INTJ nightmare - Page 3

**zippikay** · 06-12-2012, 07:40 AM

perhaps...
exactly because he trusted you that he had no qualm about showing his ugly side, it could be more about expectation. he expect that you can understand his explosion. in most normal circumstances the op might be able to absorb such thing but it was a low point for the op herself hence the conflict

sounds like he was with someone that was either very important or very draining for his emotional state (my first guess was his wife and he had a great argument and you showing up could escalate things even further)

i suggest confront him hard and ruthless like the entj you are. bring your points, facts, and slam it to his face. let him know that what he did was not okay and force him to explain his situation... that was what my entj so did to me hehe

oh, and try to leave out the emotion when discussing the facts... best of lucks

**CrudeHypothesis** · 06-12-2012, 07:58 AM

	Originally Posted by Nightmare To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Hey, I'm INFP. Not INTJ.

I looked at you, then looked at the thread title, then looked at your name, and burst into laughter.

**plotthickens** · 06-12-2012, 08:21 AM

	Originally Posted by Tonglen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Mainly because he was stumbling over how to describe this 'friend.'

Doesn't matter what was going on -- even a scene complete with two trannies in full BDSM restraint, branding irons and sterilized needles at the ready. Let them out, give them food and talk to your upset friend.

There is nothing more important than helping your friend when they need you.

Originally Posted by Tonglen
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I have passwords to his accounts, he to mine (they have been changed on my end, not his- bad idea) I have his financial details, I am aware of several illegal things he has done that would fare very badly for him. I am aware of what he is hiding from his soon to be ex wife, as he has told me in no short details.

Maybe he is figuring out his next move- but in general, he moves quicker than this. After fights in the past, we have resolved things fairly quickly. I have never been attacked by him when vulnerable, therefore, this is a game changer.

It' a waiting game...

Don't escalate. I've played that game it gets ugly very very quickly. If I were you I'd send him a note "Hey, fuckhead, change all your passwords so I'm not tempted. I never ever want to hear from you again." Then cut ties with orgs in common and move on with your life. You don't need that shit.

**UKsplendid** · 06-12-2012, 09:08 AM

It sounds like this guy acted too quickly and stupidly when you turned up, definitely.

But from your conversation it doesn't sound like you actually managed to get across what happened, he cut you off before the seriousness of your situation was communicated.

If he was with this person then that might explain why he didn't see your texts. This person is a secret, a prostitute, a guy, maybe his ex wife. He could have been embarrassed by you knowing that he cracked and met with her.

He might have realized later what an idiot he's been and now is unsure of how to go about apologizing to you, he might be very worried that he's pissed you off and is doubly nervous that you will find out what ridiculous thing he's been doing, now he doesn't know how to explain and it's causing him to stall. He might just have herped and derped simultaneously and doesn't now how to get out of this situation and he's just increasing the derptitude.

When you messaged him did you mention that you were accosted by a client or did you just say that you need to see him? It wouldn't have mattered if he hadn't seen it, but then viewing it later he could have been like 'OMG KILL ME NOW'. Maybe saying something about his phone charging is the best replacement he can find for 'sorry I was rubbing grease on Englebert'.

**Collide** · 06-12-2012, 09:44 AM

This is a far-fetched idea. I've been watching too many crime shows.

You did mention that he has illegal activity that you know about. Is it possible that he was partaking in more illegal activity at the time? He might not have wanted you to know about it. Even worse, he could be dealing with dangerous criminals (drug dealers, hit men, etc.). Maybe he was protecting you or something? Anyway, I think the situation is worth finding out more and not just cutting off all ties. Obviously there is something strange going on.

**ElstonGunn** · 06-12-2012, 10:24 AM

	Originally Posted by Tonglen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I have told him in no short words that being fucked over by him in any way or from would result in extreme anger on my end;

My definition of "fuck over" might be stricter or higher than yours-- I don't understand what he did that could be considered fucking you over. He was very rude and hurtful and he displayed less than no consideration for your feelings at a time when you needed compassion. I wouldn't call that fucking someone over, though.

[I consider fucking someone over to be doing something to makes their lives considerably worse for a substantial period of time. I wouldn't include being upset, annoyed, confused, and hurt for a few weeks to fall under that heading.]

I do hope that he answers you, though. This is a very odd situation to read about. I can't imagine how frustrating and confusing it must be for you.

**FruitLoop** · 06-12-2012, 02:00 PM

	Originally Posted by Tonglen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I have never been attacked by him when vulnerable, therefore, this is a game changer.

He didn't know you were vulnerable. You came to him for support but didn't know he was vulnerable. He panicked, and his strong reply pushed your feelings right off the richter. You panicked and drew all sorts of irrational conclusions based on your belief-sets, NOT on reality.

	Originally Posted by Tonglen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It' a waiting game...

Good!! Well done!

Let everyones' feelings subside. It's going to be hard to keep it all calm now. Txt him "can we meet and talk - when ur ready. It's important." Don't try and resolve it over the phone.

Build a timeline of the sequence of events for him and for you, to see how everyone felt and why, and where it went crazy, and why. Very quickly you will both see it's just been a massive misunderstanding.

Of course, it may be that he's a complete retard, but you will know that shortly rather than jumping to conclusion now and burning everything.

**Drifter** · 06-12-2012, 02:40 PM

Whatever it was, he was alarmed by your sudden appearance at his home. He was involved in something that requires privacy and your unannounced arrival at his residence frightened and/or seriously disturbed him.

If I were you, I'd simply move on and not involve yourself further with this person. He probably has a secret world -- and you're not welcome there.

**Tonglen** · 06-12-2012, 04:28 PM

The resolution:

After 7 hours of draining non-stop text messages ...he has a hidden girlfriend. Who he has been seeing for 5 months. Who is 15 years his junior. Who has replaced me as a confidant, hence the shame.

Which would have been fine (without lying). I listed a bit of it below. It gets intense, more than I wrote. I was very harsh, I know. This is who I am (he knows this). Also, this conversation is after 2 days of trying to get him to say one word. I never said I was a nice person, did I? All I said was that I did not like getting fucked around by a guy who was my 'best' friend. And yes, it does hurt that I have been replaced by someone he has known for a very short amount of time. If you would like to know why male and female friendships are sometimes impossible, keep reading.

Conversation:

Me: Explain. In detail. I need closure.

Him: Dear ___ (uses nickname): I have been living in limbo, a prisoner with chains that I created and imposed on myself...I need to rebuild my life....take a deep breath and try and see forward..learn how to breathe again.

Me: Tell me in detail exactly what was going on that night.

Him: I understand that we should not see each other, at least for awhile, I don't think it has to be based off hate, but to let you know that in the end everybody always wanted happiness...only time will tell but there will always be good intentions...

Me: Tell me in detail exactly what was going on that night.

Him: No. I cannot. I need to learn to how to breathe, how to rebuild, learn how to love myself, learn how to live with myself...

Me: Tell me in detail exactly what was going on that night.

Him: I always tried to give you good things....tried to be your friend.

Me: Tell me in detail exactly what was going on that night.

Him: Please, no, there is no need.

Me: Tell me or I will destroy you.

Him: If you want to destroy me, then there is nothing I can do...

Me: You weak selfish liar. You forget everything but yourself in these moments. You deserve everything I am about to throw at you.

Him: I have always been kind, a friend.

Me: You deluded son of a bitch. You are not 'good.' When I was on dates, you tormented me with questions about what happened, needed to know every last detail. And I disclosed every last detail to your fucking warped satisfaction. Somehow you DO NOT FUCKING REALIZE that I never show up at your apartment unannounced.

Him: I apologize.

It goes on from there...but we are not speaking. He has lived out this fantasy that he is this imperfect but tormented soul that has always been benevolent and looking out for everyone but himself. He cannot explain why he was so angry in the moment, but he relates it to 'not knowing how to tell me' that he has a girlfriend.

The reality is that he is painfully human with many faults, including jealousy and a not so hidden fantasy that I will be waiting in the wings as his savior if his new relationship goes South. His needs come first, period.

My favorite line that shows how much he lives in his fucking warped mind:

'That even my mistakes were motivated by your happiness and well being, even more than my own.'

I'm not exactly sure where telling your friend to fuck off in a rare moment of vulnerability keeps the other person happy and helps their well-being...but there you have it.

**Async** · 06-12-2012, 04:40 PM

I am sorry that it has to come out this way. Move on the best you can

**ricearoni** · 06-12-2012, 05:11 PM

What an ass. All he had to do was explain himself and apologize. What a douche bag.

**The Dan Keizer** · 06-12-2012, 05:17 PM

OP: The guy either had a prostitute over and was embarrassed, he had a ladyfriend over who would view you as a threat to the relationship or your best male friend secretly wants to date you but had another girl over and thought that your relationship would be ruined if you saw him up there with the girl.

Or I guess it's possible he is gay and had his gay lover over.

At any rate you coming by was going to ruin everything, whatever he had going on. He appears to be a type that uses anger as a defense mechanism.

**KeithP** · 06-12-2012, 05:32 PM

Ahahahahah. Aha. Ahahahahahaha.

If he's an INTJ, he's a severely immature one. What with all the breathing talk and thinking he's on the road to redemption but really he's not opening himself up at all.

Get over 'em. When he gets a hold of you in six months, decide then if you want to see him again or not. I'd give 'em time to grow, and if he grows into a decent person, maybe you can be friends again.

**Tonglen** · 06-12-2012, 06:31 PM

Thank you, and yes that talk was weak and crappy. For someone who is usually very decisive, with 100% judging aspect, you would think he would be stronger.

To his credit, English is not his first language.

He was holding out for me, and did not want his new girlfriend to see me. Simple in the end. But he made it difficult by lying for so long.

On an interesting side note, he is very successful, a ruthless business man, and worth a vast sum of money (self-made) that I cannot disclose on a website.

He relishes control of his own emotions, and everyone else's. He was never able to manipulate me exactly the way he wanted, and this frustrated him severely. However, he was intrigued by my independence and ability to tell him off straight to his face. A complete misanthrope, he avoids people like the plague, never socializes, and has the habits of a vampire. I loved him for it. We had lively debates which usually ended in me walking out. Once, I slapped him over his persistence over the Shroud of Turin. Another time he walked out of dinner because of my thoughts on the Mexican Revolution. He was interesting, intense, and scared the hell out of most people.

I broke down his walls, with persistence and gall. I wasn't afraid of him, and I did not give a fuck about his rules. I constantly went against his grain and this both irked him and puzzled him at the same time. I got under his skin and found a nice place to hide. Now I torment his mind. I guess that's friendship; our style.

**zeroemission** · 06-12-2012, 07:02 PM

i could see the interrupting company thing being a big issue with an INTJ. i still harbor a SERIOUS grudge against a petty gal that blocked some moves that the gal i would have eventually went out with when she imprinted her nasty image on the other gal pestering us outside a door in the dark. i could see an INTJ blowing up about that, especially if they think they've sent you a clear not now message. especially if you "friend zoned" him which always bothers me.

it could be too that the person is just self absorbed or that they got used to your being a subservient martyr. i know my INTJ reaction would be something "eff you and the horse you rode in on ya ingrate!".

as mentioned too, some INTJs are extra tightly wound. i know i am when cornered at least.

if you'd already mentioned what happened, it could be they didn't want to hear about it. stuff like that is pure torture for me to listen to. i want to help and say the right thing, but dealing with emotional issues is very hard, particularly ones that intense.

if you can text the person and consider them even worth the effort, just ask them directly what their problem is.

it could be too that you're only telling your side of the story. has this person been trying to distance himself from you? i get really annoyed with women who don't take no for an answer. if that's been going on and you've been ignoring the brushoffs, then you picked a really bad time to try and collect on an emotional debt.

i've noticed a lot of women, especially when they know you're not interested, do everything they can to ingraciate themselves to you even inventing excuses for social interacting that really test one's patience.

the only way to know is to ask.

i just know i really don't have anything nice to say about anyone that puts their nose in what two consenting adults are up to. that's a serious pet peeve i've joked about making into a crime with harsh sentencing. if this person thinks you're after them when they're not interested and you show up at that rare moment brother is actually going to get some, he's not going to be happy to see you, but the way you tell it at least, he did overreact and might be more trouble than he's worth knowing. you're not a sucker for punishment are you?

Moxiie · 06-12-2012, 07:16 PM

	Originally Posted by ricearoni To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	What an ass. All he had to do was explain himself and apologize. What a douche bag.

^^ pretty much that. and LOL I loved your approach...and how he simply couldn't answer a fairly simple and direct question. I'd bet money that when his current relationship fails and from your description of him, that's inevitable.

(and despite his entrepreneurial prowess, the other parts of his personality sound abysmally underdeveloped, ensuring a massive social crash)

**Tonglen** · 06-12-2012, 07:25 PM

Dead on. The crash is inevitable... although I don't assume anything.

I'm not so much a glutton for punishment and I am a persevering person, I prefer to really drive something into the ground before I give up on it. I think I've abused him enough for now...I won't post the numerous insults I hurled after the fact.

Maybe I'll just give him this link...

**DrCiao** · 06-12-2012, 07:36 PM

Not to spoil your pity party, but I fail to see why you are so angry when he was clearly honest with you.

Have you tried dating other people? It's is un-ENTJish like to dwell on a sour relationship and become bitter over it. Some questions- what did you learn from the relationship? What were the red flags that you looked over? Did this relationship add value to your life or at least given you insight into the next relationship you'd like to have?

**Tonglen** · 06-13-2012, 03:24 AM

Thank you DrCiao, but he was my best friend, not my boyfriend.

It is true, I do not usually dwell on these things, but in the special case, I thought we had a bond for life based off of mutual respect, central core values, and tolerance. We lost those elements.

stasis · 06-13-2012, 04:26 AM

	Originally Posted by Tonglen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	he was my best friend, not my boyfriend.

Could've fooled me.

**AlfredSchnittke** · 06-13-2012, 05:18 AM

Why is it all MBTI talk?

She mentioned that her friend has "issues".

What, pray tell, are these issues (I admittedly did not read all of the thread)?

Sounds to me like the guy probably has bipolar (maybe schizophrenia?) or something.

Who regularly has such issues that you have to rush out of dinners to help them?

---------- Post added 06-13-2012 at 05:23 AM ----------

Originally Posted by Tonglen
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Thank you, and yes that talk was weak and crappy. For someone who is usually very decisive, with 100% judging aspect, you would think he would be stronger.

To his credit, English is not his first language.

He was holding out for me, and did not want his new girlfriend to see me. Simple in the end. But he made it difficult by lying for so long.

On an interesting side note, he is very successful, a ruthless business man, and worth a vast sum of money (self-made) that I cannot disclose on a website.

He relishes control of his own emotions, and everyone else's. He was never able to manipulate me exactly the way he wanted, and this frustrated him severely. However, he was intrigued by my independence and ability to tell him off straight to his face. A complete misanthrope, he avoids people like the plague, never socializes, and has the habits of a vampire. I loved him for it. We had lively debates which usually ended in me walking out. Once, I slapped him over his persistence over the Shroud of Turin. Another time he walked out of dinner because of my thoughts on the Mexican Revolution. He was interesting, intense, and scared the hell out of most people.

I broke down his walls, with persistence and gall. I wasn't afraid of him, and I did not give a fuck about his rules. I constantly went against his grain and this both irked him and puzzled him at the same time. I got under his skin and found a nice place to hide. Now I torment his mind. I guess that's friendship; our style.

Nevermind, his behavior makes perfect sense then.

Why the hell are you applying normal. standardized, pre-fab friendship rules to this kind of relationship?...

I don't even know why you started this thread given this.

Maybe because you were emotionally shaken up you somehow forgot that this is the kind of relationship you have with this other person?...

Also, what the hell, do you just like torturing people? Why don't you just fuck the poor guy already and go live happily ever after!

**Tonglen** · 06-13-2012, 07:08 AM

Thank you, this conversation has been very constructive. I enjoy all the advice and thoughts, it is not a typical relationship.

I laughed at the last 2 posts- exactly, you're both right.

Maybe time will tell, but I'm no masochist. I do not
consider divulging my feelings to people as a weakness.
But, agreed, I am abusive. He, in his own emotionally disconnected
way is as well.

Relationships are complex, an obvious statement.

---------- Post added 06-13-2012 at 10:36 AM ----------

Ah, but one important thought. We have always been there for each other when it really counted, when things were so bad we could barely stand up. We knew the difference between a petty argument and real emotions; when the person was really hurting. I dropped everything for him in moments of real crisis...I got the same in return. Except this time.

It was like a 6th sense, I could tell immediately and vice versa when shit was really off the wall, when the other person was breaking- the fact that he kicked me in this moment is what killed it. For the first time, he decided he didn't want to see me in that state, he just didn't want it anymore. As it was a rare occurrence, a particularly bad one given me showing up unannounced, he just decided to protect himself and let me drown.

That's why I posted. I wanted to try and get some insight to the change.

**plotthickens** · 06-13-2012, 08:02 AM

	Originally Posted by Tonglen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	'That even my mistakes were motivated by your happiness and well being, even more than my own.' I'm not exactly sure where telling your friend to fuck off in a rare moment of vulnerability keeps the other person happy and helps their well-being...but there you have it.

It's a typical young INTJ delusion to think that you know what's best for everyone, no matter what THEY say they want. Roll your eyes and go find someone less confrontational to be friends with. TRUST ME he's not worth it.


	As it was a rare occurrence, a particularly bad one given me showing up unannounced, he just decided to protect himself and let me drown.

Men do strange things for their dicks. I'd be willing to bet there's more in his relationship with his girlfriend than he's disclosed. Doesn't matter, he's an asshole, move on.

**Tonglen** · 06-13-2012, 08:17 AM

I thought the same, he had replaced this relationship with his girlfriend (fair enough) but could not tell me. He has a connection with her that he will not disclose. He does not see why I would be offended because he was involved in something serious with her at that moment.

Selfishness and the inability to communicate combined. Moving on.

**Tonglen** · 07-05-2012, 06:47 PM

Last comment-

'Best friend' is sociopath. Destroyed many people's lives. The lies are so vast and drawn out...there is no truth. Physically and emotionally abused many women, whose lives are torn apart. To know he kept this from me, for so long, is mind numbing. To know that all this time this person lived another life tormenting others, lying about everything he was, everything he thought he was...

It's a sickness. One that he formed a 'life' around. My best friend is not real. That person never existed. He created the person he wanted to be through elaborate lies. This is the most challenging realization. The person I knew was a lie. The more I repeat that statement, the more important the truth becomes.

06-12-2012, 07:40 AM	#51
zippikay Member [14%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2008 Posts: 594	perhaps... exactly because he trusted you that he had no qualm about showing his ugly side, it could be more about expectation. he expect that you can understand his explosion. in most normal circumstances the op might be able to absorb such thing but it was a low point for the op herself hence the conflict sounds like he was with someone that was either very important or very draining for his emotional state (my first guess was his wife and he had a great argument and you showing up could escalate things even further) i suggest confront him hard and ruthless like the entj you are. bring your points, facts, and slam it to his face. let him know that what he did was not okay and force him to explain his situation... that was what my entj so did to me hehe oh, and try to leave out the emotion when discussing the facts... best of lucks
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06-12-2012, 09:08 AM	#54
UKsplendid Member [09%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 379	It sounds like this guy acted too quickly and stupidly when you turned up, definitely. But from your conversation it doesn't sound like you actually managed to get across what happened, he cut you off before the seriousness of your situation was communicated. If he was with this person then that might explain why he didn't see your texts. This person is a secret, a prostitute, a guy, maybe his ex wife. He could have been embarrassed by you knowing that he cracked and met with her. He might have realized later what an idiot he's been and now is unsure of how to go about apologizing to you, he might be very worried that he's pissed you off and is doubly nervous that you will find out what ridiculous thing he's been doing, now he doesn't know how to explain and it's causing him to stall. He might just have herped and derped simultaneously and doesn't now how to get out of this situation and he's just increasing the derptitude. When you messaged him did you mention that you were accosted by a client or did you just say that you need to see him? It wouldn't have mattered if he hadn't seen it, but then viewing it later he could have been like 'OMG KILL ME NOW'. Maybe saying something about his phone charging is the best replacement he can find for 'sorry I was rubbing grease on Englebert'.
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06-12-2012, 09:44 AM	#55
Collide Member [06%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2012 Posts: 242	This is a far-fetched idea. I've been watching too many crime shows. You did mention that he has illegal activity that you know about. Is it possible that he was partaking in more illegal activity at the time? He might not have wanted you to know about it. Even worse, he could be dealing with dangerous criminals (drug dealers, hit men, etc.). Maybe he was protecting you or something? Anyway, I think the situation is worth finding out more and not just cutting off all ties. Obviously there is something strange going on.
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06-12-2012, 02:40 PM	#58
Drifter New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 4	Whatever it was, he was alarmed by your sudden appearance at his home. He was involved in something that requires privacy and your unannounced arrival at his residence frightened and/or seriously disturbed him. If I were you, I'd simply move on and not involve yourself further with this person. He probably has a secret world -- and you're not welcome there.
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06-12-2012, 04:28 PM	#59
Tonglen New Member [01%] MBTI: ENTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 14	The resolution: After 7 hours of draining non-stop text messages ...he has a hidden girlfriend. Who he has been seeing for 5 months. Who is 15 years his junior. Who has replaced me as a confidant, hence the shame. Which would have been fine (without lying). I listed a bit of it below. It gets intense, more than I wrote. I was very harsh, I know. This is who I am (he knows this). Also, this conversation is after 2 days of trying to get him to say one word. I never said I was a nice person, did I? All I said was that I did not like getting fucked around by a guy who was my 'best' friend. And yes, it does hurt that I have been replaced by someone he has known for a very short amount of time. If you would like to know why male and female friendships are sometimes impossible, keep reading. Conversation: Me: Explain. In detail. I need closure. Him: Dear ___ (uses nickname): I have been living in limbo, a prisoner with chains that I created and imposed on myself...I need to rebuild my life....take a deep breath and try and see forward..learn how to breathe again. Me: Tell me in detail exactly what was going on that night. Him: I understand that we should not see each other, at least for awhile, I don't think it has to be based off hate, but to let you know that in the end everybody always wanted happiness...only time will tell but there will always be good intentions... Me: Tell me in detail exactly what was going on that night. Him: No. I cannot. I need to learn to how to breathe, how to rebuild, learn how to love myself, learn how to live with myself... Me: Tell me in detail exactly what was going on that night. Him: I always tried to give you good things....tried to be your friend. Me: Tell me in detail exactly what was going on that night. Him: Please, no, there is no need. Me: Tell me or I will destroy you. Him: If you want to destroy me, then there is nothing I can do... Me: You weak selfish liar. You forget everything but yourself in these moments. You deserve everything I am about to throw at you. Him: I have always been kind, a friend. Me: You deluded son of a bitch. You are not 'good.' When I was on dates, you tormented me with questions about what happened, needed to know every last detail. And I disclosed every last detail to your fucking warped satisfaction. Somehow you DO NOT FUCKING REALIZE that I never show up at your apartment unannounced. Him: I apologize. It goes on from there...but we are not speaking. He has lived out this fantasy that he is this imperfect but tormented soul that has always been benevolent and looking out for everyone but himself. He cannot explain why he was so angry in the moment, but he relates it to 'not knowing how to tell me' that he has a girlfriend. The reality is that he is painfully human with many faults, including jealousy and a not so hidden fantasy that I will be waiting in the wings as his savior if his new relationship goes South. His needs come first, period. My favorite line that shows how much he lives in his fucking warped mind: 'That even my mistakes were motivated by your happiness and well being, even more than my own.' I'm not exactly sure where telling your friend to fuck off in a rare moment of vulnerability keeps the other person happy and helps their well-being...but there you have it.
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06-12-2012, 04:40 PM	#60
Async Member [30%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 1,208	I am sorry that it has to come out this way. Move on the best you can
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06-12-2012, 05:11 PM	#61
ricearoni Member [22%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 897	What an ass. All he had to do was explain himself and apologize. What a douche bag.
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06-12-2012, 05:17 PM	#62
The Dan Keizer Core Member [115%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 4,602	OP: The guy either had a prostitute over and was embarrassed, he had a ladyfriend over who would view you as a threat to the relationship or your best male friend secretly wants to date you but had another girl over and thought that your relationship would be ruined if you saw him up there with the girl. Or I guess it's possible he is gay and had his gay lover over. At any rate you coming by was going to ruin everything, whatever he had going on. He appears to be a type that uses anger as a defense mechanism.
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06-12-2012, 05:32 PM	#63
KeithP Member [26%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 1,055	Ahahahahah. Aha. Ahahahahahaha. If he's an INTJ, he's a severely immature one. What with all the breathing talk and thinking he's on the road to redemption but really he's not opening himself up at all. Get over 'em. When he gets a hold of you in six months, decide then if you want to see him again or not. I'd give 'em time to grow, and if he grows into a decent person, maybe you can be friends again.
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06-12-2012, 06:31 PM	#64
Tonglen New Member [01%] MBTI: ENTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 14	Thank you, and yes that talk was weak and crappy. For someone who is usually very decisive, with 100% judging aspect, you would think he would be stronger. To his credit, English is not his first language. He was holding out for me, and did not want his new girlfriend to see me. Simple in the end. But he made it difficult by lying for so long. On an interesting side note, he is very successful, a ruthless business man, and worth a vast sum of money (self-made) that I cannot disclose on a website. He relishes control of his own emotions, and everyone else's. He was never able to manipulate me exactly the way he wanted, and this frustrated him severely. However, he was intrigued by my independence and ability to tell him off straight to his face. A complete misanthrope, he avoids people like the plague, never socializes, and has the habits of a vampire. I loved him for it. We had lively debates which usually ended in me walking out. Once, I slapped him over his persistence over the Shroud of Turin. Another time he walked out of dinner because of my thoughts on the Mexican Revolution. He was interesting, intense, and scared the hell out of most people. I broke down his walls, with persistence and gall. I wasn't afraid of him, and I did not give a fuck about his rules. I constantly went against his grain and this both irked him and puzzled him at the same time. I got under his skin and found a nice place to hide. Now I torment his mind. I guess that's friendship; our style.
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06-12-2012, 07:02 PM	#65
zeroemission Core Member [128%] MBTI: intj Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 5,136	i could see the interrupting company thing being a big issue with an INTJ. i still harbor a SERIOUS grudge against a petty gal that blocked some moves that the gal i would have eventually went out with when she imprinted her nasty image on the other gal pestering us outside a door in the dark. i could see an INTJ blowing up about that, especially if they think they've sent you a clear not now message. especially if you "friend zoned" him which always bothers me. it could be too that the person is just self absorbed or that they got used to your being a subservient martyr. i know my INTJ reaction would be something "eff you and the horse you rode in on ya ingrate!". as mentioned too, some INTJs are extra tightly wound. i know i am when cornered at least. if you'd already mentioned what happened, it could be they didn't want to hear about it. stuff like that is pure torture for me to listen to. i want to help and say the right thing, but dealing with emotional issues is very hard, particularly ones that intense. if you can text the person and consider them even worth the effort, just ask them directly what their problem is. it could be too that you're only telling your side of the story. has this person been trying to distance himself from you? i get really annoyed with women who don't take no for an answer. if that's been going on and you've been ignoring the brushoffs, then you picked a really bad time to try and collect on an emotional debt. i've noticed a lot of women, especially when they know you're not interested, do everything they can to ingraciate themselves to you even inventing excuses for social interacting that really test one's patience. the only way to know is to ask. i just know i really don't have anything nice to say about anyone that puts their nose in what two consenting adults are up to. that's a serious pet peeve i've joked about making into a crime with harsh sentencing. if this person thinks you're after them when they're not interested and you show up at that rare moment brother is actually going to get some, he's not going to be happy to see you, but the way you tell it at least, he did overreact and might be more trouble than he's worth knowing. you're not a sucker for punishment are you?
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06-12-2012, 07:25 PM	#67
Tonglen New Member [01%] MBTI: ENTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 14	Dead on. The crash is inevitable... although I don't assume anything. I'm not so much a glutton for punishment and I am a persevering person, I prefer to really drive something into the ground before I give up on it. I think I've abused him enough for now...I won't post the numerous insults I hurled after the fact. Maybe I'll just give him this link...
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06-12-2012, 07:36 PM	#68
DrCiao Member [33%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 1,344	Not to spoil your pity party, but I fail to see why you are so angry when he was clearly honest with you. Have you tried dating other people? It's is un-ENTJish like to dwell on a sour relationship and become bitter over it. Some questions- what did you learn from the relationship? What were the red flags that you looked over? Did this relationship add value to your life or at least given you insight into the next relationship you'd like to have?
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06-13-2012, 03:24 AM	#69
Tonglen New Member [01%] MBTI: ENTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 14	Thank you DrCiao, but he was my best friend, not my boyfriend. It is true, I do not usually dwell on these things, but in the special case, I thought we had a bond for life based off of mutual respect, central core values, and tolerance. We lost those elements.
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06-13-2012, 07:08 AM	#72
Tonglen New Member [01%] MBTI: ENTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 14	Thank you, this conversation has been very constructive. I enjoy all the advice and thoughts, it is not a typical relationship. I laughed at the last 2 posts- exactly, you're both right. Maybe time will tell, but I'm no masochist. I do not consider divulging my feelings to people as a weakness. But, agreed, I am abusive. He, in his own emotionally disconnected way is as well. Relationships are complex, an obvious statement. ---------- Post added 06-13-2012 at 10:36 AM ---------- Ah, but one important thought. We have always been there for each other when it really counted, when things were so bad we could barely stand up. We knew the difference between a petty argument and real emotions; when the person was really hurting. I dropped everything for him in moments of real crisis...I got the same in return. Except this time. It was like a 6th sense, I could tell immediately and vice versa when shit was really off the wall, when the other person was breaking- the fact that he kicked me in this moment is what killed it. For the first time, he decided he didn't want to see me in that state, he just didn't want it anymore. As it was a rare occurrence, a particularly bad one given me showing up unannounced, he just decided to protect himself and let me drown. That's why I posted. I wanted to try and get some insight to the change.
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06-13-2012, 08:17 AM	#74
Tonglen New Member [01%] MBTI: ENTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 14	I thought the same, he had replaced this relationship with his girlfriend (fair enough) but could not tell me. He has a connection with her that he will not disclose. He does not see why I would be offended because he was involved in something serious with her at that moment. Selfishness and the inability to communicate combined. Moving on.
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07-05-2012, 06:47 PM	#75
Tonglen New Member [01%] MBTI: ENTJ Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 14	Last comment- 'Best friend' is sociopath. Destroyed many people's lives. The lies are so vast and drawn out...there is no truth. Physically and emotionally abused many women, whose lives are torn apart. To know he kept this from me, for so long, is mind numbing. To know that all this time this person lived another life tormenting others, lying about everything he was, everything he thought he was... It's a sickness. One that he formed a 'life' around. My best friend is not real. That person never existed. He created the person he wanted to be through elaborate lies. This is the most challenging realization. The person I knew was a lie. The more I repeat that statement, the more important the truth becomes.
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