[Nightmare]

I think..... making out with intense physical interaction has made me feel the most loved. I would die for that feeling again :/

[SVR]

I can be hard to be with at times...I withdraw, dont communicate, or just dont share myself(bad day at work, family troubles..whatever!). I feel loved when someone persists to reach out to me inspite of this awful trait... I know then that they understand my need for space and that this withdrawal is not personal (to them) and they want to be with me.

[KelvinDjangoTeo]

What is most basic is when people really, sincerely with the bottom of their heart... cares about me. Simple stuff like "Why aren't you sleeping yet?", "Are you hungry?". It makes me feel loved.

[Cincinnatus]

When she works in a one-liner that dovetails into my joke, or plays off some shenanigans I've done. Hell, when she takes the time to complement anything I've done.

[loki233]

Consistency is good. To me, though, I feel loved when I know someone is satisfied. I guess it's more like I feel loved when I know I'm "doing a good job" or something, when I feel like my gf is content with me and with being with me. I've gotten more flexible over time with how I receive love, I guess I feel like when I understand how a person shows love, I come to appreciate it when I see their love expressed.

[Booko]

Acts of service.

And guys -- the "size" of the act is irrelevant the way most women keep score. So if you do 3 tiny things it's just as good as 3 big things.

Also, a good footrub never hurt.

Words mean little. Gifts or fawning over things like birthdays mean nothing to me.

Sitting in the same room sometimes even if we're doing something completely different does make a difference though. Very often I'll be reading on one end of the living room and dh is writing a letter (yeah, an old fashioned paper one like with a STAMP even lol) over on the sofa. That counts. But writing the letter up in the office does not count.

---------- Post added 04-15-2012 at 04:55 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by KelvinDjangoTeo To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	What is most basic is when people really, sincerely with the bottom of their heart... cares about me. Simple stuff like "Why aren't you sleeping yet?", "Are you hungry?". It makes me feel loved.

Ah yes, a favorite here is "would your cat like a refill on the coffee?"

Because especially on weekends, I can be so weighted down by the cat on my lap I wouldn't dare disturb the cat's universe by getting up to pour my own coffee.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Ah, first world problems...

[lindie]

I feel loved when I know that I'm loved for who I am (words of affirmation is definitely one of my top love languages). I also feel loved when a guy isn't offended by my need for space or by my random/unpredictable outbursts of feminism.
Simply being understood makes me feel loved.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[SwedenF]

	Originally Posted by ActiveMeasures To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	A big thing for me is physical touch. Holding hands, playing with my hair, ears, hand on leg, whatever. I am not a big fan of compliments or anything like that. Actions speak louder than words.

Originally Posted by Witch Doctor To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

In a relationship, the most important thing to me is having their words and actions match. Don't just tell me you love me, show me you love me. When I sense there is a mismatch between words and actions, I point it out. If I have to point it out repeatedly, I'm outta there. I will never forget the ex at one point saying to me: "Instead of paying attention to what I'm doing, pay attention to what I'm saying." Really??

This couldn't be more true. Actions actions actions. Words mean nothing if your actions say the opposite. Consistency is definitely needed, but also consistency between words and acts. I do appreciate the occasional "I love you", or small things like "I like your hair today", but all words have to be supported by actions. If actions aren't there, I overthink and I question and I pick apart every little thing. It's draining, and often leads to fights because I keep trying to get them to explain their behavior. Most people can't really explain, even if I know exactly why I do everthing. So, to feel loved I need the person to understand how important it is that words and acts match up, and also that they take time to show me in ways I can relate to. Why is it that people are so prone to showing affection how they want it, and not how the receiver wants it?

	Originally Posted by hegelian To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Oh dear, this part worries me. How does one avoid falling into this trap? How can I tell this might be becoming a problem?

It's been said before, but I'll repeat it. Talk to him about it! Ask him! I personally love it when my partner talks to me about an issue, because that to me shows they want it to work. It makes no sense to want to fix problems if you aren't in it for the long run, so showing concerns like this and reaching out a hand to solve it together is is massive plus points for me. Also, I find that monotony only happens if you stop trying. If you always take time here and there to do something small and new, find some twist to something old, then why would it get monotonous?

	Originally Posted by Samueza To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Long post

Everything you said is basically exactly how I see it. I couldn't have said it better myself. Seriously, wow.

	Originally Posted by Jenesis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I appreciate when someone goes out of their way to do something for me

This, but not meaning grand gestures. Anything small works, as long as it shows me that you actually stopped to intentionally think "How can I make her happy today?". Same as with voicing concerns, it doesn't make sense to do it if you don't care about the outcome, so doing it is a way to show me you are actively trying.

Also, everything people have said about small physical acts like kiss on the forehead or play with hair at random points. Hanging out without having to talk. Silence says more than a thousand words. Being that comfortable with each other to not have to talk ALL the time is really comforting and makes me feel secure.

Sum up; Consistency, words and actions matching, signs you put thought into the relationship, random physical contact, understanding.

[Mauve]

When someone actually listens to me for once lol.

There's a common belief (especially amongst extroverts) that being silent = having no thoughts/feelings.

[MechanicalSun]

Does not compute
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
.
A simple look, caress, detail, etc can make me feel loved... it depends all on the context and meaning.

[mcdonn123]

That is a hard question to answer... What makes me feel loved? I am not sure, but I know I feel loved when I get someone's attention on a regular basis (under certain circumstances that is).

---------- Post added 04-17-2012 at 11:49 AM ----------

I would have to agree with you. I made out with someone for the first time a couple days ago on prom night. It was amazing, and is the most I have ever felt loved.

[12357]

do not disturb me or be fussy I simply want to be alone so please let me stay in my corner

[INTJane]

	Originally Posted by hegelian To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	what sort of expressions/acts are you the most receptive to/mean the most to you?

Taking a quick quiz on the Five Love Languages, I find:

Your Scores
5 Words of Affirmation
8 Quality Time
1 Receiving Gifts
8 Acts of Service
8 Physical Touch

So, time together, service, and physical touch are all important to me. Words somewhat less, gifts the least.

[Innovate]

Those who truly show an interest.

If she just checks up on me every so often, says she misses me or whatever... is good enough.

I don't like to go out a lot, but sometimes it's nice.

I don't typically like people doing things for me; I'd prefer doing it myself, but if she helps me, then it feels special.

[kittencuddler]

Spending time together where I am his focus. Him explaining how much he loves me. Cuddling. The first one is the most common though, as we're long distance.

[Antares]

Just don't act like I'm not bloody there. I deal with this so much when a friend of his comes and sits at our table and only the two of them are talking because I would have no fucking clue what they're on about, at which point I excuse myself and leave.

[spindleshanks]

it's the simple things that make me feel loved. Like when talking to someone over the phone or online. When they give me long replies. It makes me feel like i'm worth their time.

[SeverusSin]

I feel loved when I'm taken care of; thoughtfulness from a distance and physical touch when in the same vicinity. I also feel loved when there is a "world" that we share when in the company of others, sneaky glances and whispers are good ways to convey affection and love to me.

[Nordman]

Implicit trust. Complete honesty.

And about a billion hugs a day.

[PetarI]

i don't know how to explain this but i just know it...

[Heavy Fuel]

Originally Posted by Samueza To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I think it may be helpful to differentiate between necessary and sufficient conditions to feel loved. Quite a few of us say that we need consistency to feel loved and that's true for me, but consistency in itself does not make me feel loved - it's necessary, but not sufficient. It's just one way that I can feel more ensured that tomorrow you will feel what you felt today. Conversely, however, an inconsistent partner does directly make me feel unloved and if it's not intelligible for me, this can cause a lot of distress. I find that I am very steadfast in my emotions and from what I read, this may be true of INTJ as a type - so much so that I find people who are more fickle in their deep emotions (as opposed to mood swings) to be very confusing and at times intimidating, because I most certainly don't want to be attached to someone whose heart may lie elsewhere the next day. Apart from that, for me too physical touch is crucial. I simply need it to feel loved. Words of affirmation are great too, although it's not so much literally "I love you" for me, but affirmation that you understand where I'm coming from, what I'm feeling and how I view the world; and that you accept those things about me. If I feel understood and accepted, I feel loved - maybe it's not technically correct, but those appear synonymous to me. Something else that works well for me is going through a significant life-altering event without you leaving my side. That's not entirely the same as consistency for me, since I have changed, but me changing did not change things between us - and then I feel comforted in being loved at a deeper level than for something which may change during our relationship. One more thing, more specific and perhaps more specifically me: I feel that two worlds 'exist', by lack of a better term. One is the world of ideas, to which I travel frequently and where I do my best work (or at least that's what I like to believe). The other is the world of sensations, but also of other people and of love. This is the world in which I want to apply the tools I have collected or crafted in the world of ideas. This is the world I wish to improve and where I feel I can be useful, but I must frequently travel to that other world and surround myself with something that may seem ethereal to you - to modify thoughts and ideas so that I can use them to the benefit of others. Now, what's important to me is that you understand that I have to go on frequent "business trips" to that world of ideas to do the thing I'm best at, and to feel that you are a safe haven for me when I return to this world and wish to share my endeavors with you. I don't expect you to understand all my ideas to feel loved, but I do need you to understand what it is I'm doing there and how important it is to my identity. If you can understand that, and you can make me feel welcome whenever I am back at planet earth and come looking for you, that above all makes me feel loved.

Wow, awesome post. I think you just described myself (and perhaps other here) exactly. I couldn't have put it better into words myself. Thank you.

---------- Post added 05-25-2012 at 08:22 PM ----------

When she reaches over and touches my earlobe or face. Makes me smile and feel loved.

[Bluesea]

From what other posters have said: Consistency, words matching actions, Understanding [all those I, N, T, J and all together things that can be regularly misunderstood by others are not by the person] and this closely relates to being appreciated for who I am and liked for who I am, accepted as ok the way you are I guess. I seek so much change in myself and look for change I can make so often, it is a rare relief to find someone who thinks I don't have to change to be ok.

I would add to that respect - rather than criticism for things I am interested in and enjoy even if the other does not understand or like these things.

Friendship - treating me like a good friend, or best friend, being prepared to cultivate that kind of relationship, not just a male-female role play or sexual connection that is distinctly different from a friendship.

And Loyalty.

[LifesEcstasy]

As far as I'm concerned these apply to friendships as well as romantic partnerships...

If you make an appointment to spend time with me keep it. If something comes up don't wait until 5 mins before our appointment to tell me about it. That's ruder than rude in my book and tells me you don't think about the other people in your life.

I don't especially want gifts but if you insist on giving me one, please ensure it's something I would like, rather than something you would like. Gifts to me are proof of how much you do or don't understand me as a person. Please take care not to disclose you don't know me at all.

I don't need constant attention but I do consider the regularity of your contact to be a barometer of your regard for me. My J makes me a lover of schedule and I hate inconsistency. Being consistent and dependable is better to me than being overly amorous at random intervals.

Please don't gush and verbalise undying love. I won't buy it, even if it's sincere. I am naturally wary of anything expressed in emphatic terms as experience has taught me the candle that burns hottest also burns shortest. I'm also not inclined to be in relationships with the overly dramatic individual.

When you make your plans be sure to communicate them to me and take into account mine as well. The idea that you are including me in your life as an important consideration is especially appealing in relationships.

[Samson86]

integrity and hugs

[stoopidkitty]

Hugs and/or cuddles. Or when a girl consistently contacts me and is willing to hang out alone with me, despite how boring and awkward I am. In general, just when I feel like someone accepts me for who I am. That said, I rarely feel loved.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.