[enfp_female]

Would an INTJ guy feel
* bored
* offended
* irritated
* bewildered
* amused
* loved

if his girlfriend/wife/SO sent him a personalized text message each day with reasonable regularity, wishing a nice day with say, a virtual hug?

Does a gesture like this annoy or help?

[sircockburn]

My boyfriend does that to me, and he's an ISTJ, so I'd imagine INTJs would be cool with it, if you didn't pester him too much.

[KeithP]

I don't mind that at all. If I like a girl, I'll text back and forth all day. Until the conversation drops off, or if she asks me a question that's not in the form of a question, which she thinks I should respond to but I don't think warrants a response.

[No sense]

Depends on how deep are my feelings for the girl.

If it's all new, I'd be confused because I probably couldn't comprehend where it's all coming from.
If I liked her, I could tolerate some virtual hugging, as long as it's not every single day, maybe not even every other day.
If I was in love with her, I probably wouldn't mind at all.. I wouldn't want her to hold back too much and responding to these text hugs would probably mean a lot to her.. why the hell not?

For me, text hugging is very draining if it's not coming from deep down in my 'heart', and that place is slow to generate text hugs, and doesn't do it often.

[Looc]

	Originally Posted by some other forumemale To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Would an INTJ guy feel * bored * offended * irritated * bewildered * amused * loved if his girlfriend/wife/SO sent him a personalized text message each day with reasonable regularity, wishing a nice day with say, a virtual hug? Does a gesture like this annoy or help?

I would assume the closer the two of you are the MORE annoying this kind of text message would be. I'm sure there's a wide variation of opinions on this but I think these kind of texts/ people saying "have a nice day" etc are pointless and stupid. It should be easy to see if (the INTJ in question) also thinks this is annoying.

"Have a nice day"
-k
-no response
-w/e
---- Obvious right? -----

EDIT: The reason I say the closer the two people are the more annoying this would be is because:

As two people get more comfortable together they are less likely to put up with things they "don't like".

[Vulture]

my wife does this to/for me.

i...er... i'm ambivalent about it.

mostly the message arrives as a disturbance form another task.

Phone/IM : BEEP
Me: !?
Phone: Have a good morning! :D <3
Me: Meh... (types u2 <3) (puts phone/im away)
Me: (Moves on with life, unfazed by the obviously thoughtful action that was given. feels guilty for 3 minutes for his ambivalence.)
Me: makes point to call/im Wife at lunch-ish time for conversation and reciprocation of action.

[Thinker]

Welcome

[Causa Mortis]

A text like this is fine in the context of a LTR. Either he's going to feel a little fuzzy over this, or be like "crap I'm busy".

Within the context of early dating, I can see this as coming across as a bit needy

[NicholasIv]

I would feel very loved if a girl did that for me, as long as her grammar and spelling are spot on
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[Zethariel]

Had this with several girls I tried dating. No sense superbly described this as being draining -- text hugs aren't real hugs, so why the hell do they even exist? And why must I waste energy to write back to something that by default wouldn't require a response, but does for some strange reason?

"Have a nice day!" is okay. I can even tolerate a "<3" at the end. Anything beyond that is =.=''

[enfp_female]

	Originally Posted by KeithP To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't mind that at all. If I like a girl, I'll text back and forth all day. Until the conversation drops off, or if she asks me a question that's not in the form of a question, which she thinks I should respond to but I don't think warrants a response.

Thank you, KeithP.

At what point does this get to be a 'distraction' from work and hence, a little troublesome? Or do you just multi-task and compartmentalize really well, so that you are able to switch back and forth without one affecting the other adversely?

Assume: both are mature enough to know that not receiving a response automatically means that the conversation has ended meaningfully and/or the other person is busy. Basically, there is no question of guilt-trips of, "Aww... I sent you all those messages and you didn't even bother to respond! You, unfeeling person!" etc. Mature folks, basically.

---------- Post added 02-02-2012 at 01:24 PM ----------

Originally Posted by No sense To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Depends on how deep are my feelings for the girl. If it's all new, I'd be confused because I probably couldn't comprehend where it's all coming from. If I liked her, I could tolerate some virtual hugging, as long as it's not every single day, maybe not even every other day. If I was in love with her, I probably wouldn't mind at all.. I wouldn't want her to hold back too much and responding to these text hugs would probably mean a lot to her.. why the hell not? For me, text hugging is very draining if it's not coming from deep down in my 'heart', and that place is slow to generate text hugs, and doesn't do it often.

Thank you, "No sense".
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Interestingly, the frequency of such messages has in fact built up over a long long time (two years!) and therefore, probably corresponds to the level of comfort you've portrayed above. I never did see it this way, but that pattern makes sense now.

---------- Post added 02-02-2012 at 01:58 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Looc To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I would assume the closer the two of you are the MORE annoying this kind of text message would be. I'm sure there's a wide variation of opinions on this but I think these kind of texts/ people saying "have a nice day" etc are pointless and stupid. It should be easy to see if (the INTJ in question) also thinks this is annoying. "Have a nice day" -k -no response -w/e ---- Obvious right? ----- EDIT: The reason I say the closer the two people are the more annoying this would be is because: As two people get more comfortable together they are less likely to put up with things they "don't like".

Fair enough, Looc.
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That was well-articulated too, btw.
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Would your response be modified if:

1. It was a long distance relationship?
2. The message was more 'contextualized' as in, "Hope that particular issue resolves today. Have a nice day, sweetie. <3"?

---------- Post added 02-02-2012 at 02:00 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Zethariel To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Had this with several girls I tried dating. No sense superbly described this as being draining -- text hugs aren't real hugs, so why the hell do they even exist? And why must I waste energy to write back to something that by default wouldn't require a response, but does for some strange reason? "Have a nice day!" is okay. I can even tolerate a "<3" at the end. Anything beyond that is =.=''

You are right, Zetharial. INTJ guys do seem to prefer real, physical, "meaningful" hugs than the freely doled out virtual ones. :D Having said that, what about in a Long Distance Relationship?

---------- Post added 02-02-2012 at 02:01 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by NicholasIv To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I would feel very loved if a girl did that for me, as long as her grammar and spelling are spot on To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

That's reassuring, NicholasIv.
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Grammar and spelling are at least in one's control; the perception at the other end - not so much! :D

---------- Post added 02-02-2012 at 02:04 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Causa Mortis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	A text like this is fine in the context of a LTR. Either he's going to feel a little fuzzy over this, or be like "crap I'm busy". Within the context of early dating, I can see this as coming across as a bit needy

Interesting, Causa Mortis, that you mention 'needy'. How would you find yourself differentiating between what is perceived as needy and what is perceived as freely giving of affection? One can look like the other, esp over a virtual, text-based medium. Would once-a-day, at a time that the other person has taken care of to ensure would *not* be a busy time for the INTJ, still be perceived as needy?

Your response is interesting to me because of the possible misrepresentation that a text-message (or a series of them!) can do!
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[enfp_female]

	Originally Posted by Thinker To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Welcome

Thank you!
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/*Oddly enough!! LoL! */

---------- Post added 02-02-2012 at 02:07 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Vulture To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

my wife does this to/for me. i...er... i'm ambivalent about it. mostly the message arrives as a disturbance form another task. Phone/IM : BEEP Me: !? Phone: Have a good morning! :D <3 Me: Meh... (types u2 <3) (puts phone/im away) Me: (Moves on with life, unfazed by the obviously thoughtful action that was given. feels guilty for 3 minutes for his ambivalence.) Me: makes point to call/im Wife at lunch-ish time for conversation and reciprocation of action.

Vulture, how interesting! I notice this pattern too - of the follow-up lunch-time call. :D Is that welcome or does it end up becoming a chore that needs to be done? That said, it does feel from the other end as very appreciated and loved when the INTJ guy takes the effort to call and 'respond' to that message, with reliability, that too!
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I don't know about your wife, but I bet she values it that you call.
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---------- Post added 02-02-2012 at 02:10 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by sircockburn To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My boyfriend does that to me, and he's an ISTJ, so I'd imagine INTJs would be cool with it, if you didn't pester him too much.

That dedication is charming, isn't it Sircockburn?
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I have an ISTJ sibling who is very thoughtful and dedicated like that too.
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Having said that, the same reliability, coming from an ENFP, is after A LOT of hard work!! LoL! So, actually, the idea is that it is done only for a very special someone who is worth all that effort! Unlike an ISTJ, though, the ENFP won't by default, expect that the response also be regular and prompt! LoL!

[sircockburn]

@some other forumemale

My ISTJ boyfriend didn't start doing that until about halfway through.

Apparently though, the INTJs here seem not to like it, as they see it as pointless, whereas my ISTJ sees it as a way to make little things count.

Si vs Ni, perhaps.



It doesn't annoy me because I don't even check my personal phone if I'm busy, it's in my bag on silent. He knows not to expect a response immediately. If it's an emergency, he has my work number.

If my ISTJ's love texts did interrupt my work day/waste time, yeah, I'd be pissed.

[Looc]

@some other forumemale

I don't think it would change much if the relationship was long distance.
"Hope that particular issue resolves today" seems better to me because it's more personal.

If you want some real advice you should give us a couple sample texts if it's not too personal. Would be extremely easy to read the other person's thoughts.

[Zethariel]

	You are right, Zetharial. INTJ guys do seem to prefer real, physical, "meaningful" hugs than the freely doled out virtual ones. :D Having said that, what about in a Long Distance Relationship?

Depends on the type of the LDR. If I knew the person beforehand personally for some time, and can link the virtual hug to the memory of a real one, imagine the scent of the person and her warmth, such hugs are desirable. If it is a LDR that has yet to been physical, it is awkward and undesirable.

As a conclusion, it seems that such hugs are desirable only when they are the only available alternative. Shocking to see such a pragmatic way of thinking in such a simple matter O.o

[Muse]

Loved.

I like it a lot to be honest.

It is already personal, it's sent to you. Just because its something you heard before, or often, doesn't take away from what it means.

They are thinking about you and wishing you well. They probably miss you but know your current accomplishment/activity is important to you, and they want you to succeed.

It helps. I like being on a team, but usually i'm solo and in a tier of my own everywhere else (work, school, whatever). I like the feeling that someone is behind or beside me, and that when the battles are all won I have somewhere/someone to come home to.

[changos]

Nice
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unless:

	Originally Posted by some other forumemale To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	if his girlfriend/wife/SO sent him a personalized text message each day with reasonable regularity, wishing a nice day with say, a virtual hug?

That would be like "hey, it's 9:00AM... " just because of the message... any pre programmed calendar can do that, even sms subscription, sorry...

[InsipidPariah]

I like it, so long as it doesn't get used in some kind of "you always" or "you never" style argument down the road.

As a kind gesture on it's own I appreciate it. Although every day would really water it down to me. There is a fine line between showing interest and making me go "aww" and making yourself look like a jack russell terrier who I can't leave for 5 minutes for fear that it will throw a fit.
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[Marcus Septim]

Boring as fuck!!

Just freaking call me

[Vulture]

Originally Posted by some other forumemale To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Vulture, how interesting! I notice this pattern too - of the follow-up lunch-time call. :D Is that welcome or does it end up becoming a chore that needs to be done? That said, it does feel from the other end as very appreciated and loved when the INTJ guy takes the effort to call and 'respond' to that message, with reliability, that too! To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I don't know about your wife, but I bet she values it that you call. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

ehh... it depends.

most days... a chore.

some days it's welcome, and it does help knowing someone is thinking of me.


i love my wife and all, but i would rather talk with erh in person, to look at her face and all that. i really hate the phone. usually our conversations at lunch are updates on the day and nothing more. a simple conveying of information. that, i feel, can be accomplished when we meet up when we are both home. some days, as indicated before, it is nice tho. if the day is hard, or i'm feeling down, it is nice.

[masterpeach]

	Originally Posted by InsipidPariah To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I like it, so long as it doesn't get used in some kind of "you always" or "you never" style argument down the road.

Even worse, once it's become a habit/ritual, anything that deviates from it can be seen as an indicator of "something's wrong" => more trouble than benefit.

[NicholasIv]

	Originally Posted by masterpeach To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Even worse, once it's become a habit/ritual, anything that deviates from it can be seen as an indicator of "something's wrong" => more trouble than benefit.

Once it became a habit/ritual I think that would be the most comfortable thing, ideal even. Sure do love my habits
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[True Rune]

Just write a note and stick it on the fridge and be original with everything else.

[wotsamattaU]

I would have no tolerance for that...it would drive me right up a wall. The only people who attempt to reach out this way to me are extroverts. I see it as their need to connect/keep in touch far exceeding my need. It would be overkill to me, but I am not a male INTJ.

A short e-mail with a real message to impart is different. (part of an on going conversation) That cheers me.

What you are describing seems clingy and cloying to me.

[elTee13]

I would be very annoyed by little text messages .. so much that I have turned off the 'text' feature for the phone. If you wanna talk, call. If not, send an email. But then, I'm weird like that.

---------- Post added 02-02-2012 at 01:31 PM ----------

Originally Posted by wotsamattaU To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I would have no tolerance for that...it would drive me right up a wall. The only people who attempt to reach out this way to me are extroverts. I see it as their need to connect/keep in touch far exceeding my need. It would be overkill to me, but I am not a male INTJ. A short e-mail with a real message to impart is different. (part of an on going conversation) That cheers me. What you are describing seems clingy and cloying to me.

^^^ This, and I am an INTJ male.