[Johannes]

Hey, everyone. I find that, more and more often, I feel very unsatisfied with the way I've lived my childhood and especially my teenage years. I was never much of a rule-breaker, despite how much I've wanted to be. I've known all the while that I've played by the rules as much as I had to out of my own self-interest, but all the same it's made me feel empty and submissive. I have no great stories of passion or adventure from my life, or at least none that I would consider adequate. Can anyone relate to this?

[Artio]

No, not really. I wasn't much of a rebel as a kid either, I was too responsible and suffered from perfectionism, but it's never too late to become the person you want to be. I have many nice stories, for life happened around me even when I was afraid to experience it. Why don't you start today doing things that help you to overcome your feelings of emptiness?

[beav58]

I don't know if I have felt that way. I was never the "bad kid" growing up and still am not. I do dance to a different beat though. I can see how it is pretty easy to feel dissatisfied if you never really did anything that appeared unique. Maybe it would be wise to take a look on your past and find out which moments you feel like that. I imagine it was a series of decisions that never took the next step, but are you looking to be "Bad," be "Unique," "Excel," etc. It could at least move you in the right direction.

[Polymath20]

Why do you associate "passion and adventure" with being rebellious?

That sounds very Hollywood to me. Anyways, playing by the rules can be good because it allows you to fly under the radar!

[Autumnleaf]

The people who are not rebellious children tend to avoid trouble that would exclude them from many jobs as adults. Good for you.

[Sumwun]

Originally Posted by Johannes To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Hey, everyone. I find that, more and more often, I feel very unsatisfied with the way I've lived my childhood and especially my teenage years. I was never much of a rule-breaker, despite how much I've wanted to be. I've known all the while that I've played by the rules as much as I had to out of my own self-interest, but all the same it's made me feel empty and submissive. I have no great stories of passion or adventure from my life, or at least none that I would consider adequate. Can anyone relate to this?

My childhood was absoulte trash. The only reason I didn't kill myself was because I thought it'd make me immortal (by afterlife), and I wanted to stay mortal so that I could die. Pretty weird reasoning, now that I think of it.

But the idea is to think about the future. It's better to have a crappy childhood and an awesome adulthood to look forward to, than a great childhood and a corporate drone 9-5 job for 40 years.

And yeah, I'm just gonna repeat what others have said. There's no passion or adventure in being rebellious. Unless you consider quality jail time with Bubba adventurous. Lay off the TV.

I'd say I've had a unique adventure. I survived childhood, decided to be a lawyer, but then changed my mind to vet, transferred colleges, and I've met many different interesting people along the way. Adventure isn't shooting at the cops or bungee jumping. It's all about overcoming unexpected events. Only when you can say with certainty what you'll do, eat, and say tomorrow will your life truly be unadventurous. But if you can't predict your future, everyday is mind-bogglingly exciting. Anything can happen.

It's a shame people watch TV and frame their expectations of life around that, and if those expectations don't fit, people automatically say their lives are boring. They don't realize the countless amazing processes going on around them in the universe, as a result of other people, or inside their beings.
TV is usually designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator. You should be too smart to take it seriously.

[Johannes]

I suppose I've given a false impression; I should have elaborated. My intention isn't rebellion for rebellion's sake. I've just wanted more self-determination, to have something more than the pointless conformist life I've lived so far. I became disappointed in myself after I had read and developed my philosophy over the course of he last year. The most influential books in particular were thus spoke zarathustra, fight club, the society of the spectacle, and the stranger (just to give you all an idea as to where I am, philosophically). At this point, too, I should stress that I don't want to go against the grain for it's own sake. I just want to take charge of my own life than let outside forces constantly control me. And of course I know that it's been smart to play by the rules so far, but it's made me feel spineless. Am I just stupid, or does any of this make any sense?

[zibber]

I don't think you've messed up completely. There's still a ton of time.

(I am assuming you aren't 89 and posting from a nursing home computer room.)

[REMwoman]

If you mean "The Rules" as equating to "The Expectations Held For You", then you need to find out of those expectations conform to what you really want and need. There are many ways to do this... in careers, for example, you could go to an agency that specializes in aptitude testing and counselling and so forth. If it's your personal life, you could work with a therapist. It doesn't have to be a talk therapist, you could try an art therapist or a music therapist if you want to work outside the box with your intuitive side more. Or you could do some bold leaps into things that are a bit scary to you--you don't need to dabble in crack cocaine to find something that isn't "safe" (a.ka. what's entirely expected and/or boring and/or the usual thing) for you. You could try rock climbing, or SCUBA, or learn to sing, or try glass blowing--in short anything that makes you think you should shy away from it because you're worried that you won't be good at it or you succeed in some way. You could do that in small ways- work on an archeological dig or something on your next vacation.

(For anyone who would like to do that,
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
)

[Johannes]

Yeah, I'm just a high school senior. I suppose overall I don't regret the choices I've made more than I lament the situation I'm in (and of course I know that it could be much worse, but just the same it's bad in it's own right). I'm not going to snap and quit my future job to live a freer life, because as far as I know that's not a viable option.

[VF1J]

I can relate to this. My life is boring and I can't really take control. I know I'm taking my life for granted since I live in a nice house and caring family, but I just want to get away and do my own thing.

[MONADANOM]

This touches a nerve so please take that into account…Plus, as a high school senior you have plenty of time to work things out that I, as a Senior senior don’t.
I’ve come to regret my not-misspent youth: played by the rules, was the dutiful son, productive, had several achievements, was considered nauseatingly exemplary in certain areas. Always deferred to my elders and their precepts. Not so much external coercion, but because that’s the way I really felt I should live. “They are more experienced, therefore probably wiser.”
Now I know better. Since I definitely did not [and still don’t] fit the mold, advice from the mundane world was less than helpful or relevant. I wouldn’t necessarily declare revolution and burn down civilization as I know it, but now I think I’d have done better to be even more insular. The major theme I got from college which has echoed throughout my subsequent life is that ‘you’re on your own’ despite friends, family, whatever.
A large part of the regret is the typical ‘road not taken’ variety. And if I’d not played by the rules, perhaps my life would’ve been a spectacular crash & burn.
BUT….
For what it’s worth, I’d suggest developing some way to give yourself time and quiet to determine who you are, how you relate to the rest of the world, just exactly what you want to do/be. This is an ongoing [not one-shot] process that may lead you 180 degrees from where you’d think you’d be. Outside input is all well and good, but you’re the one who has to live inside your own skin. Far from easy, I know, but the alternatives are less than attractive. And if I figure out all the details of how to do that, I'll let you know
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

<<<

And that concludes tonight’s presentation

>>>

[PlungingHornets]

I kind of feel like you don't start being your own person until 20-25 years old. Younger than that and you're mostly the model your parents try to mold you into being. You have time to find your own person.

No use crying over spilled milk.

[deconspire]

	Originally Posted by Johannes To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I've known all the while that I've played by the rules as much as I had to out of my own self-interest, but all the same it's made me feel empty and submissive.

I don't think you should feel submissive at all for, "acting in your own self-interest". That alone means you've controlled your life enough to make choices that have benefited you. That's not being submissive. That's having power and control over yourself and your particular place in this world. Anyway, I don't think you're stupid for following this introspective path of self-discovery you're on. And don't be so harsh on Past-You...that was simply the person you were before you knew any better. Future-You is nodding in agreement with me.

[Slipstream]

	Originally Posted by Polymath20 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Anyways, playing by the rules can be good because it allows you to fly under the radar!

This. There are times that call for breaking the rules, but in order to do that, you need to know the rules. Very useful should you ever have to infiltrate and destroy.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


OP, are you a "path of least resistance" type of person? Do you avoid taking risks at all costs - even when they could greatly enhance your life - because you are afraid of disappointing those around you? That may be more of an issue than rebellion.

Between parental influence, social norms and peer pressure, it can be difficult to completely turn your back on what is expected of you at that age. Financial independence will help. If you depend on another for sustenance, they tend to place certain demands on you, so you need to do away with that bargaining chip. At some point, as you flesh out your own identity, you will break free in order to lead the life you want. When I realised how much easier it was to make others happy when I had made myself happy first, everything fell into place.

[Polymath20]

	This. There are times that call for breaking the rules, but in order to do that, you need to know the rules. Very useful should you ever have to infiltrate and destroy.

The trick is don't let them see ya comin', always take them by surprise.

[Slipstream]

	Originally Posted by Polymath20 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The trick is don't let them see ya comin', always take them by surprise.

Stealth is underestimated.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

[plotthickens]

Fuck all of this thinking and writing and shit. You don't think you did enough? Go do some.

Go out and make trouble. Live.

[stealthfighter]

There's nothing wrong with your previous choices. You've just been a good person, that's all. Anyway, being good is actually more challenging for a lot of people nowadays.

[CrudeHypothesis]

We always deal with our choices based on what we think is the best decision at the time. It can't be helped. Focus on the future.

[Idiotes]

Originally Posted by Johannes To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Hey, everyone. I find that, more and more often, I feel very unsatisfied with the way I've lived my childhood and especially my teenage years. I was never much of a rule-breaker, despite how much I've wanted to be. I've known all the while that I've played by the rules as much as I had to out of my own self-interest, but all the same it's made me feel empty and submissive. I have no great stories of passion or adventure from my life, or at least none that I would consider adequate. Can anyone relate to this?

If it makes you feel better, I broke every single rule available. I was a drug addict by 14 and in prison by 17, then a mental institution by 18. It was a train crash which I was lucky to escape from, thanks to the support of social services, and an individual counsellor who did not give up on me. As they say 'the grass is never greener'. I am now playing by the rules and I regret not doing so in my formative years. I have just been held back and now I am just trying to pull myself through a degree which I can't wait to finish so I can leave the UK and start again.

[Johannes]

So it doesn't matter what path I'd take, I'd hate myself either way. There's no way to win. (I'm probably just in another round of depression, but there is probably some truth to this)

[Smartpart]

I didn't read the whole thread once I saw you were a high school senior. I'm a junior undergrad, and my beliefs/ideals/way I live my live is radically different now than then. When you look at biology and nature, high school seniors are immature adults at best.

I will offer some advice so take it for whatever it's worth. Don't ruin any idea you have, or may have(this is key), of a future by rebelling for the sake of rebelling. That would be just plain dumb. I would tell you that you have many years ahead of you, but I would be lying. Who knows how many years you have? Who knows what will happen? What I do know is that today is a different day than yesterday, and tomorrow will be a new day as well. You have a life to live, so do it. If you want to go for an adventure, what's really stopping you after you graduate? We don't know a right or wrong way to live, and I think this may be why life is beautiful.

[mllebrie]

Yeah, Johannes, I can relate. I was very much the way you probably were as a kid, very obedient. I hated getting in trouble, even just a minor scolding from a teacher could scare me to tears. And then, around my senior year of college I started living a little bit more. I guess it could be called rebellion, but nothing I did was harmful. Things like wearing mismatched socks, posing for silly pictures, that sort of thing.

I remember having something of a crisis with this, actually. I remember sitting in a professor's office and lamenting that I had always been the law-and-order kid and now I was on the verge of adulthood and running out of time in which to do stupid stuff. Like dye my hair bright blue. I think some of this may just be a function of growing up, is it you that's the high school senior? You couldn't pay me to go back to high school.

[deckard]

I can not relate. I did the exact opposite and would admire the ability to have rarely, if ever swayed from the course you sound like you're on. I can remember the exact moments where I split, split some more and then went completely off the rails. If you want things to regret, we can trade places but I'd urge you not to invite self destruction. Being less of a square is easier than repairing your life, after having thrown all caution to the wind.

	Originally Posted by Johannes
	So it doesn't matter what path I'd take, I'd hate myself either way. There's no way to win. (I'm probably just in another round of depression, but there is probably some truth to this)

No, not true. It get worse going the other way. Maybe indulge in an Irish Coffee every now and then.