[MechanicalSun]

I would say that the trick to being fun resides in knowing your "audience"(at least basics), and to some extent be confident.

A less extroverted way to be fun, is being sarcastic. The kind of silly humor like:
Person A on the phone: "Hey, can you hear me?"
You: "No, I can't"
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[Smacknrat]

I've always had great fun with INFPs. I just had a real tough time breaking the ice with the younger ones and maintaining the relationships with the older ones.

It's a "different" kind of fun and it's one that's more my pace without me realizing it. Going to an amusement park with an INFP isn't as draining and has way more witty moments than going there with NTs or with extroverts.

Turning the tables... I've been told I'm a "conservative guy" and don't open up, so I'm not sure how fun I'D be. I've got plenty of hobbies (cooking, movies, beer making, plane flying, RC cars, etc), but apparently it's not a particularly fun set of group activities. I'd stay away from INTJs if you're looking out for your own (physical) enjoyment...

ISTP seem to make the INFPs I know go nuts... Introverted SPs... Reflective but fun-seeking and "non-judging".

[Typhon]

I'm willing to bet that you actually are a fun person, it's just that they have no idea what fun is or how it differs from person to person. It's better to just hang out with people who have similar hobbies, rather than just subjecting yourself to the bullshit of others.

[Zsych]

The question is: Do you let yourself often do stuff that you yourself enjoy doing? And why not let yourself do more stuff that you enjoy?

[Nightmare]

	Originally Posted by Zsych To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The question is: Do you let yourself often do stuff that you yourself enjoy doing? And why not let yourself do more stuff that you enjoy?

Heh, I don't know what it is that I enjoy. And that's a major part of this dilemma. Things that used to inspire me: creating/playing music, writing poetry, watching TV and movies... all those things that used to define me I am no longer motivated to do. It also doesn't help that I give up easily and really have a problem with failure.

[eagleseven]

	Originally Posted by Nightmare To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't like to drink.

That's nice. Drink anyways. Think of it like exercise...initially unpleasant, but makes for a better you.

[Mayu]

I think it depends on the group of people you're with. When I was first introduced to my current INFP friend, she appeared as a rather solemn, quiet and introverted person. However, as she joined my ENFP friend and I more often, she has become quite a vocal person in comparison to when we first knew her. She did tell us that the people she were with before us tend to be less open minded even though they were pretty outgoing. In fact, we tell her (or push her) to speak her thoughts and we usually don't judge whether it's right or wrong. In contrast, we tend to dissect her thoughts and give our opinions on how she could achieve it which is very much to her delight as the people in her life often gave her very negative responses or discouragements. Nowadays, she will bite back people who criticize her unfairly or try to push her around. That's quite a nice improvement and she's certainly a lot happier now.

Offtopic: Your picture reminds me of Cactuar from FF~!!!! ^o^

[BlSH0P]

find peope who are interested in the same things as you

[RedN]

go out more with people like me and em assimilate our ways!!!

ill hug happy cactusssss *hugggggggg

You know the first step to being fun is saying "asasghdgshgagsjagsjdgagdahdjasjkdhad" em.. go on try it....

[Ender]

	Originally Posted by Nightmare To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Heh, I don't know what it is that I enjoy. And that's a major part of this dilemma. Things that used to inspire me: creating/playing music, writing poetry, watching TV and movies... all those things that used to define me I am no longer motivated to do. It also doesn't help that I give up easily and really have a problem with failure.

Why do you no longer feel motivated to do the activities you once enjoyed? Can you remember the last time you enjoyed those activities and what you felt like at the time?

[holdyourhead]

Are people changing their own behaviour and personality to entertain you and become what is fun or enjoyable for you? If not then I'll repeat others' sentiments, why change yourself into something you're not in order to be fun for them? If they don't enjoy your company then they probably aren't worth your time and you need to find someone who enjoys whatever you enjoy.

Changing yourself is good for self-improvement and such. Doing things for or to help people you care about if it makes them happy is also fine, but trying to change your entire psychological mindstate to be a different person who you are not comfortable or happy with being, isn't right. You have no duty to be like other people. Be yourself. Be proud of who you are.

[Samueza]

Originally Posted by Nightmare To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I guess the reason for this inquiry is that I never can find the right people for me. I either find the super-geeky-don't-want-to-ever-do-anything crowd or the let's-get-fucked-up-every-second-of-every-day crowd. I've not found an in-between, or people who are like me and enjoy just being together and chatting for the sake of just that. I suppose I'm getting nervous about transferring to a new school in the fall and having the issue of not finding anyone for me. The thing is, I want to be fun. I walk around and see all of these happy, fun people who laugh and have a great time amongst themselves. Sure, that is only one face of their identity, but I'm very rarely like that, if ever. I want to be fun and attractive so that I can get to know people to do fun things with. I'm always bored out of my mind, and people pick up on that.

What I see in here is is a set of rather crude stereotypes of what other people are like combined with more detailed self-knowledge. Obviously that provides a mismatch. Here's the thing: groups often polarize people and group traits become magnified so people feel more 'in-group'. People "are" not the way they behave within their group (although there's a reason why they're with their group, of course), that's partially just acting. What you're doing is, in a way, looking at portraits of a charicaturist and then feeling that none of them really looks like you. And you know, once you're not in high school anymore, the bell curve becomes more and more applicable: you may see the extremes because they're more noticeable, but actually most people are somewhere in between. Surely you'll find some that are in between in the right way.

Wanting to be fun is, in itself, a good thing. Being an attractive person gives you more possibilities to navigate socially, which is always good for your self-esteem and a useful tool. Even INTJs benefit from having some social skills, in spite of some of the crap you might read on here, and I can only assume it's much more satisfying for you to be socially skillful. Nonetheless, being fun and attractive is *never* a goal. People aren't fun and attractive because they decided they wanted to be fun and attractive, and somehow reached their goal. People are fun and attractive because they enjoy the things they do and people can tell this about them. Excitement simply works contagious (trust me, this comes from someone who gets excited about stuff that's probably way more obscure than the stuff you like), so in fact, when you are excited about something, other people will need to make an effort *not* to get excited too. It's a response they have to withhold instead of feel. So if you're genuinely excited about whatever it is that you like, it's extremely likely this'll rub off on at least someone.

Another thing: it helps a lot to understand what people want in certain situations and give that to them. For instance, I happen to be relatively good with computers (not an IT consultant by any means, but I know what I'm doing). I've had quite a few people come to me with computer problems wanting my help. I found there was always something they wanted besides a fixed computer. They were bemused by the problems they experienced and wanted to understand what was happening. Often they were pissed off at all the tech talk coming from the average help desk. If I could find a way to relate the problem to them and give them a chance to re-phrase what the problem was like, they were delighted - not only that, but they'd be much more interested in what I had to say. Even if it didn't 'click' with them at all, they made an effort to listen and relate to it. If people feel that you have something to offer, a lot of them look to see if they can offer something to you in return. And if they don't but just come asking for more, you know that they're not the ones you want to hang with.

All in all, I think you're safe meeting new people when you go to a different school if you just enjoy the things you like. You're practically guaranteed to be fun that way to some people. In fact, it could even be an opportunity for you to find out that people are unlike the ones you knew in a good way. Of course, if enjoying things in general is a problem for you, we're talking about a whole different problem - in that case, the problem isn't really what other people are like, but that you're not the passionate person you could be. That may affect your social life, but if enjoying basically anything is the problem, that's not their fault. Then the problem simply is you, and then you're looking at a symptom as if it is the problem.

[HKF]

someone says to me "What's up". I reply "Must come down". When the person gives me a puzzled look, I say "law of gravity. What's up must come down". that's my idea of fun. boooo

[Zsych]

	Originally Posted by Nightmare To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Heh, I don't know what it is that I enjoy. And that's a major part of this dilemma. Things that used to inspire me: creating/playing music, writing poetry, watching TV and movies... all those things that used to define me I am no longer motivated to do. It also doesn't help that I give up easily and really have a problem with failure.

You can always take up the basics: Cooking, dancing, bungee jumping, martial arts...

... or just go to any club where most of the people look like they are having fun, and join. Hopefully whoever is running it, knows how to make sure its a fun experience.

[sunitaishot]

Fun is subjective, no activity is inherently fun or boring.

I think the basis on which we relate to others is complex. it largely is contemporary society that promotes going out and getting wrecked as fun, we live in a very extroverted and gregarious society (at least those traits are valued above others). Socialising is not difficult, as people need to discover their niche. It's simply a matter of finding people with commonalities, who have similar interests/outlooks/goals.

[The Dan Keizer]

Originally Posted by Nightmare To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I guess the reason for this inquiry is that I never can find the right people for me. I either find the super-geeky-don't-want-to-ever-do-anything crowd or the let's-get-fucked-up-every-second-of-every-day crowd. I've not found an in-between, or people who are like me and enjoy just being together and chatting for the sake of just that. I suppose I'm getting nervous about transferring to a new school in the fall and having the issue of not finding anyone for me. The thing is, I want to be fun. I walk around and see all of these happy, fun people who laugh and have a great time amongst themselves. Sure, that is only one face of their identity, but I'm very rarely like that, if ever. I want to be fun and attractive so that I can get to know people to do fun things with. I'm always bored out of my mind, and people pick up on that.

I suggest you imagine the things you want to do with friends, and do them on your own. If you do them regularly, you will chance to meet people you connect with while you are out in the world who are not intoxicated.

Here's an example: I went to a Detroit Lions game a couple years ago and the seats we had were near a couple of season ticket holders. These guys were absolute football nerds (I know, not real nerds) and they spent the whole game talking about the coaching, the plays and all that other minutia. The thing was, they didn't come to the game together. They sat two rows away from each other, they came alone, and they yelled to each other during every quiet moment they could find. They were just two guys that loved football way more than the average fan and saw each other 8 Sundays a year. I don't know if they talked outside of the arena, or if they met "in real life". But they were as good friends as two guys could be from what I saw.

[Nightmare]

Originally Posted by Dan Keizer To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I suggest you imagine the things you want to do with friends, and do them on your own. If you do them regularly, you will chance to meet people you connect with while you are out in the world who are not intoxicated. Here's an example: I went to a Detroit Lions game a couple years ago and the seats we had were near a couple of season ticket holders. These guys were absolute football nerds (I know, not real nerds) and they spent the whole game talking about the coaching, the plays and all that other minutia. The thing was, they didn't come to the game together. They sat two rows away from each other, they came alone, and they yelled to each other during every quiet moment they could find. They were just two guys that loved football way more than the average fan and saw each other 8 Sundays a year. I don't know if they talked outside of the arena, or if they met "in real life". But they were as good friends as two guys could be from what I saw.

The problem is that everything around me either a) costs money or b) costs money indirectly through having to buy gas to get somewhere (...aaaand I don't have a job, and won't for the rest of the summer...). I'm at a loss. And I don't really have any friends available who can do things with me besides poker games I host one or twice a week. Even then, I'd rather be with one or two people (at the most), and do something fun and spiritually pleasing.

My friends are all alcoholics/stoners, or very one-dimensional in that they don't like trying new things and can't relate to my sense of adventure. By now it's too late for me to make new friends in my hometown- people have already gone their separate ways and I cannot relate to anyone, really.

Plus my friends are a bad influence on me because of their habitual intoxication. I've been binging on cannabis for the past few days just because I've been so bored and anxious that I want to force my mind to focus on the present exclusively. It has worked, and the majority of my anxiety and depression are gone, but as soon as I get off the drug I get irritable, reclusive, and sort of wind up where I left off.

[MikeAZ]

I especially like what Samueza and Moxii shared.

I would add that it is hard to be fun if you are depressed. Maybe being fun should be a little farther down on the to-do list?

If not two suggestions for joking around that work for me:
1) Resist criticizing what others say no matter how stupid it is.
2) Understand the people you are with.

How about experimenting with some fun avatars?

[Fruit]

	Originally Posted by zibber To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Some of this reads like "hi, I want to be around people I don't actually get along with - what do I do?" and I wonder why anyone would want that. To what end?

Sex

[The Dan Keizer]

If all you want is sex, you can simply pay for it you know.

---------- Post added 06-26-2012 at 10:58 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Nightmare To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

The problem is that everything around me either a) costs money or b) costs money indirectly through having to buy gas to get somewhere (...aaaand I don't have a job, and won't for the rest of the summer...). I'm at a loss. And I don't really have any friends available who can do things with me besides poker games I host one or twice a week. Even then, I'd rather be with one or two people (at the most), and do something fun and spiritually pleasing. My friends are all alcoholics/stoners, or very one-dimensional in that they don't like trying new things and can't relate to my sense of adventure. By now it's too late for me to make new friends in my hometown- people have already gone their separate ways and I cannot relate to anyone, really. Plus my friends are a bad influence on me because of their habitual intoxication. I've been binging on cannabis for the past few days just because I've been so bored and anxious that I want to force my mind to focus on the present exclusively. It has worked, and the majority of my anxiety and depression are gone, but as soon as I get off the drug I get irritable, reclusive, and sort of wind up where I left off.

Well leaving the house is free and if you do it often enough you will eventually run into a kindred spirit.

[One Big World]

Originally Posted by Moxiie To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I'm generally regarded as someone very "fun" to be around (go figure, no accounting for taste I reckon) it's fairly easy to engage with people in this way if you know a few things going into it: 1) people like to laugh as a general rule. it doesn't have to be uproarious laughter - but pointing out what's funny in the world usually helps that. I find self depreciation, sarcasm, word play and absurdity to be crowd hits. Also the sardonic observation will generally get a laugh as does playfully and sarcastically making fun of people. I can be very serious, and often am, but with friends it's all about laughing and joking around. Like Sir Cockburn above, I find life to be a comedy. 2) Be your own best entertainment, for me, I don't really care if others find me funny or entertaining in the least because (seriously) I totally crack myself up. I exist to entertain myself first and foremost and I think I'm HILARIOUS. If others think so that's like gravy. So figure out how to make yourself funny to yourself. If you don't find you funny, I guarantee no one else will. 3) Extroversion is overrated btw - some of the most hilarious people I know are introverts, be ok with a quieter sense of humor that appeals and feels natural to you. All of the INTJ's I know are fucking hilarious in their own way (not as funny as the INTP's - but that's a personal bias in favor of Ne on my part) 4) Changing that picture of the cactus was a damn good start. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. sad cactus isn't entertaining.

This.

[Autumnleaf]

Originally Posted by Nightmare To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

The problem is that everything around me either a) costs money or b) costs money indirectly through having to buy gas to get somewhere (...aaaand I don't have a job, and won't for the rest of the summer...). I'm at a loss. And I don't really have any friends available who can do things with me besides poker games I host one or twice a week. Even then, I'd rather be with one or two people (at the most), and do something fun and spiritually pleasing. My friends are all alcoholics/stoners, or very one-dimensional in that they don't like trying new things and can't relate to my sense of adventure. By now it's too late for me to make new friends in my hometown- people have already gone their separate ways and I cannot relate to anyone, really. Plus my friends are a bad influence on me because of their habitual intoxication. I've been binging on cannabis for the past few days just because I've been so bored and anxious that I want to force my mind to focus on the present exclusively. It has worked, and the majority of my anxiety and depression are gone, but as soon as I get off the drug I get irritable, reclusive, and sort of wind up where I left off.

Do what you like to do by yourself until you meet other people who like to do those things. Avoid the intoxicated people who don't seem to like you anyways. You mentioned spiritually pleasing. Go do that. Other people camp, go to church etc... Say hi to them when you see them. Its easy to make friends just talking to people, as long as you're not a dick about it.

[Nightmare]

Ok, well I think after some time I've conceded with the fact that I'm generally not a fun person. But I think I'm okay with that. Why I am okay with that lies in the fact that I have such a dynamic emotional range, and that intense emotions of love, joy, and sadness are what makes me, well, me. So I think I'll live my life searching for that constant radiant 'fun', but will always be fundamentally rooted in the short, but intense emotional experience instead.

Make sense? It does to me. I'm not going to proofread, either.

But thanks to all who have offered support. Different perspectives help me channel my frustrations.

[Urshulgi]

Be serious when it's time to be serious. When in an informal social setting though, lighten up a bit. If you're serious when everyone else is joking around and relaxed, you'll come across as judgmental. If you are judging all of your "friends" all of the time, then you're no a very good friend.

I think the INTJ sense of humor tends to lean towards observational humor. When you see or find something funny, comment on it, even if the first thing that comes to mind is politically incorrect or a bit dark.

I think my friends appreciate my fucked up sense of humor, because it's different from theirs. It adds variety to the group, and people do like variety.

Relax when you're out in a social situation. The world is a funny place, learn to enjoy laughing at the divine tragedy.