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Sexual Activity and Physical Affection... intj and enfp, physical contact, relationships, sexuality
Old 08-02-2008, 03:49 PM   #1
HeterodoxRobot
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`

I am pretty sure my perpetual ex in an INTJ.

After reading this:
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However, two things stuck out to me.

My ex was both physically affectionate and pretty sexual.

So, is that rare, or weird?

Are most INTJs averse to showing/engaging in physical/sexual affections towards their mates?
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Old 08-02-2008, 05:26 PM   #2
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Wow, I'm the first to answer this one lol. I am extremely affectionate. I love the feel of my girlfriends body pressed against my own. The way she smells, the texture of your skin. I love making love to her and would do so every day if she were willing.

Hope that answers your question lol.
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Old 08-02-2008, 06:23 PM   #3
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I can speak for only one INTJ. He is almost always sexually aroused and he wants physical affectionate contact more than me. However it is the way that he expresses these that distinguish him as INTJ. I had observed already these weird tendencies that he has and had told him about them before knowing about MBTI types, but after learning about them it all made sense.

Affection: He treats me like I am a doll. He squeezes me, tickles, bites, pinches, cradles, makes me roll over like he has an object in his hands that give him pleasure. He wants me to go to him and hug him every 2-3 hours and he is annoyed if I don't leave anything that I am doing and satisfy his need at that time.

Sex: I think that he feels that he must be the perfect lover, be aroused all the time, have sex all the time, have the greatest technique, give many orgasms to his partner because this is the thing that the perfect lover would do. I have tried to make him more relaxed on this.
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Old 08-02-2008, 06:25 PM   #4
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  Originally Posted by HeterodoxRobot
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Are most INTJs averse to showing/engaging in physical/sexual affections towards their mates?

I thought most INTJs didn't have mates.

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Old 08-02-2008, 06:26 PM   #5
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I believe our main weakness in relationships may not be sexual, but romantic, unless we're willing to work on it.
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Old 08-02-2008, 08:30 PM   #6
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  Originally Posted by wiccademic
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Wow, I'm the first to answer this one lol. I am extremely affectionate. I love the feel of my girlfriends body pressed against my own. The way she smells, the texture of your skin. I love making love to her and would do so every day if she were willing.

Hmm, what a lovely response, thanks for sharing!!!

My ex definitely was fond of my smell, my breath (which he always insisted tasted like dairy products?!?!?!), my B.O. even, lol, and he loved touching me and having me touch him. I think this was the case because a.) he loved and was in love with me, and b.) considering his normal, everyday stoic, reclusive nature, he was pretty starved for physical touch and affection.


  Originally Posted by Noehelia
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I can speak for only one INTJ. He is almost always sexually aroused and he wants physical affectionate contact more than me.

Lol, make that two INTJs, because this was more or less, always the case between my ex and I, wow, lol.

 
Affection: He treats me like I am a doll. He squeezes me, tickles, bites, pinches, cradles, makes me roll over like he has an object in his hands that give him pleasure. He wants me to go to him and hug him every 2-3 hours and he is annoyed if I don't leave anything that I am doing and satisfy his need at that time.

WOW!!!!

My ex would totally do this, but to him, I was his "kitty"!

 
Sex: I think that he feels that he must be the perfect lover, be aroused all the time, have sex all the time, have the greatest technique, give many orgasms to his partner because this is the thing that the perfect lover would do. I have tried to make him more relaxed on this.

Yet again, weird, very weird. My ex was a little less perfectionist about his sex role, but he was hyper-aware and concerned with his performance.

  Originally Posted by ElstonGunn
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I thought most INTJs didn't have mates.

Lol, my ex and I had been dating on and off for nearly eight years, and I know for a fact that he never dated anyone during our break-interims. He had sex with one other girl though. So yeah, he wasn't/isn't what you would call or classify as a "Ladies man".

  Originally Posted by Airius
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I believe our main weakness in relationships may not be sexual, but romantic, unless we're willing to work on it.

Hmm, yeah, it took my ex *years* to come to terms with the fact that he was in love with me, and finally, a year and a half ago, he felt comfortable telling me that he loved me and had been in love with me for a long time.

He feels/felt conflicted by his intense romantic feelings for me, and what that does and would entail, and his rational being who fears or expects that he will most likely want, at one point, "experience" with someone else, (he's 26, so this makes sense).

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Old 08-02-2008, 08:40 PM   #7
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I'm also extremely physically affectionate and sexual with my partners. I don't think it's related to being an INTJ or not. Being in love with intellectual pursuits doesn't mean you have to be all thumbs when it comes to physical affection. On the other hand, I don't touch people outside my close circle and I would never be described as affectionate by any of my acquaintances. I'm also poor at understanding my mates emotions. I don't anticipate what they are feeling and I can't 'read' what their emotional needs are.
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Old 08-02-2008, 11:34 PM   #8
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I'm moderately physically affectionate and extremely sexual.
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Old 08-02-2008, 11:45 PM   #9
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  Originally Posted by HeterodoxRobot
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Yet again, weird, very weird. My ex was a little less perfectionist about his sex role, but he was hyper-aware and concerned with his performance.



Hmm, yeah, it took my ex *years* to come to terms with the fact that he was in love with me, and finally, a year and a half ago, he felt comfortable telling me that he loved me and had been in love with me for a long time.

I pleaded him to stop asking me everytime how was it, was it better than yesterday, was it different, in what way, what did I like particularly and so one. He really wanted to know in order to optimize it. And it's not like that he had no experience or he hadn't master the techniques already, but he always wanted to be better or to adapt in my personal appetites.

About telling me whether he loves me: it is our personal joke. He has never told me that he loves me but I tell him that I know that he does and there is no way he can persuade me for the opposite, so there is no need telling me anything. He always laughs with this.

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Old 08-03-2008, 12:35 AM   #10
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I'm pretty darn romantic and voraciously sexual.

However, the part I hate the most is the "chase". The part of flirting/wooing where you haven't gotten to sleeping with the other person yet. That stage completely aggravates me sometimes and I have to suppress my anxieties to get to the next stage.
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Old 08-03-2008, 01:38 AM   #11
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I have a hard time with the idea of flirting. I think is is juevenile and pointless. I am not fond of being touched, although after one unintentional encounter with an intoxicated woman, I must admit I felt a sense of exhilaration as well as disbelief that I had been able to withstand the phsysical contact. I was also incredibly confused at how rapidly I had been subdued into going along with the encounter and that I didn't really do anything to stop it. I have never before or since been so irrational and casual about an encounter. To this day I am still appalled and even disgusted with myself that somewhere in the moment, I was not in control of myself enough to stop it.

I have a great aversion to sex and have no desire to engage in it. I know that for most women it plays an important part in their relationships, but I would rather go without a relationship than engage in sex--it makes me that uncomfortable. I consider myself an asexual. Sex is the absolute antithesis of who I am--a rational person who must be in control of himself at all times. Sex is irrational outside of the need to sustain the species, and as such it seems animalistic in nature. Yet, I am fascinated at sex from the point of an observer. I enjoy watching sex because of its effect on people and their behaviors. I am rarely aroused by it, but enjoy watching it from a scientific standpoint.
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Old 08-03-2008, 01:52 AM   #12
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  Originally Posted by Stargazer
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I have a hard time with the idea of flirting. I think is is juevenile and pointless. I am not fond of being touched, although after one unintentional encounter with an intoxicated woman, I must admit I felt a sense of exhilaration as well as disbelief that I had been able to withstand the phsysical contact. I was also incredibly confused at how rapidly I had been subdued into going along with the encounter and that I didn't really do anything to stop it. I have never before or since been so irrational and casual about an encounter. To this day I am still appalled and even disgusted with myself that somewhere in the moment, I was not in control of myself enough to stop it.

I have a great aversion to sex and have no desire to engage in it. I know that for most women it plays an important part in their relationships, but I would rather go without a relationship than engage in sex--it makes me that uncomfortable. I consider myself an asexual. Sex is the absolute antithesis of who I am--a rational person who must be in control of himself at all times. Sex is irrational outside of the need to sustain the species, and as such it seems animalistic in nature. Yet, I am fascinated at sex from the point of an observer. I enjoy watching sex because of its effect on people and their behaviors. I am rarely aroused by it, but enjoy watching it from a scientific standpoint.

What are your thoughts on flatulence, urinating, and defecating?

We *are* animals, and the desire for sex and the act of fucking/copulating, believe it or not, is one of our better baser instincts. It is better in that it can be a physiologically/psychologically/mentally/emotionally and spiritually rewarding experience, and suffice to say, such can not be said for our other basic human "needs".

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Old 08-03-2008, 03:53 AM   #13
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I think INTJ's are often seen as asexual because they tend to be single and don't take and risks. Flirting, touching and showing affection always comes with a risk of being denied. People are often be unpredictlable and you don't know what you're "romantic" pursuits may lead to. INTJs want to know. If we're a little bit insecure about the girl, the situation or the consequences we will not take the risk.

For an INTJ, a romantic pursuit is a plan. We will not set the plan in motion if the end result might be negative. I only pursue a girl when she has given me clear signals that she wants me, or when I'm drunk and don't care about risk. So when you look at a INTJ who is single you might see a totaly asexual person not showing affection or interest to anyone. No flirting or barely no flirting at all.

However when you're beyond the flirting stage, when the person is "your's for the taking", I believe INTJs can be as affectionate and sexual as any most other typer. Perhaps even more than others during the initial state of the relation since we don't sleep around a lot.

  Originally Posted by Noehelia
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Affection: He treats me like I am a doll. He squeezes me, tickles, bites, pinches, cradles, makes me roll over like he has an object in his hands that give him pleasure.

Don't forget the mouth farts and animal sounds.
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Haha.

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Old 08-03-2008, 04:07 AM   #14
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My INTJ Ex wasn't physically affectionate. Nor was my INTJ father. However, when someone of any type is in love, I'm sure they do things they wouldn't normally do.
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Old 08-03-2008, 04:42 AM   #15
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  Originally Posted by Danisty
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I'm moderately physically affectionate and extremely sexual.

That's me.

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Old 08-03-2008, 05:29 AM   #16
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  Originally Posted by Seppuku Savant
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My INTJ Ex wasn't physically affectionate. Nor was my INTJ father. However, when someone of any type is in love, I'm sure they do things they wouldn't normally do.

I still find it amusing/unsettling, the day-to-night transformation my ex made with me. When I first met him he was cold as ice, no, he was colder than that, he was cold as liquid nitrogen, I fell for him immediately, but at the time, being completely inexperienced with guys and ignorant of the know-hows of romantic pursuits, I foolishly "flirted" with him by challenging many things he said, he found this adversarial and instantly became antagonistic and condescending towards me, he was also still kind of dating his GF from high school, (we were 18 and both freshmen in college when we met). Two months into our friendship, I asked him to take my virginity, as a friend, and at first he declined, and then I asked him a couple weeks later and he accepted, from that point on we embarked in, what essentially was a two and a half year, "enemies with benefits" relationship. We would spend increasingly more time together (fyi, we saw each other 5 to 6 days a week), during this whole time I was, or thought I was, in love with him, but he insisted that he did not see me that way, that our relationship was too antagonistic, etc.

Oh yeah, during this period, he gave me ZERO affection, we never cuddled and we rarely kissed.

2.5 years later, I moved back home and for reasons unknown to me, my leaving marked the genesis of his falling for, or accepting that he was in love with me.

For three years we would see each other three times a year or so, and he would be increasingly nicer, more open and affectionate with/towards me, though I, ironically at this point did not reciprocate this level of interest.

Then on one of these trips we just super clicked, and BAM!!!

It was like he was an *entirely* different human being, he would kiss me all the time, and love to touch/squeeze/bite me, all..the..time. I found this bewildering, how could this have been the same guy who was once colder and farther away than Pluto?!?!!?

Interestingly enough, the 2.5 years while we were "enemies with benefits" we spent a whole shitload amount of time debating and discussing, well, everything. And during our intimate and exclusive dating period, of course we would still discuss and debate things, but hmm, it was as if he adopted me as his pet, a pet that he loved and cherished and who was expected to adoringly love him back, translate: be attentive to him and willing to cater to him 75% of each waking day , and I dunno, it is just weird, how much *he* changed, sure, I changed a bit too, but not really anything too noteworthy or drastic, how can someone who is so seemingly cold and aloof, be in fact really warm and affectionate too?!?!?

That is so mind-boggling to me.


Sorry, what a rant :/





HeterodoxRobot added to this post, 25 minutes and 20 seconds later...

  Originally Posted by Kisai
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I'm pretty darn romantic and voraciously sexual.

However, the part I hate the most is the "chase". The part of flirting/wooing where you haven't gotten to sleeping with the other person yet. That stage completely aggravates me sometimes and I have to suppress my anxieties to get to the next stage.

  Originally Posted by Bratwurst
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I think INTJ's are often seen as asexual because they tend to be single and don't take and risks. Flirting, touching and showing affection always comes with a risk of being denied. People are often be unpredictlable and you don't know what you're "romantic" pursuits may lead to. INTJs want to know. If we're a little bit insecure about the girl, the situation or the consequences we will not take the risk.

For an INTJ, a romantic pursuit is a plan. We will not set the plan in motion if the end result might be negative. I only pursue a girl when she has given me clear signals that she wants me, or when I'm drunk and don't care about risk. So when you look at a INTJ who is single you might see a totaly asexual person not showing affection or interest to anyone. No flirting or barely no flirting at all.

However when you're beyond the flirting stage, when the person is "your's for the taking", I believe INTJs can be as affectionate and sexual as any most other typer. Perhaps even more than others during the initial state of the relation since we don't sleep around a lot.

I must admit, I *really* like this about you guys.
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I had to essentially chase my ex down and beat him over the head with an "I fucking love you so fucking much" stick, before he let me in, and showed me some kind of vulnerability.

Oh man, that was/is the other thing, I used to think he was some indestructible, indefatigable super-human who was in control of everything and who felt nothing, and boy, oh boy was I wrong!!!

When he opened up to me, he allowed me to see his vulnerability, that he was *not* in control of everything, (lol, just most things), and by god, that he actually had...he had FEELINGS!!!!!

But yeah, he is *not* a flirt, and definitely *not* one to want or try to put effort in chasing "turkeys".

Bleh, I cannot stand male players, I definitely found his reticence and lack of player skills, immensely attractive.

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Old 08-03-2008, 11:32 AM   #17
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  Originally Posted by HeterodoxRobot
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I had to essentially chase my ex down and beat him over the head with an "I fucking love you so fucking much" stick, before he let me in, and showed me some kind of vulnerability.

[...]Bleh, I cannot stand male players, I definitely found his reticence and lack of player skills, immensely attractive.

If more women were like this, I'd be a lot less bitter towards society.

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Old 08-03-2008, 11:55 AM   #18
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  Originally Posted by ElstonGunn
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If more women were like this, I'd be a lot less bitter towards society.

/agree

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Old 08-03-2008, 12:51 PM   #19
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My woman is a bit like that too (ESxJ), but I still try not to show her any vulnerability. I wouldn't do that with any woman by principle. Well, not to any man either. Actually, I don't have vulnerabilities, or nothing I can't manage anyway.

INTJs should just read modern seduction manuals and apply the knowledge, it's much easier than trying to extrapolate what a woman needs from the object itself.
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Old 08-03-2008, 01:15 PM   #20
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  Originally Posted by HeterodoxRobot
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Bleh, I cannot stand male players,

Does that mean you like female players?
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Old 08-03-2008, 01:47 PM   #21
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  Originally Posted by ElstonGunn
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If more women were like this, I'd be a lot less bitter towards society.

Unfortunately, many, if not most, people suck, so your bitterness towards society is a justifiable one.

But, of course, there are plenty of exceptional people out there too!!!

  Originally Posted by Kisai
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Does that mean you like female players?
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Interestingly enough, um, it's not that I "like" them per se, but I most certainly find them to be a lot more tolerable than their male counterparts.
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Old 08-03-2008, 02:06 PM   #22
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  Originally Posted by HeterodoxRobot
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My ex was both physically affectionate and pretty sexual.

So, is that rare, or weird?

Are most INTJs averse to showing/engaging in physical/sexual affections towards their mates?

Not really. You have to remember that INTJs tend to become very invested in their relationships with a few close people. So it should not be surprising that they would show a great deal of physical affection to someone that they care about.

Regarding the sex, probably 80% of the time I have sex its about satisfying a physical need or having fun over expressing deep emotions.

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Old 08-03-2008, 06:09 PM   #23
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geez, i agree 100% with a lot thats been said by everyone. i always observe that women are interested in me and probably expect me to initiate something between us, but while im observing them i realize i'm only sexually attracted to them so i don't even bother. then theres women i've met who i adore even without knowing them for long but nothing sparks between us. i've always been affectionate ever since i was a kid, but until i become progressively intimate with a person, i won't get close. then again, there have been times where i'll get close but i usually keep my hands to myself. i guess the opposite sex sees this as me being disinterested, when im actually just being patient and observing to plan how to escalate.
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Old 08-03-2008, 07:30 PM   #24
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  Originally Posted by Bratwurst
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I think INTJ's are often seen as asexual because they tend to be single and don't take and risks. Flirting, touching and showing affection always comes with a risk of being denied. People are often be unpredictlable and you don't know what you're "romantic" pursuits may lead to. INTJs want to know. If we're a little bit insecure about the girl, the situation or the consequences we will not take the risk.

For an INTJ, a romantic pursuit is a plan. We will not set the plan in motion if the end result might be negative. I only pursue a girl when she has given me clear signals that she wants me, or when I'm drunk and don't care about risk. So when you look at a INTJ who is single you might see a totaly asexual person not showing affection or interest to anyone. No flirting or barely no flirting at all.

However when you're beyond the flirting stage, when the person is "your's for the taking", I believe INTJs can be as affectionate and sexual as any most other typer. Perhaps even more than others during the initial state of the relation since we don't sleep around a lot.



Don't forget the mouth farts and animal sounds.
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Haha.

This is so true.

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Old 08-03-2008, 09:26 PM   #25
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Maybe it is the depth of the sex that is more important, but sensuality is fan-f#@kin-tastic.
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