Not Being a Fun Person?

**Nightmare** · 06-19-2012, 10:30 PM

So, it has recently been brought to my attention that I am not a particularly fun person. I realize the appeal of being a fun individual but cannot grasp filling the identity. You see, I've always been rather serious all my life. People who know me might say I'm overemotional, prudish, and arrogant, but also deeply caring and affectionate.

To be honest I can't see myself being fun but I really want to give it a try. I don't know where to start. Being INFP certainly doesn't help... I get very easily overwhelmed and burnt out in social situations.

What should I do?

**eagleseven** · 06-19-2012, 10:32 PM

Drink alcohol with friends. And try to look like the cactus in your avatar (an improvement, btw).

**thecase** · 06-19-2012, 10:33 PM

Haha, you are coming to an INTJ message board asking how to be "a fun person"? We are probably the type to most likely to be told "you should try having more fun." To most people having fun equates with being social.

Although I think I have plenty of fun in my own way.

You should try an ENFP message board. Does that exist? Or are they too busy "having fun"?

**sircockburn** · 06-19-2012, 10:38 PM

As an ENTP/ESTP hybrid, it's pretty simple. I view life as a comedy. Do you view yours as a drama or tragedy?

**Nightmare** · 06-19-2012, 10:39 PM

	Originally Posted by sircockburn To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	As an ENTP/ESTP hybrid, it's pretty simple. I view life as a comedy. Do you view yours as a drama or tragedy?

Tragedy.

---------- Post added 06-20-2012 at 01:41 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by eagleseven To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Drink alcohol with friends. And try to look like the cactus in your avatar (an improvement, btw).

I don't like to drink.

**Zhen** · 06-19-2012, 10:45 PM

Originally Posted by Nightmare
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So, it has recently been brought to my attention that I am not a particularly fun person. I realize the appeal of being a fun individual but cannot grasp filling the identity. You see, I've always been rather serious all my life. People who know me might say I'm overemotional, prudish, and arrogant, but also deeply caring and affectionate.

To be honest I can't see myself being fun but I really want to give it a try. I don't know where to start. Being INFP certainly doesn't help... I get very easily overwhelmed and burnt out in social situations.

What should I do?

i was going to say, how can someone with that avatar not be fun/?! lol!

actually you sound EXACTLY like me bar the self perception you are not fun. i'm not surprised you are INFP...you are probably also HSP/empath re the burnt out in social situations and easily overwhelmed.

**Social Torture** · 06-19-2012, 11:15 PM

They also call me... "The Fun Killer"

I plan to avoid drinking with my friends... Friends like mine [ST affectionately snuggles with his guns] and alcohol is not a good idea.

**wolfyx** · 06-20-2012, 12:15 AM

INTx and “funny” don’t go together. We don’t like to be the center of attention, we think and analyze everything too much and sometimes we are “there without being there”...

We do have a sense of humor but not classic one. INTs are more into situational humor or second degree humor. We are not natural “entertainers” to say at least…

**Collide** · 06-20-2012, 12:35 AM

Why would you want to be "fun"? I realized a while ago that I'm not "fun". I enjoy myself and my own strange hobbies that very few find entertaining? Why would you want to devote your time to entertaining others at the expense of your own identity?

**wolfyx** · 06-20-2012, 12:52 AM

	Originally Posted by Collide To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Why would you want to be "fun"? I realized a while ago that I'm not "fun". I enjoy myself and my own strange hobbies that very few find entertaining? Why would you want to devote your time to entertaining others at the expense of your own identity?

Because if you want to have a social life you will have to “entertain” the others somehow, even if this means playing a role.

**SoundofSilence** · 06-20-2012, 01:07 AM

	Originally Posted by wolfyx To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Because if you want to have a social life you will have to “entertain” the others somehow, even if this means playing a role.

You don't necessarily have to entertain them by 'being fun'. Others can also be entertained when you're having a discussion about some topic, for instance.

**wolfyx** · 06-20-2012, 01:18 AM

	Originally Posted by SoundofSilence To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	You don't necessarily have to entertain them by 'being fun'. Others can also be entertained when you're having a discussion about some topic, for instance.

This will usually scare them away because I will outthink and outdebate them and I will be unconventional enough to seem “geeky and weird”…

**amanc3p0** · 06-20-2012, 01:26 AM

Fun is overrated
It lasts for a few seconds then its over

As for being fun
Imitate the cactus
If your happy, you will instinctively be fun
Don't over-think it

**SoundofSilence** · 06-20-2012, 01:44 AM

	Originally Posted by wolfyx To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	This will usually scare them away because I will outthink and outdebate them and I will be unconventional enough to seem “geeky and weird”…

If they think you're "geeky and weird" you pick the wrong people to be around.

**zibber** · 06-20-2012, 01:52 AM

Some of this reads like "hi, I want to be around people I don't actually get along with - what do I do?" and I wonder why anyone would want that.

Originally Posted by Nightmare
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So, it has recently been brought to my attention that I am not a particularly fun person. I realize the appeal of being a fun individual but cannot grasp filling the identity. You see, I've always been rather serious all my life. People who know me might say I'm overemotional, prudish, and arrogant, but also deeply caring and affectionate.

To be honest I can't see myself being fun but I really want to give it a try. I don't know where to start. Being INFP certainly doesn't help... I get very easily overwhelmed and burnt out in social situations.

What should I do?

To what end?

**wolfyx** · 06-20-2012, 01:55 AM

	Originally Posted by SoundofSilence To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If they think you're "geeky and weird" you pick the wrong people to be around.

Hot girls, even the smart ones, don’t hang out with geeks. A group of only introverted people is socially doomed. You need at least an ice barker (an entertainer) in your group in order to get out of the undesirable “geek zone”..
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**The Dan Keizer** · 06-20-2012, 01:55 AM

Whatever you do, son, just remember to have fun in ways that amuse yourself rather than amuse other people. You don't want to clown it up for people, it always comes off as ingenuine.

Kind of like when Robin Williams does standup comedy or Tom Green makes a movie (or maybe Sasha Baron Cohen would be the modern example) where they are all about to have a fucking seizure just to make people laugh.

Anyways, if you have any sort of sense of humor maybe you can just sort of start applying it to other people somehow. Use them as the butt of jokes to amuse yourself or something.

And have a positive attitude about trying new things or doing things with other people instead of your usual negative downer-assed attitude. People will think that is fun.

---------- Post added 06-20-2012 at 04:57 AM ----------

By the way that new cactus is fucking way better than that old depressing assed cactus, motherfucker looked like he needed to be taken out back and have some old cowboy put a bullet in the base of his skull.

**Shahira** · 06-20-2012, 01:57 AM

Its not really hard as people make it out to be. I rarely think before I do things in social settings most of the time a good thing, makes you seem outgoing and ready to try anything, but then also make you seem to be irresponsible and reckless. I think its about just being ready to do things, to seize opportunities. Try not to be so self conscious in social settings, that helps. When I am around lots of people, I think I go a bit crazy sometimes
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. I just do what I feel like doing and just don't think about the consequences. But I'm not like this all the time. When there are times when I need to be serious I will take it seriously and I do also enjoy having some time to myself to reflect on things especially on things I done and whether I should have done it or not. There are many things I regret doing. I did get in trouble in school for acting like this. Only reason why they never actually kicked me out because I had good grades. You should try doing some of this only If you want and feel comfortable with it. I think you shouldn't try to act like something you're not and just be you. Being a fun person is not really something special. I have been called reckless, out of control, over emotional ect, and people make the mistake of thinking I'm always like this. I rarely show the more serious, deep side of me to people as some just laugh when I do act like that. I do have lots of friends, but only one of them I actually feel comfortable to show this side to me.

**jenuwin** · 06-20-2012, 02:03 AM

Well, people define fun differently. You just have to find a group that has fun in similar ways that you do. If you have to conform to a certain group's way of having fun, then it'll be difficult for you to feel like you're a fun person.

For a year or two, I hung out with people that liked to drink ALL the time. I honestly think that I'm alcohol intolerant, so I either drink very little or don't drink at all. Needless to say, I was not perceived as the "fun" one. I eventually declined their invitations to go out because it wasn't fun for me, and I just didn't feel good about myself hanging out with them.

Later on, I found different friends and everything was good again. (:

**Eyedears** · 06-20-2012, 02:55 AM

	Originally Posted by Collide To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Why would you want to be "fun"? I realized a while ago that I'm not "fun". I enjoy myself and my own strange hobbies that very few find entertaining? Why would you want to devote your time to entertaining others at the expense of your own identity?

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

	Originally Posted by jenuwin To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Well, people define fun differently. You just have to find a group that has fun in similar ways that you do. If you have to conform to a certain group's way of having fun, then it'll be difficult for you to feel like you're a fun person.

To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

OP, find other folks who share your idea of a "good time," then you won't need to be someone you're not. We weren't designed to fit some horrid Bed of Procrustes, after all!

**SelfMadeBum** · 06-20-2012, 03:57 AM

	Originally Posted by wolfyx To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	This will usually scare them away because I will outthink and outdebate them and I will be unconventional enough to seem “geeky and weird”…

Find geeky and weird friends, or people who accept geeky and weird people. Don't change who you are.

**SeverusSin** · 06-20-2012, 04:11 AM

Originally Posted by Nightmare
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So, it has recently been brought to my attention that I am not a particularly fun person. I realize the appeal of being a fun individual but cannot grasp filling the identity. You see, I've always been rather serious all my life. People who know me might say I'm overemotional, prudish, and arrogant, but also deeply caring and affectionate.

To be honest I can't see myself being fun but I really want to give it a try. I don't know where to start. Being INFP certainly doesn't help... I get very easily overwhelmed and burnt out in social situations.

What should I do?

No. You are fun. I guarantee you.

You may not be fun to me, you may not be fun to others. I'm sure there are things you enjoy doing. That's what fun is, enjoying YOURSELF.

Next step, find others who relate to or also enjoy the things you do, speak to them. Done. Don't do things for social approval unless you intent to become a circus act. Be you, if people inquire tell them what you like doing, unabashedly. Never apologise for enjoying what you enjoy and liking what you like and HAVE FUN being you. Don't try to emulate other forms of fun just because socially people put pressure on you, simply look to what you actually do like.

I frequently go into social scenarios with my anti-social self having my own personal fun. Someone asks me what I'm doing I tell them I'm enjoying myself, chilling what not. If they want to join me in that, I'm all for it, if not o well, I'm still having fun though eitherway. Find that contentment in yourself, I think that may be what you are searching for.

Oh btw. you also mentioned traits in your OP that people have told me too. I'm always killing the buzz with some deadpan uber-logical statement. I laugh internally though :D I also be goofy when I want to be and they have to accept it, its not like I'm going to modify it to please them haha that'd be the day.

**davai** · 06-20-2012, 04:20 AM

	Originally Posted by Nightmare To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Being INFP certainly doesn't help

Excuses excuses.

**Nightmare** · 06-20-2012, 10:11 AM

I guess the reason for this inquiry is that I never can find the right people for me. I either find the super-geeky-don't-want-to-ever-do-anything crowd or the let's-get-fucked-up-every-second-of-every-day crowd. I've not found an in-between, or people who are like me and enjoy just being together and chatting for the sake of just that. I suppose I'm getting nervous about transferring to a new school in the fall and having the issue of not finding anyone for me.

The thing is, I want to be fun. I walk around and see all of these happy, fun people who laugh and have a great time amongst themselves. Sure, that is only one face of their identity, but I'm very rarely like that, if ever. I want to be fun and attractive so that I can get to know people to do fun things with. I'm always bored out of my mind, and people pick up on that.

Moxiie · 06-20-2012, 10:40 AM

I'm generally regarded as someone very "fun" to be around (go figure, no accounting for taste I reckon) it's fairly easy to engage with people in this way if you know a few things going into it:

1) people like to laugh as a general rule. it doesn't have to be uproarious laughter - but pointing out what's funny in the world usually helps that. I find self depreciation, sarcasm, word play and absurdity to be crowd hits. Also the sardonic observation will generally get a laugh as does playfully and sarcastically making fun of people. I can be very serious, and often am, but with friends it's all about laughing and joking around. Like Sir Cockburn above, I find life to be a comedy.

2) Be your own best entertainment, for me, I don't really care if others find me funny or entertaining in the least because (seriously) I totally crack myself up. I exist to entertain myself first and foremost and I think I'm HILARIOUS. If others think so that's like gravy. So figure out how to make yourself funny to yourself. If you don't find you funny, I guarantee no one else will.

3) Extroversion is overrated btw - some of the most hilarious people I know are introverts, be ok with a quieter sense of humor that appeals and feels natural to you. All of the INTJ's I know are fucking hilarious in their own way (not as funny as the INTP's - but that's a personal bias in favor of Ne on my part)

4) Changing that picture of the cactus was a damn good start.
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sad cactus isn't entertaining.

06-19-2012, 10:30 PM	#1
Nightmare Member [29%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 1,184	So, it has recently been brought to my attention that I am not a particularly fun person. I realize the appeal of being a fun individual but cannot grasp filling the identity. You see, I've always been rather serious all my life. People who know me might say I'm overemotional, prudish, and arrogant, but also deeply caring and affectionate. To be honest I can't see myself being fun but I really want to give it a try. I don't know where to start. Being INFP certainly doesn't help... I get very easily overwhelmed and burnt out in social situations. What should I do?
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06-19-2012, 10:32 PM	#2
eagleseven Core Member [154%] MBTI: XNTJ Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 6,189	Drink alcohol with friends. And try to look like the cactus in your avatar (an improvement, btw).
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06-19-2012, 10:33 PM	#3
thecase Member [09%] MBTI: InTJ Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 377	Haha, you are coming to an INTJ message board asking how to be "a fun person"? We are probably the type to most likely to be told "you should try having more fun." To most people having fun equates with being social. Although I think I have plenty of fun in my own way. You should try an ENFP message board. Does that exist? Or are they too busy "having fun"?
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06-19-2012, 10:38 PM	#4
sircockburn Veteran Member [79%] MBTI: ENTP Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 3,170	As an ENTP/ESTP hybrid, it's pretty simple. I view life as a comedy. Do you view yours as a drama or tragedy?
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06-19-2012, 11:15 PM	#7
Social Torture Member [16%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 666	They also call me... "The Fun Killer" I plan to avoid drinking with my friends... Friends like mine [ST affectionately snuggles with his guns] and alcohol is not a good idea.
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06-20-2012, 12:15 AM	#8
wolfyx Member [27%] MBTI: XNTX Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 1,085	INTx and “funny” don’t go together. We don’t like to be the center of attention, we think and analyze everything too much and sometimes we are “there without being there”... We do have a sense of humor but not classic one. INTs are more into situational humor or second degree humor. We are not natural “entertainers” to say at least…
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06-20-2012, 12:35 AM	#9
Collide Member [06%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 242	Why would you want to be "fun"? I realized a while ago that I'm not "fun". I enjoy myself and my own strange hobbies that very few find entertaining? Why would you want to devote your time to entertaining others at the expense of your own identity?
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06-20-2012, 01:26 AM	#13
amanc3p0 New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 69	Fun is overrated It lasts for a few seconds then its over As for being fun Imitate the cactus If your happy, you will instinctively be fun Don't over-think it
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06-20-2012, 01:55 AM	#17
The Dan Keizer Core Member [109%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 4,372	Whatever you do, son, just remember to have fun in ways that amuse yourself rather than amuse other people. You don't want to clown it up for people, it always comes off as ingenuine. Kind of like when Robin Williams does standup comedy or Tom Green makes a movie (or maybe Sasha Baron Cohen would be the modern example) where they are all about to have a fucking seizure just to make people laugh. Anyways, if you have any sort of sense of humor maybe you can just sort of start applying it to other people somehow. Use them as the butt of jokes to amuse yourself or something. And have a positive attitude about trying new things or doing things with other people instead of your usual negative downer-assed attitude. People will think that is fun. ---------- Post added 06-20-2012 at 04:57 AM ---------- By the way that new cactus is fucking way better than that old depressing assed cactus, motherfucker looked like he needed to be taken out back and have some old cowboy put a bullet in the base of his skull.
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06-20-2012, 01:57 AM	#18
Shahira Veteran Member [55%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 2,229	Its not really hard as people make it out to be. I rarely think before I do things in social settings most of the time a good thing, makes you seem outgoing and ready to try anything, but then also make you seem to be irresponsible and reckless. I think its about just being ready to do things, to seize opportunities. Try not to be so self conscious in social settings, that helps. When I am around lots of people, I think I go a bit crazy sometimes To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. . I just do what I feel like doing and just don't think about the consequences. But I'm not like this all the time. When there are times when I need to be serious I will take it seriously and I do also enjoy having some time to myself to reflect on things especially on things I done and whether I should have done it or not. There are many things I regret doing. I did get in trouble in school for acting like this. Only reason why they never actually kicked me out because I had good grades. You should try doing some of this only If you want and feel comfortable with it. I think you shouldn't try to act like something you're not and just be you. Being a fun person is not really something special. I have been called reckless, out of control, over emotional ect, and people make the mistake of thinking I'm always like this. I rarely show the more serious, deep side of me to people as some just laugh when I do act like that. I do have lots of friends, but only one of them I actually feel comfortable to show this side to me.
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06-20-2012, 02:03 AM	#19
jenuwin Member [03%] MBTI: InTJ Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 150	Well, people define fun differently. You just have to find a group that has fun in similar ways that you do. If you have to conform to a certain group's way of having fun, then it'll be difficult for you to feel like you're a fun person. For a year or two, I hung out with people that liked to drink ALL the time. I honestly think that I'm alcohol intolerant, so I either drink very little or don't drink at all. Needless to say, I was not perceived as the "fun" one. I eventually declined their invitations to go out because it wasn't fun for me, and I just didn't feel good about myself hanging out with them. Later on, I found different friends and everything was good again. (:
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06-20-2012, 10:11 AM	#24
Nightmare Member [29%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 1,184	I guess the reason for this inquiry is that I never can find the right people for me. I either find the super-geeky-don't-want-to-ever-do-anything crowd or the let's-get-fucked-up-every-second-of-every-day crowd. I've not found an in-between, or people who are like me and enjoy just being together and chatting for the sake of just that. I suppose I'm getting nervous about transferring to a new school in the fall and having the issue of not finding anyone for me. The thing is, I want to be fun. I walk around and see all of these happy, fun people who laugh and have a great time amongst themselves. Sure, that is only one face of their identity, but I'm very rarely like that, if ever. I want to be fun and attractive so that I can get to know people to do fun things with. I'm always bored out of my mind, and people pick up on that.
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06-20-2012, 10:40 AM	#25
Moxiie Core Member [208%] MBTI: eNfP Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 8,341	I'm generally regarded as someone very "fun" to be around (go figure, no accounting for taste I reckon) it's fairly easy to engage with people in this way if you know a few things going into it: 1) people like to laugh as a general rule. it doesn't have to be uproarious laughter - but pointing out what's funny in the world usually helps that. I find self depreciation, sarcasm, word play and absurdity to be crowd hits. Also the sardonic observation will generally get a laugh as does playfully and sarcastically making fun of people. I can be very serious, and often am, but with friends it's all about laughing and joking around. Like Sir Cockburn above, I find life to be a comedy. 2) Be your own best entertainment, for me, I don't really care if others find me funny or entertaining in the least because (seriously) I totally crack myself up. I exist to entertain myself first and foremost and I think I'm HILARIOUS. If others think so that's like gravy. So figure out how to make yourself funny to yourself. If you don't find you funny, I guarantee no one else will. 3) Extroversion is overrated btw - some of the most hilarious people I know are introverts, be ok with a quieter sense of humor that appeals and feels natural to you. All of the INTJ's I know are fucking hilarious in their own way (not as funny as the INTP's - but that's a personal bias in favor of Ne on my part) 4) Changing that picture of the cactus was a damn good start. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. sad cactus isn't entertaining.
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