[Nightmare]

I'm wholeheartedly interested in finding an INTJ girl and interacting with her. But because they are so rare, I am looking for a bit of assistance.

-What are the telltale signs of an INTJ girl?
-What is the best method of forging a connection with an INTJ?
-What actions are likely to cause discomfort in an INTJ?
-How do I approach an INTJ without appearing to force the connection?

Just curious to see what answers I receive.

[mllebrie]

Hahaha... you'll find one when you're not looking, because they're usually hiding. Are you in school? Have you tried the school's library? If not, have you tried a library? Or maybe a bookstore? Just be friendly, and not creepy. How would you make a friend? Approach the girl the same way. Minus the bad man-jokes and references to her butt, or something.

[Nightmare]

Well I figured as such
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[CaelestisPeste]

You could always look online. You are on an INTJ forum, so the possibility of finding someone suitable is in your favor. But be forewarned because there's also the possibility the female is a male in disguise.

[Nightmare]

Well I suppose I'm asking how to approach a stranger. Not very good at those things despite my extroverted nature.

[VENUS 2020]

Don't limit yourself to looking for an INTJ. Keep an open mind and you will find many others who are both interesting and compatible.

[teraczy]

	Originally Posted by nightmar149 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	-What are the telltale signs of an INTJ girl?

Aloofness. You can find 'em at the library for sure, or bookstore, cafe... But I do go to the bar sometimes... and I'm usually in a safe, less clustered corner observing the "animal" behavior. Sometimes I'm with a group of guys, but they're just my friends, maybe playing pool.. I think most INTJs have a "smart" casual sort of way of dressing, not sure how to explain that better, look at the picture threads.

	Originally Posted by nightmar149 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	-What is the best method of forging a connection with an INTJ?

I'd say playing a game, for me, and I like banter... but don't be loud and abrasive with your beliefs. Try talking about something important, we suck at small talk, and most of us don't like it.

	Originally Posted by nightmar149 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	-What actions are likely to cause discomfort in an INTJ?

Getting into our space bubble too quickly, if you think you can do that, you're an idiot. Don't be overly complimentary...that makes me uncomfortable, it's bound to be the same for others. (A little bit is nice, though)

	Originally Posted by nightmar149 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	-How do I approach an INTJ without appearing to force the connection?

If book is in hand, casually ask about it... Otherwise, just be confident, but don't act like a pushy salesman. I've been told I'm sort of intimidating so I'd be surprised and possibly delighted if someone approached me anyway.

[KeithP]

	Originally Posted by teraczy To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	and I'm usually in a safe, less clustered corner observing the "animal" behavior. If book is in hand, casually ask about it... Otherwise, just be confident, but don't act like a pushy salesman.

I did both of those things at once when I approached a girl. Worked like a charm, and it was the first time I'd ever done such a thing. We were both reading on a beach and watching a buncha rowdy assholes get arrests for drugs/open booze. I noticed she was watching, and we caught eyes a couple of times. After awhile, I said 'fuck it' and got up, walked over to her and asked her if I could sit with her. Casually mentioned aforementioned "animal" behaviour to get conversation going, then inquired about her book!

Too bad she had a b/f. She got ahold of me once in awhile when she was coming to town, despite being there to see her b/f. Even after I told her about my funny couple paragraphs I wrote about a draconian using a cell phone.

So yes. Confidence. Not entirely sure if she was INTJ, but the other INTJ I met wasn't interested in me at all until I mentioned something interesting about myself, then she opened up about herself, and we had great conversations. Then after one date, she was very blunt in telling me via email it wasn't going to work out b/c she was moving and had a 'bad feeling'. I emailed her back saying bad feelings only exist because of uncertainty and that they don't reflect possibility. Ha.

Ergo, get ready to be shut down hard if she doesn't see it working and you push too hard. I wasn't even pushing hard and that shit got put on lock down.

[Deliberator]

just FYI, I find ENFP's to act a bit too much like puppies. They're cute and fun but I'm so worried I'm going to hurt their feelings all the time so I don't consider them good dating material.

Anyway, telltale sign of an INTJ female: there aren't any. But you put the pieces together if she's
- reticent or at least seems to hold a lot back
- may seem aloof or arrogant
- has an air of confidence (not always true though, somewhat related to age and upbringing)
- You realize she is opinionated about many subjects when you scratch the surface
- Is intrigued rather than upset by debate
- behaviors may seem calculated rather than emotionally spontaneous
- may act completely awkward if she happens to like you

Always approach with conversation about impersonal and interesting topics. LOTS of conversation. Gradually inch in more personal topics. We like to connect intellectually first, and connect personally much, much later than most people.

[Nightmare]

What sort of impersonal topics? I'm quite involved in psychology/personality at this point in my life and feel that would be a good launching point but obviously that isn't an impersonal topic...

[teraczy]

Originally Posted by Deliberator To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Anyway, telltale sign of an INTJ female: there aren't any. But you put the pieces together if she's - reticent or at least seems to hold a lot back - may seem aloof or arrogant - has an air of confidence (not always true though, somewhat related to age and upbringing) - You realize she is opinionated about many subjects when you scratch the surface - Is intrigued rather than upset by debate - behaviors may seem calculated rather than emotionally spontaneous - may act completely awkward if she happens to like you Always approach with conversation about impersonal and interesting topics. LOTS of conversation. Gradually inch in more personal topics. We like to connect intellectually first, and connect personally much, much later than most people.

This is a highly accurate description, well put. I forgot that last bullet point, ha. Very good basis to go off of.

---------- Post added 01-22-2012 at 11:58 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by nightmar149 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	What sort of impersonal topics? I'm quite involved in psychology/personality at this point in my life and feel that would be a good launching point but obviously that isn't an impersonal topic...

Psychology as a topic isn't necessarily personal, either.

[sevans]

Originally Posted by nightmar149 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I'm wholeheartedly interested in finding an INTJ girl and interacting with her. But because they are so rare, I am looking for a bit of assistance. -What are the telltale signs of an INTJ girl? -What is the best method of forging a connection with an INTJ? -What actions are likely to cause discomfort in an INTJ? -How do I approach an INTJ without appearing to force the connection? Just curious to see what answers I receive.

Good luck with that, I've been looking since I was 15, haven't found one that likes me back yet.

[Zethariel]

Play Sims 3, forge the INTJ girl of your dreams!
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There is no magic way to distinguish an INTJ from any other girl, especially if the girl in question is hiding/pretending to be another type and/or just staying at home, like most of the INTJs do.

So first and foremost, you need to be lucky. Try internet forums that cater to serious debates (such as this one, obviously), some PBF forums perhaps and psychology sites/forums.

[WillBrazil]

	Originally Posted by Deliberator To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	just FYI, I find ENFP's to act a bit too much like puppies. They're cute and fun but I'm so worried I'm going to hurt their feelings all the time so I don't consider them good dating material.

I have an ENFP friend (only friend) and I have the exactly same impression. I always have the impression that I will hurt his feelings if I say what I really think about something, specially when he asks my opinion.

Originally Posted by Deliberator To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Anyway, telltale sign of an INTJ female: there aren't any. But you put the pieces together if she's - reticent or at least seems to hold a lot back - may seem aloof or arrogant - has an air of confidence (not always true though, somewhat related to age and upbringing) - You realize she is opinionated about many subjects when you scratch the surface - Is intrigued rather than upset by debate - behaviors may seem calculated rather than emotionally spontaneous - may act completely awkward if she happens to like you

Yes, this is a very good description, not only for females INTJs.

Advice: don't be too sentimental or tell her that she is the woman of your life one week after meeting her... You'll probably scare her.

	Originally Posted by Deliberator To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	- behaviors may seem calculated rather than emotionally spontaneous

This is so true...

[Nightmare]

We're a bit..... emotional.... and a bit manic..... but emotions just feel so damn powerful! They really are like drugs.

[Tengu]

I don't like the idea of sharing those sweet INTJ girls with E/F's
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For some reason I'm more motivated to try harder...

[Nightmare]

But I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooo cooooooooooooolllllll

[Tengu]

Well you hang with us INTJ's. I'll give you credit for that
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.

[masterpeach]

	Originally Posted by nightmar149 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	but emotions just feel so damn powerful! They really are like drugs.

And like weapons with which the INTJ's achilles heel can be hit.

[Fujimoto]

I would suggest reading other threads in the forum, such as
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and
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Just hang out here for a while and you'll get a sense of who we INTJs are.
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[EuroINTJ]

I would very much like to meet an INTJ guy (but certainly not all INTJ's are like this). From personal experience: people tend to think INTJ's are very shy (which is not true in most cases, we just don't see the point in talking if we don't have interest on the subject or if we just don't have anything to say). This is what my experience tells me, might not be so true as I think. Shy people are afraid to speak, I'm not afraid at all! It's just... if the conversation starts to be about someones boob job or some random famous dude... Blah. What's the point and how's that important and/or interesting? So, what I'm trying to say with this, is: if someone tells you some girl is shy (she can really be shy) or she can be a typical INTJ who is misunderstood by people in general. When talking to us, you should get to the point and don't repeat yourself. Be yourself, I hate fakes! Do not use pick-up lines. Don't expect her to smile a lot, do not touch her while you talk to her. About that last question, actually, if I like a guy, I love to see him coming directly to me because he's interested (and not afraid to show it). But remember: we are introverts, not shy. So, if she keeps ignoring you, she doesn't like you.

But why do you want to meet an INTJ girl?

[Tengu]

The OP should answer for sure, but let me try too.
From what I understand ENFP's find INTJ's mysterious and would like to unravel them. Or the dedication of an INTJ might be appealing. Nightmar149 correct me if I'm totally wrong.

To me it's my Ni acting up. On a rare occasion my heart has been touched simply because somebody truly knew what I stood for in life. How could I not fall in love? Now, an INTJ-girl... I'd never have to explain the basics. And I would understand what's up with her. What else could one wish for?
My € 0.02.

[Starcraft]

Ni is nice. In a room the Ni(INTJ often=) is in hiding somewhere from the general public, but then if you go up to the Ni; its like "-Hi there" "Ni: O you saw me "insert half awkward giggle". From my point of view I always like the awkward feeling, it is humorous somehow.
(Hi all! btw first post)

[teraczy]

	Originally Posted by EuroINTJ To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	From personal experience: people tend to think INTJ's are very shy (which is not true in most cases, we just don't see the point in talking if we don't have interest on the subject or if we just don't have anything to say). Shy people are afraid to speak, I'm not afraid at all! But remember: we are introverts, not shy. So, if she keeps ignoring you, she doesn't like you.

ha, this is absolutely true...

	Originally Posted by Starcraft To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Ni is nice. In a room the Ni(INTJ often=) is in hiding somewhere from the general public, but then if you go up to the Ni; its like "-Hi there" "Ni: O you saw me "insert half awkward giggle". From my point of view I always like the awkward feeling, it is humorous somehow. (Hi all! btw first post)

I have to say thank you for appreciating the Ni, and yes I LOVE moments like that as well. You're on the right track, I'd say.

[Nightmare]

	Originally Posted by Tengu To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The OP should answer for sure, but let me try too. From what I understand ENFP's find INTJ's mysterious and would like to unravel them. Or the dedication of an INTJ might be appealing. Nightmar149 correct me if I'm totally wrong.

Yes, and just the concept of a being that can be completely logical and not really let emotions intervene is literally arousing. A few years ago I wished I could become Vulcan. When I realized there are indeed humans that display vulcan-esque traits, I found it perplexing. And I guess I find that most INTJs I encounter have a much higher emotional maturity than most people. It's quite awesome :D

Plus, girls with glasses > girls without. And, girls with cognizance and common sense > blonde dumbshits.