[changos]

Hi there, I'm curious about this.

One thing is what you believe is the best way to reject someone, and another HOW YOU would like to be rejected.

Rejection seems a heavy word, most of times I've found I would like to have that person around, but not that close (intimate, etc). But most people hate being rejected, in fact many relate it to being defective, having little to offer, or that the person rejecting them feels superior, on another level... WTF!. etc (I know it involves self steem). And I also know many take it against the one rejecting them.

I guess what I wrote applies to many diff people who really are mean, in my case I'm gentle but clear, you know, the whole "I don't see you that way". I'm open to friendship. Sometimes I find it difficult because some ask "why not me" (there is a thread about this) and so specific questions relate to specific answers like "well you said one time you saw abortion as an option, or pregnancy as ruining your body shape"...

Back to the topic, it is like people think: "hey, you don't want my love? well you can't have my friendship!!!..."




Me? how I would like to be rejected? a clear explanation: you are too ugly, you act like a caring friend (brother) or I just can't ignite that feeling, etc. One girl said once "I feel weird dating you, you are so tall" (we tall guys often like not so tall girls
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) etc...



What about you???

---------- Post added 01-24-2012 at 02:32 PM ----------

You could also share the best ways (and worst) someone ever rejected you. To me, not answering is one of the worst, it shows little character, and often the one rejecting is the one who gets rejected... so little personality and character to talk face to face... shame on you
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[Analyze]

	Originally Posted by changos To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Me? how I would like to be rejected? a clear explanation: you are too ugly, you act like a caring friend (brother) or I just can't ignite that feeling, etc. One girl said once "I feel weird dating you, you are so tall" (we tall guys often like not so tall girls To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ) etc... a clear explanation

	Originally Posted by changos To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	a clear explanation

This is always the best way. I've rejected people and I used clear explanations, and it wasn't devastating to the other party.

I can't speak for my worst rejection, I've only asked one person out and it resulted in a relationship. If I were to be rejected, I would like a clear explanation though.

[Distance]

Needing to reject someone who you weren't into in the first place, has got to be the most annoying chore, EVAH! They've put their issues onto you, something you didn't ask for.

If you're looking for a drama-less way to do it, good luck with that!

/vent

[Aboni]

I'll just ignore them, it's more polite.

[Analyze]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If you're looking for a drama-less way to do it, good luck with that!

If you're a person who is known for their logical tendencies I think this is less of an issue. People should be aware of how you will respond based off of your personality, which they should know if they show interest in you. If someone knows that I am logical in my outlook they probably can infer that asking me out would result in rejection.

[AnaK]

The worst is when someone refuses to talk to you, but you know they're checking your facebook page every day and driving by your house all of the time. It's like, make up your mind and be a man.

[Analyze]

	Originally Posted by Aboni To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'll just ignore them, it's more polite.

Ignore their initial question or the drama? I would think ignoring the initial question wouldn't make you a very popular person.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by Analyze To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	If you're a person who is known for their logical tendencies I think this is less of an issue. People should be aware of how you will respond based off of your personality, which they should know if they show interest in you. If someone knows that I am logical in my outlook they probably can infer that asking me out would result in rejection.

Does.not.matter. This assumes that emotions are rational. They're not.

[AnaK]

	Originally Posted by Analyze To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Ignore their initial question or the drama? I would think ignoring the initial question wouldn't make you a very popular person.

Ignoring someone's initial question is one of the most dramatic things you can do.

[Analyze]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Does.not.matter. This assumes that emotions are rational. They're not.

I hadn't considered the possibility that someone who very emotional would even ask me out. People with strong emotional tendencies tend to write me off as cold and ignore my existence, much to my relief.

My view on relationships isn't normal though, so I'll just count myself as an outlier.

---------- Post added 01-24-2012 at 08:06 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Ignoring someone's initial question is one of the most dramatic things you can do.

Questions should be answered, I don't understand why someone would hesitate to answer.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by Analyze To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I hadn't considered the possibility that someone who very emotional would even ask me out. People with strong emotional tendencies tend to write me off as cold and ignore my existence, much to my relief. My view on relationships isn't normal though, so I'll just count myself as an outlier.

Oh believe me, the most cold, rational person has emotions within them. No one enjoys rejection, whether person rejecting or person being rejected. No matter how many times or how many people you've rejected, there's always drama and discomfort.

[Analyze]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Oh believe me, the most cold, rational person has emotions within them. No one enjoys rejection, whether person rejecting or person being rejected. No matter how many times or how many people you've rejected, there's always drama and discomfort.

I don't think there is discomfort when you reject someone. It wasn't the case for me, all I did was answer a question. Why would the fact that someone wants to pursue you be uncomfortable?

[AnaK]

I've rejected people with no drama before. It's not so hard if you treat people with a little respect.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by Analyze To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't think there is discomfort when you reject someone. It wasn't the case for me, all I did was answer a question. Why would the fact that someone wants to pursue you be uncomfortable?

How many people have you rejected?

Let's take the most recent real life negative experience. An ESTJ who works for a client firm of mine. I had to turn him down for months of which the most recent time was in December. I flat out told him I wasn't interested and dense fucker that he is, believes I'm playing hard to get. Just waiting for his call or email for the month of January but hoping and wishing that maybe this time, he's found someone else to stalk.

[Analyze]

Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

How many people have you rejected? Let's take the most recent real life negative experience. An ESTJ who works for a client firm of mine. I had to turn him down for months of which the most recent time was in December. I flat out told him I wasn't interested and dense fucker that he is, believes I'm playing hard to get. Just waiting for his call or email for the month of January but hoping and wishing that maybe this time, he's found someone else to stalk.

I've rejected four people, perhaps I just don't attract "dense fuckers". It wasn't really meant as a slander to you, but I couldn't really resist the opportunity.

Regardless, that wouldn't be uncomfortable for me. Eventually they would either give up or stalk me. As long as they aren't physically dangerous I could care less if they stalk me within legal bounds.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by Analyze To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I've rejected four people, perhaps I just don't attract "dense fuckers". It wasn't really meant as a slander to you, but I couldn't really resist the opportunity. Regardless, that wouldn't be uncomfortable for me. Eventually they would either give up or stalk me. As long as they aren't physically dangerous I could care less if they stalk me within legal bounds.

Are you male or female?

[Analyze]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Are you male or female?

I can see the obvious relevance of the question given that rape is an issue.

I am male. Does this potentially mean that it is easier for men to be more comfortable with rejecting someone than women, or is there some other conclusion you are trying to reach here?

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by Analyze To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I can see the obvious relevance of the question given that rape is an issue. I am male. Does this potentially mean that it is easier for men to be more comfortable with rejecting someone than women, or is there some other conclusion you are trying to reach here?

Need I spell it out for you?

• Being a small woman, you have to be a helluva lot more careful with rejections.
• Some guys just don't get it and won't let up.
• Stalking and rape are considerations.
• Being a woman, we have to do a lot more rejecting than men, particularly when you've reached the age I'm at which is mid-thirties. You're a high school senior so it's no wonder rejection isn't something you're tired of having to deal with.

[Analyze]

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Need I spell it out for you?

I am only trying to discuss the matter that is pertinent to the original post, no need to be condescending.

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	[*]Being a small woman, you have to be a helluva lot more careful with rejections.

I acknowledge this to be true.

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	[*]Some guys just don't get it and won't let up.

This point doesn't really add anything to your argument, since both women and men can possess this quality.

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	[*]Stalking and rape are considerations.

These considerations would make it more uncomfortable, I can't dispute that.

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	[*]Being a woman, we have to do a lot more rejecting than men, particularly when you've reached the age I'm at which is mid-thirties. You're a high school senior so it's no wonder rejection isn't something you're tired of having to deal with.

This is a result of a flawed society, but it is true that women have to reject more potential mates.

While I appreciate the fact that you can look at my introduction post, me being tired with the situation is irrelevant. A person can be tired of a situation and still be comfortable with it.


A treat for the next person who is interested in identifying my level of education: I am a standing sophomore in college currently attending his third semester of classes.

[reckful]

	Originally Posted by Analyze To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't think there is discomfort when you reject someone. It wasn't the case for me, all I did was answer a question. Why would the fact that someone wants to pursue you be uncomfortable?

I assume just about everyone would agree that it's more painful to be rejected than to be the one doing the rejecting. But, speaking for myself, I find it more uncomfortable to be the rejecting party, and I don't just experience a little discomfort — and that's especially true if I know (or suspect) that the rejected person has some strong feelings for me and/or is someone I continue to have quite a bit of contact with. And I'm male, and I'm not talking about discomfort arising from rape/stalking/etc. issues.

The rejection isn't my fault, it's true, but emotionally I still feel something akin to guilt. Their feelings aren't their fault, either, and I'm making a choice (albeit maybe the right choice) that's causing them disappointment or even pain, and I'm aware they're (potentially) hurting and that I'm the source of the hurt. I wouldn't think it would be hard to understand how being in that position would cause someone some significant discomfort.

[Zephyranthes]

Originally Posted by reckful To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I assume just about everyone would agree that it's more painful to be rejected than to be the one doing the rejecting. But, speaking for myself, I find it more uncomfortable to be the rejecting party, and I don't just experience a little discomfort — and that's especially true if I know (or suspect) that the rejected person has some strong feelings for me and/or is someone I continue to have quite a bit of contact with. And I'm male, and I'm not talking about discomfort arising from rape/stalking/etc. issues. The rejection isn't my fault, it's true, but emotionally I still feel something akin to guilt. Their feelings aren't their fault, either, and I'm making a choice (albeit maybe the right choice) that's causing them disappointment or even pain, and I'm aware they're (potentially) hurting and that I'm the source of the hurt. I wouldn't think it would be hard to understand how being in that position would cause someone some significant discomfort.

That's because you know what it's like to be rejected when your ego and feelings are on the line, and you know how much it hurts.

[shrili]

Be really mean, if you're not in public. then, they can say "she was a complete b**** anyway!". If in public, take them aside and be mean.

[Thinker]

"Piss off...you smell"
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[masterpeach]

	Originally Posted by Analyze To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I would like a clear explanation though.

I don't want elaborate explanations. What can be analyzed and explained, can be fixed. I would (and do) dwell forever on the reasons (provided they're rational) and what I could've done better to prevent the rejection.

I'd prefer something irrational like "I just don't feel what I need to feel to be with you" or something like that (even that wouldn't stop me from asking "Why?"). Feelings are irrational enough so that my "can be fixed/can be worked on" mode won't be triggered.

[Haumea]

You say some bullshit like "I just don't have those kind of feelings for you" and let them sort it out.

Keep it general, and only give specifics if they really insist (but most of the time they won't.)