[Rchetype]

So I'm torn.

I just broke up with my SO. Our problems first started with my problems with premature ejaculation. I got it in control, but our sexlife wasn't hasty and spicy, due to me having to perform in certain ways to control myself.

This led to my girlfriend not getting wet anymore and not having interest in me sexually, so we broke up today.

What I want to know is, how do I enter the another relationship/start dating, when my confidence in my sexuality is crushed and I fear it happens again?

[Seablue]

Would it work to "train yourself" into lasting longer on your own ? Or can you last a long time when you're alone but get too excited when you're with a girl ?

I'm a woman, so forgive me if I don't understand the mechanisms involved and ask the wrong questions.

[plotthickens]

Had this problem (or one like it) with my now-husband.

Talk to potential girlfriends about it. Find one who understands. When you find one who does NOT put pressure on you/look at you like you're weird/make fun of you/be clueless, you'll know she's the one to actually get into bed with.

[bigpulve]

How often do you masturbate? Have you tried to masturbate before sleeping with a girl?

[Causa Mortis]

Originally Posted by Rchetype To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

So I'm torn. I just broke up with my SO. Our problems first started with my problems with premature ejaculation. I got it in control, but our sexlife wasn't hasty and spicy, due to me having to perform in certain ways to control myself. This led to my girlfriend not getting wet anymore and not having interest in me sexually, so we broke up today. What I want to know is, how do I enter the another relationship/start dating, when my confidence in my sexuality is crushed and I fear it happens again?

There's a really easy solution for this: jerk off a lot and under a lot of pressure. Its called the "death grip"

Also, anyome who wiill ditch you over something like this is relational trash

[Rchetype]

Seablue: I am training to last longer, and it has yielded tremendous results. But when I got progressively better, my gf progressively lost interest in me. And yes, it was arousal issue when I was with her.

Bigpulve: Yes, it helps. I edge around once per day. (Edging, meaning training type of masturbation to last longer)

Causa: I offered the breakup, but she didnt hesitate even for a moment.. I feel sad that I only meant that much in a relationship.

[Causa Mortis]

Originally Posted by Rchetype To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Seablue: I am training to last longer, and it has yielded tremendous results. But when I got progressively better, my gf progressively lost interest in me. And yes, it was arousal issue when I was with her. Bigpulve: Yes, it helps. I edge around once per day. (Edging, meaning training type of masturbation to last longer) Causa: I offered the breakup, but she didnt hesitate even for a moment.. I feel sad that I only meant that much in a relationship.

Disregard females and acquire currency, young man. By that I mean focus on living your life and ignore the tomatoes and all of their bullshit. Meanwhile, get in shape and read Dr Paul and Roissy. You will find that the combination of not needing their approval, living your life, and having just a pinch of asshole game is irresistable to like 80% of them.

[Seablue]

	Originally Posted by Rchetype To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Seablue: I am training to last longer, and it has yielded tremendous results. But when I got progressively better, my gf progressively lost interest in me. And yes, it was arousal issue when I was with her. Causa: I offered the breakup, but she didnt hesitate even for a moment.. I feel sad that I only meant that much in a relationship.

Based on this, I'm guessing there was more to it than just the sex. Perhaps it was part of why she lost interest... But if she loved you, she would have been happier about the sex getting better, and she would have hesitated more about breaking up. So I don't know if you should worry too much about your next girl friend.

[Causa Mortis]

	Originally Posted by Seablue To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Based on this, I'm guessing there was more to it than just the sex. Perhaps it was part of why she lost interest... But if she loved you, she would have been happier about the sex getting better, and she would have hesitated more about breaking up. So I don't know if you should worry too much about your next girl friend.

No I read more than a little beta into this, and confidence is a huge part of it. He needs to find that confidence within himself.

[Rchetype]

	Originally Posted by Causa Mortis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	No I read more than a little beta into this, and confidence is a huge part of it. He needs to find that confidence within himself.

Definitely, but I believed we were far enough in the relationship to have it last with a loss of confidence. I never lost confidence in other parts of myself. I'm very confident I can get nearly any girl I want, but sex..

[zibber]

That relationship wasn't worth shit. Don't let some old bullshit bring you down.

As for sexual "confidence", this is an issue with many men and you should just relax. Doing some kind of stupid ass exercises will only keep you focused on that, and will lead to you being even more cerebral during sex. This whole notion of "confidence" implies something to do with performance/achievement and is total bullshit. Sex happens. Reclaim sex. You don't have any dysfunction.

---------- Post added 02-25-2012 at 06:34 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Rchetype To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'm very confident I can get nearly any girl I want, but sex..

That's a toxic, bullshit attitude and your choice is to drop it or wallow in stagnancy.

[Rchetype]

	Originally Posted by zibber To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	That's a toxic, bullshit attitude and your choice is to drop it or wallow in stagnancy.

I do not apply my confidence in my attitude, but yes, you are right.

[Selene]

	Originally Posted by Rchetype To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	What I want to know is, how do I enter the another relationship/start dating, when my confidence in my sexuality is crushed and I fear it happens again?

Is she the only sexual partner you've had?

And throughout the course of your sexual r/s with your ex, what's the estimated no. of times you've had intercourse (successful and unsuccessful)?

[Distance]

Have you been diagnosed with premature ejaculation or is it that your ex needed a lot of stimulation to get off? Also, consider refractory period. If you have a short refractory period, you can do other things to continue stimulating a partner until you're ready, where the second time usually results in a longer period prior to ejaculation.

To clarify, if it takes you only a five minutes to get off and the ex, 20 minutes to get off, your sex drive pacing doesn't align. This doesn't mean you should wear a 'dysfunctional' hat. She too could be classified as 'insensitive' which can be caused by using battery operated toys.

[Rchetype]

Generally speaking, I could hold myself for infinite amount when I was in charge of the rhythm and thrusting. If she wanted to be on top, I came almost immediately.

This developed a huge desire for her to be on top.

Selene: She was my first, and if you count unsuccesfull ones which didn't lead to her orgasm and me coming early, only 2 (first 2 attempts at sex). "Succesfull" ones, around 25-40?. But in my mind, I was unsuccesfull all the time, when I wasn't able to let her take the reins and steer herself. Or be able to do all kinds of stuff.

For the last two months we had only anal sex, since she didn't get wet enough, or she said.

[Distance]

This 'desire' to be on top. Whose desire?

[Rchetype]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	This 'desire' to be on top. Whose desire?

Her. I grew anxious of it.

[FruitLoop]

	Originally Posted by Causa Mortis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Disregard females and acquire currency, young man. By that I mean focus on living your life and ignore the tomatoes and all of their bullshit. Meanwhile, get in shape and read Dr Paul and Roissy. You will find that the combination of not needing their approval, living your life, and having just a pinch of asshole game is irresistable to like 80% of them.

This is excellent advice.

But you can improve your game also. Try staying on the edge for ages, and keeping her there as well - requires great skills from both of you but pays dividends. It will take you a few years, but you will be able to progress to holding it off during full insertion and full size for twenty minutes at least, giving her ample time to go as many times as she likes.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by Rchetype To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Her. I grew anxious of it.

So why would she want something badly, that she's aware won't get her the results she needs? As well, she couldn't get wet enough in the first two months without anal sex? Would lube not have fixed the problem for vaginal sex?

Umm...it's very likely she needed a different style lover. This doesn't make you 'dysfunctional'. Sounds like she had specialised needs.

[plotthickens]

Originally Posted by Rchetype To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Generally speaking, I could hold myself for infinite amount when I was in charge of the rhythm and thrusting. If she wanted to be on top, I came almost immediately. This developed a huge desire for her to be on top. Selene: She was my first, and if you count unsuccesfull ones which didn't lead to her orgasm and me coming early, only 2 (first 2 attempts at sex). "Succesfull" ones, around 25-40?. But in my mind, I was unsuccesfull all the time, when I wasn't able to let her take the reins and steer herself. Or be able to do all kinds of stuff. For the last two months we had only anal sex, since she didn't get wet enough, or she said.

*snort* Honey, if you could fuck for an indefinite amount of time, you don't have ejaculation problems. The average man can fuck for only 30 - 120 seconds.

The problem was HER. You were a great lover, she found the one thing that she could complain about, then wanted ONLY that, and then when you couldn't keep her from complaining she left. What a bitch! Then she didn't want ANY sex except anal, because she didn't get wet enough? The butt doesn't get wet AT ALL! Not logical. She was jerking you around. You're better off without her.

Not to be trite, but: it wasn't you, it was allllll her.

[Rchetype]

We tried lubing, or more likely used it always because I thought she was tight and intercourse hurt me. But during the last two months of relationship, she said sex hurted her and we only had anal sex from then on.

	So why would she want something badly, that she's aware won't get her the results she needs?

Who knows, desire what you can't have?

	Not to be trite, but: it wasn't you, it was allllll her.

Thank you, this does restore a slight confidence in myself.

[Distance]

Originally Posted by plotthickens To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

*snort* Honey, if you could fuck for an indefinite amount of time, you don't have ejaculation problems. The average man can fuck for only 30 - 120 seconds. The problem was HER. You were a great lover, she found the one thing that she could complain about, then wanted ONLY that, and then when you couldn't keep her from complaining she left. What a bitch! Then she didn't want ANY sex except anal, because she didn't get wet enough? The butt doesn't get wet AT ALL! Not logical. She was jerking you around. You're better off without her. Not to be trite, but: it wasn't you, it was allllll her.

I'm totally with you on this one. Some weird head games going on with this chick.

[plotthickens]

	Originally Posted by Rchetype To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	We tried lubing, or more likely used it always because I thought she was tight and intercourse hurt me. But during the last two months of relationship, she said she hurted too much and we only had anal sex from then on.

Most women need lube to have comfortable sex. Many women never ever produce enough lubrication even if incredibly aroused! Self-lubrication is not an accurate barometer of arousal. A drop of lube inside the tip of the condom, lube the vaginal opening (especially the bottom, nearest the butthole, that's the part that always hurts the worst... and guys ALWAYS miss it) and then use what's left on your hand to lube up the condom.

You can never have too much lube! Yeay lube!

[Seablue]

So 95% of the times you had sex she had an orgasm but you came quickly when when she was on top. Frankly that doesn't seem like much of a "sexual inability" of any kind.

I know INTJs are perfectionists but that's not the right attitude to have towards sex.

Seems to me that she was bored with the relationship, that's all...

---

Edit : If she insisted on being on top despite the fact that it would make you come quickly... I don't know, sounds like she just wanted it to be over as fast as possible.

---

	Originally Posted by plotthickens To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	You can never have too much lube! Yeay lube!

I'm pretty sure you can actually
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
but the advice stands nonetheless.

[Rchetype]

I guess she was bored. Nothing really changed on the lubing department, it just suddenly started hurting..

I feel like I have to mention, she was mentally... hmm.. off. She spent a quickie in asylum, and often had problems feeling unreal. You never know what you get huh?

But still, sad. I thought everything was going great, except with sex.