Problems

**Extremity** · 06-14-2012, 11:40 AM

I have an girlfriend and she's really great and I love her but I like someone else and I think I would be better with her...

**mieu** · 06-14-2012, 11:50 AM

If you loved your girlfriend you wouldn't be saying that, so either break up with her or stop listening to your penis.

**Extremity** · 06-14-2012, 11:55 AM

My penis isn't doing my thinking

---------- Post added 06-14-2012 at 01:56 PM ----------

I'm not drunk!

**mieu** · 06-14-2012, 11:59 AM

Then break up with your girlfriend. Problem solved, that'll be $1,000.

**Extremity** · 06-14-2012, 12:01 PM

Thing is I love her too much!!!

**zeroemission** · 06-14-2012, 12:08 PM

so, you want your cake and to eat too then?

sounds like a personal problem

**Extremity** · 06-14-2012, 12:09 PM

**Boreal** · 06-14-2012, 12:11 PM

Then don't break up with her. If you love her that much then why worry about the chance that you might be happier with someone else when you're already really happy now.

**zibber** · 06-14-2012, 12:16 PM

	Originally Posted by Extremity To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I have an girlfriend and she's really great and I love her but I like someone else and I think I would be better with her...

Check out The Ethical Slut. I can't post a link, but you can get to the text in a minute.

**zeroemission** · 06-14-2012, 12:25 PM

it sounds like you want to be with BOTH women and don't want to have to chose.

i don't go for that at all. i believe in monogamy. when i'm in that situation, i dump the one i've "settled for", deal with her fatal attraction, and go with the one i really am attracted to until her loins start aching for bad boy again

**Extremity** · 06-14-2012, 12:26 PM

alright thx for the advice everyone

**PurpleGiraffe** · 06-14-2012, 01:07 PM

I call bull shit that this is about your girlfriend. This is about you. Are you afraid of being alone? Are you afraid of going after what you want because you might not get it and you could end up with neither of the two girls or it might not be what you wanted afterall? Well, life is uncertain. Great rewards don't come without great risk (in most cases).

You say you love her, but would you want to be with someone who "loves" you but wants someone else more and is, perhaps, settling for you? Doubtful. You would want them to love you as much, or more than they love you - not being with you while pining after someone else.

So put on your big kid pants, and make a choice. You'll only find out afterward if you made the wrong one, but at least you'll have made one.

**RedN** · 06-14-2012, 02:04 PM

Why dont you tell your girlfriend about this and see what she says. Then also tell this girl that you like... that you like her this much but you have a girlfriend.

Honesty will release you extremity.

Do you want your woman to be wanting other men behind your back? Or thinking of another while having sex with you? Or when you fight she's thinking, 'fuck this bastard, if i went with * this shit probably wont be happening to me, why the fuck did i go with this guy'... is that cool? i dont think so right?...

**Mind Marauder** · 06-14-2012, 05:30 PM

	Originally Posted by RedN To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Why dont you tell your girlfriend about this and see what she says. Then also tell this girl that you like... that you like her this much but you have a girlfriend. Honesty will release you extremity.

Or you could end up scaring both of them away. Discretion is the better part of valor and that's why I think this is horrible advice. No offense, but I don't think most women would handle the "I'm thinking about another woman" scenario very well. Reality tends to make individuals want to hold on to what they have, and women are not an exception to this. Why should they be? Just make your own decision and THEN go to the girlfriend and tell her if you're going to leave her. If you aren't, don't say a damned thing. Why ruffle her feathers if you don't have to? It'll be better for you and her that way. If it ends up that this other girl rejects you after you've dumped you current girl friend for her, well, that's just life. Burning one's bridges has an odd tendency to make a person want to move forward.

**Weltschmerzer** · 06-14-2012, 08:34 PM

	Originally Posted by Extremity To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I have an girlfriend and she's really great and I love her but I like someone else and I think I would be better with her...

If you think you'd be happier with this other girl, then you should leave your current girlfriend, as trying to be happy settling probably won't work.

**LifesEcstasy** · 06-15-2012, 12:57 AM

	Originally Posted by RedN To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Why dont you tell your girlfriend about this and see what she says. Then also tell this girl that you like... that you like her this much but you have a girlfriend.

Why? Is he trying to cause as much hurt as possible to all concerned? If my SO said such to me I'd give him an immediate invitation to exit via the nearest door as I now know where our relationship stands...in the crapper. I may also be inclined to invite him to collect his possessions from me....via eBay.

**zibber** · 06-15-2012, 01:00 AM

One of my best friends was dating someone, then fell in love with another person. After carrying the burden around for a while, of longing for someone while at the same time still loving the first person as much as ever, she decided to open a dialogue. Everyone involved was loving, open and accepting, and although it was certainly hard at first (mostly due to negative social pressure), things have settled wonderfully and everyone is happier for it. (The cool thing is that her two partners are pretty intimate as well, now.) Life can be very good when you are love/sex positive and willing to hack social conventions if you have a sincere impulse to do so. Don't limit yourself because people around you get crabby when you do. Let them be crabby.

Crabby little crabs.

	Originally Posted by PurpleGiraffe To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	So put on your big kid pants, and make a choice. You'll only find out afterward if you made the wrong one, but at least you'll have made one.

Amorous greed and false dichotomies aren't exactly shining beacons of maturity.

Not trying to knock you the way you implicitly knock the shit out of anyone who questions monogamy, but just saying: it's a social convention and nothing more.

	Originally Posted by LifesEcstasy To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Why? Is he trying to cause as much hurt as possible to all concerned? If my SO said such to me I'd give him an immediate invitation to exit via the nearest door as I now know where our relationship stands...in the crapper. I may also be inclined to invite him to collect his possessions from me....via eBay.

If there is such a thin sliver of film separating true love from all-out blood lust, that seems like a really tense situation.

**Lilie** · 06-15-2012, 06:34 AM

	Originally Posted by LifesEcstasy To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Why? Is he trying to cause as much hurt as possible to all concerned? If my SO said such to me I'd give him an immediate invitation to exit via the nearest door as I now know where our relationship stands...in the crapper. I may also be inclined to invite him to collect his possessions from me....via eBay.

And on the other side, if a guy told me he really really liked me but he had a girlfriend I'd think he was a giant tool and would never have anything to do with his conflicted ass. Even if he broke up with her later on.

**RedN** · 06-15-2012, 07:40 AM

	Originally Posted by LifesEcstasy To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Why? Is he trying to cause as much hurt as possible to all concerned? If my SO said such to me I'd give him an immediate invitation to exit via the nearest door as I now know where our relationship stands...in the crapper. I may also be inclined to invite him to collect his possessions from me....via eBay.

i think that was the point
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

if this is a deal breaker event, I think she has the right to know right? both of them

---------- Post added 06-15-2012 at 07:46 AM ----------

Originally Posted by zibber
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One of my best friends was dating someone, then fell in love with another person. After carrying the burden around for a while, of longing for someone while at the same time still loving the first person as much as ever, she decided to open a dialogue. Everyone involved was loving, open and accepting, and although it was certainly hard at first (mostly due to negative social pressure), things have settled wonderfully and everyone is happier for it.....

I actually tried to pull this off back then. I was living with someone for years then my ex came into the picture. I decided to sit in with the both of them and told them how i felt and whats on my mind and let them decide. I just let it all out as honestly as I can...

They both didnt go for the all together thing. My ex left the picture at the time and my girl stayed. Later, my girl couldnt take what happened and left me... and I ended up going back to my ex.

**PurpleGiraffe** · 06-15-2012, 09:27 AM

	Originally Posted by zibber To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Amorous greed and false dichotomies aren't exactly shining beacons of maturity.

Judging my values because they don't match exactly with yours isn't exactly a shining beacon of maturity either.

The OP is on a forum, asking for advice, so I can only give advice based upon my own experiences and a subjective bias for my own preferences.


	Not trying to knock you the way you implicitly knock the shit out of anyone who questions monogamy, but just saying: it's a social convention and nothing more.

So, we differ? Just because it is socially preferred, does not mean that there isn't a potential evolutionary predilection for it. You believe it is a social convention, I believe monogamy is more.

Just because one doesn't choose to partake in your "free love" stance doesn't mean that one doesn't love freely. I love all of my exes. I love all the people who have touched me in some way, but I cannot share them on a carnal level. It hurts too much, so I ask for monogamy. If someone doesn't want that, then, fine. I am free to be a little selfish if that's what I need to maintain my boundaries and be happy.

The OP of any thread I post on is welcome to take what fits their life and dismiss the rest. That is his/her prerogative, because I sure as fuck don't claim to know everything.

06-14-2012, 11:40 AM	#1
Extremity New Member [01%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 31	I have an girlfriend and she's really great and I love her but I like someone else and I think I would be better with her...
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06-14-2012, 11:50 AM	#2
mieu Core Member [183%] $/)^3^(\$ MBTI: xNTx Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 7,346	If you loved your girlfriend you wouldn't be saying that, so either break up with her or stop listening to your penis.
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06-14-2012, 11:55 AM	#3
Extremity New Member [01%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 31	My penis isn't doing my thinking ---------- Post added 06-14-2012 at 01:56 PM ---------- I'm not drunk!
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06-14-2012, 11:59 AM	#4
mieu Core Member [183%] $/)^3^(\$ MBTI: xNTx Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 7,346	Then break up with your girlfriend. Problem solved, that'll be $1,000.
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06-14-2012, 12:01 PM	#5
Extremity New Member [01%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 31	Thing is I love her too much!!!
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06-14-2012, 12:08 PM	#6
zeroemission Core Member [127%] MBTI: intj Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 5,099	so, you want your cake and to eat too then? sounds like a personal problem
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06-14-2012, 12:09 PM	#7
Extremity New Member [01%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 31	???
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06-14-2012, 12:11 PM	#8
Boreal Member [02%] MBTI: xNtx Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 103	Then don't break up with her. If you love her that much then why worry about the chance that you might be happier with someone else when you're already really happy now.
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06-14-2012, 12:25 PM	#10
zeroemission Core Member [127%] MBTI: intj Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 5,099	it sounds like you want to be with BOTH women and don't want to have to chose. i don't go for that at all. i believe in monogamy. when i'm in that situation, i dump the one i've "settled for", deal with her fatal attraction, and go with the one i really am attracted to until her loins start aching for bad boy again
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06-14-2012, 12:26 PM	#11
Extremity New Member [01%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 31	alright thx for the advice everyone
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06-14-2012, 01:07 PM	#12
PurpleGiraffe Member [33%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2010 Posts: 1,345	I call bull shit that this is about your girlfriend. This is about you. Are you afraid of being alone? Are you afraid of going after what you want because you might not get it and you could end up with neither of the two girls or it might not be what you wanted afterall? Well, life is uncertain. Great rewards don't come without great risk (in most cases). You say you love her, but would you want to be with someone who "loves" you but wants someone else more and is, perhaps, settling for you? Doubtful. You would want them to love you as much, or more than they love you - not being with you while pining after someone else. So put on your big kid pants, and make a choice. You'll only find out afterward if you made the wrong one, but at least you'll have made one.
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06-14-2012, 02:04 PM	#13
RedN Member [11%] MBTI: ESFP Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 442	Why dont you tell your girlfriend about this and see what she says. Then also tell this girl that you like... that you like her this much but you have a girlfriend. Honesty will release you extremity. Do you want your woman to be wanting other men behind your back? Or thinking of another while having sex with you? Or when you fight she's thinking, 'fuck this bastard, if i went with * this shit probably wont be happening to me, why the fuck did i go with this guy'... is that cool? i dont think so right?...
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