Parents-Can't live with em, Can't live without them.

**Kearley65** · 06-25-2012, 07:51 PM

So, my mom the other day was talking to our field representative from Blue Diamond, he has the same degree(Ag Business) and PCA License (a license that allows you to advise farmers what chemicals to use on their crops to boost productivity, alleviate pest problems and gives you the ability sell chemicals to farmers) but he works for a company that is not exactly in the arena that I am looking for when I graduate from college this fall. I told her thanks but that is not the avenue I am looking for and it does not matter that much to me. But she kept pushing me to contact him because he has a social status that will be recognizable to people and it would be good to get experience from him. Also, I have a good friend that has been doing what I want to do for three years now and she ridiculed me for going around with him one day because he is not experienced or well known enough to be a benefit for me. But, the truth is I learned more about being a PCA the day with my friend than I did with the field rep. She still thinks she knows what I will be good at more than I do.

I am not calling my scenario good or bad, to me it is just an annoyance because they are two different types of careers, field rep versus chemical salesperson (glorified and needed salesperson).

I was just wondering, how intrusive, in good or bad way, parents are in fellow INTJ's lives and their life choices. Is the prying annoying?

**La Comtesse** · 06-25-2012, 09:41 PM

Lately I've been peeved by it. Lots of criticisms on decisions I'm making as I work my way out into the world, which make me become more reserved and not want to share what I'm doing. (My decisions come after a lot of thought and consideration, so the barrage of criticism about other ways I should be doing things gets under my skin.)

In turn, the increased reservation causes them to ask more questions and the cycle continues...
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**Bullwinkle** · 06-26-2012, 02:13 AM

One day soon you'll get a bit older, maybe have a kid of your own. then you'll find your stupid parents have suddenly got a lot smarter in the last couple of years.
My parents are in their 80s now,and its me thats telling them what to do, how to cope, driving them around, teaching them the internet. I just appreciate what time I have, as
I know sometime soon, they will not be there for me anymore

**Pika** · 06-26-2012, 09:02 AM

Parents, in general, have had a lot more experience with the "real world" than have high school -and college-age people. A lot of that experience has involved making mistakes and having to deal with the consequences; sometimes for their entire lives. The bromide "Good judgement comes from experience: experience comes from bad judgement" is terribly true.

Many parents have also outlived the "certainty of youth" and are aware that sometimes one doesn't know everything one only thinks one does. So, when a parent senses the potential for a mistake by one of their kids, they are inclined to offer advice to try to spare the kid the suffering they recall from having made the same mistake, often more than once. The kid, thinking he/she knows everything, doesn't see the potential for a mistake and takes umbrage at the parent's interference. Arguments ensue.

Some parents are much better at giving advice and deciding where advice is appropriate than are others. Some kids are better at receiving advice than others. When a parent who is poor at advising and a kid who is poor at accepting advice come together, much more heat than light is usually generated.

My approach was always to caution, not insist and then to let my kids deal with the consequences of their decision. Fortunately, my kids were pretty sensible.

**awalkingcliche** · 06-26-2012, 09:16 AM

I was lucky, my mother is an INTJ and my father... well, I don't communicate with him enough to know.

Actually, my mother has a higher T preference than I do.

I think all people will be annoyed by their parents at some point or another. I know I do.

**La Comtesse** · 06-26-2012, 10:39 AM

	Originally Posted by Pika To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My approach was always to caution, not insist and then to let my kids deal with the consequences of their decision. Fortunately, my kids were pretty sensible.

I imagine my parenting style might be like this whenever I have kids. I know my parents want what's best for me, but sometimes I wish they'd just let me make the mistake and deal with it rather than get into a heated argument. Sometimes I want to take the chance and make a mistake. I need to learn the lessons. I don't want them telling me all the ways I'm going to ruin my life (because some of my cousins screwed up pretty epically).

They say I need to make mistakes to learn but they will argue long and hard to make sure those mistakes don't happen. And this is why I tell them less. The less they know about decisions I'm making, the less they'll tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can figure it out myself...

**FrankieWild** · 06-26-2012, 11:29 AM

pretty much on my own since 16. i set my boundaries early so they dont try to influence me too much
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**Terennnash** · 06-27-2012, 07:35 AM

seems like she values prestige more than knowledge.
The sad truth, more and more prestige > knowledge.

**Kearley65** · 06-27-2012, 12:37 PM

	Originally Posted by Terennnash To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	seems like she values prestige more than knowledge. The sad truth, more and more prestige > knowledge.

This is true, very to be exact. But the person she was insisting me to job shadow is a member relations/field supervisor for an Ag marketing coop while my friend is a true Pest Control Adviser. I am not say that the person my mom wants me to go with is not knowledgeable, he is, but the job itself is not what I am interested in. He has to deal with people all day and issues they may have. I do not like dealing with people's problems if I do not have to deal with them.

Being a PCA, you do not have to deal with people on a daily basis, unless there is a problem with their crops then you should bring it to their attention, but then you get to sell them some chemicals or nutrients and make some money and the farmer is not upset, he just wants to protect their crop and livelihood. Nothing like being a sales person that some one actually needs around. A farmer cannot apply chemicals to their crops without a written recommendation from a PCA or he will get fined.

My big problem is that I know what I want to do with my after college but my mom is trying to get me to find other options besides that. It is like, "Stop trying mom, I know what I want to do and it is a field where there will be lots of job opportunities and job security for years to come".

**Oros Ull** · 06-29-2012, 09:12 AM

Meh...

I love my parents and I know that they are older and wiser, more experienced and have done everything they could to help me. And I do my best to help them out and listen when they have some advice.

I also realize that they are aggressive, overbearing, misanthropic, instigating, nosy pains in the ass, prolonged exposure to which regularly makes me want to swallow a bullet.

So despite their “abundance in wisdom” I’m typically a little more inclined to settle things on my own as I already am stuck in insurmountable debt to them, what with them having created me and all. They will never let me live that one down…
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**JYFly** · 07-02-2012, 01:07 AM

My mom stopped helping me with my homework when I was about 8 because she was mentally deteriorating by then. My dad was barely around and was in prison for a good chunk of my teenage years. One advantage of not having parents up my ass was that it taught me how to get things done myself.

**mieu** · 07-02-2012, 11:31 AM

I paid my own way through school, so my parents didn't even attempt to tell me what I should do as a career. If they were paying for it I'd probably consider their counsel, or ask to just pay for it myself if I disliked their field of choice that much.

They don't pry in my personal life at all.

**Srytka** · 07-02-2012, 12:52 PM

My parents are pretty much nonexistant. I haven't heard from my mother in months and my father is far, far too busy with his football, NASCAR, and NHL to bother with his teenage daughter unless he absolutely has to. My stepmother is very controlling as far as anything that involves family resources (i.e. after-school stuff I have to be picked up from, anything that costs money, etc.), but other than that I'm pretty much on my own. Unless of course I mess something up, in which they are all more than happy to tell me what an ungrateful, idiotic, selfish child I am. Luckily I got a full scholarship to college this fall.

You are very, very lucky to have a mom who is trying to help. It may seem annoying and intrusive, but at least she cares enough to try.

06-25-2012, 07:51 PM	#1
Kearley65 Member [19%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 761	So, my mom the other day was talking to our field representative from Blue Diamond, he has the same degree(Ag Business) and PCA License (a license that allows you to advise farmers what chemicals to use on their crops to boost productivity, alleviate pest problems and gives you the ability sell chemicals to farmers) but he works for a company that is not exactly in the arena that I am looking for when I graduate from college this fall. I told her thanks but that is not the avenue I am looking for and it does not matter that much to me. But she kept pushing me to contact him because he has a social status that will be recognizable to people and it would be good to get experience from him. Also, I have a good friend that has been doing what I want to do for three years now and she ridiculed me for going around with him one day because he is not experienced or well known enough to be a benefit for me. But, the truth is I learned more about being a PCA the day with my friend than I did with the field rep. She still thinks she knows what I will be good at more than I do. I am not calling my scenario good or bad, to me it is just an annoyance because they are two different types of careers, field rep versus chemical salesperson (glorified and needed salesperson). I was just wondering, how intrusive, in good or bad way, parents are in fellow INTJ's lives and their life choices. Is the prying annoying?
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06-25-2012, 09:41 PM	#2
La Comtesse Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 106	Lately I've been peeved by it. Lots of criticisms on decisions I'm making as I work my way out into the world, which make me become more reserved and not want to share what I'm doing. (My decisions come after a lot of thought and consideration, so the barrage of criticism about other ways I should be doing things gets under my skin.) In turn, the increased reservation causes them to ask more questions and the cycle continues... To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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06-26-2012, 02:13 AM	#3
Bullwinkle Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 95	One day soon you'll get a bit older, maybe have a kid of your own. then you'll find your stupid parents have suddenly got a lot smarter in the last couple of years. My parents are in their 80s now,and its me thats telling them what to do, how to cope, driving them around, teaching them the internet. I just appreciate what time I have, as I know sometime soon, they will not be there for me anymore
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06-26-2012, 09:02 AM	#4
Pika Member [08%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 339	Parents, in general, have had a lot more experience with the "real world" than have high school -and college-age people. A lot of that experience has involved making mistakes and having to deal with the consequences; sometimes for their entire lives. The bromide "Good judgement comes from experience: experience comes from bad judgement" is terribly true. Many parents have also outlived the "certainty of youth" and are aware that sometimes one doesn't know everything one only thinks one does. So, when a parent senses the potential for a mistake by one of their kids, they are inclined to offer advice to try to spare the kid the suffering they recall from having made the same mistake, often more than once. The kid, thinking he/she knows everything, doesn't see the potential for a mistake and takes umbrage at the parent's interference. Arguments ensue. Some parents are much better at giving advice and deciding where advice is appropriate than are others. Some kids are better at receiving advice than others. When a parent who is poor at advising and a kid who is poor at accepting advice come together, much more heat than light is usually generated. My approach was always to caution, not insist and then to let my kids deal with the consequences of their decision. Fortunately, my kids were pretty sensible. Last edited by Pika; 06-26-2012 at 09:23 AM.
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06-26-2012, 09:16 AM	#5
awalkingcliche New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 56	I was lucky, my mother is an INTJ and my father... well, I don't communicate with him enough to know. Actually, my mother has a higher T preference than I do. I think all people will be annoyed by their parents at some point or another. I know I do.
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06-26-2012, 11:29 AM	#7
FrankieWild Member [19%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 792	pretty much on my own since 16. i set my boundaries early so they dont try to influence me too much To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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06-27-2012, 07:35 AM	#8
Terennnash Member [04%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2011 Posts: 182	seems like she values prestige more than knowledge. The sad truth, more and more prestige > knowledge.
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06-29-2012, 09:12 AM	#10
Oros Ull Veteran Member [76%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 3,075	Meh... I love my parents and I know that they are older and wiser, more experienced and have done everything they could to help me. And I do my best to help them out and listen when they have some advice. I also realize that they are aggressive, overbearing, misanthropic, instigating, nosy pains in the ass, prolonged exposure to which regularly makes me want to swallow a bullet. So despite their “abundance in wisdom” I’m typically a little more inclined to settle things on my own as I already am stuck in insurmountable debt to them, what with them having created me and all. They will never let me live that one down… To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Last edited by Oros Ull; 06-29-2012 at 02:00 PM.
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07-02-2012, 01:07 AM	#11
JYFly Member [28%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 1,125	My mom stopped helping me with my homework when I was about 8 because she was mentally deteriorating by then. My dad was barely around and was in prison for a good chunk of my teenage years. One advantage of not having parents up my ass was that it taught me how to get things done myself. Last edited by JYFly; 07-02-2012 at 02:13 AM. Reason: earlier
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07-02-2012, 11:31 AM	#12
mieu Core Member [183%] $/)^3^(\$ MBTI: xNTx Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 7,344	I paid my own way through school, so my parents didn't even attempt to tell me what I should do as a career. If they were paying for it I'd probably consider their counsel, or ask to just pay for it myself if I disliked their field of choice that much. They don't pry in my personal life at all.
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07-02-2012, 12:52 PM	#13
Srytka Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 222	My parents are pretty much nonexistant. I haven't heard from my mother in months and my father is far, far too busy with his football, NASCAR, and NHL to bother with his teenage daughter unless he absolutely has to. My stepmother is very controlling as far as anything that involves family resources (i.e. after-school stuff I have to be picked up from, anything that costs money, etc.), but other than that I'm pretty much on my own. Unless of course I mess something up, in which they are all more than happy to tell me what an ungrateful, idiotic, selfish child I am. Luckily I got a full scholarship to college this fall. You are very, very lucky to have a mom who is trying to help. It may seem annoying and intrusive, but at least she cares enough to try.
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