[Causa Mortis]

	Originally Posted by Traverser To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I've been there since November of last year. You are correct, however, that visitation en masse seems to work in my favor, but only in terms of visits. In which case, I've been visited by well over thirty women. I really don't know why women seem to prefer you more than me, but all the more power to you.

Thirty this week?

---------- Post added 01-13-2012 at 02:13 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Latro To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Which one? Probably helps, yeah. I don't have much in the way of that, but there's a little there, including my first sentence.

My position on dating down. Met a flat hot public ivy grad with a solid career and personality on Wednesday, and a cute Yale grad last night. The public ivy is girlfriend material if she turns out to be a decent human being after a few months. The Yale gal had personality on par with lawn furniture, but was still an 8 or so.

Second date with the public ivy setup. 22 year old and a 29 year old balerina on tap for next week, who knows what the weekend will bring.

[Traverser]

Originally Posted by Latro To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I should say that "I've been approached by 11 women" sounds a fair bit better than it actually is. One was married, two gave really lazy first messages that didn't go anywhere at all, and one I really disliked their profile and didn't respond to. Four gave it an honest shot but the conversation never got off the ground. I have the numbers of all of the remaining three. Two of those numbers I only got in the last week. So it's kinda hit or miss.

Nonetheless, it is better. Let's face it; certain kinds of people are more appealing to others.

	Originally Posted by Latro To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	That said, if you're getting visits and not messages, maybe your profile needs some work. I got some pretty decent tips by googling about the subject. I generally toned them down from their original form, but still used their general spirit, and have had more luck since doing so. (Though the one person I've met contacted me the second day my profile was up, heh.)

I originally kept my profile simple to begin with; no bites. After tweaking it considerably, I've since given up on the idea of making the perfect profile. It's either too long, too short, not enough details, too bland, too zany, etc. I figure, that if I'm going to write about myself, I may as well enjoy it. Now, my profile takes up at least two pages, which I understand is too much for the illiterate masses.

	Originally Posted by Latro To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I skip a LOT of questions...maybe I should go back over some of the skipped ones and answer them. I've thought about going back over my "irrelevants" and at least setting them to "a little important", though. But jeez, "a little important" does so little, numerically.

I've stopped answering questions after #500. There comes a point where more is not necessarily better.

---------- Post added 01-13-2012 at 06:19 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Causa Mortis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Thirty this week?

These past 3 months, actually. But now that you ask, yesterday I decided to visit at least 50 profiles, starting down from the highest match results to the lowest 30% (which I feel is a good cutoff; such profiles become radically incompatible with mine). Today, no visitations, but we'll see how the rest of the week fares if I keep this up. Perhaps 50 different profile visits a day, 350 a week, will yield better results?

Mind you, I already have a nice profile picture set up (like avatar, but without effects, and more recent), so a blank icon is ruled out.

[Latro]

30 in 3 months seems fairly low. I've lingered around 15 visits/week for a while now. Do you live somewhere that isn't all that heavily populated?

Also, I kinda started answering the questions for fun; I don't really do it to try to improve matches much anymore. Though I have gone in to the questions of people I've been talking with and answered some of what they've answered. It's kinda fun watching the numbers actually change appreciably in real time like that
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[Traverser]

	Originally Posted by Latro To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	30 in 3 months seems fairly low. I've lingered around 15 visits/week for a while now. Do you live somewhere that isn't all that heavily populated?

El Paso, Texas, has 1,000,000 people and is also a very poor border town (which may explain the utter lack of local OKC members) .

Update: I now have a whopping 2 visits since yesterday, making the ratio of visits-to-response-visits 1:25. I'm going to upload a new photo to see if that changes anything (I can't be that ugly, am I?)

[thesorehead]

I pretty much log in to OKC on the bus to work, just to ensure my profile stays active. Sometimes I'll check my visitors (I average ~2 per week) and rarely I'll bother messaging someone.

Today was remarkable in that I got a message out of the blue. Unfortunately her pictures don't reveal how attractive (or not) she may be, as she seems to adore huge sunglasses. But she is well-travelled, so there's something interesting to talk about.

Question: how quickly do you turn website contact into IRL meeting? I've had equal success (i.e., not a lot) with asking immediately and asking a few messages in. Is it just that some girls actually do want to meet and some are just on there for a lark?

[Latro]

	Originally Posted by thesorehead To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I pretty much log in to OKC on the bus to work, just to ensure my profile stays active. Sometimes I'll check my visitors (I average ~2 per week) and rarely I'll bother messaging someone.

I was told by a girl who has been on the site for a while that you get a lot of activity if you get in the activity feed on the home page, which you can do by doing...pretty much anything on the site really. Uploading photos and answering questions *with explanations* tends to do it the most I think, but even just editing your profile will get you on there.

	Question: how quickly do you turn website contact into IRL meeting? I've had equal success (i.e., not a lot) with asking immediately and asking a few messages in. Is it just that some girls actually do want to meet and some are just on there for a lark?

I've actually only done this once (in regards to the other meeting the girl asked me to hang out), but the way the conversation flowed I could see it working well over and over again if you're going into the conversation with the goal of meeting the person IRL. Sketch of conversation structure:

( Show Spoiler )

• Small talk
• "I'm on OKC because <reasonably innocuous but hopefully not completely boring reason; in my case to find people to come with me to a certain park that I brought up in the small talk>"
• "Why are you on OKC?"
• <Response>
• <Some variation depending on their response>
• <Something to lead into the next bullet>
• "Yeah I've been getting kinda frustrated lately to be honest" (I actually WAS being honest; I should clarify that I didn't go into this conversation with any structure in mind, and only noticed this structure after the fact.)
• <They ask why>
• "The response rate on this site is rather low"
• <Presumably they agree, since it's kinda hard to deny>
• <Back and forth about frustrations that guys and girls encounter on the site; girls getting so many messages, many from creepy guys etc., guys not getting responded to, guys looking for hookups ruining it for everyone else, etc.> This is where most of the substance of the conversation is.
• Eventually something along the lines of "Everything's so much easier in person, you know?" In this case I transitioned into that by using an example where I had a problem with someone that wouldn't happen in real time conversation, much less in person communication.
• <Hopefully they agree>
• "Maybe we should save ourselves some trouble and talk in person sometime"
• <Hopefully they agree>

This was in the first conversation (which was on IM), hence the "small talk" at the beginning. There were no messages or anything beforehand. That whole block of conversation was about 90 minutes, with some silences (we're both shy), so probably more like 75 minutes of actual back and forth.

(This sort of structure is probably rather obvious to many of you reading this; sorry for coming off that way. I'm a really poor conversationalist and very rarely see the structure of conversations like this, so I thought this was kinda profound.)

[thesorehead]

I see I see... I've never had a response on OKC's IM system. I'm not on there for hours at a time and I guess neither are the girls I contact. In any case, I guess it's something you just have to play by ear.

[Traverser]

Okay, so after visiting around 300+ profiles, and changing+adding photos, I now have...30 visits in the past 3 days...and no messages. On the plus side, I changed my radius to "anywhere" and can find ladies in the 90% percentile quite easily. The downside: Virtually all of them are at least 1,000 miles away!

Good grief! I feel like I'm stranded on an alien planet, and I'm the alien!

[Latro]

	Originally Posted by thesorehead To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I see I see... I've never had a response on OKC's IM system. I'm not on there for hours at a time and I guess neither are the girls I contact. In any case, I guess it's something you just have to play by ear.

Just keeping a tab open, especially at night, can help, if the sort of girls you're interested in are the kind who might IM you first.

[GrlSailorAngele]

It's not much better if you're a reasonably attractive female. Tack on being intelligent and an INTJ at that, and the emails you receive are utterly absurd.

The ridiculous # of emails I received after unhiding my match.com profile two days ago almost made me depressed. It's a clear reminder of how most of the human population is extremely out of touch with reality. At least 70% of the guys have profiles with heinous grammar and spelling mistakes, are not even average looking (I'm really not an asshole about looks, seriously), and say things like, "I'm looking for a fun, sweet girl who shares my passion for sports and traveling, and doesn't like to play games."

I'm not a pretentious bitch, I swear, but I don't need to go on a date to know that I'm not compatible with someone who spends 10 months out of the year glued to their television, and hasn't read a book since highschool or college. I don't even have cable, for fuck's sake, which I mention in my profile to ward off some of the ill-suited responses. I also mention that I'm an introvert, and I shit you not, 7 out of ten emails say "judging by your profile, there is no way you are an introvert."

Sighhhhh. I don't understand this phoenomenon. I am self aware, and I don't email guys who have 15 photos of themselves in cowboy hats and boots, or fishing and hunting, wearing camo, or guys who have 20 pics of themselves with their boys and/or bitches in the club getting bottle service. What is the malfunction of people who enjoy wasting their time?

[Traverser]

Originally Posted by GrlSailorAngele To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

It's not much better if you're a reasonably attractive female. Tack on being intelligent and an INTJ at that, and the emails you receive are utterly absurd. The ridiculous # of emails I received after unhiding my match.com profile two days ago almost made me depressed. It's a clear reminder of how most of the human population is extremely out of touch with reality. At least 70% of the guys have profiles with heinous grammar and spelling mistakes, are not even average looking (I'm really not an asshole about looks, seriously), and say things like, "I'm looking for a fun, sweet girl who shares my passion for sports and traveling, and doesn't like to play games." I'm not a pretentious bitch, I swear, but I don't need to go on a date to know that I'm not compatible with someone who spends 10 months out of the year glued to their television, and hasn't read a book since highschool or college. I don't even have cable, for fuck's sake, which I mention in my profile to ward off some of the ill-suited responses. I also mention that I'm an introvert, and I shit you not, 7 out of ten emails say "judging by your profile, there is no way you are an introvert." Sighhhhh. I don't understand this phoenomenon. I am self aware, and I don't email guys who have 15 photos of themselves in cowboy hats and boots, or fishing and hunting, wearing camo, or guys who have 20 pics of themselves with their boys and/or bitches in the club getting bottle service. What is the malfunction of people who enjoy wasting their time?

On the bright side...there are men who want you. Trust me, it's a lot worse in our position where hardly anyone introduces themselves to you, if at all. Kinda gives the impression to a lot of guys that nobody wants them; now THAT is a good reason to be depressed!

[qstoffe]

Originally Posted by GrlSailorAngele To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

It's not much better if you're a reasonably attractive female. Tack on being intelligent and an INTJ at that, and the emails you receive are utterly absurd. The ridiculous # of emails I received after unhiding my match.com profile two days ago almost made me depressed. It's a clear reminder of how most of the human population is extremely out of touch with reality. At least 70% of the guys have profiles with heinous grammar and spelling mistakes, are not even average looking (I'm really not an asshole about looks, seriously), and say things like, "I'm looking for a fun, sweet girl who shares my passion for sports and traveling, and doesn't like to play games." I'm not a pretentious bitch, I swear, but I don't need to go on a date to know that I'm not compatible with someone who spends 10 months out of the year glued to their television, and hasn't read a book since highschool or college. I don't even have cable, for fuck's sake, which I mention in my profile to ward off some of the ill-suited responses. I also mention that I'm an introvert, and I shit you not, 7 out of ten emails say "judging by your profile, there is no way you are an introvert." Sighhhhh. I don't understand this phoenomenon. I am self aware, and I don't email guys who have 15 photos of themselves in cowboy hats and boots, or fishing and hunting, wearing camo, or guys who have 20 pics of themselves with their boys and/or bitches in the club getting bottle service. What is the malfunction of people who enjoy wasting their time?

I've never really understood this complaint that girls have. If you're so popular why don't you just ignore your incoming mails from "strangers" and only communicate with people you have contacted yourself in the first place?

[GrlSailorAngele]

Well, I did admit that we have it a little better than you...

I guess I think I owe people at least the "I'm not interested" response for putting themselves out there, and that's why I don't delete them immediately. It seems as though you guys would be less pessimistic about the whole process if most women gave the same courtesy that I do, no?

[Polymath20]

	Originally Posted by GrlSailorAngele To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Well, I did admit that we have it a little better than you... I guess I think I owe people at least the "I'm not interested" response for putting themselves out there, and that's why I don't delete them immediately. It seems as though you guys would be less pessimistic about the whole process if most women gave the same courtesy that I do, no?

I think a null response is better than an explicit denial. :D

I've certainly met some interesting people online.

[sevans]

This last week has been solid, guess I was wrong about online dating. Got a date with the girl being the one that showed interest in me.

[GrlSailorAngele]

	Originally Posted by Polymath20 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I think a null response is better than an explicit denial. :D I've certainly met some interesting people online.

Fair enough.

I think online dating is the best forum for introverts to meet people, and it's a good tool to narrow people down in a way you wouldn't be able to do in person until having a few conversations.

I've met some great people online, and had two long term relationships that began online. I'm still friends with one, and I'll probably remain friends with the other once the smoke clears. Through these relationships, I've also met a lot of other interesting people whom I'll keep in touch with regardless of our breakups. All in all, I'd say it's a worthwhile endeavor once you develop a strategy that works for you.

[Polymath20]

Originally Posted by GrlSailorAngele To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Fair enough. I think online dating is the best forum for introverts to meet people, and it's a good tool to narrow people down in a way you wouldn't be able to do in person until having a few conversations. I've met some great people online, and had two long term relationships that began online. I'm still friends with one, and I'll probably remain friends with the other once the smoke clears. Through these relationships, I've also met a lot of other interesting people whom I'll keep in touch with regardless of our breakups. All in all, I'd say it's a worthwhile endeavor once you develop a strategy that works for you.

Wanted: One strange introvert seeking another strange introvert!

Also met some good people not on dating sites, but for other purposes (like Meetup or CraigsList). My closest good friends were all met in person, but about half of my acquaintances were met online or through people online.

And yes, strategy is important. Also good pictures in your profile.

[IotaNull]

	Originally Posted by GrlSailorAngele To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I think online dating is the best forum for introverts to meet people, and it's a good tool to narrow people down in a way you wouldn't be able to do in person until having a few conversations.

Only if you both want a "meat market" and are capable of participating well in one.

[GrlSailorAngele]

	Originally Posted by Iota Null To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Only if you both want a "meat market" and are capable of participating well in one.

I'm not saying you won't have to develop a system of eliminating the 95% of ones who are looking for that type of thing, but it's possible to find people who are not...

The first guy I dated via match.com definitely was not looking for a meat market, I assure you. He was probably an INTP and quite awkward in the beginning. We ended up having fantastic, intellectually stimulating conversations for hours, and were rarely physical. Granted, that's why our relationship ended, but it lasted 9 months, and we're still close friends. You just have to accept that it's not going to be an overnight thing. And mention things in your profile that will make it clear what your inherent nature is, so you don't get the most shallow of the lot.

---------- Post added 01-17-2012 at 03:08 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Polymath20 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Wanted: One strange introvert seeking another strange introvert!

Heh, the first line of my profile says: I'm an odd girl.

# of times profile viewed in 36 hours: 377
# of ppl who contacted me: 48
# of ppl I'd potentially be interested in: 1-but that's going on some pretty strict requirements.

You can be as brutally honest about yourself as you want, and if people think it's funny, they will want to talk to you. And yes, the pictures must be flattering and clear.

[thesorehead]

	Originally Posted by Polymath20 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I think a null response is better than an explicit denial. :D I've certainly met some interesting people online.

I would much prefer an explicit denial! At the very least it shows that the girl bothered to click "reply", rather than delete me with a raft of other nobodies. I like my existence to be acknowledged, even if I'm not what you're looking for! :--]

[Latro]

	Originally Posted by GrlSailorAngele To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I'm not saying you won't have to develop a system of eliminating the 95% of ones who are looking for that type of thing, but it's possible to find people who are not...

I think you misunderstood his metaphor. I read it more as "a place where people are judged, assessed, and then put down in favor of the next one as if they were meat". Not "a place where you meet people to have sex with them".

Originally Posted by GrlSailorAngele

Heh, the first line of my profile says: I'm an odd girl. # of times profile viewed in 36 hours: 377 # of ppl who contacted me: 48 # of ppl I'd potentially be interested in: 1-but that's going on some pretty strict requirements. You can be as brutally honest about yourself as you want, and if people think it's funny, they will want to talk to you. And yes, the pictures must be flattering and clear.

...what are corresponding male numbers on that site? You've gotten more messages in 36 hours than I've gotten in 2 months.

[Traverser]

Well, it turns out that this online dating thing is bearing fruit! Just yesterday, I was finally approached by this lady who OKC placed as one of my top matches in my local area. Now, I already read her profile before, but it was too short for my liking; I tend to place emphasis on those who put more effort into it. Still, a pleasant surprise; turns out, we have a good deal in common! Plus, the fact that she works in a university conducting scholarly studies means I won't get bored.

We're scheduled to have lunch tomorrow, so we'll see what happens.

[sevans]

Originally Posted by Traverser To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Well, it turns out that this online dating thing is bearing fruit! Just yesterday, I was finally approached by this lady who OKC placed as one of my top matches in my local area. Now, I already read her profile before, but it was too short for my liking; I tend to place emphasis on those who put more effort into it. Still, a pleasant surprise; turns out, we have a good deal in common! Plus, the fact that she works in a university conducting scholarly studies means I won't get bored. We're scheduled to have lunch tomorrow, so we'll see what happens.

Sounds like you moved pretty fast. haha

[Traverser]

	Originally Posted by dennisevans To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Sounds like you moved pretty fast. haha

Well, it did take over two months for her to make the first move. But yeah, things seem to be improving.

I am a little nervous though; I'm solely seeking a friendship at this point in time, and I don't want any awkward moments. Frankly, I have almost 0 relationship experience, which means I don't really know how to navigate the male-female social dynamics all that well. That, and the fact that this will be our fist meeting face-to-face, with no skype to cushion the tension. It's like being set up for a blind date by
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"OKC powers, ACTIVATE!"

[thesorehead]

GLHF mate. Hopefully you'll be another online matchmaking success story!