[zeldaftw]

Hey everyone. I'm new to this forum and I'm not exactly sure how it works yet, but I'll give it a shot.
I've got a question. Do INTJs prefer INFPs or ENFPs? Because I know that the ENFP is the INTJ's natural partner, but based on the behavior I've seen from some of the people around me, I'm not exactly sure that this is accurate.
For example, my good friends from work that are male (an INTJ, INTP and an INFJ) are all head over heels in love with the same INFP girl.
But I've got this other friend who's an ENFP and none of them can stand her. They think she's got her head in the clouds too often and they say she needs to act more like an adult.
The thing about both these girls is, their introversion and extroversion is very weak. The first girl is an unhealthy INFP who is very insensitive and somewhat rude. She's also a social introvert, and holds a lot of extroverted traits (but she's still NiFe)
The ENFP girl deals with depression and she claims because of that, she feels the need to be alone a lot. However, she is very ENFP, albeit less demanding of spotlight and less impulsive. She fits the sensitive writer description much more than the INFP girl.

So here's the part that confuses me. Aren't introverts more attracted to extroverts? And aren't ENFP's the natural partner of the INTJ and INFJ? Why is it that they much prefer the INFP?

[superflax]

Urm my guess is ENFP can bring us INTJ's out of our shell. As for me, I prefer introverts. It could just be down to personal preference I've seen all over the internet INTJ (women) madly in love with ENFP (men).

Maybe gender has something to do with it? Not too sure how relevant that is though.

[Latro]

I haven't actually read Keirsey's work, but a lot of the stuff online which references Keirsey's work says that switching everything except the second letter results in a really good match, with the idea being that it's different enough to achieve complementarity while being similar enough and similar in the right ways to maintain communicativeness (apparently communicativity is not a word). I think that sounds reasonable, and explains the INTJ-ENFP dynamic. A shame I don't think I've ever met an ENFJ my own age, because I can see how INTP-ENFJ would work well too.

In general, since you're focusing on INFP-ENFP: for a partnership rather than for having fun, I can definitely see an I with an E working better than I-I or E-E. It's hard to verbalize why, though.

[storm eyes]

The natural partner of an INFJ female is an INFP male, so I have been told.

[Malkavia]

Theoretically it seems to be ENFP, but you'll find many people on this forum who disagree with that.

Honestly is all comes down to - its about the specific person, not their type.

[Selene]

	Originally Posted by superflax To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Urm my guess is ENFP can bring us INTJ's out of our shell. As for me, I prefer introverts. It could just be down to personal preference I've seen all over the internet INTJ (women) madly in love with ENFP (men). Maybe gender has something to do with it? Not too sure how relevant that is though.

I can attest to this. For strange reasons, my encounter with one recently left an incredibly deep impression. If all ENFP men are more or less the same, then they are definitely hot. I find them extremely enigmatic. Why are they natural partners for INTJs?

[superflax]

	Originally Posted by Selene To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Why are they natural partners for INTJs?

It would seem that they are only natural partner's for INTJ females.

Maybe with males it's a different story?
Can any men answer this?

[Selene]

Originally Posted by zeldaftw To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Hey everyone. I'm new to this forum and I'm not exactly sure how it works yet, but I'll give it a shot. I've got a question. Do INTJs prefer INFPs or ENFPs? Because I know that the ENFP is the INTJ's natural partner, but based on the behavior I've seen from some of the people around me, I'm not exactly sure that this is accurate. For example, my good friends from work that are male (an INTJ, INTP and an INFJ) are all head over heels in love with the same INFP girl. But I've got this other friend who's an ENFP and none of them can stand her. They think she's got her head in the clouds too often and they say she needs to act more like an adult. The thing about both these girls is, their introversion and extroversion is very weak. The first girl is an unhealthy INFP who is very insensitive and somewhat rude. She's also a social introvert, and holds a lot of extroverted traits (but she's still NiFe) The ENFP girl deals with depression I'm and she claims because of that, she feels the need to be alone a lot. However, she is very ENFP, albeit less demanding of spotlight and less impulsive. She fits the sensitive writer description much more than the INFP girl. So here's the part that confuses me. Aren't introverts more attracted to extroverts? And aren't ENFP's the natural partner of the INTJ and INFJ? Why is it that they much prefer the INFP?

I can only speak for myself.

I'm naturally drawn to extroverts, be they platonic friends or dates. Relationships wise however, I've only been with introverts. Maybe a similar temperament translates to a sense of security for me. I suspect this has much to do with the amount of energy it takes to keep up with extroverts too. Where emotional investments are involved, I play it safe. And I've noticed the same in my introverted buddy's dating patterns too.

Extroverts are alluring and attractive but only in spontaneous short bursts for me. I'll befriend an extrovert anytime but will hesitate about going further romantically. I'm more conservative and dislike taking risks.

[DelphianEtude]

I wouldn't trust too much in the four letters when it comes to attraction. I'd trust more in the maturity and needs of the individuals involved.

[Cherlock]

My dad is an ENFP. I could see myself with a sensitive, visionary party-boy like him. I love ENFPs... the nice ones. They can be selfish, irrational, demanding and act "entitled". Not nice.

I also have a few INFPs in my life. I like them. But they need constant care and protection. I can't see myself marrying one... they have their own brand of strength, but as a mate for an INTJ, they are too fragile.

[Seablue]

In general ENFPs and INTJs are considered more compatible than INFPs and INTJs (though it's still a good match)... But when talking about such a small number of individuals it doesn't matter much.

[Nightmare]

I shall defend the honor of the ENFP!

Do not forget (or if you were unaware), us ENFPs are the most introverted of extroverts and extroverted of introverts, and as such we are very in tune with ourselves as well as in tune with the outer world. In essence the difference between INFPs and ENFPs comes down to social preference. It's easiest to describe INFPs as preferring a solitary environment and having to exert energy in social situations versus ENFPs who prefer an active and changing environment and gain energy from social situations. So really the difference is superficial.

Though, ENFPs express more curiosity in breaking INTJs "out of their shell" so much so as to reveal their true colors. I, for one, find the prospect of penetrating barriers to find out who my partner is in every available way incredibly arousing. Puns intended.

	They can be selfish, irrational, demanding and act "entitled". Not nice.

Yup, that's true. The problem is we are rarely aware of these habits. INFPs have these habits as well, however. They have a tendency to expose them more openly, at least in my experience.

	Honestly is all comes down to - its about the specific person, not their type.

Indeed.

[Ghostwheel]

I don't want the endless arguments about whether we're going out Saturday night or just staying in, so I'll take the introvert.

[Seablue]

	Originally Posted by Ghostwheel To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't want the endless arguments about whether or not we're going out Saturday night or staying in, so I'll take the introvert.

Let me tell you a story... One night, during a week end, I had plans. Reading, then sleeping. Great plan. It was 2 a.m. already and then a friend (I'm guessing an SP) happened to pop by with several friends of his, half drunk already, and asked my INFP roommate and I if we wanted to go to a club. And my roommate gleefully agreed. And because I didn't dare leave her alone with all those strangers (chivalrous like I am) off we went to a club until 7 a.m. in the morning.

So this is my cautionary tale about the INFPs, those introverts who love nothing more than spontaneous partying.

[Nightmare]

	So this is my cautionary tale about the INFPs, those introverts who love nothing more than spontaneous partying.

It's a trait us ENFPs share, too. In fact, spontaneity is part of our existence. Illogical, mindless, and idiotic partying is something we can be easily led into. But it's more of a maturity issue than anything. The mature (E/I)NFPs have the associative ability to cognitively understand consequences and thus will turn down offers that are too extreme.

[joliet]

	Originally Posted by Ghostwheel To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't want the endless arguments about whether or not we're going out Saturday night or staying in, so I'll take the introvert.

Originally Posted by Seablue To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Let me tell you a story... One night, during a week end, I had plans. Reading, then sleeping. Great plan. It was 2 a.m. already and then a friend (I'm guessing an SP) happened to pop by with several friends of his, half drunk already, and asked my INFP roommate and I if we wanted to go to a club. And my roommate gleefully agreed. And because I didn't dare leave her alone with all those strangers (chivalrous like I am) off we went to a club until 7 a.m. in the morning. So this is my cautionary tale about the INFPs, those introverts who love nothing more than spontaneous partying.

I agree with Seablue on this. For further explanation, I think it's partially because the INFPs are more about their current feelings (Fi) and decide emotionally even more so than ENFPs. The INFPs, when they do come to a decision, very gently decide based on their current feelings, without first scanning their environment or analyzing the big picture situation at hand.

The ENFPs on the other hand, especially into their 20s, begin to chill out. They can still be spontaneous, but their spontaneity is based on their Ne. They will act out on their spontaneity primarily for the Ne search for meaning and understanding. INFPs are more about the search for beauty and emotion, based on their self-focused Fi. As they get older, they become more aware of their surroundings, but will still make decisions based on current, fleeting emotion and the opportunity for human connection.

I think INFJs are probably the NFs least likely to make decisions based on emotion, followed by ENFP, since their primary functions are about understanding or developing systems.

	Originally Posted by nightmar149 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It's a trait us ENFPs share, too. In fact, spontaneity is part of our existence. Illogical, mindless, and idiotic partying is something we can be easily led into. But it's more of a maturity issue than anything. The mature (E/I)NFPs have the associative ability to cognitively understand consequences and thus will turn down offers that are too extreme.

While I can agree with this applying to ENFPs, it might be that your S is stronger than mine. I have never really been interested in idiotic partying. I grew up kind of fast though. I was interested in going to parties to understand people better and meet a lot of new "toys," but I seldom wanted to indulge in partying in an asinine way, even when young. It's interesting to watch though!

	She's also a social introvert, and holds a lot of extroverted traits (but she's still NiFe)

NiFe is INFJ. Perhaps you mistyped her? Either way, an unhealthy person is unattractive. Maybe because she's an INFP who is rude and insensitive, she comes off as stronger and healthier than the ENFP does.


The thing about the optimal relationship MBTI crap is that even INTJs and ENFPs get sucked into this idealistic image of what their perfect partner is. I wish we could just stop and enjoy perfect conversation for once. I would appreciate nothing but that. I can reason, I can organize, and I am perfectly comfortable being alone. I am not always healthy or happy, and sometimes I can be flighty and forgetful and self-centered, but I know I can be a better, well-developed, balanced person. I am not looking for an "INTJ" to balance out all my flaws. I can balance myself out.

So, it really isn't about MBTI, right? It just depends on the person, and who makes them feel deeply understood, and deeply loved.

Perhaps the wrong place to ramble, but it must be relevant somehow.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[Zethariel]

Personality type does not account for personal demeanor, pheromones and attraction. If something works on paper, it has a 50% chance to work in real life.

The heart (or whatever entity resposible) does not choose based on the MBTI of another.

[IreOfDesire]

INFP for me, thank you.
In my experience I'm initially strongly attracted to the ENFPs, but I'd never have one for a LTR. I had my share of disappointments with them.

[joliet]

	Originally Posted by IreOfDesire To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	INFP for me, thank you. In my experience I'm initially strongly attracted to the ENFPs, but I'd never have one for a LTR. I had my share of disappointments with them.

Just curious, have you had success with INFPs yet?

[IreOfDesire]

	Originally Posted by joliet To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Just curious, have you had success with INFPs yet?

Yup, 1 year as a friend + 2 years in relationship no troubles so far, no games, virtually no fights, great intelligence, the most understanding person I've found on this planet I can share anything with her and be myself.

[Kuroneko]

Too much time with an extrovert feeler is juts, uh, too much.

[Aboni]

My ENFP friend are talkative and more attention seeking, I didn't like to talk much with her. My INFP sister often not sure about her feeling, sometimes it's bothers me, but I don't mind talking with her.

[AnaK]

	Originally Posted by zeldaftw To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The first girl is an unhealthy INFP who is very insensitive and somewhat rude.

My guess is this is why the guys prefer her. A lot of guys really like women who are more "bitchy". I guess they seem like a challenge. My guess is the INFP seems more like a challenge than the ENFP, and the men's competitive nature kicks in. I also notice a lot of group think with men, where they all like the girl who they think the others like, I guess so they can make the other guys envious.

[ZerroDefex]

Well speaking as an ISTP, I have not had any relationship with an ENFP girl that didn't go down in flames. That type just doesn't seem to work for me.

[joliet]

	Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	My guess is this is why the guys prefer her. A lot of guys really like women who are more "bitchy". I guess they seem like a challenge. My guess is the INFP seems more like a challenge than the ENFP, and the men's competitive nature kicks in. I also notice a lot of group think with men, where they all like the girl who they think the others like, I guess so they can make the other guys envious.

I think this definitely applies more to immature men, or men who haven't gone through significant self-improvement. I don't really understand it. Why would someone want an unpleasant girlfriend? I think it comes from self-esteem issues, that it's better to reject and be unpleasant to everyone else that's dissimilar to you and be only with someone who will share in your dislike of "everyone else."

I have no idea. It's really disappointing to me. I can't say I look down on people/INTJs like this, but I do have little desire to be around them. I'm getting a bit high in the britches here. (I don't know if that's an acceptable metaphor.)

On the other hand, "bitchiness" can be naively determined as strength. I agree that it shows strength in some way, but I think it's objectively an inferior form of strength.

---------- Post added 01-23-2012 at 06:57 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by IreOfDesire To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Yup, 1 year as a friend + 2 years in relationship no troubles so far, no games, virtually no fights, great intelligence, the most understanding person I've found on this planet I can share anything with her and be myself.

Good for you two.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Lucky butts.