[Rosidis]

My ex boyfriend (27, INTJ, with "mild" high functioning asperger-traits) has started losing all hopes for finding a mate like him.
I really really want to help him at least cheer up, even if that means I will have to find several girls who would be willing to date him, and more importantly love him back, but I have no idea where to look.

Where would I most be likely to find you single INTJ girls?
What other ways can you bring a brighter mental image for a future to an INTJ with a severely broken heart? (I was his first girlfriend)

The truth is that I don't believe it either.. I mean come-on. There are probably like 2% of you INTJ girls out there, and what are the odds even 0,001% are single and willing to move to this cold little rude hole called Norway?

[Sethis]

In libraries, gaming conventions or dark dungeons reading some book. This has been discussed several times in the past. He can even join a group for people with asperger's. Seriously, that would be your best bet.

It doesn't mean it has to be an INTJ though. There are other types that can match him well too.

[paperclip]

Why are you hooking your ex-boyfriend up? That sounds like weird boundary issues.


Refer him to the forum.

[Rosidis]

I knew this was a bad idea..
I suggested this forum several times, but he wants to meet them in person. And he wants someone similar, both as a friend, and because only someone similar will truly get him. Also because he is starting to feel like he is the only one in the entire world like him. (This is beyond INTJ, but I thik if there were any more ppeople like him they'd be INTJ's too)
They only have asperger groups for kids over here, and the library has been demolished.. and we don't have conventions over here... Norway sucks.

We are still friends. We still live together for now. I still want him to be happy.

[changos]

At that age things begin to look interesting because he surely built something out of the experiences he had (prospects, a list of red flags, abstract unreal model or some sort of idealization). If you really feel like helping him, talk to him but mostly hear what he has to say (complaining doesn't count). Ask him at times if he wants to hear your opinion (you can do it anyway but the thing is he must be open to it so if you ask and he says no you'll save valuable time instead). Your talk outside his head could open up some windows inside his mind because thats surely what's locked.

He must have some reasons and a descriptive image of what he needs, wants and would like to find. Some people get stuck on the dating thing and instead of trying more variety they close their options to what they already know and... at times this persons try to revisit past partners.

	with "mild" high functioning asperger-traits

Dont underestimate that part. Dating requires not only being open but also being able to communicate, deal and negociate on a lot of levels with another person, but his condition has tendencies to have a hard time interpreting what people say and mean. A very direct person would sound right but I guess he still would take her words as written on stone. About "what he thinks and believe" could be valid stuff, or invalid negative stuff so is not only about getting him to know other people.

Dating = not easy. But we all must be aware that when things are difficult, going to diff places or trying with more diff persons is not the answer, sometimes the problem is inside us, we ALL could keep jumping from rock to rock until we run out of rocks and fall down to the river.

---------- Post added 11-07-2011 at 05:13 PM ----------

	Originally Posted by Rosidis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I knew this was a bad idea.. I suggested this forum several times, but he wants to meet them in person. And he wants someone similar, both as a friend, and because only someone similar will truly get him.

I'm older than your friend but not as far from there. Trust me, sometimes more of the same is not healthy [specia.... whatever...] What you say makes perfect sense, he wants more information and having his options in front of him gives a lot of things to work already. Online dating-and-communication is not usually a good way to get ahead on that.

Bold: TRUE, LOGICAL, honest and healthy antagonism is like candy for us, specially the older we get (but remember older doesn't equals maturity)

	Cheering up an INTJ with a broken heart and no hopes to mend it

Getting back to the title, if a broken heart as the tittle says is the main problem, that has very little to do with other persons other than the one who broke his heart and him, so this means a lot of work to do inside of him first instead of just looking for other options.

[Barok]

Give him a puppy...Might aswell work to stop living with the girl who broke his heart?, still I think the puppy is a good idea...

[ManWithNoName]

Originally Posted by Rosidis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I knew this was a bad idea.. I suggested this forum several times, but he wants to meet them in person. And he wants someone similar, both as a friend, and because only someone similar will truly get him. Also because he is starting to feel like he is the only one in the entire world like him. (This is beyond INTJ, but I thik if there were any more ppeople like him they'd be INTJ's too) They only have asperger groups for kids over here, and the library has been demolished.. and we don't have conventions over here... Norway sucks. We are still friends. We still live together for now. I still want him to be happy.

Just get him to go on this forum. He's not the only person in the entire world like himself. If he really thinks this he needs to stop moping and feeling sorry for himself as until he does that there is nothing he or you can do. If he doesn't do anything and just expects other people to understand him instead of trying to get out and understand other people anything he will end up alone.

Half the people on this forum have trouble in the the area of relationships. We talk about them share advice, share stories, try to reason things out and learn, and most of us most of us just try to have fun and focus on the positive. Socializing for us is not always easy. We're gifted in other area's but socializing is not natural and is very much a learned thing for us. Life is all about learning. It can be fucking brutal and painful at times but that is the reality of it.

[Hatsumomo1]

Has he considered other MBTI types? You don't need another INTJ to be understood, believe it or not.

[Wongette]

Um, it is kind of weird setting up your ex with someone. Just give him space and drop out of his life. It's probably the best way to help him.

[insert name]

just leave him and leave him alone
when i gets to love people like to be very idealistic, spreading notions of "there is someone out there for everyone" etc
but for some people, there really is no hope, it's cruel, it's harsh but it's true

[AnaK]

	Originally Posted by insert name To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	just leave him and leave him alone when i gets to love people like to be very idealistic, spreading notions of "there is someone out there for everyone" etc but for some people, there really is no hope, it's cruel, it's harsh but it's true

I agree, but I also think that anyone, male or female, can find someone as long as:
1) They are forward and willing to make the first move and pursue after that as needed, and
2) They are not that picky.

The less forward you are and the more picky you are, the harder it will be to find someone.

Some people don't hate being alone that much, and do hate being forward so much, that they never do 1 and they won't adjust 2 to be more realistic. I'm like that. If I had a great job, great friends, a nice place to live and I was able to take vacations regularly, I don't think I'd mind being single one bit. Not having other things (like a great job or a nice place to live) affects my happiness more.

[Rhyseh]

Best thing you can do for him is leave him alone. This sounds like he still has feelings for you and this is an attempt to try and get the sympathy vote. You being around probably isn't helping things. Get out of his life and he will move on.

[JulietCapulet]

	Originally Posted by Rhyseh To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Best thing you can do for him is leave him alone. This sounds like he still has feelings for you and this is an attempt to try and get the sympathy vote. You being around probably isn't helping things. Get out of his life and he will move on.

I agree with this. I'm not sure finding someone for your ex boyfriend is the most...how can I say, appropriate action.

[Weltschmerzer]

Unless he has specifically requested your help in this area, don't do this. And even if he did request it, think twice--relationships are never as "over" as one or both of the parties would like.

[joliet]

I think it's sweet that you're trying to help him, but if he found you on his own, he can find another girl on his own as well.

[JackCY]

Originally Posted by Rosidis To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

My ex boyfriend (27, INTJ, with "mild" high functioning asperger-traits) has started losing all hopes for finding a mate like him. I really really want to help him at least cheer up, even if that means I will have to find several girls who would be willing to date him, and more importantly love him back, but I have no idea where to look. Where would I most be likely to find you single INTJ girls? What other ways can you bring a brighter mental image for a future to an INTJ with a severely broken heart? (I was his first girlfriend) The truth is that I don't believe it either.. I mean come-on. There are probably like 2% of you INTJ girls out there, and what are the odds even 0,001% are single and willing to move to this cold little rude hole called Norway?

1) why do you want to hook him up
2) why an INTJ girl
3) if you just broke up with him, give him some peace and leave him alone, get out of his life
4) Norway is ok, or is it even colder than Finland?
5) he should be fine by himself and not have a mood, happiness dependent on somebody else, if he can't be happy alone than what are the odds he will be happy with somebody else or make that somebody happy?
6) point him to the forum, it's way more easier for us to deal with things in an "anonymous" writing than in person with friends that often don't even get us

Being single is nothing wrong and if he wants to he can always go out and try to find somebody. Talk with girls/women, go out with them, it doesn't mean he has to look for something more with them asap, just get comfortable being around them as friends/acquaintances.

[Haumea]

	Being single is nothing wrong and if he wants to he can always go out and try to find somebody. Talk with girls/women, go out with them, it doesn't mean he has to look for something more with them asap, just get comfortable being around them as friends/acquaintances.

I give a lot of the same advice, usually - but the guy does have autism spectrum traits.

That's a pretty tough hand to be dealt. A lot of these guys are ripe for victimization in relationships/romance.

[burazekun]

This is a sad case. Sounds like you're talking about me. I too am an INTJ with a mild case of Aspergers, and 27. One thing that I have to point out seeing I am in much the same mind set. We need someone to understand us more then anything. I personally think someone with the stark opposite personality is more capable of handling the more emotional side that probably wanted to be expressed for so long. Someone who would approach us and try to understand. It really is a difficult hand to be dealt, and our judgmental side may cut losses before any real attempts are made. Handing someone like me a person, may feel comfortable at first. Personally providing more natural environments in which he can engage with people with similar interests may help him allot. However I don't know how well that would work out seeing last girlfriend I had was in 2003.