[enfp_female]

What I am seeking is some concrete advice as to how I should be handling myself at this time. Please use cognitive functional analysis as you see fit - this is really about trying to channelize the stressful circumstance into actual, personal growth.

I am female, ENFP and well into my midlife and a full-fledged householder with multiple children, career paths of self and spouse, elders in the family, social & family obligations and so forth to manage.

One of my major weaknesses is the inability to manage my time well. For example, I have a deadline tomorrow evening at work and instead of making sure most of the work was done today, I spent my time researching some other things that have caught my fancy, nay, obsession these past few months. Until recently, I could do this and still manage all my obligations reasonably well because I was the master of my own time and would schedule my work in such a way that I would use my time most productively against each item that needed to be done. For example, children need your time at certain times of the day; my work is best done at night just because that is when I work like a maniac and finish things off at 4x speed; my daytime is spent with family, friends, my own research etc. - low profile items that can be done 'lazily' if you will without requiring intense concentration.

Now that has changed and I am in a situation where I absolutely have to adhere to more conventional timings - work from 9 to 5; be with kids from 5:30 to 9:30; sleep from 9:30 to 5:30; take care of chores from 5:30 to 8:30.

This has totally put me on a tail-spin. I am not used to being held to such strictures; I am not most productive in these time-slots either. I really work off the seat of my pants; but I've been pretty successful in managing every aspect of life in spite of it seeming very adhoc to everyone around! There is an internal method to this madness, if you will, and as a result, I've been blissfully stress-free no matter how urgent or challenging the circumstances were.

Now, the circumstances aren't challenging in themselves, but I am feeling very stressed because of this constant clock-watching. For instance, today. My time to do this work is over; and I didn't use it as directed. Now how? I have to work at double speed tomorrow, but the odds of finishing everything between 9am and 5pm tomorrow are bleak. Normally, I'd start later tonight and finish most of the work at night, leaving only small bits for tomorrow. But now, that is just not an option.

As my tertiary and inferior are called upon to do their part, my entire being feels stressed and tired. I actually am feeling physically unwell - pretty ill. And I know it is all psychological; there are no germs that are causing any physiological imbalance.

Btw, I can sustain this strict time-routine pretty effectively and efficiently for about a week, before the tension starts to show. I just don't understand why I can't sustain that rhythm and why it has such a tangibly physical impact. For a person who is otherwise a cool cucumber even under severe crisis, why does a 'small thing' like this rankle so hard and deep?

What should I be doing? How can I best channelize this tension towards personal growth rather than breed resentment towards others?

And no, I can't change the fact that I have to adhere to these timings. That cannot happen - I won't want to get into the 'WHY' of it. That's just the way it is, as far as this thread goes.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Anyone cares to help out here, a little? Thanks for reading this long post.

[ManWithNoName]

It sounds like you are just trying to handle to much and are getting burnt out. I would seriously look at the stuff you are doing and ask yourself if it is necessary or if you are just taking on some elses duties.

As for time management. Generally all time management boils down to

1.) Identify the tasks: you can't do it if you don't know what it is you are supposed to be doing of if it seems unclear. If the tasks seems big break it down into more manageable tasks and put them into sequential order to form steps. I find if you don't break down a task into manageable steps it's easy to get distracted as you have no clear idea of how you are going to do it.

2.) Figure out what to do when: once you have broken down the tasks until they cannot be broken down any further then assign them to some kind of timetable. If say to complete a job your going to have to do 10 different things and have 2 weeks to do it then simply assign a task to each day. Doing a little bit every day rather than rushing to get it done all at once helps reduce stress and improves quality.

[timeineternity]

	Originally Posted by some other forumemale To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I actually am feeling physically unwell - pretty ill.

In that case, this is something that really must be dealt with.

Nothing comes to mind to add to ManWithNoName's pertinent advice.

'Instead of studying how to make it worth men's while to buy [Thoreau's] baskets', Thoreau 'studied rather how to avoid the necessity of selling them.'

One can only handle so much; and to what end? Sometimes, I've realized that some things just aren't of any importance to me.

Priorities! priorities! priorities!

[enfp_female]

	Originally Posted by ManWithNoName To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	It sounds like you are just trying to handle to much and are getting burnt out. I would seriously look at the stuff you are doing and ask yourself if it is necessary or if you are just taking on some elses duties.

Thanks for that kindly thought, MWNN. I no longer know what is my work, what is anyone else's. In a household, things just have to get done - doesn't matter who does and who doesn't, no? It is shared responsibility and that means that each person has independently 100% responsibility for getting everything done.

	As for time management. Generally all time management boils down to 1.) Identify the tasks: 2.) Figure out what to do when:

Thanks again... OK, so I do this. But when that particular time comes to do something specific, probably because of the compulsion to do it, rather than the desire from within to do it, I spontaneously de-prioritize it and go into some useless self-undoing time-wasting activity. (No, not smoking pot! LoL! Just time-wasting with self-indulgent stuff like surfing about things that interest me! At my stage in life, time that I spend on myself that is not scheduled is almost criminal - there's something else important that is not going to get done!)

I actually do the two steps that you've suggested and do handle only one thing at a time. And I take small steps, or I'll be overwhelmed and I'll probably breakdown. To avoid all that, I try to stay mostly organized, but my problem is not letting the ball drop on something. At my stage, 80% success or 80% productivity is just not good enough! I am struggling to be at 90% or 95% steadily. Trying to stay at 90% is what is making it stressful.

To be honest, if I operated at 90% or 100% productivity, I'd not have even ten minutes on this forum per day, but then, spending time here does help me unwind quite significantly and helps me work properly without getting into burn out mode.

The real problem happens when an entire day gets lost to mindless unproductivity - those are normally days when I am tired - physically or emotionally - but I can't afford those. A household has to run properly whether you are emotionally available or not!
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Kids and elders simply cannot afford to be put through all that. And at work, it is obviously inappropriate to show mood swings. It ends up being vented as slow work or distracted work.

How do the super-organized INTJs manage to operate at 90%+ productivity all the time?

---------- Post added 11-11-2011 at 07:49 AM ----------

Originally Posted by timeineternity To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

In that case, this is something that really must be dealt with. Nothing comes to mind to add to ManWithNoName's pertinent advice. 'Instead of studying how to make it worth men's while to buy [Thoreau's] baskets', Thoreau 'studied rather how to avoid the necessity of selling them.' One can only handle so much; and to what end? Sometimes, I've realized that some things just aren't of any importance to me. Priorities! priorities! priorities!

Thank you, timeineternity. I reflected about this. The physical manifestation happens because I am somehow resentful of this on some days - not everyday, but some days. I wish I'd get a little more help or that my own needs would be attended to sometime. Earlier, I would prioritize my needs too every now and then, make time for myself AND accommodate everyone else. Except, that would mean things happen on my time and that could be confusing for others. (Kids are taken care of at normal times, btw, in both systems.) In the new system, there is no time for me.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
I suppose that lack of vent is making me tired. But like I said, this is it. I can't fight the system anymore - I've realized it is unproductive and destructive. I'd rather use my efforts to do something useful for the people around me.

How do the INTJs and the SJs manage to stay super-organized and productive, even if they don't like doing some things? Do they just get up and do it? Don't they feel resentful sometimes? How do you manage emotion against 'what's got to be done'?

[Owfin]

Ouch. Constant work is no fun. Perhaps you can think about how you can do to improve things. Maybe you can't change the schedule, but figure out what is in your power to make better.

As an SJ, my inferior NP side will stop me in my tracks when I want to give up. It's a very pessimistic voice in my head. "Think of all the problems that could happen if you don't do this! Everything is going to fall apart..." I don't feel so much resentful, as to wondering "What is the point of all of this?" So I try to find things I can like in what I do. Suddenly, the meaning is back.

[enfp_female]

Originally Posted by Owfin To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Ouch. Constant work is no fun. Perhaps you can think about how you can do to improve things. Maybe you can't change the schedule, but figure out what is in your power to make better. As an SJ, my inferior NP side will stop me in my tracks when I want to give up. It's a very pessimistic voice in my head. "Think of all the problems that could happen if you don't do this! Everything is going to fall apart..." I don't feel so much resentful, as to wondering "What is the point of all of this?" So I try to find things I can like in what I do. Suddenly, the meaning is back.

Thanks very much,.Owfin. I find that I am very SJ-like organised and somewhat stubborn about rules when under stress. A part of me likes that person too. She is efficient and reliable. Problem is, the minute the crisis is over, the relaxed, playful persona takes over.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Thanks for taking the time to reply. I'm so overwhelmed at some level that each considerate response here is actually making me teary! It's stupid, I know...
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
But this timely support lends much strength... I suppose today will be productive after all...
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[Haumea]

My ENFP friend has had decent success using the
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
system.

I looked through it, and although I don't really need it (I suspect to an INTJ it's kinda obvious) I could see how it could be an eye-opener to an ENFP.

[enfp_female]

Thanks, Haumea.

Can someone give examples of how they conquered their tertiary and inferior functions? Competence, especially maturity-related and growth-related competence, seems to come from exactly this.

Is my hypothesis wrong? If not, how can it be done? How do people tap into the benign sides of their Tert and Inf functions?

Put another way, the positive side of what emerges from us under stress (not the extreme-stress-induced shadow) is worth cultivating, it seems. How does one sustain during calm, the positive aspects of what is induced by stress?

I am really struggling to grapple, people. Earnestly appreciate all help...

[Wongette]

	Originally Posted by some other forumemale To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	How do the INTJs and the SJs manage to stay super-organized and productive, even if they don't like doing some things? Do they just get up and do it? Don't they feel resentful sometimes? How do you manage emotion against 'what's got to be done'?

Not all INTJs stay super organized or productive. I would say I am NOT organized about the stuff I don't care about that much, which unfortunately includes many household tasks. Hence Merry Maids. I put off stuff I don't like to do, nor am I productive on schedule. I'm productive when it hits (usually at night) and not productive many other times. And being an INTJ, there are some things that matter a great deal to me, and other things can be put off. Also, I need to spend a lot of time with my mind wandering. So actually, I hate daily tasks.

So I guess some INTJs might be super organized and productive. But hey, not all of us.

[enfp_female]

Thanks, Wongette. Misery likes company; apparently, so does disorganization! :D LoL! I am definitely deriving no mean relief from knowing that not every one is on top of their game all the time. :P Doesn't mean I should stop working on the efficiency, but definitely means that it is OK to slip once in a while at least, while I am on the process...
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[Bluesea]

One thing that helped me was someone who told me about two ways of working with time.

1 = Process Time
2 = Linear Time

People who work with time in a process time manner start and end tasks when one task is completed and this signals the opportunity to start a new task. So it depends how long the task before takes when they will be finished and when the next task can begin. They would say things like - I will bake the cake after I have bathed the baby. I will do the laundry after I have vacuumed the house, etc. It is more important to them to focus on the process of doing the task and all it involves and how it naturally evolves itself to an end point than how long it actually takes by the clock - could take a small amount of time or longer or a different amount of time each time they do it depending on what is involved.

The linear time person does things by the clock and schedules activities according to time frames. They will start and stop activities when the clock has hit a specific time they have allotted for the activity. So they would say: "I will bake the cake at 4pm and bathe the baby at 3pm." They will ensure they finish tasks in a set time frame or be happy to leave them incomplete to exit this task to another one if the time has arrived for the new task.

If you are a process time person working to a linear time demand it will be hard to achieve and be going against the grain of your usual way of working with time and how you organise yourself and do activities; especially if you are still using a process time style throughout. If you recognise this occurring you might need to remind yourself you can use process time when you are not at work and linear time when at work and consider the amount of time you will need for each task and allot this against your to-do list It might take a while to get an accurate estimate if you have been a process time person, so it might be interesting for you to jot down the actual time it took alongside your task after it has finished so over time you become more aware of how to accurately predict how long something will take. However also working on ending a task at a specific time whether it has been done the way you feel it should be or not and commit yourself to at least starting the next activity at the agreed time so one late ending does not create another late beginning, which then puts pressure on that one to end on time, and runs the risk of another late ending, and another late beginning, until the whole day has fallen over. If you are late for one, try to end it on time so you can regain ground and start on time for the next one. This can at least reduce the frequency of lateness in a day.

Also one thing I did that helped me was to draw up a table where I put the date, time, appointment scheduled, and ticked it if I was on time or crossed it when not. Then had a column to write down why I was on time or not on time alongside. Then at the end of the week I would summarise the conditions and mindsets that led to being on time and those that led to being late. This helped me become more conscious of the things I was doing and how I was thinking when I got it right and the differences when I got it wrong.

Hope this is of some help.

Also some articles you might find interesting:
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[AureliaSeverina]

How old are your children? Get them to help you with the chores. E.g. if you make them a pack lunch for school, teach them to make their own sandwiches. If it is you who cleans their rooms, tell them to do it themselves. If they don't want to do it, just let them rot in their own mess for a while, it's not gonna kill them. Eventually they'll get it done when they feel like it.
Why are you managing your husband's career path? What is he doing for you in return?

[irini]

Have you ever thought that it would be nice if you asked somebody to help you or even hire somebody to help you? I mean, I'm a working mother that works from 9 to 5 everyday (18 years now-since my twenties) and I do have to deal with a lot of stress sometimes...As a perfectionist that I am, I wanted to be perfect to all aspects of my life and that made me feel tired at some point and unsatisfied with myself...So then I have thought to ask somebody else to do few things for me (I have hired a woman that was helping me with house cleaning once a month)...That helped me to realize that I could keep things in order at home far more easier and faster and I was very satisfied with this result. It has also given me the chance to have more free time so that I could give myself the present to deal with things that I really enjoyed - like participating to this forum for example- without feeling guilty that I have abandoned my obligations....What I'm trying to say is that we sometimes forget to be really happy and carefree because we ask too much from ourselves. It would have been so much easier if we could learn to enjoy ... slowing down for a while...

[Apophenia]

My favorite thing to suggest is increasing exercise/physical health. The ability to perceive and react to all things (tasks..) requires an alert, calm and vivid system. Even a five minute brisk walk, push ups or kettle bell swings gets my brain in the place where it's ready to act rather than continue to be stuck in distraction mode. (I always recommend "Spark" a book about exercise and the mind.)

Task-doing takes a lot of the same brain matter as body-doing, (each push-up is a task, for example and requires significant brain-coordination) so one can use the body to wake up the part of the brain that allows the brain coordination to do task after task.

But overall, know that you sound like you're working very hard and doing a wonderful job raising your children. You sound like you know what's priority, and you get it done. It's ok to have an off day since you've taken such care before (everything will be fine!). Some days people just don't feel tip top!

[ludius]

From your post, I identified 3 problems:
1) Procrastination
2) Routine tasks
3) Overdoing

You procrastinate not because you're lazy or you lack motivation to get something started. You procrastinate because something else that glitters is catching your attention and you want to put it at the top of your TO DO list. Your ENFP tendency is to prioritize this new shiny experience and because time is the constraints here, the other routine tasks in your TO DO list are left undone. The solution is not time scheduling but self-control. Learn to say no. Just do what you have to do first and those interesting things later.

The "learn to say no" advice seems easy but for an ENFP, I know it's hard. That's why I developed my own technique to really learn how to say no to new things that mess up my daily schedule. When a new interesting something comes knocking, I check first if I can fit it within my current schedule and if not, I don't entertain it for a moment. If after 2-3 minutes I still have the urge to do it, then I put it in my REWARD list. My REWARD list is a list of things to do after I finished my TODO list. My TODO list is mostly routine tasks (you know that routine=boring) so my REWARD list keeps me motivated to do those boring routine.

Routine tasks are really the ENFP's nemesis. To counter it, I start my day with self hypnosis. I say hypnosis because it takes a great deal of effort to really convince myself that my day-to-day routine tasks is what I'm really motivated to do over the day. My TODO list is actually not written in paper. It's just the random list of things to do for the day or week that I dictated in my head and hypnotize myself to commit to.

Because most ENFPs are perfectionists, we sometimes tend to overdo things, consuming much of our limited precious time. Learn to know when to stop or pause. And sometimes, time is wasted due to ENFP's purist and all-or-nothing attitude. Know the boundaries and learn when enough is enough.

[JulietCapulet]

Whenever I feel that disorganization has become a problem I force myself to just do it, I just force organization. Force getting a task done. Force taking time for myself to do other things I like so I can relax.