[Cybot]

Hello everyone. I'm a 31 year old male living in north Florida. I would consider myself slightly more anti-social than your average INTJ, but at the moment I'm actually trying to connect to other people. This is mostly because I recently quit my job and I'm being happily unemployed. However, what little social interaction I was involved in at work has disappeared. While I don't mind that, I know it's not a healthy option. So here I am on a whim.

A little about myself: I studied Computer Science with a focus on Robotics at college; however I've dropped out of school because of low GPA. While the Math’s and Sciences come easily to me with no effort, the other core requirements such as English and Speech have been the bane of my existence. After 7 years of college, I've only acquired a 2-year degree. Another reason for my departure has been the realization that while I love the subject of robotics, there was no employer I would want to work for. So I've spent some time away from academics trying to think of an alternate plan. Currently I’ve been pursuing a career in photography. I’ve always had an artistic side, so photography with its blend of an artistic eye and its technical skill has always appealed to me. I’ve also wanted to travel, so maybe photography is an excuse to pursue that as well.

My love life is nonexistent. At the 31 years old, not only am I a virgin, but I’ve never been in any romantic or physical relationship. To put it simply; I’ve only been attracted to a small handful of girls in my life, and unfortunately none have ever had any feelings for me. Also, if there have been any girls that liked me in some way, they have never made it known to me. I’m not they type of person to ask someone out on a date that I don’t know, and need to have a friendship with them before hand, so that has limited me quite considerably. People ask me if I even tried to find someone, and the truth is not really. While I might want to fall in love with someone and have a physical relationship, it’s unfortunately never been something I’ve needed; much to my dismay.

Hobbies: Internet research of all kinds. I just finished watching a 10 hour WWI documentary just because I knew nothing about it. Japanese Anime, which I watch in copious amounts. Anime make me laugh more than anything else, and also I watch it because it actually forces me to feel emotions that I don’t actually feel during my every day life. I also play Dungeon and Dragons, which I started to play just as a way to gain some social interaction. I like how the game uses a set of rules to describe antire world; very computer programming like, though I don’t actually like playing the game that much.

[Income]

Welcome. Have you watched One Piece? Best anime I've seen.

[Cybot]

No I haven't seen it, but I'll put it on my list. That's the bad thing about anime; there is just so much of it. Even if I watch anime 24/7, if someone asked "Have you seen xxxx?", I probley haven't. Even though it's getting a bit old as well, my favorite anime would be RahXephon.

[Nazareth]

I can't wait for Cowboy Beebop to hit theaters

[Majom]

Welcome. I like Studio Ghibli...particularly Porco Rosso and Howl's Moving Castle.

[Cooper]

Welcome to the Alley...

[Cybot]

I like Studio Ghibli as well. I really liked The Borrower Arrietty. I saw a Disney commercial a month ago for the english release of it, but I didn't see how well it did in theaters.

Thanks Cooper. I don't know how much I'll talk on the forum; I'm just as antisocial online as I am in real life, but I’m actually a very open person. So, if anyone ever asks a question or needs advice from my point of view, I’ll be sure to give a response.

[slug]

Hi Cybot,

I had a similar problem with my love life. What worked for me (totally by accident) was to volunteer and otherwise get involved in activities/hobbies that I enjoyed which involved interacting with other people.

So in my case, I played guitar, so I started going to open jams. Then I volunteered for an organization that put on music festivals (they were having a meeting at the place with the jam). As I worked alongside other people, I began to make friends and my current BF was one of them. I made a ton of other great friends too. Totally changed my life for the better.

So for you, assuming you're hetero, I would suggest getting off the computer at least one day a week, and getting out to where there might be more females - maybe a photography class, or a photography club etc. I don't know if there is such a thing as a travel club or not, but it would be worth checking out.

I don't think robotics is going to yield too many females. I do know a couple of teenagers who've bonded over anime, so maybe that's a possibility too. So maybe anime film festivals, anime club, etc.

The idea is not to go out with the idea of dating, which is too scary and will probably turn women off. Go with the attitude that you want to learn more about your hobby, volunteer for the right reasons, practice your craft, etc. and the rest will happen naturally.

Make sure you go to the same place/interact with the same people on a consistent basis. In psychology, this is called "proximity". In other words, you're going to make friends with the people you hang out with the most, so get your body to where the kind of people you want to hang out with are.

ps. the first time will probably be scary, but just do it. It will get easier the more you do it. It took me about a year of going out to jams every week to feel comfortable on stage, so my knees weren't shaking and my hands cold and sweating - lol.

[Monte314]

Eh. I got nuthin'.

[deconspire]

Hey man, welcome. I wish we could combine our abilities. I'll bring the rockin' English and Speech stuffs, and you can set up in the bunker with the Maths.

[peppersasen]

	Originally Posted by Cybot
	I'm a 31 year old male living in north Florida.

do you know Rose Nylund?

	Originally Posted by Nazareth
	I can't wait for Cowboy Beebop to hit theaters

are you serious? Cowboy Bebop: The Movie was released in 2001. i have it on UMD (which i purchased in 2006-2007, which explains why it's in UMD format).

---------- Post added 06-25-2012 at 06:45 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Cybot
	While I don't mind that, I know it's not a healthy option.

who says it can't be healthy? i'm more mentally stable when i hermit-down. i'm also a recluse. sometimes i'll start talking to people and they say things that trigger suicidal thoughts. i swear being away from people is NATURALLY more healthy for some. maybe, like me, you're one of those people.

[Nazareth]

I don't know about that version, I have not seen it, but there is a new one coming out in 2013 I believe staring Keanu Reeves as the lead character, one of my favorite actors of all time.

[peppersasen]

	Originally Posted by Nazareth
	I don't know about that version, I have not seen it, but there is a new one coming out in 2013 I believe staring Keanu Reeves as the lead character, one of my favorite actors of all time.

WTF? with REAL PEOPLE? euwww... you know how bad Sailor Moon with real people turned out. *clutches IKEA Teddy and sobs* i was talking about this version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Au1AO1xaEts

---------- Post added 06-25-2012 at 07:03 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Cybot
	My love life is nonexistent.

create an imaginary boyfriend/girlfriend. simple.

[Nazareth]

trust me Keanu will pull it off

[GoldBoost]

Here's what helped me get out more and talk to people. It wasn't some sort of method it was only a change in perception.
One of my friends, a social butterfly, great with people said this. He said for one week say all the things that came to your mind when talking to someone. When someone says something that sparks some kind of thought, memory, feeling, no matter how irrelevant it may be, say it. It helped me enough that I get invited to go places and people talk to me more.
It doesn't sound like much, and obviously there are some things you'll be better off not saying, but that's the basic idea.

[zeroemission]

	New INTJ trying to be social.

keep it up! you're almost there!

there seems to 4 basic INTJ greetings...

1. long time lurker first time poster. don't mind me and my self deprecations. i hope you all like me
2. i've got issues, you've got an issue with that? i don't care!
3. perfunctory greeting
4. this is my life story indexed by order of significance cross referenced to this pie chart indicating the exact percentages of individual personality traits... now if you'll notice in column B...

but you know what, we all mostly get along in here. i've never felt so social in my entire life even if i get into a staredown every week or so.

mandatory greeting requirements exceeded

[The Dan Keizer]

Well at least you have had girls you liked and are sort of interested in females, which is more than some of these motherfuckers around here got going on. You have something you can build upon there.

And what don't you like about Dungeons & Dragons? It's too much fun or something?

[zeroemission]

ever try meditation?

[The Dan Keizer]

Do you like movies about Gladiators?

[zeroemission]

not at all thank you. i don't much care for movies in general these days really. i'm all about music and vagina, or even amazing musical vaginas

[Cybot]

To slug. I’ve not really considered volunteering before; interesting idea. The biggest problem for me for such an endeavor is that I’m a hypo-active personality rather than a hyper one; even listless to some degree. For something like volunteering, it would have to be something that would be life consuming, like the Peace Corps, or Green Peace, for me to actually get involved with it on any consistent basis.

Your right about robotics being a male dominated area. I don’t think I met one female in the labs while studding. Anime clubs I’ve had experience with and made some great friends there. I even did manage to find a girl I liked at one, tho that experience wasn’t pleasant. I am currently looking into photography clubs and the like, but given my current living area, they all tend to be retirees.

I’ve always wanted to learn a music instrument in some way; however that is not one of the skills I possess. I do not have the proper muscle memory to perform repetitive tasks and I’ve had to rely on my intelligence and concentration to make up for it. Even then I can never perform the task the same way twice. My bank hates me because my signature is unrecognizable from one to the next.

Luckily I’m not shy person. Reserved I think would be more appropriate. Though I have been known to do some bold things, they have always been after I’ve contemplated the ramifications of my actions.

[One Big World]

	Originally Posted by zeroemission
	keep it up! you're almost there! there seems to 4 basic INTJ greetings... 4. this is my life story indexed by order of significance cross referenced to this pie chart indicating the exact percentages of individual personality traits... now if you'll notice in column B

Ha! You nailed mine.

[Cybot]

To peppersasen; No, I don't know Rose Nylund personally, tho I do know of her. I have met Ben Stein however.

Being a recluse is perfectly fine. I was voted nicest person, and most likely to become a recluse in high school. Being stranded on a deserted island sounds like a great idea to me, but I think I would be rather bored. Maybe an urban jungle would be better.

“create an imaginary boyfriend/girlfriend.” If only if it were that simple. Unfortunately I’m extremely stable. As a song goes “I half expected to find myself, in full control with nothing else.”.

---------- Post added 06-26-2012 at 12:13 AM ----------

To Goldboost; I have tried that tactic before, maybe its time to try again. The problem I had with doing it, is that when I did say what came to mind, it usually went over the heads of everyone else. People usually just ignored what I said, or they stopped and asked what I meant. It was rather annoying to give an explanation to everything I said because nobody understood.
Cute pic by the way.

[elakhael]

Welcome.
I'm younger, but I've been in a somewhat similar case; no love relationships (in this, your description fits very well), studying geophysics but with history and language interests, and really awkward starting social relations. I've been reading this forum for a good time, but decided about a month ago to "connect" creating an account.

[Cybot]

Originally Posted by zeroemission

there seems to 4 basic INTJ greetings... 1. long time lurker first time poster. don't mind me and my self deprecations. i hope you all like me 2. i've got issues, you've got an issue with that? i don't care! 3. perfunctory greeting 4. this is my life story indexed by order of significance cross referenced to this pie chart indicating the exact percentages of individual personality traits... now if you'll notice in column B...

1, 3, 4 apply. Number 2 not so much; I tend to just ignore rather than confront. I have been a lurker for a few years, and I have the pie charts ready, I just don’t think any is interested.

---------- Post added 06-26-2012 at 12:39 AM ----------

To Dan Kaizer; No DnD is fine, it’s just that my group only plays once a month and it’s a 12hr marathon. Its hard to get a story to flow smoothly from month to month. The enjoyable aspect of DnD to me is creating characters and writing unique classes/prestige classes for them. While the guys I play with are nice guys and all, I wouldn’t call them truly geeky. They just happened to play DnD at the beginning 30yrs ago, so even though I’ve played with them for several years now, I still don’t interact with them well outside the game.