[OneBadMother]

If I ever said to anyone that I didn't love my parents, they would think I was a psychopath. Same if I said that I'm not emotionally affected by the deaths of people in my family. Maybe I just haven't lost anyone close enough, and I do respect my parents sometimes and value their input on things, it's just that I don't think love is really the right word. How about you guys?

[Evalis]

No, there is nothing 'inherently' wrong with that, but that isn't going to stop rest of society from expecting certain social connections to have a given emotional effect on a person. Keep in mind that 80-90% of the population is very likely to simply accept the way they are 'supposed' to think instead of attempting to think for themselves..

Answering the second part of your question though.. I have precisely the same line of thinking in this regard.. but it is less because my parents were both poor rolemodels, and more because my sense of morality and justice is far to strong to allow anyone to be provided with special treatment - emotionally or otherwise. My distance is purposeful in that it allows me to treat everyone with the same level of respect, without making special consideration for family or friends, and without descriminating strangers from anything I might be able to offer anyone else.

But.. this pisses off my friends sometimes.. and it usually prevents me from getting 'close' to anyone.. whatever that means >.>

[Selly]

Originally Posted by Evalis

...and more because my sense of morality and justice is far to strong to allow anyone to be provided with special treatment - emotionally or otherwise. My distance is purposeful in that it allows me to treat everyone with the same level of respect, without making special consideration for family or friends, and without descriminating strangers from anything I might be able to offer anyone else. But.. this pisses off my friends sometimes.. and it usually prevents me from getting 'close' to anyone.. whatever that means >.>

I agree, and I do the same thing to a certain level. I think I confuse people. I know I sometimes confuse myself....

[Firelie]

Sometimes I think about the deaths of my parents just to make myself sad and thereby remind myself that I do love them.

[The Rose]

	Originally Posted by OneBadMother
	If I ever said to anyone that I didn't love my parents, they would think I was a psychopath. Same if I said that I'm not emotionally affected by the deaths of people in my family. Maybe I just haven't lost anyone close enough, and I do respect my parents sometimes and value their input on things, it's just that I don't think love is really the right word. How about you guys?

Absolutely.
I hated my parents' guts for most of my childhood and young adulthood.
I didn't care one flip about them.
I used to fantacize about killing my father.

Does that make me a psychopath??!!

As I have gotten older
(and forgiven my parents)
I have become more keenly aware of death and the sorrow it brings.
I had to learn it though.
It didn't come naturally.

[Guido]

I remember contemplating suicide when I was 10-11 ish because of all the crap my mom has put me through. But then I decided that if I did that, she 'would win' and promised myself never to do it. I'm sure I thought about killing her too, but I realized pretty quickly that it wasn't feasible.

Now that I'm older, I'm pretty distant with my mom. She pulls this hurt puppy crap on me now that I don't call her enough and what not, which I don't have much respect for. I respect my dad a lot, but love would be a strange word to use. I guess I would be upset if either of them died, especially my dad. I guess that's the best I can relate to loving your parents :o

[The Rose]

Respect is the highest word of regard I can use toward someone.
If I respect and admire them, they are really something special.

[rwyatt365]

	Originally Posted by OneBadMother
	If I ever said to anyone that I didn't love my parents, they would think I was a psychopath. Same if I said that I'm not emotionally affected by the deaths of people in my family. Maybe I just haven't lost anyone close enough, and I do respect my parents sometimes and value their input on things, it's just that I don't think love is really the right word. How about you guys?

"inherently wrong", no. Socially unacceptable, yes.

I feel the same way about members of my family. I remeber as a child, upon the death of my grandfather, my sister chiding me because I dared to PLAY on the day of his funeral. I remeber thinking, "What's the big deal, he's gone. Why shuold that stop me from playing?!"

I'm not close to my two sisters, nor my mother or father. It's not that anyone did anything particularly bad to me. I just don't have any connection to any of them.

[mikey]

I'd say the idea of loving ones parents unconditionally is an absurd prospect at best. From reading others replies, I can see I'm not the only one with a considerably twisted parental-induced childhood. Mostly because my father is a sociopath and my mother a chronic pleaser. The best event that occurred was when they divorced 4 and a half years ago. Since then I haven't spoken to my father once. In conclusion I think 'love' is a subjective concept in respects to all of its forms.

[deicruxified]

	Originally Posted by OneBadMother
	If I ever said to anyone that I didn't love my parents, they would think I was a psychopath. Same if I said that I'm not emotionally affected by the deaths of people in my family. Maybe I just haven't lost anyone close enough, and I do respect my parents sometimes and value their input on things, it's just that I don't think love is really the right word. How about you guys?

most intj's are detached... people think we're cold but then that's the way things happen. period.

a lot of people thought i'm an insensitive and disrespectful. of course everyone expects that following your parents is a sign of respect but then again, we are also humans making decisions not only just our parents children. i have settled this with my parents no matter how bloody and brutally honest i seem. i told then i need respect as well which is true coz the tendency of most parents is to control their children's lives. i told them,

"what you think is good for me, is just your dreams. i should know better coz i own my life and my life will never be indebted to you since i just happen to be your kid by chance. if i follow your dreams and make, if you die what will become of me coz this is not what i want?"

so there... my mom stopped yacking

[jtskinner]

Emotions are just your brain responding to stimulus, emotions are an illusion and interfere with critical thinking and true logical thinking. In saying this, I do feel emotion, I do love my parents and I would feel sad if they died. There is nothing wrong with anyone not loving their parents.

[thegnat]

	Originally Posted by OneBadMother
	If I ever said to anyone that I didn't love my parents, they would think I was a psychopath. Same if I said that I'm not emotionally affected by the deaths of people in my family. Maybe I just haven't lost anyone close enough, and I do respect my parents sometimes and value their input on things, it's just that I don't think love is really the right word. How about you guys?

No, it's not inherently wrong.

However I do think that deaths in the family especially if you're close with them will rock your emotions no matter how rock-solid you think you are. You might not show it visibly but it does get you.

But I have certainly felt the same way. And actually kind of still do.

[Raven Queen]

Come to think of it, I don't love anyone in my life right now, and I don't think I ever did. I doubt I'd feel anything if someone I know died - don't think it would affect me much emotionally, even if it were someone I'm relatively close to. Meh. I'm such a heartless bitch.

I'd say this is unusual in an Asian society, where you're expected to love your family unconditionally and all that. But who cares what they think? *:P

[Epicurus]

I to feel the same. I prefer rationality before emotionality completely as the first is more useful for the important things wich manages to get the retardness of people in place and the world spinning. So there can't be anything wrong with it, its just that people aren't as rational and logical always.

[chocky]

Originally Posted by The Rose

Originally Posted by OneBadMother If I ever said to anyone that I didn't love my parents, they would think I was a psychopath. Same if I said that I'm not emotionally affected by the deaths of people in my family. Maybe I just haven't lost anyone close enough, and I do respect my parents sometimes and value their input on things, it's just that I don't think love is really the right word. How about you guys? Absolutely. I hated my parents' guts for most of my childhood and young adulthood. I didn't care one flip about them. I used to fantacize about killing my father. Does that make me a psychopath??! As I have gotten older (and forgiven my parents) I have become more keenly aware of death and the sorrow it brings. I had to learn it though. It didn't come naturally.

So good to hear I'm not alone in this - in any of this less than socially acceptable issue.

I too have wondered if there was something inherently wrong with my feelings (or lack thereof). Several years back some pentecostal offshoot preacher even tried to convince me I was literally possessed because a human being naturally loved their parents no matter what bad things those parents did. (And it wasn't even as if my parents were that abusive - but i was a very sensitive child.)

That preacher proved himself to be a control hungry manipulator attempting to collect a docile flock, but for a time there, I half believed him. Truthfully, the social norms simply don't fit all of us - we are different and I'm glad of it!

[OneBadMother]

I was pretty worried posting this topic, but now I see it's somewhat baseless. Well, if it is cause for concern, at least I'm not utterly alone in my thinking. :P I know that any other forum'd get a million posts along the lines of "WTF is wrong with you?!111"

I've never been someone who feels emotions strongly most of the time, either. I'm stuck in a kind of neutral state a lot of the time. I've sometimes found myself almost trying to simulate anger in order to keep the people around me from thinking I have no emotions whatsoever. NFs always try to find some way to bring strong emotions out of me. They should really learn that it's a terrible idea to unleash said emotions.

[TruorTupnm]

No, I don't think that there is something inherently incorrect about employing terminology differently, if that works with the question. What feelings I work with are similar to those already expressed by others. I don't love anyone. Sounds scary.

I've had some family members that I enjoyed die and wasn't especially devastated, never cried or dwelt on memories.

Towards parents, neither of mine are dead yet. I don't believe that I will especially miss them. My evil father pretty much leaves me alone and doesn't talk much when he seeks me out. My evil mom lady attempts to employ guilt on me. I have developed an immunity.

Towards contemplating killing them, :
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although I am less a fan of my evil father, I never thought about killing him, merely wished to be left alone. I only thought about how I could kill my evil mom lady after she kept frustrating me by being so horrible with money and always taking all of mine and promising to pay me back. I could never come up with the perfect murder, so I never got around to it. :
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[rwyatt365]

Originally Posted by OneBadMother

I was pretty worried posting this topic, but now I see it's somewhat baseless. Well, if it is cause for concern, at least I'm not utterly alone in my thinking. :P I know that any other forum'd get a million posts along the lines of "WTF is wrong with you?!111" I've never been someone who feels emotions strongly most of the time, either. I'm stuck in a kind of neutral state a lot of the time. I've sometimes found myself almost trying to simulate anger in order to keep the people around me from thinking I have no emotions whatsoever. NFs always try to find some way to bring strong emotions out of me. They should really learn that it's a terrible idea to unleash said emotions.

Nah, you're not alone in that line of thought or other similar thoughts. Acceptance seems to be a hallmark in this forum (thankfully!).

Generally, I have three emotional states; mild amusement, pissed off, and "you really don't want to know". SF's seem to bring out the worse in me. Like you, I constantly am telling those types not to "go there" 'cause they really don't want to see what comes out - it won't be pretty.
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[smiley=skull.gif] [smiley=knife.gif]

[rocksteady]

	Originally Posted by Firelie To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Sometimes I think about the deaths of my parents just to make myself sad and thereby remind myself that I do love them.

I do this occasionally as well, except I continue and follow the thinking into what I would inherit from the death, what life would be like etc. This line of thinking tends to make me feel guilty and a bit shallow. I think I love my mother, but I honestly have no real concept of what love is, nor do I desire achieving it. I have great difficulty in identifying my emotions at all, I tend to only be aware of them in times of great despair or anger.

When I envision my personal future, and think about marriage, it is always about finding someone I can respect and relate to, not "love".

[Sylvanus]

I have a strong T, and while my I do have good parents, I have never had an emotional bond with them. I have never had anybody close to me die, so I may be unpleasantly surprised if I ever find out I do have emotion if it happens. I am mostly detached from emotion, unless sarcasm is an emotion (?).

I recall when I was younger my dad wanted me to help him install something in the electrical box (live electricity and everything). I kept thinking "I don't want to be here, hopefully that screwdriver will slip and he'll die and I don't have to help anymore". Then I realized that if he died my mom would have a difficult time paying the bills and we would probably lose all the nice stuff we had. Never once did it cross my mind that I might miss him.

I'm not even that attached to my wife, I realize more and more I am with her merely for pragmatic reasons. I think the only person I would miss if they died is my 3 year old son, but I'm sure I'd get over it.

[Zilal]

No, heh, if you don't feel love, you don't feel love. However, it's a nice feeling, and it might be worth trying to achieve it... we tend to think of love as something automatic or romantic, but it's often a function of performing kindly actions. That is, if we act as though we love people, the feeling will often develop.

[Pinkie]

I can't say I really know quite how you feel, because I really, really love and get on with my parents, but in principle, I get you. You don't choose your parents, so there is no onus on you to love them, just as I don't really think there's an obligation for a parent to love a child (except that they chose to create the child - if it turns into a little jerk when it gets older they don't have to love it) - just to care for it and make sure it grows up as well as possible.

[Mr Zip]

It took me a long time to get an equal relationship with my father. I think he was INTJ too looking back, and we never saw eye to eye untill I grew up and became a man, and then he became my best friend. When he died, it was the hardest and worst moment in my life.

It makes me wonder if he'd have died before we got to the point of mutual respect how I'd have felt. I know he always loved me, but I didnt always love him the same.

Tough call. Im to the point in my life that I'm more accepting of how I feel and try not to fight it if I think something is inherently wrong or socially different about how I feel. I just accept it, and it either becomes OK, or it passes. I don't know if you can call it right or wrong, it just is what it is.

[Santana28]

i've never loved my parents at all. growing up, i had a sadistic abusive INTJ father who did his best to make my life miserable. My ISFP mother, on the other hand, was solely devoted to him in such a way that i soon rejected her outright. Very early on we had your typical relationship, but our personalities are so drastically different i soom came to realize that all of her praise and "love" was meaningless because she really truly directed it towards me because of *what* i was and not *who* i was. i never had the opportunity to develop any feelings for my father (and he never made any attempts to develop any towards me) at all except pure hatred, but i've gotten past that now that i understand how truly pathetic he is. my mother moved out when i was 16 or 17, and my father kicked me out shortly after. and a few months after that, i moved several states away.

quite honestly - they're not a part of my life, and never have ever really been. i dont event think about them. my father and i dont talk at all, and if anything it is a short impersonal email. he's never called me, sent me a birthday card, etc... and vice versa. i try to call my mother on her birthday out of courtesy but honestly i usually forget all about it. i only hear from her when she gets drunk (she's an alcoholic) and calls me up to ask me if she was a good mother or not. i lie.

i love my family and i'm loyal to them and i will help them out in any way i possibly can, but i dont have a "relationship" with anyone in my family with the exception of the ones that genuinely tool interest in me and were there for me not simply because i was related, but because they liked me and accepted me despite our numerous differences.

i'm an only child.

[Octavianus Caesar]

I find myself detached from people. Where if i am friends with someone i can easily walk away and not feel anything (if it is just life moving on).