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Pros and Cons of Being Alone? loneliness
Old 12-03-2011, 10:49 PM   #1
deckard
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Living alone

Pros:
On my timeline.
Self reliance.

Cons:
… Hmm ??

Living with others

Pros:
… Hmm ??

Cons:
Butting of heads over household needs and ‘chores’.
Having to censor behaviors and volume.

Being single

Pros:
On my timeline.

Cons:
No help with things. Timeline crunched.

Being in a relationship

Pros:
Help with things.
Sex

Cons:
Surrendering freedom to do as you please at all times.


Maybe more will come up with some input.

Do you have a list?
Have you yet to know the joys and challenges of doing life alone? And I mean really, alone.

Just wondering how many isolated there are... or am I... yet again... alone? :/
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Old 12-03-2011, 11:11 PM   #2
jkatra
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I'm completely alone. I even have very few close friends and have very limited contact with family (they live 2,000 miles away).

There are sexual advantages and disadvantages to being in a relationship. If you're fortunate, you'll have sex consistently in a relationship, but the advantage of being single is having casual sex with different partners.

There are social benefits to being in a relationship. You can improve your negotiation ability and social skills.

I never really need help with anything, so I don't see the advantage of being in a relationship for that (although I don't drive).
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Old 12-04-2011, 02:25 AM   #3
CaelestisPeste
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Pros: independence, time efficiency, self/ personal responsibility/reliance.
Cons: loneliness, boredom, lack of intimacy and social responsibility.
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Old 12-04-2011, 02:44 AM   #4
Vai
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Pros: Freedom. Spend your time as you see fit; entertainment, relaxation, improving personal skills, travel and work, etc.

Cons: Sometimes you feel lonely when you lie down on your bed getting ready to sleep. You also forgo any kind of support at all during times of need, apart from your immediate family (If they are still willing to and are capable of helping you out). Once you reach the point where you cannot support yourself due to age, health, permanent injury, or any other reason, it's game over unless an acquaintance/stranger/government takes pity on you.


Verdict: Most young people can surely use the time and freedom to develop themselves while being single. Once they get established, maybe they can start looking for good man/woman and invest in a stable relationship. Few will fit the bill, but surely there will be a handful of solid candidates if one knows where and what to look for.
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Old 12-04-2011, 02:46 AM   #5
theiceman
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Pros: Independence, Making your own decisions, Not having to have another voice nagging you if you make a bad decision, Freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want, more "me time".
Cons: Loneliness, more money to help you through tough times, companionship, sex, feeling close to someone, another voice there to guide you if you are making a bad decision.
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Old 12-04-2011, 02:47 AM   #6
Seablue
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Biggest con to being alone : some people are great. 'Nough said.

My biggest con to being intimately linked with people is responsability. Not "down to Earth" responsabilities like making compromises or helping them in time of need to or accepting their faults or I don't know what. But more the idea of responsability in itself, the idea that I wouldn't be free to disappear if I wanted to (by that I mean leave everything behind, or die). I guess it's what gives meaning to some people lives, and maybe even to mine in a way but still, it really makes me shiver, I don't like it at all.
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Old 12-04-2011, 04:54 AM   #7
zibber
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You left out love, intimacy and companionship.
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Old 12-04-2011, 10:08 AM   #8
deckard
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  Originally Posted by zibber
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You left out love, intimacy and companionship.

I did, because it's yet to have remained. That whole, it's better to have loved and lost thing... I never got.

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Old 12-04-2011, 10:34 AM   #9
qstoffe
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For me the biggest pro of being alone, and especially being single, is that I don't have to be assertive. I can almost be as passive/in control as I like. Independence = greater freedom of choice.

The biggest con is naturally no intimacy and no sex. I can't think of anything else that would be a con to me.
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Old 12-04-2011, 10:52 AM   #10
AnaK
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Pro's of being single and living alone:

You can totally indulge whatever bad habits you have without anyone giving you grief; from drinking straight from the carton, to not putting the cap back on the toothpaste, to not making your bed, to playing video games all day, to eating junk food and not exercising.

You don't have to make money so someone else can live a lifestyle that is more expensive than the lifestyle you want.

You can eat exactly what you want to eat, when you want to eat it. Watch exactly what you want to watch, etc.

You don't go from having people tell you what to do all day at work, to having people tell you what to do all night at home. You get some time to be away from the judgment of others.

Cleaning house is very quick and easy.

Cons of being single, and living alone.

- Lonely. No one to share life with, from a good movie to a trip you might take. No one to vent to about work. No one who sees your side of things. No physical affection and sex. No one to lean on when you're not having the best of luck.

The biggest con is if you meet someone special and you want to be with them. If it's not someone special, being alone wins hands down.
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Old 12-04-2011, 10:54 AM   #11
Reddkatz
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Pros: Freedom, not being dragged to do something because he or she wants you to, no in-laws to deal with, quality alone time,

Cons: loneliness when you want companionship, no support system if you have none, no regular sex
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Old 12-04-2011, 11:09 AM   #12
Muse
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Just because you are single does not mean you have to feel single. It's much easier to find people that blur the lines of what a relationship is than those who actually do a real relationship well.
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Old 12-04-2011, 11:37 AM   #13
deckard
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  Originally Posted by Muse
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Just because you are single does not mean you have to feel single. It's much easier to find people that blur the lines of what a relationship is than those who actually do a real relationship well.

My problem (recurring theme) is that it's rare I find someone who doesn't want to take it to that next level... if not right away, then soon. This ease you speak of, seems to have not come so easy.

  Originally Posted by Reddkatz
no in-laws to deal with

oo. That's a good one.

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Old 12-04-2011, 12:10 PM   #14
Daria
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Well, I've never experienced single life. I just ended a relationship yesterday that began when I was 14 years old, and I'm 19 now, so I'm excited to actually experience what it's like to be free as an adult. It hardly counts when you're 13 years old.

The pros of being in a relationship (in my experience): sex almost whenever you want it, you've always got a date for social functions or to go to the movies with

Cons of being in a relationship (in my experience): constantly have to cater to their needs (you can forget about your needs, no matter how small), give up all other social relationships except family, well and sometimes even family actually, can't go anywhere or do anything without that person, not allowed to have contrasting opinions, tied down to one place, can't dress/look the way you want to

Jeez, that's about all I can come up with, hah. I wasn't in love with him, so I can't weigh in on it too much, but I'm sure if you find the right person the pros would easily outweigh the cons.
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Old 12-04-2011, 12:14 PM   #15
Traverser
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Pros: More money in your pocket, no drama, and lots of free time.

Cons: Boredom and awkwardness at social events, especially with family.
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Old 12-04-2011, 12:29 PM   #16
qstoffe
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  Originally Posted by Traverser
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Cons: Boredom and awkwardness at social events, especially with family.

Why not skip such social events altogether? Win-win? That's actually another pro for being alone, that you can more easily skip social events.

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Old 12-04-2011, 12:49 PM   #17
Muse
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  Originally Posted by deckard
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My problem (recurring theme) is that it's rare I find someone who doesn't want to take it to that next level... if not right away, then soon. This ease you speak of, seems to have not come so easy.

hmm... Maybe compromise with them? Just take it half a level up
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If they don't like it then they sound pretty demanding/expectant.

You mentioned that love and intimacy don't last long.. If the movie is short, you could always watch it in slow motion?

  Originally Posted by Daria
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Cons of being in a relationship (in my experience): constantly have to cater to their needs (you can forget about your needs, no matter how small), give up all other social relationships except family, well and sometimes even family actually, can't go anywhere or do anything without that person, not allowed to have contrasting opinions, tied down to one place, can't dress/look the way you want to

Sounds like he took too much(which means you gave too much). Nothing wrong with slapping someones hand when they reach for seconds. In fact some people end relationships because you don't.

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Old 12-04-2011, 02:00 PM   #18
RainingLogic
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An observation on retreating from the world -

A highly capable person choosing to live alone is a worlds apart from the nut job misanthrope that lives alone because he can't find a girl friend.

Ponder this.
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Old 12-04-2011, 02:00 PM   #19
deckard
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  Originally Posted by Traverser
awkwardness at social events, especially with family.

Huh, mine's just the opposite. I come from a family of single people. It's awkward when I bring someone new to the circus.

  Originally Posted by Muse
hmm... Maybe compromise with them? Just take it half a level up If they don't like it then they sound pretty demanding/expectant.

I'd have to take it on a case by case basis, but this seems to be the pattern anyway. I'm experimenting with going for women I'm not wholly attracted to, but so far this hasn't been panning out. I guess I'm a sucker for the mutual infatuation.

  Originally Posted by Muse
You mentioned that love and intimacy don't last long..

No. It could last years, but that only covers so much. I know a good portion think that covers it all but that's not been my experience. And yes, usually their expectations are not met, while my level of comfort deepens.

I can adjust fairly well to just about any personality. I've had to live with some challenging ones throughout the years, so anything a notch bellow that can be learned. All the same, I'm not going to expend energy til the day I die if the square peg doesn't fit into the round hole. I'm of the opinion that relationships should be a sanctuary from work, not an endless chore.

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Old 12-04-2011, 02:12 PM   #20
knoba
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A recent personality analysis on a dating site convinced me not to bother going any further.

Good job!
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The only boundary I refuse to cross, is that of having a family, namely children, without the knowledge of being in a secure relationship.

I do realise that is the life I have chosen for myself, so it doesn't hurt to go fishing every once in a while. Sometimes one can reel in a rusty bicycle and then throw it back when done...
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Old 12-04-2011, 02:27 PM   #21
DrCiao
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PROS of being alone: Do whatever you want, wear whatever you want, eat standing up, watch all the porn you want etc.

CONS of being alone: No one to cook you fabulous meals, having to go to social functions alone, lack of companionship & intimacy
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Old 12-04-2011, 02:34 PM   #22
Rivers
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Pros: I can do (and not do) whatever the hell I want, I don't have to shave for a week. No dealing with her friends, arranging dates, drama, arguing, generally keeping her happy.
Cons: Limited frequency of touching ass and titties
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Old 12-04-2011, 02:53 PM   #23
ZincLysine
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Your model is bad Deckard. Its not a situation of pros and cons only. There's 'neutrals' as well; with a potential and range to be a pro or con.
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Old 12-04-2011, 04:45 PM   #24
nerdymonkey
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Pros: freedom, do whatever I want, no responsibility
Cons: alone, going for a trip alone, playing piano alone, eating alone, don't want to go to the movie (going there alone is awkward), studying alone, no one touches or hugs me, no "really caring" question for me.

I used to be in a relationship and I would say I prefer being in a relationship. It is just more fun and make me feel better to live. I am tired of being alone. And trust me, finding a true relationship is not easy at all!
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Old 12-04-2011, 04:49 PM   #25
Sniped Soul
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Pros: Freedom to sit around in your underwear all day eating kraft dinner and watching cartoons.

Cons: Have to make your own kraft dinner.
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