[Jakalwarrior]

I Like statistics, what can I say. I read the thread by iuniperus and wanted to see some numbers!


If you are not an INTJ, feel free to post your response but don't vote please! my OCD nature would cause my left eye to start twitching and there would be a slight disturbance in the force.

[Sean O]

Definitely dominant. It's probably a guy thing, though.

EDIT: Actually, after having read iuniperus' thread and the kissing thread, I'd say it has more to do with confidence than with being a guy. Perhaps experience, as well.

[Evalind]

In fantasy, I imagine myself as submissive. In reality, however, I hate feeling out-of-control so I tend to dominate.

[Danisty]

Submissive and it doesn't have anything to do with my gender, experience or confidence.

[DrEast]

You need a "neutral/both" option in this poll.

[LordMaiestas]

Yea cause i am like stuck.....

[Sean O]

	Originally Posted by Danisty To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Submissive and it doesn't have anything to do with my gender, experience or confidence.

There are always exceptions, but generally speaking women prefer the submissive role and men prefer the dominant role. This preference seems to be pseudo-instinctual, in the sense that it's not quite an instinct but it's just the role that feels most natural to each gender. This preference doesn't just apply to sex itself. A man "sweeping a woman off her feet" when he and her are on a date is another example of the dominance/submission preference, although in that particular case it's more like taking the lead vs. "sweet surrender".

Of course, a man who lacks confidence (possibly due to a lack of experience) usually won't be as willing to take the dominant role. That's why I said that it probably has more to do with confidence, which doesn't necessarily mean that gender isn't a factor.

[Henry]

	Originally Posted by Jakalwarrior To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I Like statistics, what can I say. I read the thread by iuniperus and wanted to see some numbers! If you are not an INTJ, feel free to post your response but don't vote please! my OCD nature would cause my left eye to start twitching and there would be a slight disturbance in the force.

I've enjoyed both roles and am not picky about power relationships in the bedroom. I am picky about what feels good, what both enjoy, and that there occassionally be new things going on.


Those who are picky in the bedroom about power relationships are usually in a position where they feel they have to "be tough" or "be nice" all the time, and taking on an opposite role during sex then becomes a release from that.

And as I've never met a so-called "feminist" woman who enjoyed dominance and all but one (who I think politicized even sex) of whom enjoyed submission, I think the idea has merit. Additionally, the only partner I've had who had a preference for dominance was probably the sweetest person I've ever met.

	Of course, a man who lacks confidence (possibly due to a lack of experience) usually won't be as willing to take the dominant role. That's why I said that it probably has more to do with confidence, which doesn't necessarily mean that gender isn't a factor.

On the contrary, those who lack confidence often make the most aggressive (dangeous) dominants and have the greatest desire for release from their traditional role.

	Actually, after having read iuniperus' thread and the kissing thread, I'd say it has more to do with confidence than with being a guy. Perhaps experience, as well.

Or it is driven by self-congratulating douchebaggery.

[Santana28]

I actually have a female friend who is a professional Dominatrix... lol... so this topic of conversation naturally comes up often.

I, from outward appearances, have a very dominant personality. I attract submissive types almost exclusively, so even if i don't exactly FEEL like being dominant i am usually thrust into that role in a relationship. She explains that the whole nature of the business involves dominant people DESIRING to be submitted, and vice versa.

We have one friend who, well... she refers to as a "pain slut." Google the term if you need further description... you shouldnt
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She says that I am a "Switch" - which basically means i can switch back and forth fluidly without losing who i am. And it is true.. with some people (very few who are worthy) i embrace a much more submissive role in the relationship. But as i said before, my personality being what it is... i'm usually the Dominant. I really don't see myself as such... but thats the impression people get from me. Its kind of awkward actually, because people expect me to live up to that impression! LOL... use your imagination
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~

[Avid]

Usually dominant (unless I feel like being lazy) and I'm a female! OH NOES! Anyway, you guys have got to stop lumping "all women" in the same phrase. I've known plenty of women who were very dominant and plenty of men who were submissive.

[Danisty]

First of all, I really am only speaking for myself.

Originally Posted by Sean O To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

There are always exceptions, but generally speaking women prefer the submissive role and men prefer the dominant role. This preference seems to be pseudo-instinctual, in the sense that it's not quite an instinct but it's just the role that feels most natural to each gender. This preference doesn't just apply to sex itself. A man "sweeping a woman off her feet" when he and her are on a date is another example of the dominance/submission preference, although in that particular case it's more like taking the lead vs. "sweet surrender"

I prefer a submissive role during sex. I do not prefer to be swept off my feet and sweet surrender doesn't describe anything about my submissiveness. I will aggressively initiate sex and am in no way afraid to ask for what I want or make the first move. I don't just lay there and expect someone to "take me." Sex with me is definitely going to be more like a battle, but I want my mate to overpower me. I'm also somewhat of a masochist so I expect someone to dominate with a bit of force.

[Sean O]

	Originally Posted by Sean O
	There are always exceptions, but generally speaking women prefer the submissive role and men prefer the dominant role.

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	Originally Posted by Henry
	On the contrary, those who lack confidence often make the most aggressive (dangeous) dominants and have the greatest desire for release from their traditional role.

It sounds like these people you're describing lack self-esteem, not necessarily confidence. Or maybe they're rather disturbed but have a falsified sense of self-esteem. Regardless, you can't deny that a man who lacks confidence in his sexuality (perhaps I should have been more specific earlier) is less likely to be dominant in sex than a man who has confidence in this area. You also can't deny that men with less experience are more likely to be less confident sexually. I certainly wasn't very confident my first few times, but after a while that goes away.

	Or it is driven by self-congratulating douchebaggery.

What a petty attack. I won't go as far as to suggest that this is a backlash due to self-pity since I don't know you personally, but either way, you're acting childish.

I merely replied to the OP and described that I believe a preference for dominance is correlated with being male, then followed it up with the proposal that confidence (and by extension, experience) are even more relevant than gender. I believe the part about gender was because pretty much every single guy I've ever known and had this discussion with has had that preference. These guys also said that most of the women they've been with have been more submissive overall, which is my experience as well. Certainly men can be submissive and women can be dominant, but in my experience the general trend (which includes exceptions, as I have stated) is that the preference (pay attention to this word) is the other way around. As for the confidence/experience part, it had just occurred to me, as a result of reading those two threads, that there is probably a link between that and dominance vs. submission.

	Originally Posted by Danisty
	I do not prefer to be swept off my feet and sweet surrender doesn't describe anything about my submissiveness.

I used the phrase "sweet surrender" as a metaphor. I chose to use it because I remember hearing it in a song a long time ago, and even though it was cheesy it seemed to describe the whole seduction via coyness thing pretty well.

[Danisty]

	Originally Posted by Sean O To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I used the phrase "sweet surrender" as a metaphor. I chose to use it because I remember hearing it in a song a long time ago, and even though it was cheesy it seemed to describe the whole seduction via coyness thing pretty well.

I know what you meant by it. I'm just saying it's not what I'm talking about when I say I'm submissive. I had believed this thread was started because the other thread was more about what it seems like you're thinking. I expected this thread to be about dominance and submission as it relates specifically to sexual acts. I'm submissive not because I don't ask for sex or take an active role in sex. I'm submissive because I like to be dominated.

[green eyes]

	Originally Posted by Danisty To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'm submissive because I like to be dominated.

Same here.

[Colette]

Dominant.

[Moriarty]

I enjoy being the submissive, but that's only because I like actually being in control.
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[Lucid]

	Originally Posted by Moriarty To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I enjoy being the submissive, but that's only because I like actually being in control. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I wondered how long it would take for someone to bring this up.

It seems that most of the people I know who are dominant sexually are the ones who try to be dominant in other aspects of their lives as well, but for whom it does not come naturally. Many of the people I know who are sexually submissive are naturally (and unconsciously) dominant in their daily lives. I think many subs are the ones actually in control (since they dictate what happens, how far it goes, the nature of the power exchange and most other aspects of it). They get off, as Henry mentioned, on the temporary release of being in control all the time (or at least the pretense of it), while the doms in question get off on having others willingly submit to them (for a change).

What's funny to me about this, is that most doms will become offended at the mere suggestion that they aren't dominant naturally or that they aren't the ones truly in control during sexual power exchange.

Obviously this doesn't describe all dom/sub relationships, but it's certainly an aspect.

[punkyplatypus]

As I stated in the other thread, I don't mind which role I play as long as everyone wins. In general, I'm usually in the dominant position. However, I voted as being submissive. This is because I see my indifference of being dominant vs being submissive and letting my partner choose how things are going to play out as a submissive move. In the end she has the control, she is the dominant one.

[kubrickfan]

I voted dominant, but because I get nervous when i leave things in other people's hands. Though I suppose in relationships it doesn't matter as long as things go smoothly and no one develops ego issues.

[AliTree]

uh i am totally torn X-X
i think i am at first dominant, then become submissive...

[ScurvyRose]

Depends on how long it has been!