[Pheehelm]

To those with personal relationship experience or some form of dating history: what originally motivated you to start? What about the overall concept appealed to you? Was there something specific that you wanted (companionship, receive affection, display affection...), was it about doing what it is people in your age group do, was it mere curiosity, were you acting on attraction to another person without really thinking this hard about it, was it social pressure, was it something else?

To those without personal relationship experience or some form of dating history but desire to change this: What's motivating you to -- look, it's a present tense rehash of the above questions, you know what to do.

[wotsamattaU]

Attraction and the desire for romantic affection.

[Muse]

Originally Posted by Pheehelm To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To those with personal relationship experience or some form of dating history: what originally motivated you to start? What about the overall concept appealed to you? Was there something specific that you wanted (companionship, receive affection, display affection...), was it about doing what it is people in your age group do, was it mere curiosity, were you acting on attraction to another person without really thinking this hard about it, was it social pressure, was it something else?

We were 12 and 13. We were friends and liked to spend time together, but realized we prefer it to be just the two of us; we didn't like it as much when other friends were around. When she would show affection to me i started feeling a need to show it back (after a brief phase of shyness). I started liking her for more than friendship, talking, and playing. I cared about her wellbeing, and wanted to be a part of that wellbeing. She felt the same way.

[Zombicide]

Nope, just narcissism

[changos]

I'm a weird case.

Never seeked a relationship to get support, help, companionship, caring, or to satisfy my attraction to her (there was one time when I almost fall just for that). In my case the idea of "sharing" is very dominant. I really have it deep inside of me in such way that I don't express myself as "I have a relationship with her" but -> "we have", "I have a girlfriend" -> "we have a relationship", etc.

I'm one of those intjs who dated quite a bit (lot), something that is not unusual on other places but I'm seeing it seems uncommon on this forum. Anyway, finding mutual attraction has not been too hard, caring? nop, I've been blessed with the love and caring I've found, but even so that's not enough for me to get into a relationship.

Compatibility and communication are a key for me to get into it. I'm not so sure about this and don't want to write a lot this time (Im tired, my eyes are tired today but I couldn't resist this thread).

To me, one of the most precious things on earth is seeing her face surprised on how much I understand her, the deep connection. I've tried hard to explain this to friends time after time and failed, but there are times like when we go out and I vanish but tell my GF to order for me and she knows exactly what I want (not that I am predictable, not at all, I mean, we have a deep connection) and then I find out this small thing had a huge impact on my friends, then they got the idea of what a relationship means to me.

Basically, socially I get tired and bored, but there are times when these kind of girls come around and I can't get enough. I can have lunch, dinner, sleep and wake up with her at my side and I don't mind, shes there and I'm fine
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


I wrote too much, perhaps I skipped the important stuff, I'm too tired now........

[Smartpart]

	Originally Posted by changos To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	To me, one of the most precious things on earth is seeing her face surprised on how much I understand her, the deep connection.

.

For me, and maybe INTJs in general, there is something about those moments where you realize you have no explanation for the pure satisfaction, understanding and happiness that you feel and share.

[Wilderness]

Chemicals in my brain and hormones...

[deckard]

	Originally Posted by Pheehelm
	what originally motivated you to start?

Does not compute. I could only answer what motivated me to try and avoid it.

[Moondyn]

LOVE

[Vulture]

	Originally Posted by Pheehelm To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	To those with personal relationship experience or some form of dating history: what originally motivated you to start?

wanted to touch boobies.

figured that in order to do so legally, or morally, a relationship would be needed to achieve such.

[zibber]

Bad break-up, Pheehelm?

[Causa Mortis]

	Originally Posted by Pheehelm To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	To those without personal relationship experience or some form of dating history but desire to change this: What's motivating you to -- look, it's a present tense rehash of the above questions, you know what to do.

One word: ass

I'm honest about it, and sometimes, more develops. When more develops, that's great.

[Deliberator]

A desire for romance and positive affirmation, someone to talk to, someone to support me emotionally, someone to rely on, someone to whom I'm the most important person in the world.

Been there, done that. I think I like being alone more.


That said, I can't fathom being alone for the rest of my life. I want sex.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Sex.... to start. Then came the other things like love, companionship, hanging with someone, blah.

I was mostly content being by myself. Being alone wasn't lonely.

[Pheehelm]

	Originally Posted by zibber To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Bad break-up, Pheehelm?

Nope! Did I give that impression somehow?

I ask mostly out of academic curiosity, and looking into my concern that social pressure to have done activity x by age y motivates people, at least when they start out, more than does having a clear idea what an actually healthy relationship entails and wanting that. For me it was different; I shrugged off conformity and yawned at talk of companionship and sexual affection, but when I found out how partners in a good relationship handle problems, even ones that may feel too silly or trivial to bring up, by talking about them and taking each other seriously and working towards fixing them and realized, this actually happens, there are people who do this, that was when I was all "I gotta get me some of that." (That's the slightly over-simplified version; the full story is way too complicated to go into.) So I'm also a little interested in finding out whether I'm anything unusual there.

I guess the next question to ask is "where did you learn what people do in a relationship" but that'd be another thread.

[zibber]

That explains the title - just curious
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[Pheehelm]

Yeah, it's meant to be attention-grabbing and confrontational, not morose. I was playing off the whole "you won't know what it's like 'til you've been there" routine people say to the inexperienced who offer their opinions on relationships, see for instance the attitude expressed
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
.

[Innovate]

Curiosity

[paulm]

She was into me, I was curious about these mysterious creatures called women. Also, sex, if done well, is a lot of fun for all parties involved.

It didn't last but I don't regret it.

[nerdymonkey]

Support, caring, and love

[Zsych]

... feelings dragging me into illogical decisions
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


All the times I've gone into it without pre-existing emotional interest (like say from just experimenting) - its been kinda boring, and felt like a waste of my time.

[liningSilver]

I would draw an analogy to a sole trader vs business partnership.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


I'm fairly confident I can operate this business of life by myself, but if someone comes along who:

a) brings compatible, comparable and complementary assets to the table;
b) is prepared to make an investment in the business, including initial outlay and ongoing investments of time and energy to develop the business and face challenges head-on;
c) finds the partnership with me also beneficial and desirable for themselves;
d) makes the business function better (feel easier, more enjoyable, more successful) than it does as a sole trader,

then being in the relationship makes more sense than fighting it out alone.

[Thinktress]

	Originally Posted by Pheehelm To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	To those with personal relationship experience or some form of dating history: what originally motivated you to start? What about the overall concept appealed to you?

What motivated me to start? lol Is that a real question?

The usual. SEX. Companionship. SEX.

I'm not a huge fan of dating, or the dating scene, to tell you the truth. I find the whole "getting to know you" phase of relationships to be largely uncomfortable. You have no idea where things are going, or whether anything will work out. And uncertainty is not really my thing. But, dating of some sort seems to be a necessary evil in order to meet potential partners and get to know them, and further the relationship, and all of that stuff.

Maybe if I was more extroverted or more S or more something I could get into the moment more with it. But for me, dating is like some sort of expectant evaluation process. Due to its highly variable nature, the dating that occurs at the beginning of a relationship is usually my least favorite part of the relationship overall.

Unless it works out well. Then I seem to look back on everything quite fondly.

[Zethariel]

Validation (of me as a person)

A form of motivation, being able to do something for someone

[AnaK]

Originally Posted by Thinktress To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I'm not a huge fan of dating, or the dating scene, to tell you the truth. I find the whole "getting to know you" phase of relationships to be largely uncomfortable. You have no idea where things are going, or whether anything will work out. And uncertainty is not really my thing. But, dating of some sort seems to be a necessary evil in order to meet potential partners and get to know them, and further the relationship, and all of that stuff. Maybe if I was more extroverted or more S or more something I could get into the moment more with it. But for me, dating is like some sort of expectant evaluation process. Due to its highly variable nature, the dating that occurs at the beginning of a relationship is usually my least favorite part of the relationship overall.

I agree whole-heartedly!!! I absolutely hate dating. It seems like a job interview, only more judgmental and longer lasting.

The times I have been happiest in my life have been when I hung with a crowd of people, and we would all hang out together, in different combinations, and people would get together from that. Or even meet someone outside of the group, when you are hanging with the group. Like, go to a concert with a group of people and yet meet a guy who is there with a different group.

I enjoy being with people I know and like one-on-one, but to go from stranger to one-on-one dating is very uncomfortable for me.