Girls must like getting attention - Page 2

**JulietCapulet** · 11-21-2011, 03:28 PM

I think some people equate attention with love. Unfortunately they just don't seem to understand the difference between the two. They might subconsciously think that receiving attention means they are being loved when often it probably has nothing to do with that.

**AnaK** · 11-21-2011, 04:09 PM

Maybe the girl just likes talking to people because it makes the day less boring and she enjoys talking to people. Not everyone is on the make 24 hours a day. Not everyone has an ulterior motive when they talk to someone. Maybe people come by her desk because she shows interest in them. At my last job, I noticed people talked to me more than the woman who sat next to me, because she talked about herself non-stop and wouldn't let them get a word in edgewise.

**Distance** · 11-21-2011, 04:12 PM

	Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Maybe the girl just likes talking to people because it makes the day less boring and she enjoys talking to people. Not everyone is on the make 24 hours a day. Not everyone has an ulterior motive when they talk to someone.

The more I think about this, the more it appears to be a personal lens issue, in that people tend to perceive others' actions in the way they would think and behave.

**Beric** · 11-21-2011, 05:01 PM

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The more I think about this, the more it appears to be a personal lens issue, in that people tend to perceive others' actions in the way they would think and behave.

Agreed, in this case.

The girl mentioned in the OP is probably an extrovert. She gets energy off of other people. As such, getting more male attention (and conversation) can only be a good thing for her, independent of her (and their) actual attraction level. I would hate that much attention. But that's because I'm an introvert. So instead of projecting myself on her. I have to understand that she simply sees thing differently.

I have an ESFP in my current Entrepreneurship class group project. She talked about when she went to New York and sat alone at a table in a restaurant, guys would stop and talk to her all the time. That would never happen to me, of course, but she didn't seem to notice, or even guess that they might be hitting on her. She just liked the conversation.

**Fox** · 11-21-2011, 11:09 PM

	Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Not every guy who talks to a woman at work is interested in dating her. That's a very sexist view.

By my count at least five guys went out of their way to talk to her. They had to make detours from their work areas in the departments to the break rooms. amount of time they spent talking likely exceed their allotted time for a break. Some of them made repeat visits. I think there was about 3 other older or less attractive women in the general vicinity. None of these guys were going out of their way to talk to them.

Seablue · 11-21-2011, 11:52 PM

Several people have already pointed that out but yeah, why and how is a woman supposed to mention her boyfriend to every male who talks to her ?

"Oh God, he talks to me, must be he wants sex. I'll make it clear subtly that he's not going to get it."

So conversation isn't natural at all...
If the guy notices he'll perhaps get offended ("I wasn't hitting on her, who does she thinks she is")...
And if he's really really determined to try to have sex with her, just a subtle mention of a boyfriend won't be enough to discourage him anyway.

So maybe when you spend some time together and notice he really is flirting, but not when you first meet. Sorry but in my book, guys who discover after several conversations that a woman has a boyfriend and feel that they have been "lied to" are jerks. I understand why they would be disappointed if they liked her, but they haven't been lied to. It's a bit like religious people who get offended because they befriended a homosexual without knowing "what he was" or any variation of that kind. People don't have to hand you the list of their characteristics that could potentially repel you when you first meet.

**Distance** · 11-21-2011, 11:56 PM

*male coworker approaches*

Girl puts up her hand in a stop gesture: Talk to the hand, I have a boyfriend.

*male coworker looks at her as if she's retarded, hands her the mail and runs away from psycho bitch*

**zibber** · 11-22-2011, 01:36 AM

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	male coworker approaches Girl puts up her hand in a stop gesture: Talk to the hand, I have a boyfriend. male coworker looks at her as if she's retarded, hands her the mail and runs away from psycho bitch

*guy posts thread about "bitches be crazy & shit"*

**Thinker** · 11-22-2011, 02:17 AM

	Originally Posted by JulietCapulet To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I think some people equate attention with love. Unfortunately they just don't seem to understand the difference between the two. They might subconsciously think that receiving attention means they are being loved when often it probably has nothing to do with that.

I think this may be a key to some relationship questions from a male perspective and in particular a young male INTJ's perspective.

It is true to say that most humans enjoy attention. However, there are some people, and in particular introverted males, who do not get much, if any attention. It can be a lack of attention from family, friends and the opposite sex.

What this means is that if they are not practised in both receiving and giving attention, they can misinterpret the attention given to them by a female.

Perhaps this is what you mean by "equating attention with love"? (i.e. not enough practice)

**ZerroDefex** · 11-22-2011, 05:04 AM

	Originally Posted by Fox To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The other day I watch the same girl get visited by one guy after another. It was at work. I didn't think she was pretty at first but in street clothes she cleans up nicely.

So you're saying that she's "
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."

**changos** · 11-22-2011, 08:27 AM

A lot of talking
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and complaining about "XYZ" but not interested on solutions? or not actually doing anything about it??
A big YES to the title.

**Fox** · 11-22-2011, 08:27 AM

	Originally Posted by Distance To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	male coworker approaches Girl puts up her hand in a stop gesture: Talk to the hand, I have a boyfriend. male coworker looks at her as if she's retarded, hands her the mail and runs away from psycho bitch

It really isn't that hard to say you have a significant other into a conversation without being absolutely direct and coming across as super bitch. There are ways to drop a hint. Flirting guy mentions some band, book, movie, food or some subject girl responds with "Joe and I plan to see it this weekend."

**zibber** · 11-22-2011, 09:03 AM

	Originally Posted by Fox To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It really isn't that hard to say you have a significant other into a conversation without being absolutely direct and coming across as super bitch. There are ways to drop a hint. Flirting guy mentions some band, book, movie, food or some subject girl responds with "Joe and I plan to see it this weekend."

Why?

Why why why?

Why would female identified people have this responsibility?

Seablue · 11-22-2011, 09:43 AM

	Originally Posted by Fox To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It really isn't that hard to say you have a significant other into a conversation without being absolutely direct and coming across as super bitch. There are ways to drop a hint. Flirting guy mentions some band, book, movie, food or some subject girl responds with "Joe and I plan to see it this weekend."

And again : do people also have to "drop hints" about them being homosexual, or vegans, or Muslims, or conservative, or communists, or allergic to cats, or whatever else that people might want to know about them ? Is it so horrible to speak to someone and then find out they are not single ?

**zibber** · 11-22-2011, 10:35 AM

	Originally Posted by Seablue To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	And again : do people also have to "drop hints" about them being homosexual, or vegans, or Muslims, or conservative, or communists, or allergic to cats, or whatever else that people might want to know about them ? Is it so horrible to speak to someone and then find out they are not single?

The point of all male/female interaction is apparently sex and relationships.

**Rivers** · 11-22-2011, 10:50 AM

	Originally Posted by zibber To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The point of all male/female interaction is apparently sex and relationships.

Yes, until all the posibility of sex and entering a relationship is gone.

**ppu6502** · 11-22-2011, 11:00 AM

	Originally Posted by Fox To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It really isn't that hard to say you have a significant other into a conversation without being absolutely direct and coming across as super bitch. There are ways to drop a hint. Flirting guy mentions some band, book, movie, food or some subject girl responds with "Joe and I plan to see it this weekend."

Then again, some may be a little offended when a girl goes out of her way to mention her boyfriend. It implies that he was interested in her and needed to be fended off, so in that sense it just seems really egotistical.

**Dru** · 11-22-2011, 11:10 AM

this is why you don't communicate according to others' expectations; you communicate to express your own.

"i have a boyfriend" expresses that you are not interested in the advances of other parties. whether or not those parties will be offended, for whatever silly reason, is not a factor. that's their problem.

**Seriously** · 11-22-2011, 11:12 AM

We could just tattoo "Taken" on women's foreheads when they get a man.

**ppu6502** · 11-22-2011, 11:13 AM

Girls who already have a boyfriend should be put in special camps, so we don't have to accidentally interact with them at all.

**Dru** · 11-22-2011, 11:14 AM

	Originally Posted by Seriously To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	We could just tattoo "Taken" on women's foreheads when they get a man.

then they would have to keep that man, or face suspicion of being a liar or adulteress when trying to avow their virtue as a single woman.

how about, "i got engaged to a guy and all i got was this stupid tattoo". :P

"no! really! he dumped me!"

---------- Post added 11-22-2011 at 02:15 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by ppu6502 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Girls who already have a boyfriend should be put in special camps, so we don't have to accidentally interact with them at all.

totally. and boys who have girlfriends should be sent to the moon... away from their girlfriends.

otherwise, how would we keep girls' boyfriends away from other guys' girlfriends, and vice versa?!

scratch that.
everyone gets their own island. yes, this is obviously the best solution.

**Seriously** · 11-22-2011, 11:38 AM

	Originally Posted by Dru To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	then they would have to keep that man, or face suspicion of being a liar or adulteress when trying to avow their virtue as a single woman. how about, "i got engaged to a guy and all i got was this stupid tattoo". :P "no! really! he dumped me!"

heh I like that. Or you could just keep scratching the name out and putting new ones..until you run out of room.

Of course men don't need anything like that because we know they never talk to women unless they are totally and completely S I N G L E.

**zibber** · 11-22-2011, 11:48 AM

	Originally Posted by Seriously To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	heh I like that. Or you could just keep scratching the name out and putting new ones..until you run out of room.

That would work, too. That way, the eligible bachelor can immediately ascertain her sexual history.

**Distance** · 11-22-2011, 11:57 AM

What does it matter if a girl's single or not, considering
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thread?

**Dru** · 11-22-2011, 12:01 PM

	Originally Posted by zibber To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	That would work, too. That way, the eligible bachelor can immediately ascertain her sexual history.

ooh, good thinking... it would be interesting to see in that case whether women modified their behavior to fit expectations, or whether people realize how absurd their expectations of women are once they discovered the disparity between them and the way women actually behave.

i'd guess the former, as it would be the path of least resistance. hard proof for the fact that most women like sex as much as men would be received about as well as proof that aliens live among us.

11-21-2011, 03:28 PM	#26
JulietCapulet Veteran Member [96%] MBTI: XNFX Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 3,865	I think some people equate attention with love. Unfortunately they just don't seem to understand the difference between the two. They might subconsciously think that receiving attention means they are being loved when often it probably has nothing to do with that.
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11-21-2011, 04:09 PM	#27
AnaK Core Member [116%] MBTI: XNFP Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 4,666	Maybe the girl just likes talking to people because it makes the day less boring and she enjoys talking to people. Not everyone is on the make 24 hours a day. Not everyone has an ulterior motive when they talk to someone. Maybe people come by her desk because she shows interest in them. At my last job, I noticed people talked to me more than the woman who sat next to me, because she talked about herself non-stop and wouldn't let them get a word in edgewise.
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11-21-2011, 11:52 PM	#31
Seablue Core Member [147%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 5,883	Several people have already pointed that out but yeah, why and how is a woman supposed to mention her boyfriend to every male who talks to her ? "Oh God, he talks to me, must be he wants sex. I'll make it clear subtly that he's not going to get it." So conversation isn't natural at all... If the guy notices he'll perhaps get offended ("I wasn't hitting on her, who does she thinks she is")... And if he's really really determined to try to have sex with her, just a subtle mention of a boyfriend won't be enough to discourage him anyway. So maybe when you spend some time together and notice he really is flirting, but not when you first meet. Sorry but in my book, guys who discover after several conversations that a woman has a boyfriend and feel that they have been "lied to" are jerks. I understand why they would be disappointed if they liked her, but they haven't been lied to. It's a bit like religious people who get offended because they befriended a homosexual without knowing "what he was" or any variation of that kind. People don't have to hand you the list of their characteristics that could potentially repel you when you first meet.
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11-21-2011, 11:56 PM	#32
Distance Core Member [410%] MBTI: eNTj Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 16,422	male coworker approaches Girl puts up her hand in a stop gesture: Talk to the hand, I have a boyfriend. male coworker looks at her as if she's retarded, hands her the mail and runs away from psycho bitch
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11-22-2011, 08:27 AM	#36
changos Member [48%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,944	A lot of talking To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. and complaining about "XYZ" but not interested on solutions? or not actually doing anything about it?? A big YES to the title.
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11-22-2011, 11:10 AM	#43
Dru Core Member [250%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 10,014	this is why you don't communicate according to others' expectations; you communicate to express your own. "i have a boyfriend" expresses that you are not interested in the advances of other parties. whether or not those parties will be offended, for whatever silly reason, is not a factor. that's their problem.
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11-22-2011, 11:12 AM	#44
Seriously Core Member [496%] MBTI: ISTP Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 19,879	We could just tattoo "Taken" on women's foreheads when they get a man.
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11-22-2011, 11:13 AM	#45
ppu6502 Special Snowflake MBTI: INTj Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 11,503	Girls who already have a boyfriend should be put in special camps, so we don't have to accidentally interact with them at all.
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11-22-2011, 11:57 AM	#49
Distance Core Member [410%] MBTI: eNTj Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 16,422	What does it matter if a girl's single or not, considering To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. thread?
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