pay for being this way.

I also got a lot of crap from my ex because I don't engage in the daily "shooting-the-shit" activities that most people do, because they seem like such a waste of time to me! Like watching t.v....hanging out on the porch with friends... ugh...really? (I watch t.v. if it's jeopardy, or foreign movies, independent films, or documentaries lol).

I feel like a triangle always trying to fit into a square peg around all guys.
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:50 AM   #2
LiamN
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No.
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:51 AM   #3
dnordstrom
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Yes.

EDIT: Seriously, yes. Don't believe anything else. Pretty please. I may come back with an actual explanation as well when I'm not so tired.
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Old 08-23-2012, 01:02 AM   #4
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I'm just being difficult. I'm in the " there is no hope for humanity" area of thinking...
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Old 08-23-2012, 01:17 AM   #5
Jade333
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I'm glad to see this thread. I was wondering lately if any other intj women felt any desire at all to have children if they didn't have any. I don't believe I've ever experienced a 'biological clock' that everyone keeps talking about and don't dislike children, just never felt a need to have any.
I've rather jaded views and strong opinions when it comes to over-population issues. I saw an article about a family with 20 kids and the woman being pregnant with the 21st. I was immediately repulsed. Holy Christ, what is wrong with these people?! I hear people say they want children to see what they can produce and how much they look like them. This is just absurd and a really piss poor reason.
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Old 08-23-2012, 01:21 AM   #6
Silverity
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I love kids and know a few INTJ moms who are as nurturing and loving as you could ever want in a parent. I highly doubt this is an INTJ related phenomena of wanting/not wanting kids.
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Old 08-23-2012, 01:21 AM   #7
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Yes, they can be outstanding mothers and fathers. Your insight into things helps you cut to the heart of any issues you notice your child having. Having your children gives you insight into them as they are half you so you can see how they think sometimes.
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Old 08-23-2012, 01:22 AM   #8
ppu6502
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I know an INTJ mother who has several kids and is unbelievably good as a mother.

That's also the only INTJ mother I know, so .. the hit ratio is 100% so far in my experience.
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Old 08-23-2012, 01:25 AM   #9
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I'm an INTJ and a woman, and I would have liked to have kids, but it didn't happen.
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Old 08-23-2012, 01:32 AM   #10
LiamN
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  Originally Posted by krisl
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I'm an INTJ and a woman, and I would have liked to have kids, but it didn't happen.

Thank God! People need to stop their rutting till we figure out this FOOD AIR DEAL!

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Old 08-23-2012, 01:43 AM   #11
Cat1021
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Most, if not all women have the potential to be good mothers.
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Old 08-23-2012, 01:45 AM   #12
Autumnleaf
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  Originally Posted by LiamN
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Thank God! People need to stop their rutting till we figure out this FOOD AIR DEAL!

Yeah, Americans are dropping like flies from starvation and hypoxia.

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Old 08-23-2012, 04:05 AM   #13
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I'm an INTJ woman who is a mother....how rare am I now? Pffft....it was a joke.

As the Double Whammy they also have an INTJ father.

I never had any interest in having children. Babies don't interest me and I have never understood the 'clucky' thing that women experience. My body clock must have been a nice smooth Swiss one because I certainly didn't hear it ticking. I ONLY have children because it turns out that my husband is not actually sterile. Well, that's how we got the first one, the next was planned. But not out of any great need on our part, other than that we did not want only-childness for our child.

I have been a full time stay at home mother since the first was born and like to think that I am making a good fist of it. I'll have to wait until they are old enough to judge my shortcomings before I will really know I suppose.

We both love having kids. Babies? Meh...they aren't that interesting but you have to bombard them with stimuli to get the kids you want...so we did. We got lucky and got what are supposedly extremely gifted kids. I think we would have both REALLY struggled if we got dim ones. Yeah, I know that isn't nice to say but it is truthful. It would do my head in to be with people, children or adults, who aren't curious and interested and engaged. Smart is also good.

There are aspects of who I am that I recognise as being not so great for the kids, but other than laughing at me they take it in their stride. As with most people, the drawbacks are often just the other side of the coin to things that are advantageous.

I suspect that there are good and bad parents in all personality types. Hey, within the same family a parent might be considered 'good' by one child and 'lousy' by another.
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Old 08-23-2012, 04:16 AM   #14
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Well, I know I couldn't. I could never love anything that had invaded my body and squatted in there; I would want to make it suffer as much as possible as payback for what it did to me.

The one sound it the world that makes me see red is that of a baby crying. I have an instinctual urge to beat it until it can't make that noise any more. Nothing else makes me violent.

On the other hand, I'm not career driven, nor am I interested in having a lively social life. In practical terms, I am perfectly placed to have kids, as I work from home and enjoy fitting into the housewife role. I just hate children.

All INTJ women are different. I'm sure some could manage it perfectly well.
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Old 08-23-2012, 04:25 AM   #15
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  Originally Posted by kingfish
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I'm an INTJ woman who is a mother....how rare am I now? Pffft....it was a joke.

As the Double Whammy they also have an INTJ father.

I never had any interest in having children. Babies don't interest me and I have never understood the 'clucky' thing that women experience. My body clock must have been a nice smooth Swiss one because I certainly didn't hear it ticking. I ONLY have children because it turns out that my husband is not actually sterile. Well, that's how we got the first one, the next was planned. But not out of any great need on our part, other than that we did not want only-childness for our child.

I have been a full time stay at home mother since the first was born and like to think that I am making a good fist of it. I'll have to wait until they are old enough to judge my shortcomings before I will really know I suppose.

We both love having kids. Babies? Meh...they aren't that interesting but you have to bombard them with stimuli to get the kids you want...so we did. We got lucky and got what are supposedly extremely gifted kids. I think we would have both REALLY struggled if we got dim ones. Yeah, I know that isn't nice to say but it is truthful. It would do my head in to be with people, children or adults, who aren't curious and interested and engaged. Smart is also good.

There are aspects of who I am that I recognise as being not so great for the kids, but other than laughing at me they take it in their stride. As with most people, the drawbacks are often just the other side of the coin to things that are advantageous.

I suspect that there are good and bad parents in all personality types. Hey, within the same family a parent might be considered 'good' by one child and 'lousy' by another.

I think the ability to parent comes from knowing who you are. You know what traits you like about yourself and you know what traits you don't want your children to mimic. In fact, for this reason alone I think INXX personalities could make great parents, simply because they would constantly be internalizing their child(ren), their child's behavior, and trying to explore and understand these behaviors. What I've noticed in my personal experience is that INTJ's may appear cold and unfeeling, but they are rather sensitive to those who really matter to them. Not that they can always read body language and such, but they simply have the desire to make the people they love happy. INXX personalities seem to be good at turning that internalizing into betterment. They have a better sense of self, it seems.

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Old 08-23-2012, 05:37 AM   #16
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You probably would change your mind if you had a kid of your own - once the instincts kick in.

As for being a good parent... I think different types of people offer different strengths to their children. Just need to be open and understanding enough to help facilitate learning of stuff you can't teach yourself.
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Old 08-23-2012, 06:05 AM   #17
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If she is determined to be, and committed to putting in the effort, it's hard to see what would prevent her from being a top notch mother.
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Old 08-23-2012, 06:08 AM   #18
AndVal
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The INTJ type is considered cold but if one doesn't have any mental disorders then she can do a good job. I'd totally prefer an INTJ mother than lets say an ENFP with mental difficulties.
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Old 08-23-2012, 08:23 AM   #19
themuzicman
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  Originally Posted by Machpen
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This is a burning question I've had since i found out I was one. An INTJ, that is.
I have never, ever, understood the rush that some women have to bear children.
I even get irritated when I see women at the store with three children. This is perfectly
normal, and yet I get irritated and disgusted. Is this common of other INTJ women?
See, I am already 30. I have abandoned all desire to try. I was once married, but
I was overly career-oriented (now divorced). I hate the price we pay for being this way.

I also got a lot of crap from my ex because I don't engage in the daily "shooting-the-shit" activities that most people do, because they seem like such a waste of time to me! Like watching t.v....hanging out on the porch with friends... ugh...really? (I watch t.v. if it's jeopardy, or foreign movies, independent films, or documentaries lol).

I feel like a triangle always trying to fit into a square peg around all guys.

Being a good mother has more to do with individual maturity than personality. One thing mature people develop is a sense of compassion and obligation towards other people to the extent that the relationship to others would mandate.

Thus, one's relationship to one's children would come with a compassion and a willing obligation towards them that seeks not only to meet their needs, but to train them to be the best of what they are.

And what better person to evaluate and plan the development of a child than an INTJ? Not to mention teaching them to be critical thinkers...

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Old 08-23-2012, 09:11 AM   #20
Dancingqueen
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When I think about what a lousy job of childrearing my SFJ friendquaintances are doing, I am thankful that my children have a dedicated and capable INTJ mother.
Sometimes earplugs are required but this is still the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:28 AM   #21
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I'm sure I'm capable of it, but the idea that I might breed some thicko obnoxious children is enough to turn me off from the whole thing.

I was watching the kids play at an outdoor concert last weekend and in the group there were children I could imagine being rather nice to have around and that it would be quite interesting to help them grow into adults, and children I could imagine drowning in a sack if I were responsible for their care for more than a few hours. There were about twice as many kids in the first group, but what if. WHAT IF. Omigod.

No I don't think it is entirely due to upbringing. The most terrifying child just had way more energy than brains. After watching my brother grow up I know what that looks like. If personality is genetic I consider myself way too high risk.
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Old 08-23-2012, 09:32 AM   #22
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  Originally Posted by Lilie
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I'm sure I'm capable of it, but the idea that I might breed some thicko obnoxious children is enough to turn me off from the whole thing.

I was watching the kids play at an outdoor concert last weekend and in the group there were children I could imagine being rather nice to have around and that it would be quite interesting to help them grow into adults, and children I could imagine drowning in a sack if I were responsible for their care for more than a few hours. There were about twice as many kids in the first group, but what if. WHAT IF. Omigod.

No I don't think it is entirely due to upbringing. The most terrifying child just had way more energy than brains. After watching my brother grow up I know what that looks like. If personality is genetic I consider myself way too high risk.

Funny thing is.. when they're your kids, you'll do what it takes. I have a very outgoing, very strong willed child, but she's grown up into an adult who strives to be the best at whatever she does, and usually gets there.

Plus, when it's your kid, you always see them in a better light than other parents see their kids.

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Old 08-23-2012, 10:46 AM   #23
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Do capricorns make better mothers than scorpios?
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Old 08-23-2012, 11:42 AM   #24
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  Originally Posted by Nemesis
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Do capricorns make better mothers than scorpios?

Of course not! Everyone knows Cancerians are THE BEST mothers!
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Old 08-23-2012, 12:45 PM   #25
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I'm an INTJ mother. I am not obsessed with my kid, I didn't give up all my hopes and dreams once motherhood happened and being a mother is not how I primarily identify myself. Sometimes, motherhood bores me. It requires a lot of patience, is monotonous and can be mentally and physically draining. With that said, I do it and I do it because I love my child and I want to provide for her the best I can. Being an INTJ mother is difficult because, to me, being a conventional mother is not natural and I sometimes feel insecure ablut that. Instead of fighting it or becoming discouraged by it, I just go with it. So far so good. The kid is still alive and happy 16 months later... :D
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