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How to flirt with an ENFP flirting
Old 10-06-2011, 10:05 PM   #1
Disillusioned
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How do I flirt with an enfp girl at a party? I know the whole 'be genuine' thing applies but even if an intj genuinely likes a girl and thinks she looks good that doesn't mean we will say or act like it. So how would you want a guy to act if he liked you? I've heard enfp's really like verbal reinforcement and respond well to encouragement. Also you guys seem really touchy feely. So should I try to make like play contact with her or give her a compliment? I know there are a lot of enfp's on here. What would you find flattering, how would you want a guy to act around you if you liked him/he liked you?
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Old 10-06-2011, 11:15 PM   #2
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Guys are aroused by sight. Gals are aroused by memory. (to oversimplify just a bit)

If a gal wants to arouse a guy she should focus on her appearance and performance. If a guy wants to arouse a gal he should focus on reminding her of things she likes.

A generic strategy you can employ anywhere (but it works particularly well at parties) is as follows:
1) put some effort into your appearance pre-party
2) try to bring a friend or two
3) when you get to the party, immediately start talking to people. like, the second you are close enough to another party goer to engage in non-shouting conversation
4) keep moving. don't talk to them for longer than a minute max
5) rinse and repeat. say something nice to everyone at the party, while continuing to move around
6) once you've accomplished this, you'll have a very good idea which people will be receptive to you on your second circuit
7) the second time around, spend as long as you want with people, but try to keep moving
8) after a bit of this you will have a very good idea which girls might be into you
9) the third time around, spend time with the people who seem to know the girls you suspect like you and that you like
10) break off one or more of the girls who express interest for some one-on-one convo

By this point, you probably won't be worried about any one particular girl you were into. Just go with the flow. If you ARE still all about one particular girl, you will have done everything generically possible to warm her up. Short of actually knowing her, and what she likes, being observed doing this is like fertilizer for relationship plants. Sprinkle it all around evenly, but don't use it exclusively or you'll burn them out.

If she's an ENFP, she'll probably do most of the heavy lifting in the flirting department. Just follow her lead.
**************
All of that is assuming you really are so useless at flirting that you have to ask for basic advice. If that's the case, no amount of advice is going to help.

The only way to understand how to flirt is to do it, fail at it, and re-calibrate yourself by doing it again. It's not something you can cram for right before you have to "test" by talking to your crush.
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Old 10-06-2011, 11:43 PM   #3
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Well, no I wasn't looking for basic advice. I was looking for enfp specific advice. Maybe it boils down to all women are basically the same and the same things work. But I was just curious to hear from female enfp's. I notice for instance that enfp's are generally more receptive to phyical contact than other girls so some girls might like you to just engage in a conversation. An enfp might like it if you come up and put your arm around her or something (enfp girls often do this to me and other friends). idk, the thread was just out of curiosity and I know there are quite a few enfp's on the forum so I was interested to see where it would go.
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Old 10-07-2011, 01:01 AM   #4
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Be confident in being yourself. Ask for her opinion and listen. Share yours and expect her to do the same. Respond that you agree with her on the things you agree on to give her affirmation. Don't be afraid to ask personal but respectful questions. Find common interests, and if she seems receptive to you suggest spending time over a common interest together. She will not say no, and even if it might be a completely unreflective and noncommittal "sure!" , she will appreciate the invite.
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Old 10-07-2011, 01:03 AM   #5
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  Originally Posted by Disillusioned
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Well, no I wasn't looking for basic advice. I was looking for enfp specific advice. Maybe it boils down to all women are basically the same and the same things work. But I was just curious to hear from female enfp's. I notice for instance that enfp's are generally more receptive to phyical contact than other girls so some girls might like you to just engage in a conversation. An enfp might like it if you come up and put your arm around her or something (enfp girls often do this to me and other friends). idk, the thread was just out of curiosity and I know there are quite a few enfp's on the forum so I was interested to see where it would go.

Don't touch her without an invitation. I don't like to be touched, except on my own terms. If she touches you, though, you're probably golden. I only touch a select few people.

Beyond that, INTJs are cute when they are talking about subjects that interest them and their faces get all passionate and lit up. Personally, I don't like to be specifically flirted with or gamed, I just like talking to interesting people.

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Old 10-07-2011, 01:26 AM   #6
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I concur with Catzmeow. In my case, I actually don't enjoy an approach by a man unless I have been watching him for some time and am thoroughly intrigued. If I were at a party, this is most likely the interaction that would intrigue me about a man:

I am speaking with friends or acquantainces and I spot a cool, taciturn face in the crowd, either speaking to others or listening in on a conversation. If when he speaks, he is focused, calm and composed, I become more intrigued. If he is not looking around the room or reacting much to other women, I am yet more intrigued. By this time, I am usually meandering toward his vicinity to get a better look. If he doesn't notice me much because he is either deep in thought or conversation, I will do something to get his attention. Then I usually just study him for a while as he reacts to the thing. If he says something really smart or really funny, I am officially taken by him.

But sadly, this rarely occures as many men try a little too hard to either talk to women immediately or keep conversation flowing. I find the forced or un-natural interactions keep the ENFP and INTJ from have the very exciting intuitive exchanges and body language that often ensues when we spend time in each others presence. It creates this zone where we just get locked into one another.
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I get tickles in my belly just thinking about it!
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Old 10-07-2011, 02:21 AM   #7
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ENFP women like to make the first move. But they love to be touched. Simply flirt with them, and watch as they put their hand on your thigh at the table etc.

ENFP women tend to be almost slutty but once you start a conversation with them, they will most likely make the first move. They're very different from INTJ women who will make you jump through hoops before they decide to date you. ENFP women are awesome because most of the time they're easy.
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Old 10-07-2011, 02:42 AM   #8
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  Originally Posted by Sparko
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I find the forced or un-natural interactions keep the ENFP and INTJ from have the very exciting intuitive exchanges ..

had one very attractive nf girlfriend that would get hit on quite a bit, but told me they can read false or being fake in people pretty well. im not always this way - but i try to be real, authentic, genuine... and they really liked when i made myself open and vulnerable. not an easy thing for an intj/p though, we have very strong defenses to our emotions.

can nf's notice when some people's arrogance and conceit is a protective shell over their insecurities? because that would be a great adaptive skill.

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Old 10-07-2011, 02:44 AM   #9
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I liked to be touched. I don't want a guy hanging on me, but if a guy is touching me, it makes it clear he's not a friend. One guy once held my necklace and said my beads were mating. I thought that was really sexy. Guys look my necklaces a lot it seems, to look at the charm I hang around my neck, or whatever. Or they will touch my arm or back or give me a hug if they know me and haven't seen me for a while. I'm a toucher too.

Other than that, some inside joke would be sexy. Maybe a little bit of gossip or observation that only you two share.

(I know I'm not a real ENFP, but I feel strongly that I prefer guys to touch in some small way, so I wanted to give that pov.)
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Old 10-07-2011, 03:05 AM   #10
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  Originally Posted by DrCiao
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ENFP women like to make the first move. But they love to be touched. Simply flirt with them, and watch as they put their hand on your thigh at the table etc.

ENFP women tend to be almost slutty but once you start a conversation with them, they will most likely make the first move. They're very different from INTJ women who will make you jump through hoops before they decide to date you. ENFP women are awesome because most of the time they're easy.

I don't know a single easy ENFP. We're very friendly, but have a fierce value system which we uphold just as fiercely.

  Originally Posted by spect
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can nf's notice when some people's arrogance and conceit is a protective shell over their insecurities? because that would be a great adaptive skill.

Oh I sure can! You can smell insecurity as soon as you get within 5 feet of a person. The rule of thumb is "when it's genuine, you don't have to flaunt it". When a man appears to be anything in a blatant way, he's usually the opposite of that thing, overcompensating where he fears you know he is lacking. So, confidence is usually marked by the ease in ones own skin, otherwise unempresive stories of themselves, saying off the wall things and oddball things, and moments of awkwardness for me as he takes his time to ponder what he's heard and react accordingly.
It's very easy to spot a man who wears arrogance to sheild insecurities. He dawns all the things and espouses all the behaviors women stereotypically love. I think thats another reason why ENFP's love INTJ's. We're probably the most intuitive about other people's intentions and we don't smell any BS on INTJ's.

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Old 10-07-2011, 03:12 AM   #11
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  Originally Posted by Sparko
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.. saying off the wall things and oddball things, and moments of awkwardness ..

crap, thats me. or were you talking about those guys that wear camaro's and silicone blondes?

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Old 10-07-2011, 03:13 AM   #12
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  Originally Posted by DrCiao
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ENFP women like to make the first move. But they love to be touched. Simply flirt with them, and watch as they put their hand on your thigh at the table etc.

ENFP women tend to be almost slutty but once you start a conversation with them, they will most likely make the first move. They're very different from INTJ women who will make you jump through hoops before they decide to date you. ENFP women are awesome because most of the time they're easy.

Wow....you ever met one....in real life?

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Old 10-07-2011, 03:16 AM   #13
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  Originally Posted by Cooper
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Wow....you ever met one....in real life?

Sorry, didn't mean to offend.

ENFP women are always easy to bed for me. They just never have enough of what INTJ women have to keep me interested in them. In real life.

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Old 10-07-2011, 03:44 AM   #14
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How could what you said not be taken as an offensive statement?
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Old 10-07-2011, 04:46 AM   #15
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If you can tell or teach me something I don't know, that would be it. I love to learn almost anything. Or like catzmeow said, talk about something you are passionate about.

I like touches. But I should be the one who starts touching.
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Old 10-07-2011, 09:00 AM   #16
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Are ENFP women also willing to chase you? I mean, what if she makes the first approach, but I retreat to a safer position? An example could be that she tries to touch me. It's instinctive, I can do nothing about it. If I don't know her well enough, I'll make one step backwards and check her hand. I guess that would cause rather disruptive pattern taking place (disruptive towards what one is actually trying to achieve by being in that very situation).
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Old 10-07-2011, 09:57 AM   #17
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Just be yourself. If the ENFP likes you, she will respond. Otherwise, she won't. It doesn't really do much good to create a how-to manual to flirting with one since ENFPs aren't identical and don't respond to things exactly alike.

One ENFP might like you, one might not, and one might be too busy chasing an imaginary butterfly across the room to care either way.
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Old 10-07-2011, 10:26 AM   #18
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  Originally Posted by PurpleGiraffe
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One ENFP might like you, one might not, and one might be too busy chasing an imaginary butterfly across the room to care either way.

haha! The purple Giraffe gives good advice. But "be yourself" is not what he's looking for, as for whatever reason, he's not confident enough it will work. So he'll need to try some approaches before he feels comfortable in his own skin.

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Old 10-07-2011, 03:31 PM   #19
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  Originally Posted by Sparko
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I am speaking with friends or acquantainces and I spot a cool, taciturn face in the crowd, either speaking to others or listening in on a conversation. If when he speaks, he is focused, calm and composed, I become more intrigued. If he is not looking around the room or reacting much to other women, I am yet more intrigued. By this time, I am usually meandering toward his vicinity to get a better look. If he doesn't notice me much because he is either deep in thought or conversation, I will do something to get his attention. Then I usually just study him for a while as he reacts to the thing. If he says something really smart or really funny, I am officially taken by him.

Haha well that's kinda how it happened. This specific enfp girl that I like (and think she likes me too) were at a party last weekend. I came over to her party with some friends. So in the beginning I was trying to make a lot of eye contact with her and she was sort of avoiding me then I just started talking with other people and meeting new people and having conversations; I'm actually pretty good at meeting new people and holding a conversation and many people are enamored by me when they meet me (guys and girls) and will ask to be facebook friends or ask when I'm throwing another party (I just can't seem to start a conversation with someone when I actually try to, maybe trying is the problem). So I was just talking to people and being social and then she started coming over to the conversations I was in and what not (not really talking to me directly but just listening in and talking with other people in the conversation). Then she went and changed the music (she knows that I specifically get pissed when she puts her music on because no one else likes her music but I am the only one who will actually come over and try to take the ipod out of her hands). So she is sitting on the side of the couch and changes the music while I'm in a conversation with some people and so I go over there and when I try to grab it she dodges my hands and then falls back onto the couch and I basically follow her and we are like wrestling on the couch (I'm pretty sure she planned that). Anyways, idk what you said just sort of reminded me of that.

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Old 10-07-2011, 03:41 PM   #20
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  Originally Posted by Cooper
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How could what you said not be taken as an offensive statement?

Excuse my INTJ bluntness. I actually think ENFPs are the best people in the world- very adaptable and so easy to work with. We need more ENFPs!
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In terms of romantic relationships, I find that ENFPs often interest me in the beginning, but then the interest lacks substance, and I find myself craving more of the complexity of other personality types. This doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with ENFPs- rather that my personality + ENFP personality often doesn't fare well romantically. As friends, colleagues, coworkers I think they're valuable assets.

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Old 10-07-2011, 03:52 PM   #21
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  Originally Posted by Sparko
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haha! The purple Giraffe gives good advice. But "be yourself" is not what he's looking for, as for whatever reason, he's not confident enough it will work. So he'll need to try some approaches before he feels comfortable in his own skin.

Is this referring to the OP? I have been being myself the whole time. I have even told the enfp how I feel about her but she will not confront anything directly. She continues to flirt with me, make eye contact, come over to parties every weekend even knowing that I have really strong feelings for her. It just seems like she is expecting me to do something and I don't know what that is. So being myself may result in her liking me but aside from that it seems like it holds me back from making anything progress passed that point. I'm just willing to step a little outside my comfort zone for this girl because I really like her but I need to know what exactly she wants me to do, or expects me to do.

---------- Post added 10-07-2011 at 12:59 PM ----------

  Originally Posted by DrCiao
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Excuse my INTJ bluntness. I actually think ENFPs are the best people in the world- very adaptable and so easy to work with. We need more ENFPs!
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In terms of romantic relationships, I find that ENFPs often interest me in the beginning, but then the interest lacks substance, and I find myself craving more of the complexity of other personality types. This doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with ENFPs- rather that my personality + ENFP personality often doesn't fare well romantically. As friends, colleagues, coworkers I think they're valuable assets.

And everyone is free to their own opinion. I for instance think an enfp would be the best type to be in a romantic relationship with. They are loyal and friendly and different from me. I find their outlook intriguing yet they are still interested in having intellectual conversations. I am of an opposite opinion than you, I think that female intj's are cool and make great friends but I don't think I could see myself in a romantic relationship with one the same way I could with an enfp. They are too similar to me and while that is great for friendships I don't see how either of us would improve much by being in a relationship. Furthermore, there's not that tug and pull of introvert and extrovert. My best friend is an extrovert and always drags me out to things (when I may feel like I'd rather stay in) and I end up having a great time. I think that if two intj's were dating you would never go out. Of course, everyone has their preferences.

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Old 10-07-2011, 05:01 PM   #22
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  Originally Posted by DrCiao
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ENFP women like to make the first move. But they love to be touched. Simply flirt with them, and watch as they put their hand on your thigh at the table etc.

ENFP women tend to be almost slutty but once you start a conversation with them, they will most likely make the first move. They're very different from INTJ women who will make you jump through hoops before they decide to date you. ENFP women are awesome because most of the time they're easy.

  Originally Posted by Cooper
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Wow....you ever met one....in real life?

  Originally Posted by DrCiao
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Sorry, didn't mean to offend.

ENFP women are always easy to bed for me. They just never have enough of what INTJ women have to keep me interested in them. In real life.

  Originally Posted by Cooper
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How could what you said not be taken as an offensive statement?

  Originally Posted by DrCiao
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Excuse my INTJ bluntness. I actually think ENFPs are the best people in the world- very adaptable and so easy to work with. We need more ENFPs!
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


In terms of romantic relationships, I find that ENFPs often interest me in the beginning, but then the interest lacks substance, and I find myself craving more of the complexity of other personality types. This doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with ENFPs- rather that my personality + ENFP personality often doesn't fare well romantically. As friends, colleagues, coworkers I think they're valuable assets.


This is one of the most obvious back-pedals I have ever seen. I am sure that even a blind ENFP woman will see this, too.

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Old 10-07-2011, 05:18 PM   #23
joliet
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  Originally Posted by DrCiao
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Excuse my INTJ bluntness. I actually think ENFPs are the best people in the world- very adaptable and so easy to work with. We need more ENFPs!
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In terms of romantic relationships, I find that ENFPs often interest me in the beginning, but then the interest lacks substance, and I find myself craving more of the complexity of other personality types. This doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with ENFPs- rather that my personality + ENFP personality often doesn't fare well romantically. As friends, colleagues, coworkers I think they're valuable assets.

Perhaps you're meeting and attracting particularly vapid ENFPs. You can't assume all ENFPs lack substance, because I assure you that they're out there and not attaching themselves to you.

Also, "slutty" isn't offensive? Come on now, doctor. It's somewhat equivalent to saying "INTJs are all antisocial unabombers." It's offensive because it's silly and ridiculous. It's not blunt, it's logically incorrect.

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Old 10-07-2011, 05:59 PM   #24
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  Originally Posted by joliet
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It's somewhat equivalent to saying "INTJs are all antisocial unabombers." It's offensive because it's silly and ridiculous.

excuse me, but the proper label for our
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is is unibombers, correct grammar and spelling always. and not all of us are antisocial, there's those mentally ill ones that develop social skills and escape our social pressures to conformity.


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Old 10-07-2011, 06:17 PM   #25
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  Originally Posted by spect
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excuse me, but the proper label for our
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is is unibombers, correct grammar and spelling always. and not all of us are antisocial, there's those mentally ill ones that develop social skills and escape our social pressures to conformity.


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10 bucks magical pink wishes on betting that Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, was an INTJ. And, in a world where all ENFPs are slutty, that's how all INTJs are.

Alright, maybe he was a P.

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