[Icristhus]

Anyone care to explain what the subtle differences between flirting and merely 'joking around' are? I've occasionally been told I'm an avid flirt, but it seems to be an unconscious act, at least on my end. I've always thought I was merely being friendly or playful.

Any particular cues to watch out for to tell the difference?

[dontmesswithme]

I think a lot of these cues get misunderstood on a regular basis by both men and women. I think I've mistaken playfulness for flirting several times. Probably anyway. And sometimes when I'm merely nice to men they seem to think that they're getting somewhere with me, and I was just trying to be nice! I think if the playful behaviour continues with more than a few instances, then one can safely assume that there's more to it than meets the eye. I can tell you that if I were to engage in playfulness more than once, it would mean that I was actually interested in the guy and not just horsing around. I think this can especially be said of introverts, to whom this sort of behaviour is not easy/doesn't come naturally. I would probably plan my flirting out in advance, for example. Confidence could be a giveaway, or lack of it, like blushing/face touching/hair touching/clothes arranging/looking down/etc.

[Zsych]

I think most people notice the 'being fun' but not necessarily the 'emotional investment and desire'. Most people (including the oh so great female gender) can't really read people and have half baked theories about what actions mean.

I think there's also just general overlap between friendliness and flirting. I'd almost say that flirting is an intentional attempt to form a relationship whereas the same general behavior could be an unconscious expression of normal friendly feelings (so flirting may at times be fake friendliness
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).

[PRBori]

Not sure anymore, after many years in IT working with man I see flirting as something fun and a way to get their ego up for a bit. Man love flirting and I enjoy flirting back, it means nothing for me outside of a simple game; however it changes if the individuals turns to physical flirting, that is a no no for me.

[CaelestisPeste]

Intrigue of personal life and change of character/tone, I would assume. It seems more difficult to differentiate between flirting and being friendly with an INTJ or INFJ; they both seem seem vested in understanding intimate details.

[JC22]

It mostly depends on the person, but:

Shoving, laughing, name-calling = Joking
Massaging, licking, crotch-tugging = Flirting

Most of the time anyways...

[Nostalgia]

I joke around all the time, but i never flirt. It is really hard to differentiate such things when you are on the receiving end of it. So I always take the safer, default option "EVERYONE IS JOKING AROUND!" good times..good times. Until I get hit on the head by a blunt object, then I know the flirting has started...

[reckful]

Flirting with intent is a way to playfully/jokingly send a cloaked "I'm interested" message but with plausible deniability that you were just joking if there aren't any encouraging return signals.

And there wouldn't really be plausible deniability if it wasn't common for people to just mock flirt (with no serious intent).

So the answer is that flirting sometimes is just joking around, but sometimes isn't.

I went on about this in long-winded fashion
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[Icristhus]

Originally Posted by reckful To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Flirting with intent is a way to playfully/jokingly send a cloaked "I'm interested" message but with plausible deniability that you were just joking if there aren't any encouraging return signals. And there wouldn't really be plausible deniability if it wasn't common for people to just mock flirt (with no serious intent). So the answer is that flirting sometimes is just joking around, but sometimes isn't. I went on about this in long-winded fashion To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Hm. Handy. I figured it was basically the story of the quoted link, but outside confirmation of the basic theory is so much more useful than the more ordinary "I don't know." and "It's completely obvious." responses. Thanks.

[MichaelEmouse]

	Originally Posted by Icristhus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Anyone care to explain what the subtle differences between flirting and merely 'joking around' are? I've occasionally been told I'm an avid flirt, but it seems to be an unconscious act, at least on my end. I've always thought I was merely being friendly or playful. Any particular cues to watch out for to tell the difference?

Would you do the same with a guy*? If so, joking around. If not, flirting.

The way I understand it, flirting is a way to gradually and deniably** communicate sexual interest.

It's possible that you are being playful but that it's being misinterpreted as flirting. One of the reasons flirting allows you to gradually and deniably** communicate sexual interest is that it's ambiguous** and could conceivably be playfulness.




* Presuming you're straight.

** At least in the early stages. At the latter ones, if you've proceeded gradually, it's not so deniable anymore.

[spect]

	Originally Posted by reckful To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Flirting .. I went on about this here.

lesson 1 - ^ is not flirting or joking

[KeithP]

I'm in a situation like this at work. A girl with a boyfriend keeps hanging around my desk. Gives me a hershey's kiss and bugs me why I'm not eating her kiss. She scrutinizes me in a playful way; but when I flirt back by throwing a tack on the ground and asking her to pick it up, she'll do it four times in a row - and she'll bend at the hip, not the knees.

Mixed signals there. There's a lot of other instances where I think she takes it too far for having a b/f. I'm almost gonna have to tell her to stop altogether because my brain can't handle the burden of deciding if it's flirting or not, and she can't handle my apparent meanness and rejection of not 'flirting' back with her when I feel she's hit the line.

[AnaK]

	Originally Posted by Icristhus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Anyone care to explain what the subtle differences between flirting and merely 'joking around' are? I've occasionally been told I'm an avid flirt, but it seems to be an unconscious act, at least on my end. I've always thought I was merely being friendly or playful. Any particular cues to watch out for to tell the difference?

Who cares if you are flirting? Flirting is a pleasant way to pass the time. It makes people feel attractive and good about themselves. It is not a signed contract that you want to date someone. Flirting makes the day more fun. I say, go with it!!

[zibber]

If someone doesn't know whether you're joking or showing interest, I'm not so sure if I dig that definition flirting. Plausible deniability.. Like it's a lawsuit.

	Originally Posted by Icristhus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Any particular cues to watch out for to tell the difference?

Isn't it all in the intent? Who cares however people misconstruct your shit.

[Chaotic Enigma]

	Originally Posted by Icristhus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Any particular cues to watch out for to tell the difference?

I've never really known the real difference. For some reason, for me, "verbal flirting" goes under "joking around". In one word:teasing. (If that definition was true, well, i'd be rated as over- flirtatious!! :O ) But in reality maybe flirting is a kind of joking around that is more sex-orientated/related. And i think giving the other person compliments can be classified as flirting (unless it's obvious that it's just a disinterested comment).


Ultimately, judging from the way others have answered, i think no one actually knows the difference! So i suppose that flirting probably doesn't even exist! And in that case everything is great because we don't have to focus our social powers on planning a romantic attacks over potential partners...On the contrary we can all just continue playing around carefree and spontaneously and see where that leads us ^-^

[labenedict]

	Originally Posted by MichaelEmouse To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Would you do the same with a guy*? If so, joking around. If not, flirting.

This is not necessarily the case.

Flirting is interpreted differently depending on which sex is on the receiving end, and which is on the giving end.

Case in point: I might say something intending to be funny, bantering, and more or less "yanking his chain." On more than one occasion, the man on the receiving end thought I was flirting, and wanting a sexual encounter.

On the other side of this coin, though, is the idea that if a woman does not banter with her male co-workers, she is the ice queen, the bitch.

So there you have it: the dichotomy of females in the business world. She is either the Bitch, or the Whore.

What are you going to do?

[YupItsMe]

The difference is sexual innuendo versus more neutral topics.

[MichaelEmouse]

Originally Posted by labenedict To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

This is not necessarily the case. Flirting is interpreted differently depending on which sex is on the receiving end, and which is on the giving end. Case in point: I might say something intending to be funny, bantering, and more or less "yanking his chain." On more than one occasion, the man on the receiving end thought I was flirting, and wanting a sexual encounter. On the other side of this coin, though, is the idea that if a woman does not banter with her male co-workers, she is the ice queen, the bitch. So there you have it: the dichotomy of females in the business world. She is either the Bitch, or the Whore. What are you going to do?

Convince more women to choose the latter?

Seriously: You're right that it depends on the genders on each sides. Attention from women, even quite slight, is often seen as flirting because women's flirting often takes the form of slight attention.

I did note that one's joking around can be misinterpreted. I don't think there is much chance of joking around in a way that cannot be misinterpreted as flirting, unless you're joking around with people you couldn't possibly be flirting with. Flirting is purposefully similar to joking around.

[Sethis]

	Originally Posted by JC22 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It mostly depends on the person, but: Shoving, laughing, name-calling = Joking Massaging, licking, crotch-tugging = Flirting Most of the time anyways...

Yeah, I doubt you'd lick or massage a complete stranger that you find attractive...

	Originally Posted by Chaotic Enigma To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	On the contrary we can all just continue playing around carefree and spontaneously and see where that leads us ^-^

Then you're going to be playing for long, long time. No candy for you.

	Originally Posted by YupItsMe To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The difference is sexual innuendo versus more neutral topics.

Now we're gettting somewhere.

	Originally Posted by labenedict To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	On the other side of this coin, though, is the idea that if a woman does not banter with her male co-workers, she is the ice queen, the bitch.

And this is the drama queen. You are not required to flirt all the time... Just be approachable for a conversation or two and drop the "this stalker is hitting on me" shield.

Anyway, when you find it hard to tell the difference it's probably flirting...or a failed attempt at it. After all, it can result to some pretty funny/awkward moments.
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[Traverser]

	Originally Posted by Sethis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Anyway, when you find it hard to tell the difference it's probably flirting...or a failed attempt at it. After all, it can result to some pretty funny/awkward moments. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Why would we want awkward moments?! I think it's best to assume, when in doubt, that it's joking instead.

[Distance]

	Originally Posted by YupItsMe To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The difference is sexual innuendo versus more neutral topics.

Even then, it's not a guarantee that the other person is interested in more. But this can be warning sign that they are. Either way, if you're not interested, this is the point to either shut down or to push back. Or if you're the one initiating the innuendos, stop it, if a cold front moves in or they directly protest.

[Muse]

Why draw a line at all? There's no way to prove or enforce it, just guess. Sometimes I think it is both, and sometimes I think it is neither.

[intjistp]

	Originally Posted by PRBori To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Not sure anymore, after many years in IT working with man I see flirting as something fun and a way to get their ego up for a bit. Man love flirting and I enjoy flirting back, it means nothing for me outside of a simple game; however it changes if the individuals turns to physical flirting, that is a no no for me.

Charity flirting helps some people steam up their self-confidence. Do it with care.

[VENUS 2020]

Originally Posted by reckful To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Flirting with intent is a way to playfully/jokingly send a cloaked "I'm interested" message but with plausible deniability that you were just joking if there aren't any encouraging return signals. And there wouldn't really be plausible deniability if it wasn't common for people to just mock flirt (with no serious intent). So the answer is that flirting sometimes is just joking around, but sometimes isn't. I went on about this in long-winded fashion To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Plausible deniability? Really? No wonder so many people are so confused.

There really is a thin line between flirting and playing around. Flirting is a combination of content, tone and body language. It does not have to be overtly sexual - that would be crude - but it should be positive, flattering and fun. A flirty comment focuses directly on the person (his appearance, behavior, attire, etc.) and is intended to evoke a positive feeling toward the giver. Playing around is more superficial, no undertones of interest. Just poking fun and general banter. Yeah it is possible for two friends to flirt with each other without any intent of taking it further.

[schwartzie]

	Originally Posted by MichaelEmouse To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Would you do the same with a guy*? If so, joking around. If not, flirting. * Presuming you're straight.

with notable exceptions.

Actually some of my favorite online people are happy to "do the same" with others of the same gender, even tho they are each straight. (and know one anothers' genders) Men are so cute when they get all silly and start slapping each other's butts...