dating an INTJ

**dpcurtis** · 09-16-2011, 10:35 AM

Hi. I'm a newbie and need some advice?

I'm am currently trying to figure out exactly what personality type I am. I am on the border of E/I. My SO of 3 years is a full blown I. I respect that she needs alone time to recharge, but I get my feelings hurt when sometimes it takes so long for her to pull back. I want this eb and flow to be comfortable for both of us.

Long story short, we have been working on this eb and flow for about a year and a half. And recently we talked about some mis-communications that we have had. One being that when I come over after work for dinner for a couple hours and then go to my place aterwards, she doesn't consider that alone time. Another being, when we are together, that I might stay in the living room most of the time doing my thing, while she is in the bedroom doing her thing. Anyway, all that to say, she needs complete time alone to recharge. which means going to work, coming home to an empty apartment, being alone the rest of the night.

So, my concerns are, if/when we decide to take this relationship to the next level, ie move in together...we are talking about buying a house together in 12-18 months, how do we make the living arangements work with her needing complete solitude? Does anyone else have the same situation/ideas of solutions?

Any help will be much appreciated!!!

Thanks.

**mieu** · 09-16-2011, 11:25 AM

Buy a house that has a 'den' or 'study' that she can use exclusively as her 'woman-cave.'

While I admit that being a female and a mild introvert its difficult for me to imagine someone being so introverted that they absolutely must come home to an empty house and cannot even bear being in silent company with their SO. We have a small apartment together and us sharing the living room, each on our own laptop with headphones on and doing our own thing, is sufficient 'alone time' for me.

**dpcurtis** · 09-16-2011, 11:42 AM

Amazingly, we've talked about that, but a man-cave for me instead. And she's even brought up the idea, from reading it somewhere, of having a seperate bedroom for me for those occasional nights when she wants to be alone. I love to be outside in my garage working on my car or bike, etc...
Prior to this relationship, when I was married, I had the option to hide out in my garage. The situation now with my SO is soooo different, in that she has an small apartment and I have a seperate house 30 miles away.

BTW...she is more than an mild introvert. And, it is difficult for me to imagine it sometimes too. And often wondering how this will work in a marriage or living together relationship.

Thanks for your idea.
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09-16-2011, 10:35 AM	#1
dpcurtis New Member [01%] MBTI: entj Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 4	Hi. I'm a newbie and need some advice? I'm am currently trying to figure out exactly what personality type I am. I am on the border of E/I. My SO of 3 years is a full blown I. I respect that she needs alone time to recharge, but I get my feelings hurt when sometimes it takes so long for her to pull back. I want this eb and flow to be comfortable for both of us. Long story short, we have been working on this eb and flow for about a year and a half. And recently we talked about some mis-communications that we have had. One being that when I come over after work for dinner for a couple hours and then go to my place aterwards, she doesn't consider that alone time. Another being, when we are together, that I might stay in the living room most of the time doing my thing, while she is in the bedroom doing her thing. Anyway, all that to say, she needs complete time alone to recharge. which means going to work, coming home to an empty apartment, being alone the rest of the night. So, my concerns are, if/when we decide to take this relationship to the next level, ie move in together...we are talking about buying a house together in 12-18 months, how do we make the living arangements work with her needing complete solitude? Does anyone else have the same situation/ideas of solutions? Any help will be much appreciated!!! Thanks.
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09-16-2011, 11:25 AM	#2
mieu Core Member [183%] $/)^3^(\$ MBTI: xNTx Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 7,353	Buy a house that has a 'den' or 'study' that she can use exclusively as her 'woman-cave.' While I admit that being a female and a mild introvert its difficult for me to imagine someone being so introverted that they absolutely must come home to an empty house and cannot even bear being in silent company with their SO. We have a small apartment together and us sharing the living room, each on our own laptop with headphones on and doing our own thing, is sufficient 'alone time' for me.
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09-16-2011, 11:42 AM	#3
dpcurtis New Member [01%] MBTI: entj Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 4	Amazingly, we've talked about that, but a man-cave for me instead. And she's even brought up the idea, from reading it somewhere, of having a seperate bedroom for me for those occasional nights when she wants to be alone. I love to be outside in my garage working on my car or bike, etc... Prior to this relationship, when I was married, I had the option to hide out in my garage. The situation now with my SO is soooo different, in that she has an small apartment and I have a seperate house 30 miles away. BTW...she is more than an mild introvert. And, it is difficult for me to imagine it sometimes too. And often wondering how this will work in a marriage or living together relationship. Thanks for your idea. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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