[Cincinnatus]

	Originally Posted by Minerva To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Some food for thought: Would you rather be called "ugly", "unattractive","e To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. gross" or "cute"?

In some strange way, I'm less upset about this. My best guess is it's a combination of expectation and experience.

[IotaNull]

	Originally Posted by hi5yourface To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The comparison is broad you do realize. You are not fat and not retarded.

The second one is debatable. But my overall point is that it's dishonest to use inherently positive descriptions for traits you view negatively. The "fat" thing was just an example.

[Shoshana]

	Originally Posted by Iota Null To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The second one is debatable. But my overall point is that it's dishonest to use inherently positive descriptions for traits you view negatively. The "fat" thing was just an example.

If you're saying you think people mean to put you down when they say you're cute, then you have serious self esteem issues. Unless they're saying it to mean that you're more of a child than a man, or something along those lines.

Women use the term cute all the time to describe guys they find attractive.

Something has made you abnormally bitter about women. Have you considered seeing a shrink?

[IotaNull]

	Originally Posted by Shoshana To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Unless they're saying it to mean that you're more of a child than a man, or something along those lines.

Exactly this.

[Shoshana]

	Originally Posted by Iota Null To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Exactly this.

Are you sure they're saying it that way--or are you reading it that way?

I saw your photo and you're nice looking. It could be that you look or act young for your age (believe me, you'll be glad about looking younger later on in life). So what are you willing to do to take on a more sophisticated appearance/persona?

[akairo no kuma]

	Originally Posted by Shoshana To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If you're saying you think people mean to put you down when they say you're cute, then you have serious self esteem issues. Unless they're saying it to mean that you're more of a child than a man, or something along those lines. Women use the term cute all the time to describe guys they find attractive. Something has made you abnormally bitter about women. Have you considered seeing a shrink?

Emphasis on those sections that I have recently noticed apply to a large number of people on this forum, period. The paranoia and projection is staggering; too much time letting Fi stew and fester while they ignore it and pretend that it will go away. It just becomes an infection, and they rub it on anyone who will come close enough to let them.

	Originally Posted by hi5yourface To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	*sigh* really? OK, here we are in the day and age when the woman wants it all, she wants to be sexually liberated and wear pantyhose too. Have children and a career and a man who shares household chores equally, and I'm the dreamer? Social equality aside there are social parameters that are observable in behavior....pick up on them or don't the choice is yours.

This is a ridiculous statement that highlights two ridiculous truths.
First, on your part, that people are inherently sexist, and that, regardless of intent, they believe that there is a type of inequality between the sexes that disallows someone with a vagina to be both "sexually liberated" and pantyhose-wearing. This is a flaw in society, and as a result of social training, a flaw in thinking. Let's pretend that physical sex doesn't impact someone's value. Oh, wait - that wouldn't be pretending. It would be reality, apart from socially inflicted concepts of value.
Second, on the part of women, who believe that they can change society simply by demanding that it change for them. No, we must work to change the misconceptions. Many women, especially feminists, are also sexist - the same way that many non-white folks are racist. Minorities fall into the tendency to demand that they get their fair share, without earning it. You cannot change an unfair system by demanding that it be fair, yet being unwilling to make it fair. When women couldn't get hired by sexist employers, they demanded that the government intervene on their behalf. Now, they complain about unfair treatment by men who didn't want to hire them, but are mandated to do so. If they'd thought it through, they'd have banded together and started competition for the business that wouldn't hire them. "Fine, you don't want to hire us? We won't hire you, either." Set 'em up and knock 'em down. That's how you earn your way to the top, how you truly demand equality.
(inb4 "lol u maik it sownd so simpul lil gurl, ur ~soOoOoOo naive~")
I could point out how unfair men are, but really, many women don't give men any reason to respect them. And while I do think that people should be inherently respectful, on a human-to-human level... that isn't reality, get over it. I also think that people should earn the respect they get, meaning that ideally, all people would give respect because others earned it, and get respect because they earned it. I'm over the fact that that's not the world I live in right now, and that I can't make people less ignorant or more decent. I've tried. As my mother jokes, it seems that my super-powers don't work on this plane of existence.

	Originally Posted by hi5yourface To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The point that I was making is that it is not patently dishonest to say one is "cute" as opposed to some other more classy, handsome term......what to prefer? You are anatomically pleasing to my eyes, sounds a lot less creepy To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Oddly, I would rather hear that, and I don't find it creepy. At least it's real.

[Mindfreak]

A cute guy is handsome, sexy and very attractive, regardless of age. In other words, he's.....HOT.
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[hi5yourface]

Originally Posted by akairo no kuma To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

This is a ridiculous statement that highlights two ridiculous truths. First, on your part, that people are inherently sexist, and that, regardless of intent, they believe that there is a type of inequality between the sexes that disallows someone with a vagina to be both "sexually liberated" and pantyhose-wearing. This is a flaw in society, and as a result of social training, a flaw in thinking. Let's pretend that physical sex doesn't impact someone's value. Oh, wait - that wouldn't be pretending. It would be reality, apart from socially inflicted concepts of value.

I hope you mean ridiculous as in comical per it's intent but let's talk about liberating. You're correct that sex does not impact personal value but tell that to the man who hears his girlfriend has slept with 45 men she met on Craig's list or wherever bars, USA. You're right it is a flaw in society, thinking and training but it exists. Be glad you are of an enlightened minority, but the underlying current here is that people want to feel special. They don't want to be "cute" they want to be the special cute that comes from recognition of difference that most of the populace does not see.

The sexes are equally important mutually to the other for obvious reasons whether fair or not in societal implications.

Second, on the part of women, who believe that they can change society simply by demanding that it change for them. No, we must work to change the misconceptions. Many women, especially feminists, are also sexist - the same way that many non-white folks are racist. Minorities fall into the tendency to demand that they get their fair share, without earning it. You cannot change an unfair system by demanding that it be fair, yet being unwilling to make it fair. When women couldn't get hired by sexist employers, they demanded that the government intervene on their behalf. Now, they complain about unfair treatment by men who didn't want to hire them, but are mandated to do so. If they'd thought it through, they'd have banded together and started competition for the business that wouldn't hire them. "Fine, you don't want to hire us? We won't hire you, either." Set 'em up and knock 'em down. That's how you earn your way to the top, how you truly demand equality. (inb4 "lol u maik it sownd so simpul lil gurl, ur ~soOoOoOo naive~") I could point out how unfair men are, but really, many women don't give men any reason to respect them. And while I do think that people should be inherently respectful, on a human-to-human level... that isn't reality, get over it. I also think that people should earn the respect they get, meaning that ideally, all people would give respect because others earned it, and get respect because they earned it. I'm over the fact that that's not the world I live in right now, and that I can't make people less ignorant or more decent. I've tried. As my mother jokes, it seems that my super-powers don't work on this plane of existence.

So what should a woman do to earn a man's respect in the realm of sexual liberation and abolishing the word "cute" from the english language? If a woman approaches a man and says, hmmmm you're cute, instantly as a female I get the intent. It's obvious to me maybe not so to men?

You are a rare breed it is the female NT more rare than unicorns and so the ideas shared are innovative but hard to impress upon scads of females brought up to believe that the best thing you have is youth so with that comes youthful words out of the mouth of the faded rose, it's a simplification but you get the point.

	Oddly, I would rather hear that, and I don't find it creepy. At least it's real.

This made me roll! I really do hold back a lot in my verbal speech.....trip over my tongue and withhold out of respect for personal space, it seems creepy to even comment on the looks of a man, like I have objectified in some way, stupid nonetheless.

[IotaNull]

	Originally Posted by Shoshana To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Are you sure they're saying it that way--or are you reading it that way?

The context made it perfectly clear that they were saying it that way. The people usually said it in response to me doing something endearingly awkward -- from people who would never in a million years find that attractive. It was most often from the stereotypical "I love tall muscular douchebags" partygoing girl, and the remainder were all women who obsessed over rock-hard masculinity.

In summation, they're about as likely to have meant it as an actual compliment as they are to have meant it as a secret warning that the Cabal Patriarch has put a curse on my home.

	So what are you willing to do to take on a more sophisticated appearance/persona?

I've already exhausted just about all reasonable options. I've tried dramatically changing my clothing style. I've spent nearly a week's income on a haircut. I've tried taking up an extended workout regime, and I've tried . In short, I've done just about everything except become some sort of suave "how YOU doin'?" James Bond character (because I'm not charismatic enough) and cosmetic surgery (which is both futile and prohibitively expensive). I've resigned myself to the fact that even if I did somehow accomplish it, it would need so much upkeep that it wouldn't be worth the effort.

As for being glad of looking younger: I seriously doubt that in any relevant timeframe.

[Shadizar]

	Originally Posted by hi5yourface To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Some people just need to expand their vocabulary.

If you need to explain you vocabulary, you need to read a dictionary.

[IotaNull]

	Originally Posted by Shadizar To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If you need to explain you vocabulary, you need to read a dictionary.

No, I'd say it's the listener's job to do that.

[Shadizar]

	Originally Posted by Iota Null To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	No, I'd say it's the listener's job to do that.

If Sloth from Goonies is "cute", and some how I am too; then someone is botching their vocabulary. Kind of like people using the word "sick" to define "cool".

[Dancingqueen]

Sometimes it's the only word that's applicable. In the sense of his cuteness makes my heart melt a little and then I want to hug him. It goes with adorable. I've only used it in a positive context when referring to men...didn't realize it had alternative negative connotations.

[Shoshana]

Originally Posted by Iota Null To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

The context made it perfectly clear that they were saying it that way. The people usually said it in response to me doing something endearingly awkward -- from people who would never in a million years find that attractive. It was most often from the stereotypical "I love tall muscular douchebags" partygoing girl, and the remainder were all women who obsessed over rock-hard masculinity. In summation, they're about as likely to have meant it as an actual compliment as they are to have meant it as a secret warning that the Cabal Patriarch has put a curse on my home.

Iota---do you actually like these people you keep company with or do you feel limited in your choices of people to socialize with?

Maybe you need to hang out with a more artsy or geeky crowd. I don't know if you'll relate to this, but as a fellow introvert (with a touch of social anxiety)--I SUCK at social situations unless there is a common cause for the bunch of us being there. I hate small talk with strangers, and just hanging out to hang out bores me--unless I've already formed a bond with said people.

There's nothing wrong with my looks and never has been. yet at times I've been treated poorly due to shyness/social anxiety, being reserved etc.

I've cultivated social interests such as tango dancing, volunteering for a cause I believe in, and a writer's group. Just doing these things that interest me make me more accessible and engaging. I guess what I'm trying to say is, maybe you need to socialize around your areas of interest so that you'll shine on your own merit.

Anyway, you're blaming it on your looks, but I think it's your social discomfort. Do you think you have social phobia?

There's a way out of this, you just have to figure it out through the process of elimination. Investing in a new look is not a wasted effort by the way.

[BobtheINTJ]

Funny...just this past Friday, at a bar having drinks, a Southern Belle (I'm from the North) called me "cute". Now I am far from young (that ship sailed long ago). I was flattered being called "cute".

To me, at worst, it was a term of endearment - and after reading some of the posts above it could have been a come-on. Either way, I thought it was great!

Some of the INTJ posters above really need to lighten up. If someone calls you cute and you don't like it, you are well equiped to make a sarcastic come back.

I was somewhat amused and attributed it to her Southern culture - what guy doesn't like a woman with a "cute" southern accent - I think they have perfected cute. ( I know - that's sexist!)

Problem was I was with a different woman with whom I was trying to make time, so I didn't follow up on the comment (which I now regret). Next time I'm called "cute" I will take the cue and run with it!

[hi5yourface]

	Originally Posted by Shadizar To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If you need to explain you vocabulary, you need to read a dictionary.

Which is why I always carry one in my back pocket just in case I need to impress a man with extensive synonyms for the word cute.

	Originally Posted by Shadizar To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If Sloth from Goonies is "cute", and some how I am too; then someone is botching their vocabulary. Kind of like people using the word "sick" to define "cool".

Here's one hyperbole

[doritogasm]

I know exactly what you mean, OP. Being a short woman, I'm constantly talked to as if I'm a puppy or something and I hear "cute" all the time. If this is the context, I totally understand. I don't really mind being complemented on my appearance, I just don't like the word "cute"

[MissionPossible]

Originally Posted by akairo no kuma To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

However, when I wish to be taken seriously, or am being serious, the last thing I want to hear is that I am cute. If that's what you're noticing, you're missing the point entirely, and I've not the patience to deal with such. I also despise "cute" as a generic "compliment" -- I cannot think of a way to express my abhorrence for this that does not include "adult" language, so suffice it to say that it is disgraceful and immediately loses my respect. I value precision of language, and cute is not another word for "I don't know you at all" -- if you don't know me, don't talk about me. It's that easy.

I can certainly empathize with your first annoyance. That kind of response to a person can be used as a weapon to disarm and dismiss them or their power. It can also be a matter of someone simply being careless and ignoring the reality of the other person. The problem then is not the word "cute", but the perspective and intent of the person who uses it.

I think your 2nd annoyance is simply a matter of preference and its one that I find over the top. In addition, I don't have to know you to look at your appearance or something that you do and find it "cute". Cute is about what I think about a snapshot I have of you, not about what you think about yourself as a whole.You don't get to decide what I think is cute or beautiful or handsome or pretty or fun or interesting or boring....only I the beholder get to decide that for myself. If you don't want to be described as others see you, then stay away from people and don't go out in the world.

I save my loss of respect or lack thereof for issues far more significant and meaningful. I do understand that your mileage...and anyone else's, may certainly vary.

So let's see, in recent weeks we have discussed "cute" and "stupid".....what other words can we pick apart for such microscopic analytical fun? "Nice"? "Great"? "Wholesome"? "Christian"?

[Lilie]

Reading this thread, I'm really glad the language barrier in the current thing means I'm less likely to let slip with a "you're soooo cuuuute!!!" I would mean it in the most positive way possible, as in you are precious and adorable and I want to have sex with you, but the chances of it being taken as something other than an insult are apparently very low.

[IotaNull]

	Originally Posted by Shoshana To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Iota---do you actually like these people you keep company with or do you feel limited in your choices of people to socialize with?

Honestly? I don't socialise with them anymore. But the damage is done.

Maybe you need to hang out with a more artsy or geeky crowd. I don't know if you'll relate to this, but as a fellow introvert (with a touch of social anxiety)--I SUCK at social situations unless there is a common cause for the bunch of us being there. I hate small talk with strangers, and just hanging out to hang out bores me--unless I've already formed a bond with said people. There's nothing wrong with my looks and never has been. yet at times I've been treated poorly due to shyness/social anxiety, being reserved etc. I've cultivated social interests such as tango dancing, volunteering for a cause I believe in, and a writer's group. Just doing these things that interest me make me more accessible and engaging. I guess what I'm trying to say is, maybe you need to socialize around your areas of interest so that you'll shine on your own merit.

I do have a couple of social groups, although most societies here are pretty much "we have a common interest, but we're here to get drunk". The remainder tend to have a couple of people who are idolised by everyone and the constant centres of attention... and, yes, are unfailingly well over six feet tall.

	Anyway, you're blaming it on your looks, but I think it's your social discomfort. Do you think you have social phobia?

It's possible, but it's probably not making any difference. With respect to women, I've been given reason after reason to believe looks are the problem. I've had at least two female friends tell me I was too ugly to date even when I never showed or had any interest in dating them -- people persistently doing this is in large part why I no longer have any female friends. I've had random people on the street do the same more times than I can count. I've been proactively rejected by people who had no other information available to them.

The general pattern when I do develop an interst in someone is people thinking of it in much the same way that they'd think of a five-year-old saying he's going to be president one day -- a cute pipe dream that's obviously never going to come to fruition, born of a naive mind that doesn't understand that it's fundamentally and irrevocably incapable of achieving its goals. As it relates to the topic, I'm sick of this sense of "cute", and that's what has been meant. The idea of me actually getting together with someone is generally considered abhorrent, to the point where I've been exiled from a town for asking someone out in a completely nondescript, non-creepy manner.

The idea of me ever being attractive to someone is fundamentally and axiomatically unacceptable to both society and reality, and I'm sick of being reminded of that fact by vacuous "pity compliments".

	There's a way out of this, you just have to figure it out through the process of elimination.

You can't know that.

	Investing in a new look is not a wasted effort by the way.

How not? It's not just the investment, but the massive constant upkeep that I'd need to, well, keep up. It's not worth it to spend hours a day carefully sorting out my look to, if I'm astronomically lucky, be considered only 10,000 leagues under the sea of tall hot men who pull it off effortlessly, rather than the usual 20,000.

[Shoshana]

Originally Posted by Iota Null To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Honestly? It's possible, but it's probably not making any difference. With respect to women, I've been given reason after reason to believe looks are the problem. I've had at least two female friends tell me I was too ugly to date even when I never showed or had any interest in dating them -- people persistently doing this is in large part why I no longer have any female friends. I've had random people on the street do the same more times than I can count. I've been proactively rejected by people who had no other information available to them.

This is bizarre. Do you mind recounting the exact circumstances and the exact words used? Also, have you considered seeing a therapist about this? I think you need some kind of honest professional feedback on what's really happening here.

It could boil down to that you have an angry or negative demeanor and people are reacting negatively. Or it could be that you look vulnerable and attract bullies.

You need to figure it out for your own sake because this isn't acceptable. Keep digging until you figure it out. The minute you give up, it's over.

[psychosylocibin]

I think it really depends on the context of the situation...

Case in Point - I was having sex with a girl on the 1st night of meeting her (yes I am a slut...) and I proceeded to hold her hand during the act in an endearing way and she looked at me and said "You are so adorable".

That was kinda of freaky.

[Outlaw]

Like said before, it depends on the context. Most times it means you're cute, but in some cases it means that you're 50/50, or less, or greater. Ain't no lady ever called me cute, or at least to my face, but i've been told i have a nice smile. I don't think so, but what ever gives me an edge up, i use it. That's what you gotta do, take the things you got and make them better.

[KelvinDjangoTeo]

Some guys don't have a manly face. Some guys have a cute face. They are both different type of attractiveness. It's all personal preference. But in the end, it still boils down to your personality, as personality goes a long way.

[Deliberator]

	Originally Posted by daedalus6174 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Thank you for your candidness. I suppose that yes, at some level, that's what I think. That's probably unhealthy isn't it?

Well it makes it seem like you are uncomfortable with your own humanity. I have come to the realization that one's idiosyncrasies don't have to detract from one's accomplishments or self-respect.