[Zhen]

Just wondering because my head can't understand this and it is a very rare occurrence in people I know, however it's happened recently to two guys I know who got engaged in less than 2 months of meeting a girl and are marrying several months later...all in the space of a year! Do things like this last, are they more likely to fail, do you believe in "when you know you just know"? My head can't fathom it but in particular that you can know everything you need to know about someone to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with them in <2 months...

Is that a belief reflecting INTJ_ness...do INTJs believe in quick marriages being successful? Have you witnessed any?

Do INTJs get into such quick engagements/marriages or is it behaviour of "other types"?

[changos]

Don't know many intjs to tell (about a type thing), and no I don't believe in quick marriages, but I've seen pretty crazy stuff like that happening between 27 and 34 year old people. The internet is making easier that crazier things happen.

[BlackOp]

Hey Zhen...you want to get hitched?
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[Zhen]

	Originally Posted by BlackOp To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Hey Zhen...you want to get hitched? To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

lol as much as i like participating in experiments to further knowledge and understanding ...surely there is some INTJ sample couple from the forum that can enlighten so we don't have to be the poor little tormented lab rats?
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---------- Post added 02-11-2012 at 02:52 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by changos To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Don't know many intjs to tell (about a type thing), and no I don't believe in quick marriages, but I've seen pretty crazy stuff like that happening between 27 and 34 year old people. The internet is making easier that crazier things happen.

Okay one couple fits in that "crazy age" range and the other is an imported wife situation....I'm just wondering if I'm really cynical but I just can't help but think that everyone is losing their marbles around me! LOL

[BlackOp]

	Originally Posted by Zhen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	lol as much as i like participating in experiments to further knowledge and understanding ...surely there is some INTJ sample couple from the forum that can enlighten so we don't have to be the poor little tormented lab rats? To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

So, if there is overwhelming evidence to success, you are accepting?
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I'm straightening my bow-tie in mirror..and putting on my fancy shoes.

[Purgatid]

Don't know about marriage. But my SO and I are both INTJ and she moved in with me a week after we got together. We've been together for 6 months soon, starting off with living together from basically the get go. I don't think most people "just know" when they meet, but I am not willing to say it's impossible either. It all seemed very deliberate and logical for my SO and me.

I think the problem with the question is that it's trying to cram 7 billion people into an easy formula saying "yes, it works" or "no, it never works." But human relationships don't work like that. There's examples of people who married within the first weeks of meeting, and who lived together until death. There's stories of people who were couples for some 10 years or more, then when getting married - the relationship crumbled.

Simplifying the question will simplify the answer, so my answer is: maybe.

[changos]

	Originally Posted by Zhen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'm just wondering if I'm really cynical but I just can't help but think that everyone is losing their marbles around me! LOL

it's gonna get worse before it gets better, I can bet on that

[Zhen]

	Originally Posted by Purgatid To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Simplifying the question will simplify the answer, so my answer is: maybe.

yeah i know but sometimes the truly irrational deeply traumatises my intj, lol. to be honest is almost never happens and then suddenly two instances at once??...bizarre!!! it's like what did they drink in their water...

with the overseas case my rational brain was a bit concerned for my friend...case of gold digger wanting a passport to a nicer country? will she just dump him once she's secured the citizenship?

---------- Post added 02-11-2012 at 03:42 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by BlackOp To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	So, if there is overwhelming evidence to success, you are accepting? To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I'm straightening my bow-tie in mirror..and putting on my fancy shoes.

tormented rats = success? lol gotta love that aries optimism
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okay, depends on what the shoes and bow tie look like
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[changos]

I had a heated discussion about this sort of things with a long life girlfriend, she was against what I said (and some here would too). There is a documentary somewhere about it too, how many women approach relationships and marriage, like "this 2012 will be the year of...[insert idea here]" like, things are not related to circumstances but to age or something, and guys do pretty crazy stuff like this too. This friend hated my comments, but as she gets near her 30s... ha ha ha she is hearing all sort of silly stuff and can't do nothing but agree with my old words.

[Oros Ull]

It seems crazy to me to. But then again if I ever go to Vegas I refuse to leave without having been married for a solid 24 hours.

[bea555]

Originally Posted by Purgatid To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Don't know about marriage. But my SO and I are both INTJ and she moved in with me a week after we got together. We've been together for 6 months soon, starting off with living together from basically the get go. I don't think most people "just know" when they meet, but I am not willing to say it's impossible either. It all seemed very deliberate and logical for my SO and me. I think the problem with the question is that it's trying to cram 7 billion people into an easy formula saying "yes, it works" or "no, it never works." But human relationships don't work like that. There's examples of people who married within the first weeks of meeting, and who lived together until death. There's stories of people who were couples for some 10 years or more, then when getting married - the relationship crumbled. Simplifying the question will simplify the answer, so my answer is: maybe.

Smart, practical and realistic.
It's like the human body: what fits for one is death sentence for another.
I think that one should not worry too much about it: if a relationship works keep it going that way.
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The problem is when you think things are ok and you're partner is on edge of depression. :S

[Zhen]

	Originally Posted by Oros Ull To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It seems crazy to me to. But then again if I ever go to Vegas I refuse to leave without having been married for a solid 24 hours.

haha, but is divorce worth the risk? maybe a student with no assets and no reputation, lol it could be a fun whirl... sales pitch..."experience the celebrity life" LOL!

---------- Post added 02-11-2012 at 03:57 AM ----------

Originally Posted by changos To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I had a heated discussion about this sort of things with a long life girlfriend, she was against what I said (and some here would too). There is a documentary somewhere about it too, how many women approach relationships and marriage, like "this 2012 will be the year of...[insert idea here]" like, things are not related to circumstances but to age or something, and guys do pretty crazy stuff like this too. This friend hated my comments, but as she gets near her 30s... ha ha ha she is hearing all sort of silly stuff and can't do nothing but agree with my old words.

I can't help but have this sneaking suspicion it's what you believe too as well though...which is why it seems like non INTJs can probably pull it off?? perhaps? i have no benefit of hindsight to observe as this just is unheard of in people I know of prior to now...

[Muse]

I wouldn't do it, but my theory is that it can work, and here is why.

To be a good spouse and have a healthy marriage, one has to want one and be motivated to do what it takes to create/keep one. That's the minimum. 'chemistry' need not apply even. I know of situations where there was lots of chemisty but marriage failed because the indiviuals let it fail.

In the past people have created healthy marriages with much much less (on both sides of gender). We expect too much from marriage, our spouse, and people in general. Many expectations that really don't have to do with the relationship success itself, just extra things we want and will destroy connections over if they aren't satisfied.

[Distance]

Hey Zhen, I believe not everyone's an INTJ so what works for other types, works for them. The reason I bring up type is that INTJs in general, are known to take their time observing others and synthesizing data. Overthinking is the flipside of the INTJ strength of deep thought. Many INTJs wait until it's too late, prior to even asking people out nevermind agreeing to commitment in the form of relationships and marriage.
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[BlackOp]

	Originally Posted by Zhen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	okay, depends on what the shoes and bow tie look like To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

When I break out the "goldfish"..it's fo'keepz, yo.

[HIDE="serious biznezz"]
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[/HIDE]

[elTee13]

Originally Posted by Zhen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Just wondering because my head can't understand this and it is a very rare occurrence in people I know, however it's happened recently to two guys I know who got engaged in less than 2 months of meeting a girl and are marrying several months later...all in the space of a year! Do things like this last, are they more likely to fail, do you believe in "when you know you just know"? My head can't fathom it but in particular that you can know everything you need to know about someone to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with them in <2 months... Is that a belief reflecting INTJ_ness...do INTJs believe in quick marriages being successful? Have you witnessed any? Do INTJs get into such quick engagements/marriages or is it behaviour of "other types"?

I did. It was a 10 yr marriage, but it really wasn't a marriage after 18 months.

[Zhen]

Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Hey Zhen, I believe not everyone's an INTJ so what works for other types, works for them. The reason I bring up type is that INTJs in general, are known to take their time observing others and synthesizing data. Overthinking is the flipside of the INTJ strength of deep thought. Many INTJs wait until it's too late, prior to even asking people out nevermind agreeing to commitment in the form of relationships and marriage. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

lol i get your point but <2 months for MARRIAGE? lol is that REALLY overthinking?? you haven't even had time to observe people's annoying habits or find out all their dirty little secrets or know their family yet!!! that's a leap of faith!!! and TRUST! the honeymoon period lasts a good 6-12 months...no? it just seems risky...to a rational mind
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[Distance]

Originally Posted by Zhen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

lol i get your point but <2 months for MARRIAGE? lol is that REALLY overthinking?? you haven't even had time to observe people's annoying habits or find out all their dirty little secrets or know their family yet!!! that's a leap of faith!!! and TRUST! the honeymoon period lasts a good 6-12 months...no? it just seems risky...to a rational mind To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Don't disagree with it being a very short time and well, you know my overall attitude about marriage...but...that's not to say that people can't be wide open and honest during their two months together enough so they're just as fine for the future, as any other couple who take forever to open up.

And anyways, how many marriages last a lifetime anymore? Is it so terrible that they don't? I dunno. It's really a balance about personalities, perspectives, priorities and living your life, rather than observing life on the sidelines.

[elTee13]

Originally Posted by Zhen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Hey Zhen, I believe not everyone's an INTJ so what works for other types, works for them. The reason I bring up type is that INTJs in general, are known to take their time observing others and synthesizing data. Overthinking is the flipside of the INTJ strength of deep thought. Many INTJs wait until it's too late, prior to even asking people out nevermind agreeing to commitment in the form of relationships and marriage. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. lol i get your point but <2 months for MARRIAGE? lol is that REALLY overthinking?? you haven't even had time to observe people's annoying habits or find out all their dirty little secrets or know their family yet!!! that's a leap of faith!!! and TRUST! the honeymoon period lasts a good 6-12 months...no? it just seems risky...to a rational mind To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

In my case it was similar to Distance's description in that I waited until it was too late, finally gave up on ever finding someone, then caught the eye of a very promiscuous ESFP. She had a rep but I lived 300 miles away and didn't know it, we kind of accidentally got engaged because I was being flippant and she called my bluff. I swear, it was almost exactly like
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. 136 days from meet to marriage. My family was relieved, thought I'd die a bachelor. Her parents bit their tongues, it was only 115 days between their meeting and marriage. I did have misgivings and broached the subject of delaying or calling it off but profuse tears made me drop it. Stupid stupid stupid!

[SilkTaffeta]

Maternal grandparents married within a year of meeting and my maternal great grandparents within 6 months. Both were amazing relationships that lasted over 65 years. Romance can be amazing, quick, and last a lifetime :-)

[totoro]

You could get lucky, but I wouldn't chance it. What is the hurry?

[rhee]

I eloped a month after meeting my husband. We are 11yrs into it and so far, so good.

[greasemonkey]

Two of my mates married women, both less than a year after first meeting. One married a woman with 4 kids. She was a foot taller than him and built like a Russian shotputter.
The other one married a woman with 7 (Yes, seven) kids. He met her when she came out of hospital and moved into a battered womans shelter.

Russian shotputter had another two kids with my mate, before "he kicked her out" ( his words) and took his 2 year old and 1 year old back to live with his mother.

Battered woman has had another kid with my mate. Also moved a few of the seven in to live with them. They are still married after about six or seven years. He's big into keeping his mouth shut and disappearing into the shed when the domestic pressure is on. Just loves the put upon breadwinner image.

I have no idea to what their MBTI type is. There both very intelligent in an engineering kind of way. The one thing they both have in common is a domineering, mollycodling mother. That, and a fear of being seen as Gay.

Iv'e no intention of marrying anyway, but I would imagine I would want to date for at least two years, before there was even a mention of marrage.

[Rationality]

Originally Posted by Muse To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To be a good spouse and have a healthy marriage, one has to want one and be motivated to do what it takes to create/keep one. That's the minimum. 'chemistry' need not apply even. I know of situations where there was lots of chemisty but marriage failed because the indiviuals let it fail. In the past people have created healthy marriages with much much less (on both sides of gender). We expect too much from marriage, our spouse, and people in general. Many expectations that really don't have to do with the relationship success itself, just extra things we want and will destroy connections over if they aren't satisfied.

Yes, I agree. Marriages work when the 2 people in it make it happen. If you view it as a life partnership and not a dreamy fairy-tale romance, you'll have a better chance of staying together.

My husband and I met online. In 1 month and 2 weeks we were living together and engaged. We didn't marry legally until years later because the piece of paper was meaningless beyond the legal/social implications (taxes and Social Security, the right to make medical decisions for one another, travel on a spouse visa possible) but if we had there would have been no difference. It doesn't take that long to determine fundamental compatibility. I can eliminate the vast majority of the population with a handful of basic questions. Our marriage isn't perfect but we've been together for 12+ years so I definitely think it's possible.

[DelphianEtude]

I believe quick marriages can be successful. I couldn't do it myself without a 2 month plan before even knowing who though. And there's a LOT I'd have to know about somebody before even considering a long term relationship, let alone a marriage. It's not really my thing.

My parents were married within 7 months of meeting each other, and are still together after over 35 years. It wasn't always picture perfect, and even growing up with them I could tell they both worked hard to maintain it at times. They were a bit on the older side before their marriage though, so I suspect societal pressure may have had something to do with them getting married as quickly as they did.