When you care about someone, do their emotions affect you?

**Ribbons** · 09-10-2011, 04:28 PM

INTJ's are described as not being very in touch with their own emotions...
But what if someone you care about is sad or scared about something and you can see their emotions, does that affect you? are you more touched by the emotions of someone you care about moreso than you are with the emotions of a friend?

**greasemonkey** · 09-10-2011, 04:48 PM

I only seem to care about a loved ones emotions if they irritate me. Which any strong emotion in others mostlt does. So I'm told anyway. Possibly why I'm single.

I'm sure I'm not really that harsh. If I really love someone, i can usually feel some empathy, but find it immposible to show.

**Thirteenth** · 09-10-2011, 04:54 PM

When my SO is upset or distraught, their emotions do affect me, but the only way I seem to be able to show it is by listening, and letting them know that I am. I'm rather experienced in the art of facial expressions, so it's not too big of a problem if I'm face-to-face with the person in question.

Although, it is hard to actually express my concern for their situation. I'm not used to being the go-to person for someone's problems, so I'm usually the person to talk to, and not the person to talk with.

**AnaK** · 09-10-2011, 05:15 PM

	Originally Posted by Ribbons To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	INTJ's are described as not being very in touch with their own emotions... But what if someone you care about is sad or scared about something and you can see their emotions, does that affect you? are you more touched by the emotions of someone you care about moreso than you are with the emotions of a friend?

It can be hard for me to switch gears sometimes. So, if I'm particularly happy at the moment someone tells me about their troubles, I might not be able to instantly switch over to feeling bad for them.

**ppu6502** · 09-10-2011, 05:25 PM

It depends what is behind the emotion. I pretty much need to know the cause of the emotion or I won't feel much of anything. Just the raw sight of somebody feeling an emotion doesn't do much to me. I think this is a good wall to have because otherwise you get emotionally manipulate all to hell.

**Nikonman** · 09-10-2011, 06:01 PM

It pains me greatly to see my daughter upset. If she is shedding tears, it upsets me. For others in my life, it depends on what they are upset about and how close I am to them. If they are going through things that I don't see as outside the expected norm, then their hurt will not usually impact me. Example - if a friend's 90 y/o mother dies, I understand why the friend is upset, but I simply see it as the inevitable end of a well lived life. If the friend lost a spouse early in life, that would bother me. If a friend lost a child, I would be quite upset for a while.

**Merryn** · 09-10-2011, 06:09 PM

I remember my ex-husband (an INTJ, and still a good friend) just walking out of the room as I was in the middle of explaining something that had really affected me. He didn't say anything, he just left. And when I got over the shock (the next day) and asked him about it, he said he didn't realise that would upset me. He didn't process that I was actually going through something.

He was/is a great guy, but being emotionally present was very, very difficult for him. But a lot of the time, he was wonderful at making me feel good about myself. The man was a walking dichotomy in many ways. And maybe that's true of INTJs? Your caring ways don't manifest themselves within generally accepted constructs?

**JustMel** · 09-10-2011, 06:22 PM

If you live with an INTJ you probably should understand more about love languages. It took my husband (eSTJ) forever to figure out that while I like flowers, I'd prefer him to load the dishwasher/clean the kitchen after dinner. Another forumite sent me a few links to love languages and it helped both of us. I buy my own damn flowers. I hate cleaning the kitchen.

I'm not clingy, neither is he, but in relationships we both like physical touch. Not a full on laying on one another but that rub on the shoulder as you walk by or the kiss dropped on top of the head as you walk past. *shrug* When something bothers him I can usually tell and I can tell if he needs me to listen or if he needs me to leave him be. If I miss the cues he'll tell me "Mel, listen" and I do. If I need him to listen I do the same thing. Luckily he doesn't often ask me how something makes me feel. Because of my lack of emotion most of the time when he inadvertently triggered a PTSD flashback and resultant emotional landslide he freaked out at first then calmly asked me what I needed. When it was over and I explained he's made damn sure he never repeated the action again.

His emotions affect me but I'm good with empathy. I don't do sympathy well. When my kids cry and it's because something has truly hurt them it cuts me deeply and I want to fix it. The only other person that's been close enough to me for their emotions to affect me was my grandmother.

**Muse** · 09-10-2011, 07:16 PM

Yes. And i usually go into protect/console/cheer up mode.

The way they feel effects how i feel, so it just makes sense to try and help them. I don't always feel it right away, but i know i will at some point.

**Persona** · 09-10-2011, 08:47 PM

Yes. Strongly.

Incidentally, I care about everyone.

(not intj though so idk if that helps)

**MerryMayhem** · 09-10-2011, 09:09 PM

If the emotion/feeling the person is having is genuine then I want to comfort them as best I can, which normally involves talking them through it if I can't think up some other clever way to help them. If it's someone I feel close enough with to touch them, which is a rare few, then I will hold them if that's what is needed.

If the emotional episode has some underlying "help me! I need attention" vibe, then I get very frustrated with it. I try to help them rationalize the situation. If it continues I start to go into "fight or flight" mode. I don't want to say things that might hurt someone, so I try to excuse myself.

**JulietCapulet** · 09-11-2011, 07:54 AM

Yes, definitely their emotions will affect me.

**Weltschmerzer** · 09-11-2011, 10:25 PM

Generally, no, with one exception. Although, it could be argued that I only care about that one.

**Tactical Panda** · 09-12-2011, 03:19 AM

Depends on the person and how easily I can read them. So yes, sometimes.

Dancingqueen · 09-12-2011, 06:19 AM

It deeply affects me if it's genuine (read: non-manipulative) and only from my husband and kids. I've gotten pretty good at faking it with my "f" friends who are constantly crying or complaining about something.

**mieu** · 09-12-2011, 12:12 PM

I am immediately touched by the emotions of those close to me--if I perceive any sadness I immediately feel sad, especially if I'm the cause of the sadness.

For strangers/acquaintances, I'm completely oblivious in that I can sometimes barely even read their body language to tell how they're feeling.

**MaxXXVII** · 09-12-2011, 12:38 PM

	Originally Posted by Ribbons To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	INTJ's are described as not being very in touch with their own emotions... But what if someone you care about is sad or scared about something and you can see their emotions, does that affect you? are you more touched by the emotions of someone you care about moreso than you are with the emotions of a friend?

I think, the more you care about someone the more it affects you also.

**Wilderness** · 09-12-2011, 12:47 PM

I care a lot about the emotions of my family and friends, but only when their emotions are logical and justified. Which can be problematic since most people are not terribly logical with their emotions. And somehow trying to console people with logic isn't very effective.

**Distance** · 09-12-2011, 12:56 PM

Depends on how much I care about them, which emotion and who/what the emotion is directed at.

**OrangeAppled** · 09-12-2011, 01:11 PM

I'm usually not affected in the sense that my own mood is altered. I empathize easily though. It's like I have a simulator in my head where I imagine being that person & how they feel, but when I walk away I can turn it off & return to my own emotional state. I don't "take on" other people's emotions, but I am touched by them in the sense that I can understand them easily.

I don't cry with people for that reason, but I know what it is to cry, and I can thoroughly understand how & why they got to that point, even if the same situation would not produce tears in me.

An exception to this is if their emotion has a direct weight on me and my life. Then it affects me, but I think my emotion is more of my own reaction than taking on their emotion.

I see this all as pretty in line with Fi. There's a resistance to being emotionally affected by other people/things which have no connection to your ideals, and yet, you have a good understanding of the inner workings of humans so you can easily grasp their emotions intellectually.

09-10-2011, 04:28 PM	#1
Ribbons New Member [01%] MBTI: INxP Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 12	INTJ's are described as not being very in touch with their own emotions... But what if someone you care about is sad or scared about something and you can see their emotions, does that affect you? are you more touched by the emotions of someone you care about moreso than you are with the emotions of a friend?
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09-10-2011, 04:48 PM	#2
greasemonkey Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 91	I only seem to care about a loved ones emotions if they irritate me. Which any strong emotion in others mostlt does. So I'm told anyway. Possibly why I'm single. I'm sure I'm not really that harsh. If I really love someone, i can usually feel some empathy, but find it immposible to show.
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09-10-2011, 04:54 PM	#3
Thirteenth New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 12	When my SO is upset or distraught, their emotions do affect me, but the only way I seem to be able to show it is by listening, and letting them know that I am. I'm rather experienced in the art of facial expressions, so it's not too big of a problem if I'm face-to-face with the person in question. Although, it is hard to actually express my concern for their situation. I'm not used to being the go-to person for someone's problems, so I'm usually the person to talk to, and not the person to talk with.
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09-10-2011, 05:25 PM	#5
ppu6502 Special Snowflake MBTI: INTj Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 11,515	It depends what is behind the emotion. I pretty much need to know the cause of the emotion or I won't feel much of anything. Just the raw sight of somebody feeling an emotion doesn't do much to me. I think this is a good wall to have because otherwise you get emotionally manipulate all to hell.
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09-10-2011, 06:01 PM	#6
Nikonman Member [18%] MBTI: IxTJ Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 727	It pains me greatly to see my daughter upset. If she is shedding tears, it upsets me. For others in my life, it depends on what they are upset about and how close I am to them. If they are going through things that I don't see as outside the expected norm, then their hurt will not usually impact me. Example - if a friend's 90 y/o mother dies, I understand why the friend is upset, but I simply see it as the inevitable end of a well lived life. If the friend lost a spouse early in life, that would bother me. If a friend lost a child, I would be quite upset for a while.
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09-10-2011, 06:09 PM	#7
Merryn Member [02%] MBTI: ENFP Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 93	I remember my ex-husband (an INTJ, and still a good friend) just walking out of the room as I was in the middle of explaining something that had really affected me. He didn't say anything, he just left. And when I got over the shock (the next day) and asked him about it, he said he didn't realise that would upset me. He didn't process that I was actually going through something. He was/is a great guy, but being emotionally present was very, very difficult for him. But a lot of the time, he was wonderful at making me feel good about myself. The man was a walking dichotomy in many ways. And maybe that's true of INTJs? Your caring ways don't manifest themselves within generally accepted constructs?
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09-10-2011, 06:22 PM	#8
JustMel Core Member [422%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 16,891	If you live with an INTJ you probably should understand more about love languages. It took my husband (eSTJ) forever to figure out that while I like flowers, I'd prefer him to load the dishwasher/clean the kitchen after dinner. Another forumite sent me a few links to love languages and it helped both of us. I buy my own damn flowers. I hate cleaning the kitchen. I'm not clingy, neither is he, but in relationships we both like physical touch. Not a full on laying on one another but that rub on the shoulder as you walk by or the kiss dropped on top of the head as you walk past. shrug When something bothers him I can usually tell and I can tell if he needs me to listen or if he needs me to leave him be. If I miss the cues he'll tell me "Mel, listen" and I do. If I need him to listen I do the same thing. Luckily he doesn't often ask me how something makes me feel. Because of my lack of emotion most of the time when he inadvertently triggered a PTSD flashback and resultant emotional landslide he freaked out at first then calmly asked me what I needed. When it was over and I explained he's made damn sure he never repeated the action again. His emotions affect me but I'm good with empathy. I don't do sympathy well. When my kids cry and it's because something has truly hurt them it cuts me deeply and I want to fix it. The only other person that's been close enough to me for their emotions to affect me was my grandmother.
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09-10-2011, 07:16 PM	#9
Muse Veteran Member [84%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 3,392	Yes. And i usually go into protect/console/cheer up mode. The way they feel effects how i feel, so it just makes sense to try and help them. I don't always feel it right away, but i know i will at some point.
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09-10-2011, 08:47 PM	#10
Persona Veteran Member [69%] MBTI: INfj Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 2,780	Yes. Strongly. Incidentally, I care about everyone. (not intj though so idk if that helps)
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09-10-2011, 09:09 PM	#11
MerryMayhem New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 5	If the emotion/feeling the person is having is genuine then I want to comfort them as best I can, which normally involves talking them through it if I can't think up some other clever way to help them. If it's someone I feel close enough with to touch them, which is a rare few, then I will hold them if that's what is needed. If the emotional episode has some underlying "help me! I need attention" vibe, then I get very frustrated with it. I try to help them rationalize the situation. If it continues I start to go into "fight or flight" mode. I don't want to say things that might hurt someone, so I try to excuse myself.
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09-11-2011, 07:54 AM	#12
JulietCapulet Veteran Member [96%] MBTI: XNFX Join Date: May 2010 Posts: 3,865	Yes, definitely their emotions will affect me.
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09-11-2011, 10:25 PM	#13
Weltschmerzer Member [20%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 816	Generally, no, with one exception. Although, it could be argued that I only care about that one.
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09-12-2011, 03:19 AM	#14
Tactical Panda Core Member [133%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 5,328	Depends on the person and how easily I can read them. So yes, sometimes.
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09-12-2011, 06:19 AM	#15
Dancingqueen Core Member [126%] MBTI: iNTJ Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 5,070	It deeply affects me if it's genuine (read: non-manipulative) and only from my husband and kids. I've gotten pretty good at faking it with my "f" friends who are constantly crying or complaining about something.
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09-12-2011, 12:12 PM	#16
mieu Core Member [183%] $/)^3^(\$ MBTI: xNTx Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 7,344	I am immediately touched by the emotions of those close to me--if I perceive any sadness I immediately feel sad, especially if I'm the cause of the sadness. For strangers/acquaintances, I'm completely oblivious in that I can sometimes barely even read their body language to tell how they're feeling.
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09-12-2011, 12:47 PM	#18
Wilderness Member [29%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 1,171	I care a lot about the emotions of my family and friends, but only when their emotions are logical and justified. Which can be problematic since most people are not terribly logical with their emotions. And somehow trying to console people with logic isn't very effective.
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09-12-2011, 12:56 PM	#19
Distance Core Member [411%] MBTI: eNTj Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 16,450	Depends on how much I care about them, which emotion and who/what the emotion is directed at.
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09-12-2011, 01:11 PM	#20
OrangeAppled Member [07%] MBTI: INFP Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 284	I'm usually not affected in the sense that my own mood is altered. I empathize easily though. It's like I have a simulator in my head where I imagine being that person & how they feel, but when I walk away I can turn it off & return to my own emotional state. I don't "take on" other people's emotions, but I am touched by them in the sense that I can understand them easily. I don't cry with people for that reason, but I know what it is to cry, and I can thoroughly understand how & why they got to that point, even if the same situation would not produce tears in me. An exception to this is if their emotion has a direct weight on me and my life. Then it affects me, but I think my emotion is more of my own reaction than taking on their emotion. I see this all as pretty in line with Fi. There's a resistance to being emotionally affected by other people/things which have no connection to your ideals, and yet, you have a good understanding of the inner workings of humans so you can easily grasp their emotions intellectually.
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