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INTJ women and love of the single life love, singlehood
Old 11-05-2011, 08:22 PM   #1
Tigey
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I cannot speak for other women but I feel INTJ women love their single lives. It let's us be our lonesome INTJ selves. At least I feel this way. I don't like talking to someone on the phone everyday for instance. I feel in many ways my INTJ mind thinks like the way men in our society are supposed to think. We, INTJ women don't mind the idea of being single. It makes us harder to accept too. There is also the issue of high expectations of what the other half should be.

What do you think? INTJ men and women, I am very interested in your take.
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Old 11-05-2011, 08:29 PM   #2
Silverity
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  Originally Posted by Tigey
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I cannot speak for other women but I feel INTJ women love their single lives.

Yes.

 
It let's us be our lonesome INTJ selves.

I'm just disinterested. Got a degree to do and most people don't really challenge my brain.

 
I don't like talking to someone on the phone everyday for instance.

I hate phones in general but for a close loved one I'll chat.

 
I feel in many ways my INTJ mind thinks like the way men in our society are supposed to think.

Can't comment, not sure what men are supposed to think.

 
We, INTJ women don't mind the idea of being single.

Not at all :D There is so much to life to do and learn already.


 
There is also the issue of high expectations of what the other half should be.

Yeah... I'll need your GPA, list of skills, 2 references, and a short essay outlining your passions, ambitions, strengths and weaknesses, and core values.

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Old 11-05-2011, 08:49 PM   #3
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I think I'm better at handling single life than a lot of people. Not that I'm that lonesome actually, I have come to realize that I like living with a roommate more than I like living alone, for instance. (Though that roommate needs to be a close friend.) But I don't feel like being single makes me abnormal, or worth less. And I don't need for someone to be in love with me to find value in myself. It's always been like that. When I was 15 I didn't understand why everyone was so obsessed about me getting a boyfriend, and later I didn't understand why people were worried about me being single. (My mother is the same, so that must have played a role too, not only my MBTI type.) After a break-up I always felt sad, but there was also a part of me that was happy that I didn't have to worry anymore about calling my boyfriend everyday, or about taking someone else into account when making a decision (like, if I go study far away, will it affect our relationship ? things of that kind). Also, I felt like a romantic relationship would interfere with my studies (for several reasons).

However, I've been single for several years now and after some time it started getting on my nerves. One year of being single went by quickly, two years were fine, but three years and it became a problem. Especially since there's the matter of wanting to have kids in a few years. It's starting to feel as if, even if I have a good job by the time I'm thirty, I won't have a partner or not one what I've known long enough to have a child with him. I'm 24 now so I'm not in a panic, but a little worried nonetheless. The attitude of other people has changed to. My female best friend likes playing matchmaker but she had very quickly learned not to do that with me. Now, she started trying again, so I'm guessing that I went from looking fine on my own to looking a bit desperate. Similarly, my male best friend suddenly realized after three years that I had been single all that time. After years of not even noticing it, he suddenly did and started worrying about me.

So to summarize, I enjoyed single life more than a lot of people, but I reached my limit. That doesn't mean I will settle for just anyone though. I still think it's better to be alone than in bad company (or even in mediocre company), hands down. "High expectations of what the other half should be" indeed.
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Old 11-05-2011, 09:12 PM   #4
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Eh, yeah, I kind of get this. While I spend a good amount of time pining away for Mr. Perfect, I also find the whole "relationship" thing to be intrusive. Sometimes I want to just be by myself.
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Old 11-05-2011, 09:13 PM   #5
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To paraphrase a friend, NTJ women are skittish of intimacy and commitment.
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Old 11-05-2011, 09:14 PM   #6
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  Originally Posted by mllebrie
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Eh, yeah, I kind of get this. While I spend a good amount of time pining away for Mr. Perfect, I also find the whole "relationship" thing to be intrusive. Sometimes I want to just be by myself.

If he's Mr. Perfect, wouldn't he let you have time to be by yourself?

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Old 11-05-2011, 09:17 PM   #7
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I recently separated. The initial adjustment was awful but I got over it quickly (thanks partially to the fact that the relationship wasn't providing much companionship for me anyway). Now I must admit, I really like it. In my family, in which marriage is sacred and mothers must sacrifice everything for their children, it does make me feel like I must be very selfish though.
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Old 11-05-2011, 09:17 PM   #8
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I agree with all of the comments above. I have an idea of exactly who is my type and I do pine for Mr. Perfect too. But the one's that ask me are boring to me and I don't like the modern notion of relationships.
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Old 11-05-2011, 09:24 PM   #9
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  Originally Posted by CaelestisPeste
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If he's Mr. Perfect, wouldn't he let you have time to be by yourself?

Touche. But is anybody really perfect?

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Old 11-05-2011, 09:27 PM   #10
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  Originally Posted by mllebrie
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Touche. But is anybody really perfect?

No one can be perfect for everyone, but someone can be perfect for someone.

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Old 11-05-2011, 09:32 PM   #11
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I've spent most of my life in relationships. The first one because the religion I was in told me I needed to be married and the second one because he wore down my defenses. Honestly the last few months are actually the first I've ever not had a guy somewhere in the wings wanting to be with me. I like it. No stress, no pressure, no fuss.

Course it doesn't hurt I still get sex on the side, but that doesn't count.
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Old 11-05-2011, 09:47 PM   #12
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Just for fun, my (male, INTP) friend's notion of encouraging me to find a boyfriend :

"You shouldn't be single for so long. That's not healthy for you. It'd be great if you could meet someone who deserves you. But of course the chances of that happening are extremely slim. So you probably won't."

...Thanks...

I find it hilarious now, but at the time I didn't know if I was supposed to feel insulted, flattered or alarmed.
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Old 11-05-2011, 09:58 PM   #13
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I wouldn't call my relationships traditional by any means, and I've been called, "skittish of intimacy and commitment," on occasion, but I never preferred being single. I certainly love my independence, but I don't feel as though I've lost that now that I'm in a relationship again.
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Old 11-05-2011, 10:13 PM   #14
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  Originally Posted by Distance
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To paraphrase a friend, NTJ women are skittish of intimacy and commitment.

Interesting...because intimacy and commitment are what I've always wanted out of anything when it comes to a relationship.

The problem is, actually, that most people who are "dating" are out for fun, friendship, and/or sex (perhaps in that order and all at once) and want to just "enjoy themselves" rather than settle down.

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Old 11-05-2011, 10:14 PM   #15
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  Originally Posted by Large Coffee
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Interesting...because intimacy and commitment are what I've always wanted out of anything when it comes to a relationship.

The problem is, actually, that most people who are "dating" are out for fun, friendship, and/or sex (perhaps in that order and all at once) and want to just "enjoy themselves" rather than settle down.

Isn't this an assumption of such? Hence the skittishness.

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Old 11-05-2011, 11:17 PM   #16
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Yep, I think the OP pretty much sums it up. That is why I didn't date for 12 years. I mean, yeah, I got hurt very badly, but I presume other types don't let the non-dating thing go on 12 years. I just didn't see anyone I wanted to date and didn't have a compelling need for companionship. I was fine being single. I always thought it would be nice to be married or have a boyfriend but only it was the right guy. Marriage (and/or kids) is not a life goal for me.

However, I wouldn't say INTJ women are like men, in general. For one, men, in general, date more. Whether it's due to a desire for sex or a need for (non-sexual) companionship, I think men, like women, in general, feel inadequate if not dating for a while. Whereas a woman might feel inadequate if she has not had a romantic relationship for a certain period of time, a man might feel inadequate if he has not had sex or a date in a while. INTJ women, however, don't care about either (unless the INTJ specifically has a high sex drive, and then it would have nothing to do with inadequacy but satisfying that urge).
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Old 11-05-2011, 11:24 PM   #17
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  Originally Posted by Distance
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Isn't this an assumption of such? Hence the skittishness.

It's been my straight-up anecdotal experience, actually.
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The minute I get a feeling someone is just out to play games or gain some kind of personal gratification from wasting my time, then I guess I would act "skittish" and withdraw.

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Old 11-05-2011, 11:32 PM   #18
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I've been single for a very long time, so perhaps you're onto something. I won't settle for someone that isn't my mind mate, in fact I would love them to be superior.. INTJ men are probably more easily satisfied dating women whom are inferior in that regard. Also being .08% of the population, we are quite the minority of women. I'm perhaps too comfortable being single, but I am not comfortable being apart from family for long durations. I think physical touch from another human being is necessary from time to time, it keeps us grounded.
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Old 11-05-2011, 11:33 PM   #19
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I've just reached a point where the benefits don't outweigh the negatives. Or at least I don't see myself finding anyone who will make me feel like the benefits do outweigh the negatives.
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Old 11-05-2011, 11:39 PM   #20
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Maybe sex and love is a skill just like anything else. Don't do it for a while and it atrophies, dies on the vine. *shrug* But it can always come back later if ones wants it to, allows themself to be moved like that.
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Old 11-06-2011, 08:47 PM   #21
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I've been single for over 5 years. I've found I have a limit to my alone time but Im weak on the I anyway.
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Old 11-06-2011, 11:36 PM   #22
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  Originally Posted by Large Coffee
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It's been my straight-up anecdotal experience, actually.
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The minute I get a feeling someone is just out to play games or gain some kind of personal gratification from wasting my time, then I guess I would act "skittish" and withdraw.

Same here. But that doesn't mean we're always accurate in our assessments or that everyone we haven't "experienced" is playing games.

I'm where Seriously is. Having been a serial monogamist most of my life, a relationship is less meaningful to me than my freedom and independence. And I HATE feeling vulnerable.

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Old 11-06-2011, 11:41 PM   #23
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Nah.

I haven't been single in many years. Happiness depends on the quality of your company, I suppose. No company is just as good as the right company.
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Old 11-07-2011, 12:47 AM   #24
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Why not have a relationship without the clingy man you describe? Personally, I have no need to see my woman on a regular basis. She's a bonus to my life, not a requirement. And I wouldn't have a woman who wasn't the same. People ruled by love are weak.
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Old 11-07-2011, 10:04 PM   #25
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I like the single life, being free and able to make my own choices without having to be considerate to another person. But I do get lonely, especially since I don't have a lot of trust to talk to people about certain things. I do make up for it with sex buddies once in a while, but I also have to work on the trust part to with finding a sex buddy because I don't like meaningless sex like I used to when I was younger. I make it an effort for it to be enjoyed by both partners.
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