Are we like mirrors to people?

**Autumnleaf** · 02-24-2012, 08:14 AM

I think I reflect back to people what they want to see, when I'm trying not to offend people. I work with the public so to keep my job I deal with lots of stupid with as much grace as I can muster.

It seems like some coworkers think it is fake to handle people that way while others understand why I do it.

What is your intuition about working with the ignorant public when most of your coworkers are ESTJs? Its a job that you like most of the time and it pays good. Tips, advice etc... are welcome.

**theiceman** · 02-24-2012, 10:33 AM

Well everybody has to deal with this whether they would like to admit it or not. There are certain things that everybody suppresses because it is not concerned 'normal'. I know that I do this in my life to make some of my "friends" think I like them when I actually think that some of the stuff they do is stupid and pointless not to mention I think they are generally incompetent. I change environments based on what I want them to be and engage in social engineering at times to make people think I'm just an ordinary person like them.

The key thing is that once people accept you as a friend then it will take something bad to happen for you to lose them as a friend. People generally start perceiving others as like them when they are describing a person close to them. Now for your job, I would engage in social engineering and try to dominate the social environment to suit you. The problem with this is that the sensors might call you out on this. You have to be able to do it in subtle ways to get your foot in the door at first and then try something bigger. Once you have broken by that zone where people think they "know" you as a person and see you as a friend or at least a colleague, then you have a lot of leeway to work with.

Hope this helps you out.

**Dokubi** · 02-24-2012, 10:38 AM

If I considered myself as a mirror it would not be as one that reflected an image the observer wanted to see. It would simply be a regular mirror; one that reflects back an image of the observer exactly as they are.

But some people don't enjoy seeing themselves exactly as they are.

**Sk8ordude** · 02-24-2012, 10:40 AM

Study social dynamics and frame control if you want more control over the way you are percieved. A strong positive frame will bend negative people to your frame and not the other way around.

**DrCiao** · 02-24-2012, 10:41 AM

ESTJs are rarely offended. They have strong personalities and generally easy going ith great coping skills.

However if you work ith ESFJs or ENFJs they need to be treated with kid gloves as they take things personally if you criticize them. Ask an ESTJ for advice, thru typically tend to read people well and are diplomatic.

**KeithP** · 02-24-2012, 10:51 AM

Mood and mannerisms are infectious. Some people don't understand and are being grumpy. Tell em to go eat an egg.

**Noelle Winters** · 02-25-2012, 10:30 AM

When you work with the public, it is only natural to put on your best act so as to appease them and not cause trouble. Unless it is a job in which you are required to give honesty for their best interest (such as being a doctor or a psychologist), then who really cares? Fake? Of course. Does that make it bad? No.

I hesitate to give my opinion on ESTJs...the few I have met I have disliked very much. Few traits in this world can get my blood angrily boiling more than a strong S-J combination. (And I am sure I have had the same effect on them!) My own brutally honest intuition about the coworkers is basically: Screw them. More often than not they can't really reason for themselves why people do what they do, yet they seem content to give their opinion without reasoning.

In the past when I've dealt with these types, I did exactly what you do with your stupid customers. Smile, nod, and then just do what you were planning on doing anyway. You have the brains to make this job work, the pay is good, so just shut them out and don't care about what they say. Maybe when they get fired for being a rigid a**hole to their customers and you're still making bank being charming, they'll learn a little something.
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That or you'll get promoted and become their boss because you know what it takes to successfully work with people.

**Disclaimer: I am sure there are lots of very very nice ESTJs in the world that are open minded etc. Don't kill me.

02-24-2012, 08:14 AM	#1
Autumnleaf Core Member [226%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 9,078	I think I reflect back to people what they want to see, when I'm trying not to offend people. I work with the public so to keep my job I deal with lots of stupid with as much grace as I can muster. It seems like some coworkers think it is fake to handle people that way while others understand why I do it. What is your intuition about working with the ignorant public when most of your coworkers are ESTJs? Its a job that you like most of the time and it pays good. Tips, advice etc... are welcome.
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02-24-2012, 10:33 AM	#2
theiceman Member [42%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 1,705	Well everybody has to deal with this whether they would like to admit it or not. There are certain things that everybody suppresses because it is not concerned 'normal'. I know that I do this in my life to make some of my "friends" think I like them when I actually think that some of the stuff they do is stupid and pointless not to mention I think they are generally incompetent. I change environments based on what I want them to be and engage in social engineering at times to make people think I'm just an ordinary person like them. The key thing is that once people accept you as a friend then it will take something bad to happen for you to lose them as a friend. People generally start perceiving others as like them when they are describing a person close to them. Now for your job, I would engage in social engineering and try to dominate the social environment to suit you. The problem with this is that the sensors might call you out on this. You have to be able to do it in subtle ways to get your foot in the door at first and then try something bigger. Once you have broken by that zone where people think they "know" you as a person and see you as a friend or at least a colleague, then you have a lot of leeway to work with. Hope this helps you out.
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02-24-2012, 10:38 AM	#3
Dokubi Member [05%] MBTI: xxxx Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 214	If I considered myself as a mirror it would not be as one that reflected an image the observer wanted to see. It would simply be a regular mirror; one that reflects back an image of the observer exactly as they are. But some people don't enjoy seeing themselves exactly as they are.
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02-24-2012, 10:40 AM	#4
Sk8ordude Veteran Member [59%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 2,385	Study social dynamics and frame control if you want more control over the way you are percieved. A strong positive frame will bend negative people to your frame and not the other way around.
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02-24-2012, 10:41 AM	#5
DrCiao Member [33%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 1,344	ESTJs are rarely offended. They have strong personalities and generally easy going ith great coping skills. However if you work ith ESFJs or ENFJs they need to be treated with kid gloves as they take things personally if you criticize them. Ask an ESTJ for advice, thru typically tend to read people well and are diplomatic.
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02-24-2012, 10:51 AM	#6
KeithP Member [26%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 1,046	Mood and mannerisms are infectious. Some people don't understand and are being grumpy. Tell em to go eat an egg.
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02-25-2012, 10:30 AM	#7
Noelle Winters Member [15%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 629	When you work with the public, it is only natural to put on your best act so as to appease them and not cause trouble. Unless it is a job in which you are required to give honesty for their best interest (such as being a doctor or a psychologist), then who really cares? Fake? Of course. Does that make it bad? No. I hesitate to give my opinion on ESTJs...the few I have met I have disliked very much. Few traits in this world can get my blood angrily boiling more than a strong S-J combination. (And I am sure I have had the same effect on them!) My own brutally honest intuition about the coworkers is basically: Screw them. More often than not they can't really reason for themselves why people do what they do, yet they seem content to give their opinion without reasoning. In the past when I've dealt with these types, I did exactly what you do with your stupid customers. Smile, nod, and then just do what you were planning on doing anyway. You have the brains to make this job work, the pay is good, so just shut them out and don't care about what they say. Maybe when they get fired for being a rigid a*hole to their customers and you're still making bank being charming, they'll learn a little something. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.* That or you'll get promoted and become their boss because you know what it takes to successfully work with people. **Disclaimer: I am sure there are lots of very very nice ESTJs in the world that are open minded etc. Don't kill me.
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