Cheating Drama?

**eagleseven** · 02-18-2012, 12:48 AM

I just discovered this morning that a woman I've been dating for a few weeks already has a boyfriend. So she's cheating on him with me. And worse, she's been trying to arrange a chance meeting between me and her current boyfriend, because I'm a more intimidating male.

How did she justify it? She's convinced that he's cheating on her, so she feels it's alright to cheat on him. Her evidence? He smelled of perfume on Valentine's day.

Then she kept asking me to brainstorm things that would really piss him off, while trying to play footsie.

---

TBH, I'm rather turned off by this whole situation. While the evil part of me revels in the idea of ruining this guy's relationship, I really don't need this sort of drama in my life. And there's no way I could trust this woman in a serious relationship, of course. So I think I'm going to run way. Far away.

And just FYI, we haven't done anything beyond sexting, so it's not like I'm involved or committed at all.

---

Any of you been in this situation? What did you do?

**Selene** · 02-18-2012, 01:05 AM

Just be brief, upfront, and politically correct about it, that you have no wish to get involved as a third party. Urge her to have an honest conversation with the boyfriend about her suspicions etc.

**Nostalgia** · 02-18-2012, 01:10 AM

by the ancient laws of combat, challenge her boyfriend to a trial of mortal combat.

**eagleseven** · 02-18-2012, 01:36 AM

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That could work...

**zibber** · 02-18-2012, 04:59 AM

What is it that's keeping you "in the situation"? Stop keeping yourself involved if you don't want to be.

**mieu** · 02-18-2012, 05:05 AM

I'd tell the guy his girlfriend is a slut, then cut off all contact from her.

But then again I'm evil.

**Vulture** · 02-18-2012, 07:11 AM

what zibber said.

what's the problem? there's nothing there holding you to the situation... fucking leave it if you find it intolerable.

or are you looking for ways to do that gracefully/painlessly/hilariously from this thread?

**sed0007** · 02-18-2012, 07:23 AM

Dump her soon, (yesterday, if possible).

That you are being used in her self-important 'drama' shows her true colors.

She is actually the sexist pig here, in assuming it's OK to use you as the cue-ball on the smooth green felt of her narrow, selfish mindset.

(Just sayin')

**Purgatid** · 02-18-2012, 07:44 AM

I'd do something similar to mieu. I would indeed confront her boyfriend, but not with her present. I would explain the whole situation, and then simply tell him that I'm getting the fuck away from her, and that I think he should do the same - though he of course must do whatever it is he thinks is best. I'd likely be diplomatic with him, since he's going to be upset by it, perhaps even disbelieve me. I'd show him eventual text messages if necessary, and/or pictures of us together. Just to prove it's true.

If I look beyond this - this girl seems a bit... I don't know... Slow? Her boyfriend smells of perfume during valentines day? Well, perhaps he was out looking for her valentines day gift, and sampled a few perfumes along the way? Jumping to conclusions is as effective for a relationship as jumping in front of a train is for say - dance skills.

In either case, Eagleseven. If she does it to him - then what would possibly prevent her from doing so to you as well? She doesn't even know he's cheating - she just suspects it, and then her reaction is to cheat herself - never mind that she lacks proof?

What if she happens to suspect you for cheating in the future. Are you prepared to be cheated on because you got some perfume on you? Because some annoying girl brushed off some lipstick on your sleeve while in the subway? Because - whatever goofy "proof" she invented in her head?

... yeah, I wouldn't touch this girl with a remote controlled set of pliers.

**Muse** · 02-18-2012, 07:52 AM

Well, she has made it very clear that she sees you as a cue-ball, as sed0007 said.

Since you don't want to deal with any drama, I think your best bet is to just cut it off cold. You could send the guy a message or something if you want to but it is up to you really. You already lost enough time in the situation.

**plotthickens** · 02-18-2012, 07:52 AM

Either very public revelation -- that'll teach her to lie! -- or just walk away. Who needs that kind of trouble?!?!

**krisl** · 02-18-2012, 09:28 AM

Run away. Maybe tell her boyfriend.

**eagleseven** · 02-18-2012, 10:12 AM

That settles it, then. No point wasting any more time in this situation.

I haven't met her boyfriend yet, only know that he's a grad student at a nearby uni writing his thesis on malaria. Have no intention of finding out more.

*washes hands*

---

Interesting note: this situation was a little bizarre because she approached me. I'm usually the initiator, not the other way around.

**ohd1122** · 02-18-2012, 11:41 AM

*hands Eagleseven a towel*

Looks like we're done here.

**ValentinePirate** · 02-18-2012, 02:10 PM

Glad you're getting out of it, and away from her. The women I've dated who have the "I think you're cheating so I'm going to show you!" mentality were vicious, manipulative, and controlling

**Zodd** · 02-18-2012, 02:13 PM

The answer is very simple, you really needed to start a thread about this?

---------- Post added 02-18-2012 at 11:14 PM ----------

It's not like you have trouble with hugging a girl you barely know or something, lol.

**eagleseven** · 02-18-2012, 05:33 PM

	Originally Posted by Zodd To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The answer is very simple, you really needed to start a thread about this?

Wanted to make sure I wasn't over-reacting. She does look good in heels...and I've always had a thing for natural redheads.

	Originally Posted by Zodd To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It's not like you have trouble with hugging a girl you barely know or something, lol.

Uh...whatever gives you that idea? Have we met somewhere before?

**followthehippos** · 02-18-2012, 05:43 PM

Say no to such childish things? I personally wouldn't get involved in such manipulation.

**Letmeb** · 02-21-2012, 08:05 PM

I'm with Zodd on this one! But - since u did start a thread about this, I'd like to know what you ended up doing about this slam pig that looks "great in heels" ?? Ayiyiiiii

**Imperator** · 02-21-2012, 09:30 PM

I've never been anywhere close to the situation, but from the info provided, it sounds like she's using you.

I'd probably let the boyfriend know of her nefarious plan and buy him a drink, to spite her for putting me in such a ridiculous position. Then again, I'm really not the type of person who responds well to being played.

	Originally Posted by Nostalgia To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	by the ancient laws of combat, challenge her boyfriend to a trial of mortal combat.

By the modern law of male brotherhood, bros before hoes.

**Fishism** · 02-22-2012, 05:39 AM

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".

My advice is to be careful in how you end things with this woman. She's already proven to enjoy the "drama" and if you reject her, there's no telling what ridiculousness she could spew to "Malaria Man". Before you know it, she's labelled you a stalker/rapist and he's injecting a sample of his study into your Starbucks.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I'm supporting the idea of including him into the process of severing this relationship as a method of removing her ability to invent negative things about you.

Sounds like that hot, firey redhead is a ticking timebomb. Damn them hypnotizing heels! Damn them to hell I say!

**JustMel** · 02-22-2012, 06:02 AM

Originally Posted by Fishism
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"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned".

My advice is to be careful in how you end things with this woman. She's already proven to enjoy the "drama" and if you reject her, there's no telling what ridiculousness she could spew to "Malaria Man". Before you know it, she's labelled you a stalker/rapist and he's injecting a sample of his study into your Starbucks.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I'm supporting the idea of including him into the process of severing this relationship as a method of removing her ability to invent negative things about you.

Sounds like that hot, firey redhead is a ticking timebomb. Damn them hypnotizing heels! Damn them to hell I say!

My thoughts were along the same lines as this. If you break it off, and I agree you should, she sounds the type to start even more drama. I figure if you're going to cheat the least you can do is admit that it's because of your own wants and needs, no one forces you to cheat and cheating on someone because they cheated on you is tantamount to jumping off a bridge because "everyone else" did it too.

Cover your bases and keep the text messages in case she tries something.

**Marcus Septim** · 02-22-2012, 08:05 AM

How do you know you are more intimidating :grin: imo

You think too much of yourself

**HAL 9000** · 02-22-2012, 08:25 AM

	Originally Posted by Marcus Septim To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	How do you know you are more intimidating :grin: imo You think too much of yourself

Or he didn't pay any attention to Thomas Hobbes' idea of political equality in Philosophy 101.

**changos** · 02-22-2012, 09:54 AM

I'll laugh while saying "why the problem, I'm not a jealous guy"
and watch her face...

02-18-2012, 12:48 AM	#1
eagleseven Core Member [155%] MBTI: XNTJ Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 6,201	I just discovered this morning that a woman I've been dating for a few weeks already has a boyfriend. So she's cheating on him with me. And worse, she's been trying to arrange a chance meeting between me and her current boyfriend, because I'm a more intimidating male. How did she justify it? She's convinced that he's cheating on her, so she feels it's alright to cheat on him. Her evidence? He smelled of perfume on Valentine's day. Then she kept asking me to brainstorm things that would really piss him off, while trying to play footsie. --- TBH, I'm rather turned off by this whole situation. While the evil part of me revels in the idea of ruining this guy's relationship, I really don't need this sort of drama in my life. And there's no way I could trust this woman in a serious relationship, of course. So I think I'm going to run way. Far away. And just FYI, we haven't done anything beyond sexting, so it's not like I'm involved or committed at all. --- Any of you been in this situation? What did you do?
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02-18-2012, 01:05 AM	#2
Selene Veteran Member [84%] MBTI: XXXX Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 3,383	Just be brief, upfront, and politically correct about it, that you have no wish to get involved as a third party. Urge her to have an honest conversation with the boyfriend about her suspicions etc.
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02-18-2012, 01:10 AM	#3
Nostalgia Veteran Member [77%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 3,116	by the ancient laws of combat, challenge her boyfriend to a trial of mortal combat.
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02-18-2012, 01:36 AM	#4
eagleseven Core Member [155%] MBTI: XNTJ Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 6,201	To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. That could work...
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02-18-2012, 04:59 AM	#5
zibber Core Member [407%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 16,288	What is it that's keeping you "in the situation"? Stop keeping yourself involved if you don't want to be.
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02-18-2012, 05:05 AM	#6
mieu Core Member [183%] $/)^3^(\$ MBTI: xNTx Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 7,340	I'd tell the guy his girlfriend is a slut, then cut off all contact from her. But then again I'm evil.
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02-18-2012, 07:11 AM	#7
Vulture Member [48%] MBTI: intj Join Date: Nov 2011 Posts: 1,952	what zibber said. what's the problem? there's nothing there holding you to the situation... fucking leave it if you find it intolerable. or are you looking for ways to do that gracefully/painlessly/hilariously from this thread?
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02-18-2012, 07:23 AM	#8
sed0007 Core Member [210%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2011 Posts: 8,423	Dump her soon, (yesterday, if possible). That you are being used in her self-important 'drama' shows her true colors. She is actually the sexist pig here, in assuming it's OK to use you as the cue-ball on the smooth green felt of her narrow, selfish mindset. (Just sayin')
sed0007 is offline post a comment

02-18-2012, 07:44 AM	#9
Purgatid Veteran Member [63%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 2,548	I'd do something similar to mieu. I would indeed confront her boyfriend, but not with her present. I would explain the whole situation, and then simply tell him that I'm getting the fuck away from her, and that I think he should do the same - though he of course must do whatever it is he thinks is best. I'd likely be diplomatic with him, since he's going to be upset by it, perhaps even disbelieve me. I'd show him eventual text messages if necessary, and/or pictures of us together. Just to prove it's true. If I look beyond this - this girl seems a bit... I don't know... Slow? Her boyfriend smells of perfume during valentines day? Well, perhaps he was out looking for her valentines day gift, and sampled a few perfumes along the way? Jumping to conclusions is as effective for a relationship as jumping in front of a train is for say - dance skills. In either case, Eagleseven. If she does it to him - then what would possibly prevent her from doing so to you as well? She doesn't even know he's cheating - she just suspects it, and then her reaction is to cheat herself - never mind that she lacks proof? What if she happens to suspect you for cheating in the future. Are you prepared to be cheated on because you got some perfume on you? Because some annoying girl brushed off some lipstick on your sleeve while in the subway? Because - whatever goofy "proof" she invented in her head? ... yeah, I wouldn't touch this girl with a remote controlled set of pliers.
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02-18-2012, 07:52 AM	#10
Muse Veteran Member [84%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 3,392	Well, she has made it very clear that she sees you as a cue-ball, as sed0007 said. Since you don't want to deal with any drama, I think your best bet is to just cut it off cold. You could send the guy a message or something if you want to but it is up to you really. You already lost enough time in the situation.
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02-18-2012, 07:52 AM	#11
plotthickens Core Member [661%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 26,450	Either very public revelation -- that'll teach her to lie! -- or just walk away. Who needs that kind of trouble?!?!
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02-18-2012, 09:28 AM	#12
krisl Member [07%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 315	Run away. Maybe tell her boyfriend.
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02-18-2012, 10:12 AM	#13
eagleseven Core Member [155%] MBTI: XNTJ Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 6,201	That settles it, then. No point wasting any more time in this situation. I haven't met her boyfriend yet, only know that he's a grad student at a nearby uni writing his thesis on malaria. Have no intention of finding out more. washes hands --- Interesting note: this situation was a little bizarre because she approached me. I'm usually the initiator, not the other way around.
eagleseven is offline post a comment

02-18-2012, 11:41 AM	#14
ohd1122 New Member [01%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 60	hands Eagleseven a towel Looks like we're done here.
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02-18-2012, 02:10 PM	#15
ValentinePirate Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 80	Glad you're getting out of it, and away from her. The women I've dated who have the "I think you're cheating so I'm going to show you!" mentality were vicious, manipulative, and controlling
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02-18-2012, 02:13 PM	#16
Zodd Core Member [168%] MBTI: xxxx Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 6,737	The answer is very simple, you really needed to start a thread about this? ---------- Post added 02-18-2012 at 11:14 PM ---------- It's not like you have trouble with hugging a girl you barely know or something, lol.
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02-18-2012, 05:43 PM	#18
followthehippos Member [32%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 1,287	Say no to such childish things? I personally wouldn't get involved in such manipulation.
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02-21-2012, 08:05 PM	#19
Letmeb New Member [01%] MBTI: Intj Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 24	I'm with Zodd on this one! But - since u did start a thread about this, I'd like to know what you ended up doing about this slam pig that looks "great in heels" ?? Ayiyiiiii
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02-22-2012, 05:39 AM	#21
Fishism Member [29%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 1,185	"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". My advice is to be careful in how you end things with this woman. She's already proven to enjoy the "drama" and if you reject her, there's no telling what ridiculousness she could spew to "Malaria Man". Before you know it, she's labelled you a stalker/rapist and he's injecting a sample of his study into your Starbucks. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I'm supporting the idea of including him into the process of severing this relationship as a method of removing her ability to invent negative things about you. Sounds like that hot, firey redhead is a ticking timebomb. Damn them hypnotizing heels! Damn them to hell I say!
Fishism is online post a comment

02-22-2012, 08:05 AM	#23
Marcus Septim Suspended MBTI: ISTJ Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 4,354	How do you know you are more intimidating :grin: imo You think too much of yourself
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02-22-2012, 09:54 AM	#25
changos Member [48%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,944	I'll laugh while saying "why the problem, I'm not a jealous guy" and watch her face...
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