[MrControll]

Granted. Unfortunately, a semantics error caused problems on the Super Power application, and your power only applies to anywhere inside the crust.

I wish I had better access to good coffee.

[DeepThought]

Granted. You are now being slowly crushed under the weight of several thousand pounds of high quality coffee beans.

I wish I could drink regular coffee without adverse affects from the caffeine.

[MrControll]

Granted. Now, if you drink decaf, you end up getting double the caffeine content of an equivalent amount of regular.

I wish less modern songs were crap.

[DeepThought]

Granted, now myself and millions of other fans of "less modern" songs are out for your blood.

I wish I didn't have to prepare for an upcoming, important meeting.

[MrControll]

Granted. You are now unemployed, and won't have to worry about any meetings for some time.

I wish fewer summer blockbusters were mindless action films

[DeepThought]

Granted. They are now all mindless and sappy teenage love stories.

I wish there were fewer advertisements everywhere.

[gracious]

Granted. We find out that advertising actually works and without it nobody is buying anything anymore. All of America becomes Detroit.

I wish I didn't attach so much sentiment to insignificant things.

[zeroemission]

Granted: all you remember now is the most significant thing you did yesterday, and you will remember this wish only until tomorrow

i wish bad people didn't like company

[MrControll]

Granted. Unfortunately, you didn't realize how much of the population constituted "bad people." As a direct result, all of society is grinding to a stand still as much of the population refuses to communicate with anyone.

I wish there were less lazy people in the world.

[gracious]

Granted. They are each slightly less lazy than they were yesterday. Today they combed their hair.

I wish I could go back and do some things differently.

[MrControll]

Granted. The problem being, you can't decide in advanced what you go back to. The end result is that you are now a much worse person than you were before.

I wish there were no more racists in the world.

[DeepThought]

Granted. Now there have been replaced with Nose-ists which are people who discriminate based on the shape of someones nose.

I wish to be come more centered.

[gracious]

^^Granted. I have turned your wish over to the folks in
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and I'm sure the cull will be coming any day now.

^ Granted.

DeepThought

I wish I had an assistant to do my boring administrative tasks.

[MrControll]

Granted. Unfortunately, your new assistant isn't very good. You end up losing your job due to the assistant's incompetence.

I wish there were more fish in the sea.

[gracious]

Granted. Due to global warming some of the water has evaporated which makes it appear that there are more fish. On the other hand, most of them are floating dead on the surface.

I wish I hadn't lost my favourite sunglasses.

[thebrainpolice]

^^Granted, all the extra fish attract sharks to the nation's beaches.

^Granted, you didn't lose them but you did break them.

I wish pens and pencils had built in spell checkers.

[MrControll]

Granted. However, in order to work, they have to force the user's hand around to mark out the mistakes. Horrifying wrist injuries skyrocket.

I wish there were fewer alcoholics.

[zeroemission]

^^ Granted: now pens and pencils instantly tell you when someone is trying to cast a spell on you

^ Granted: now every alcoholic is a tweaker

i wish the public was more aware of monica lewinski living near that republican in the watergate and made the connection to the shutdown of congress and would just pull it's collective head out of it's stoopid collective ass and storm foxnews and drag rush limbaugh into the street, start burnining effiges and painting faces with war paint. and start beating those drumsand dancing. yeah... dancing in the streets. and this is for family values! *bonk* oh, wait is that knute? did somebody grab knute? where's rupert? and then the drums get louder as tony hayward is dragged kicking and screaming to the oil barrel altar with dan akerson watching wide eyed, knees giving out, pissing and shitting in his pants as people joyously dance, black stripes sloppily painted under eyes, the drumming gets louder, bill gates is seen scurrying away as part of the party gives chase...

oh, wait... this isn't the neverending story thread. lost again

[DeepThought]

Granted. For 60 seconds everyone is more aware and then ... Oh, look! Is that Justin Bieber!?

I wish the idolization of celebrity would cease.

[GenessorDios]

Granted. With nowhere to deposit their excess love and adoration, widespread rapings become the norm. *knock knock* That's my turn at the door. Thanks a fucking lot, DeepThought… *grumble grumble pulls down pants*

I wish television psychics were actual televisions.

[venuspop]

Granted. They also foresee that you'd be pulling down your pants ... almost reluctantly.

I wish you'd hurry.

[GenessorDios]

Granted. *SNIP* There, all done, two-second haircuts for the price of one.

I wish I knew why The Big Bang Theory was popular.

[venuspop]

Granted. It had something to do with what you did at the door with your pants pulled down.

Should I spare you the detail?

I wish you'd give us the detail.

[GenessorDios]

Granted. That one molecule over by my knee wasn't too bothered. The rest of the details are in hell.

I wish molluscs were bullies.

[venuspop]

Granted. Their objective in life is to make an example out of you.

I wish you are a fine example.