[Eudoxus]

I have been looking around a lot lately.

The more I do so, the more I wish I had the guts to kill myself.

I look around and everyone has everything, without putting any effort into anything it seems like.

Meanwhile, I do put effort into things, and end up with nothing at all, except the knowledge that all the people who have everything find my struggles pathetic. I am just entertainment for them, they get to sit there and laugh at how I will always be a third-class person.


It's pretty obvious that most of the people on this forum are the same way, things pretty much just work themselves out regardless of what they do.


Not for me though, I have magically terrible luck somehow. I am constantly screwed over by little things that destroy days, weeks, months, sometimes even years of work.

Meanwhile, most people seem to benefit from the opposite phenomena, they don't really do anything, then some little thing happens and they end up getting all this stuff.

Since observing this, I've tried to do less, but it doesn't work for me, I just get even more fucked over somehow.

It's unbelievable.

I guess I must be a truly horrible person. I just have to accept the fact that I must actually be the most awful person on the planet right now.

I don't know how else to explain my insanely bad luck, odd misfortunes, and inability for anything to go my way.

Perhaps there are past lives, I must've been Hitler or something to have karma this bad.

Sigh.

Are there any other despondent fucks out there who committed heinous crimes in past lives and are now finding that nothing ever goes their way, while watching everyone else coast by?

[Vermillion]

	Are there any other despondent fucks out there who committed heinous crimes in past lives and are now finding that nothing ever goes their way, while watching everyone else coast by?

In my past life I was the monkey who had sex with a human and introduced the HIV virus to humanity. No wonder my life sucks...
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[Megalomania]

This might come as a surprise to you, but....life isn't fair. The fact that you may have to work harder to achieve what comes to others easily only means you should be that much more proud when you do succeed. Bad luck is in your head. You'll only perpetuate your bad circumstances by continuing to believe that the world is out to bring you to your knees. Saying things like "Meanwhile, most people seem to benefit from the opposite phenomena, they don't really do anything, then some little thing happens and they end up getting all this stuff." are clearly cognitive distortions. I suggest trying to improve your outlook; focus less on what other people are doing and more on yourself.

[Eudoxus]

Nah, that's all bullshit.

Just a bunch of cobbled together cliches that make some people happy with their horrible lives.

Actually, the fact that people just get things makes you working to get those things pathetic, and sad.

[True Rune]

You say you have nothing, but do you really mean it? Are you mourning what you lost or what you never had? Are these woes financial, social, are you crushed by some sort of alien expectations?

[g20]

actually your just not hearing other people complain about it so your assuming that it was magically easy for them. the more you complain the more your focused on all the bad things. the amount that people complain seems to have a direct relation to their since of self importance. the more a person complains and the more self centered they are the more annoying they tend to be and the less likely they are to get help from others. the people that blame others, the universe, bad luck, basically anything other than themselves the less likely they are to see the cause and a solution to a problem.

[ppu6502]

I knew from first read that you weren't here to get advice.

Butch: [beating up Marsellus] You feel that sting, big boy, huh? That's pride FUCKIN' with you! You gotta fight through that shit!

[Arcanist]

Life isn't fair, but there isn't anything keeping you from tipping the scales in your favor. The world is cruel to some of us. We have to be exceptionally cunning to make it while others simply glide by on their charisma and ability to form connections with others.

You have the right to forge your own path through life. Don't hurt others just to hurt them, but if they get in your way, don't hesitate to shove lesser minds into the proverbial corner where they belong. You must be bold.

[Eudoxus]

I don't know what they are, it's hard to even describe.

Let me try to illustrate by just a single example of the kind of observation I have in mind.


Let's take me. I care deeply about relationships, and love. I spent years learning about them, trying to be good at them, figuring out people, avoiding all the mistakes most people make with good strategies, etc...

In my relationships with people in general, but especially romantic ones, I am extremely caring, and will go out of my way to do nice things for people just for the hell of it, and I'll even go wildly far out of my way sometimes just to be a good friend/partner.

When flaws or troubles arise I always take it upon myself to dedicate myself to working through them.

The result of being this way is that all my relationships usually just end based on some kind of random occurrence, or odd whim. Most people are can very easily walk away from a long time relationship of any kind without being affected, and will do so despite having put a lot of time and effort into it I guess, whereas I usually prefer to work on a relationship.

So on the one hand hardly anyone likes me because being nice, and loyal to friends means you are a terrible person in this world I guess. Meanwhile, in the relationships I do manage to get into, people will just walk out on me like it's nothing. I guess I literally am that worthless.

Once my wife walked out on me, I guess that pretty much broke the camel's back, and now I am beautifully alone, and completely wrapped in desolation.

Hooray!

Meanwhile, I get to watch people like this one fellow I know. He hates people, and relationships, and more than anything, he hates women. He invests zero effort into maintaining relationships, or really doing anything other than fucking people over, and literally fucking them. He spends his time as an unemployed alcoholic heroin addict.

His results are that women constantly throw themselves at him, and even when the one woman that could capture his heart left him because he beat her (well, she was forcibly removed from him by family, she still wanted to be with him actually), another perfect women appeared almost instantly for him.

People in general love him, and love being friends with him, and despite his constantly fucking them over in various ways, he is super popular, and pretty much cannot fail to make friends, despite the fact that he discards them all once he's done using them, or outright stealing from them.

Pretty awesome huh?

It's so awesome watching someone who actually hates what you find to be the only really worthwhile things in life get handed those things, while you toil away trying to make things work, and end up with less than nothing.

I have stories like this for pretty much every area of my life, but this is pretty much the worst one as it is the only one I care about.

I just don't have "it", is what I am told. People find me amusing in the way they find tornados amusing, or jesters in court.

I am not really worthy of being loved.

In fact it seems most people actually hate me the more I do nice things for them.

To take a recent example, the other day I offered to take a friend of mine to school (she always needs rides, and didn't have one), and I knew she really wanted cigarettes, but her paycheck hadn't come so she didn't have any cash that day, so I surprised her with a pack of her favorite brand.

I guess that is a small thing to do...but I figured it was at least thoughtful.

Well, I guess it wasn't, because when we hung out later after her school finished she seemed to take great pleasure in saying all kinds of mean things to me just to watch me get hurt in front of other people for fun.

Yay!!


Not only do I not have "it", I also apparently suck so badly at doing nice things for people that they end up repaying me with cruelty..


All of this would probably be easier to deal with if I had not had the great misfortune of having been in love with someone, actually attaining some success, or at least the appearance of it, and then watch it sail away in an instant.

Never mind easy come, easy go. It seems that the things I work hardest for go away very easily.

Meanwhile, other people do basically nothing, and they get to live out my wildest dreams on a daily basis.

I don't know how to explain this. I've tried various other strategies, being more of an asshole, forcing myself to go to normal social events, etc... that just resulted in more failure, and a lot more people laughing at me.

If you don't have "it" I guess you just don't, and it seems that will never change.

There have to be some losers in life, some people who end up alone, I guess I am just in that statistical sample, hah.

---------- Post added 09-03-2011 at 12:00 AM ----------

Originally Posted by g20 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

actually your just not hearing other people complain about it so your assuming that it was magically easy for them. the more you complain the more your focused on all the bad things. the amount that people complain seems to have a direct relation to their since of self importance. the more a person complains and the more self centered they are the more annoying they tend to be and the less likely they are to get help from others. the people that blame others, the universe, bad luck, basically anything other than themselves the less likely they are to see the cause and a solution to a problem.

You are probably right.

I doubt luck exists.

What is more likely is that I am a terrible person, evil at the core, flawed in innumerable ways, and basically unappealing to the human populace at large as anything more than a toy to be played with for a moment or two.

I am just trying to figure out how to come to terms with that, and how to accept it I guess.

[CaelestisPeste]

Life isn't screwing you over, you're screwing yourself over. If you keep acting like you're worthless, people are going treat you that way. Toughen up and people will respect you.

[hide=Courage Wolf]
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[/hide]

Also, I have tons of these courage wolf images if you want more.

[Eudoxus]

	Originally Posted by Arcanist To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Life isn't fair, but there isn't anything keeping you from tipping the scales in your favor.

Boy, I tell you what, I really used to believe this when I was young.

I always thought luck was just a matter of figuring things out, and having good strategies.

It turns out that there is some other factor I guess...no matter how good your strategies, or your performance, this unknown can fuck everything you work for to hell in an instant.

I just don't find this idea to be empirically true in life.

Or perhaps I am just so disadvantaged that I am not being extreme enough, perhaps what I need is a gun to get someone into a basement, and then chains to keep them there.

Now, admittedly this is not the ideal relationship, but it may be that such actions are what is needed for me to tip the scales to my favor.

Of course the feasibility of such actions is a whole other series of questions.

[ppu6502]

There's some stupid cliche that's pretty fucking accurate. I'll paraphrase to this topic -- "You either think you have 'it', or you think you don't. Either way, you're right."

[Eudoxus]

	Originally Posted by CaelestisPeste To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Life isn't screwing you over, you're screwing yourself over. If you keep acting like you're worthless, people are going treat you that way. Toughen up and people will respect you.

You would be correct if I was actually constantly self-deprecating all the time, as opposed to in this narrow self-reflective Internet thread in which I am looking back at the past in which I wasn't self-deprecating because I was still stupid enough to think things were going to go well for me.

---------- Post added 09-03-2011 at 12:08 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by ppu6502 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	There's some stupid cliche that's pretty fucking accurate. I'll paraphrase to this topic -- "You either think you have 'it', or you think you don't. Either way, you're right."

That's complete bullshit, and everyone knows it.

Everyone knows what the douche is like that thinks he has it when he doesn't, everyone hates this person.

[ppu6502]

If you're not going to humor any psychological/behavioral attacks on your negative outlook, then at least pop some pills to force yourself into a good enough state of mind to fight through it.

[Eudoxus]

Ah yes, I've tried all the pills.

Apparently I actually suck pretty hard, as even the pills are unable to help.


You are a great example of what I am talking about. You equate behavioral psychology with randomly spouting off some cliches.

I bet you carry that same level of detail in all areas of life, but you are probably pretty successful in whatever you do.

[CaelestisPeste]

Listen, right now you have internet. Only 30% of the world has internet. You already have a luxury more than 70% of the world doesn't have. People are losing their jobs left and right. If you lost your job, then your like millions of other Americans (assuming you're from the states). So instead of wallowing in your depression, go out there and do something about it. Go to rallies. Go join a Union or even the Army, as long as your doing something and not thinking about how miserable you are.

Also, here's more courage wolf:

( Show Spoiler )

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[ppu6502]

or more likely, you know jack shit about me or any of the things I've been through, and you're making a giant assumption to help feed the bullshit your NJ has committed to, to such an extreme that it would threaten your entire identity to allow any shift in perspective.

you aren't the first to get caught deep in a Ni Fi loop

[Eudoxus]

So you are actually horribly unsuccessful, and completely miserable?...

Sorry to hear it.

You are probably the wrong person to be giving out advice anyway then, eh?

---------- Post added 09-03-2011 at 12:30 AM ----------

Originally Posted by CaelestisPeste To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Listen, right now you have internet. Only 30% of the world has internet. You already have a luxury more than 70% of the world doesn't have. People are losing their jobs left and right. If you lost your job, then your like millions of other Americans (assuming you're from the states). So instead of wallowing in your depression, go out there and do something about it. Go to rallies. Go join a Union or even the Army, as long as your doing something and not thinking about how miserable you are.

Yeah, that's probably part of the problem, I have the bare minimum of luxury, and that's all that is needed.

Anything else is a venture in guaranteed failure as verified by many, many experiences.

And failure makes me suicidal...which, come to think of it, might be something I will have to work on. I am not really sure how though, I guess just keep doing random things and hope I don't manage to off myself in a manic fit when I keep failing until something works out the way I want it to.

[ppu6502]

thanks, can you please send that sentiment back a few years to when I was?

[g20]

applying logic to the information given and reading between the lines.

	Originally Posted by Eudoxus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I always thought luck was just a matter of figuring things out, and having good strategies. It turns out that there is some other factor I guess...no matter how good your strategies, or your performance, this unknown can fuck everything you work for to hell in an instant.

luck(good or bad)=random. meaning the first line needs to amended in your thinking.

Originally Posted by Eudoxus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

I just don't find this idea to be empirically true in life. Or perhaps I am just so disadvantaged that I am not being extreme enough, perhaps what I need is a gun to get someone into a basement, and then chains to keep them there. Now, admittedly this is not the ideal relationship, but it may be that such actions are what is needed for me to tip the scales to my favor. Of course the feasibility of such actions is a whole other series of questions.

it appears that you think that you need a relationship which would suggest an obvious level of co-dependency. which would mean your going to attract women attracted to co-dependency. hmm, 2 needy people in relationship. now from your earlier post:

Originally Posted by Eudoxus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Let's take me. I care deeply about relationships, and love. I spent years learning about them, trying to be good at them, figuring out people, avoiding all the mistakes most people make with good strategies, etc... In my relationships with people in general, but especially romantic ones, I am extremely caring, and will go out of my way to do nice things for people just for the hell of it, and I'll even go wildly far out of my way sometimes just to be a good friend/partner. When flaws or troubles arise I always take it upon myself to dedicate myself to working through them. The result of being this way is that all my relationships usually just end based on some kind of random occurrence, or odd whim. Most people are can very easily walk away from a long time relationship of any kind without being affected, and will do so despite having put a lot of time and effort into it I guess, whereas I usually prefer to work on a relationship.

now your struggling to do every little thing, not in a natural or relaxed state that you can maintain. you're to a certain extent planning and scheming ways to make a relationship last longer.

so now you being needy, frantically trying to keep a partner that is herself needy requiring more from you while your already frantically trying to fulfill her needs while your likely unaware that your needs aren't being met (hence that all the work on your part). you find yourself in a vicious little cycle that whether you see it your no does burn its self out for what appears on the surface to be stupid little shit.

might be time to reconsider your approach and the way you view things.

[Eudoxus]

You were the one who said it.

---------- Post added 09-03-2011 at 12:38 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by g20 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	it appears that you think that you need a relationship which would suggest an obvious level of co-dependency. which would mean your going to attract women attracted to co-dependency. hmm, 2 needy people in relationship. now from your earlier post:

Yeah, I am diseased.

Frankly, I have come to a point where nothing else really matters to me though as nothing you do is important in this pitiful thing called life.

The only thing I have found that makes me happy, and want to keep living life is to be in a relationship, because that seems to make life pretty awesome WHILE YOU'RE HERE.

Any art works, business accomplishments, or scientific achievements you manage mean nothing as they just fade away, so why bother devoting your whole self to them?

now your struggling to do every little thing, not in a natural or relaxed state that you can maintain. you're to a certain extent planning and scheming ways to make a relationship last longer. so now you being needy, frantically trying to keep a partner that is herself needy requiring more from you while your already frantically trying to fulfill her needs while your likely unaware that your needs aren't being met (hence that all the work on your part). you find yourself in a vicious little cycle that whether you see it your no does burn its self out for what appears on the surface to be stupid little shit. might be time to reconsider your approach and the way you view things.

I don't understand this.

I was having my needs met completely, if I wasn't I doubt I would have cared about being left.

But more than that, why would a person who is needy, and whose needs I am constantly fulfilling want to stay with me?.. Wouldn't it be I who would burn out (hypothetically) and leave them?

[Arcanist]

Originally Posted by Eudoxus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Boy, I tell you what, I really used to believe this when I was young. I always thought luck was just a matter of figuring things out, and having good strategies. It turns out that there is some other factor I guess...no matter how good your strategies, or your performance, this unknown can fuck everything you work for to hell in an instant. I just don't find this idea to be empirically true in life. Or perhaps I am just so disadvantaged that I am not being extreme enough, perhaps what I need is a gun to get someone into a basement, and then chains to keep them there. Now, admittedly this is not the ideal relationship, but it may be that such actions are what is needed for me to tip the scales to my favor. Of course the feasibility of such actions is a whole other series of questions.

Yes, extreme. Be extreme (but don't be dumb). Start taking.

I read your posts in this thread. You're too nice, too giving and you're putting others before yourself. And it's not working since people take advantage of that. The friends I have proved themselves to me over and over. They've all wronged me ONCE in various, serious ways. When they did that I instantly dropped them. After a while, every single one of them crawled back to me begging for forgiveness, and I forgave. Never helped them unless they helped me first. They know where they stand, but I think they have it pretty good.

[ppu6502]

Fuck it. Take the pain, and love every minute of it.

Happiness is bullshit anyway, thrive in misery.

[Eudoxus]

Yeah.

I am in a catch 22 unfortunately, as the thing that makes me happy is to randomly make other people happy.

So if I give that up, I'll just be miserable anyway; but then since no one likes giving people, I'll be miserable because no one will like me. Yay!


The funny thing is, outside of this thread, I am somewhat more of an asshole. I don't have a problem dropping someone unless they are someone that has been in my life for years.

---------- Post added 09-03-2011 at 12:49 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by ppu6502 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Fuck it. Take the pain, and love every minute of it. Happiness is bullshit anyway, thrive in misery.

This brings us back to what I like to call "current plan in action".

I've been thinking of becoming a heroin addict though.

Seems like it works pretty well for a lot of people.

[CaelestisPeste]

	Originally Posted by Eudoxus To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Once my wife walked out on me, I guess that pretty much broke the camel's back, and now I am beautifully alone, and completely wrapped in desolation.

Once in a while, I volunteer at a food bank and I meet tons of people. My team leader, a great charismatic guy, came here first because he had been driving drunk and he couldn't pay off the fine, so he had to work here for 200 hours. When he told me this story, needless to say, I was unmoved and disinterested. But after a week or so, he told me why he was driving drunk: His wife, of several years, had developed cancer and died that evening. He went out with a bang and crashed his car into a light post (I don't know if it was suicide or not). Others who have been here for quite a while, told me that when he first game here, he was god dam miserable. But after meeting people and connecting people who were positive, he started to become livelier. They became his support network. Of course these people leave this place sooner or later, but they built him back up to a point where he could repair himself. He now helps other people with their problems here. Also, he's already done over 200 hours.

So go get some positive people in your life and ditch or ignore the ones that are the cancer of your life. Get involved with good people. You can probably find them at a volunteering place, because why would assholes go there? Plus, there are some good stories.