What is your next social circle expansion mission?

**Winklepicker** · 08-08-2011, 07:10 PM

I try to always plot this out, as I've been constantly moving for so long.

I have several social circle expansion missions right now, but my most recent is signing up for a conference right on my vocational-passion-hot-spot.

**OutOfPlace186** · 08-08-2011, 09:15 PM

I don't have a new mission I'm happy with the few awesome friends I have had since high school. I don't need any more people in my life.

**Odie** · 08-08-2011, 09:21 PM

Unfortunately my kind are rare. Finding them is my problem, not befriending. So I've trying to find out where they gather.

**JustMel** · 08-08-2011, 09:23 PM

It's these questions that make me think we have too much Dr. Phil and Oprah and not enough Looney Tunes and Dukes of Hazzard reruns.
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Why would you want to expand your "social circle"? Really, why?

I have finally managed to get people to accept and understand that I really don't like people and would prefer if most of them stayed the hell away. Even better is I've shown my husband how nice it is to not have quite so many in the "social circle".

**Tequila** · 08-08-2011, 09:26 PM

Forget about expanding social circle. I still haven't found my 'twin'. Someone who knows how to tread carefully on that thin fine line of life.

**judymrad** · 08-09-2011, 12:17 AM

Does joining INTJ Forum count :+)

Rather than think of this topic as expanding the number of people I know (am not so much into that either), I do like to expand the kinds of experiences I try so I can feed my curiosity.

I was invited to join a women's group by one of my most trusted friends, the only one who was at the birth of my daughter outside of my husband and me. She knows I am a bit odd when it comes to social niceties, but she also knows I am a seeker for knowledge of all types, so she invites me into different kinds of things like that.

(She once invited me to be in a focus group for a cosmologist who was preparing to talk about his next book to the masses -- what an incredible time that was to discuss the origins of the universe and the belief that bits of the big bang, thousands of generations removed, flow in my veins...)

Anyway, I was finding the first meeting of this new group to be quite interesting and then there was a short meditation section. I have never meditated, told them so, so got a few pointers.

I did not think I would be good at this, since my inner voice never seems to shut up. But, next time I am going to sit at the kid's table (i.e. outside) for this part-- I was trying to do my best, head bowed, when my earring fell off and dropped into my bra; all of a sudden I had this huge urge to laugh, could not control it and had to walk out.

The other women there all seemed so "grounded" as they have experience at this type of intimate communication. I will keep going and see what I learn.

The metaphor I use for my life is there is a Berlin Wall -- which my INTJness supports -- between who I think I am and who I actually am. I have been seeking the person I actually am -- one who can appreciate the F, E and S in me and not just use and trust the N and T all the time -- in a haphazard way for awhile, but started going to therapy 6 months ago and it is really helpful to have someone to bounce stuff off of.

My therapist commented that I seem to pull bits and pieces of what I need from the people around me, and she says that is healthy. So I have a very small set of true friends and to other posters' comments, no desire to broaden that. But I have a broader circle of situational friends (work, school parents, the anonymous folks I play online Boggle with several nights a week, even the staff at my favorite restaurant) who also give me greater insights into how I relate the world. Joining new groups is one way to expand the situational friends and maybe learn more about yourself.

**Winklepicker** · 08-09-2011, 04:59 AM

Originally Posted by JustMel
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It's these questions that make me think we have too much Dr. Phil and Oprah and not enough Looney Tunes and Dukes of Hazzard reruns.
To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Why would you want to expand your "social circle"? Really, why?

I have finally managed to get people to accept and understand that I really don't like people and would prefer if most of them stayed the hell away. Even better is I've shown my husband how nice it is to not have quite so many in the "social circle".

Not suggesting everyone ought to do so.

There could be many reasons.

How about having recently moved to a brand new location where you know nobody but your coworkers (ie, my scenario)?

Maybe others do not have a spouse...

Maybe others would like to change or improve their circle of friends because they don't have many real meaningful friendships...

Many possible reasons. Not for everyone.

**sunlover** · 08-09-2011, 09:33 AM

I just go along in life and wait for the next entp to befriend me.....maintaining these friendships have sometimes been problematic however. In reality, I've had and have friends of differnt types, but there has always been a quick , almost effortless connection when I cross paths with entp's. Currently my longest continuous friend is an entp (not counting me esfj wife).

**storm eyes** · 08-09-2011, 09:37 AM

I may answer my emails and perhaps the odd phone call.

**DistortionEngin** · 08-09-2011, 12:25 PM

Maybe some day I will send send some one a PM.
My only social circles are INTJf, uboachan, and YouTube.

**Winklepicker** · 08-09-2011, 04:22 PM

Haha, yeah, I wondered if there might not be many responses to such a question at this site... :P The only reason I'm pretty proactive about it is for moving so many times. I've learned that, yes, things can also happen naturally if I don't make much effort, but it just takes a lot longer to build even just one meaningful friendship this way.

My job is also very time consuming, so I have to be intentional for my own life, otherwise my default feeling is to go home and just crash, but then I eventually just feel lonely, so I know I have to make this initial effort to speed up the process of making new friends.

To each his own. I still enjoy hearing how other people do this/getting new ideas, if anyone else ever happens to do the same.

**Haumea** · 08-09-2011, 05:05 PM


	Why would you want to expand your "social circle"? Really, why?

The chicks, basically. It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

**JustMel** · 08-10-2011, 07:47 AM

	Originally Posted by Haumea To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	The chicks, basically. It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

For some people perhaps. I doubt there will be many INTJ chicks in the barrel.

**cutenoob** · 08-11-2011, 01:04 PM

If/when/I am expanding the social circle, I am expanding my social skills. Really, the stereotype for INTJ has a LOT of truth in it. Been told so many times I'm blunt, rude, abrasive...and part of me thinks they need to suck it up.

But that's not socially acceptable, unless you're speaking to a vacuum cleaner. So I've expanded by meeting a group weekly, enjoying interacting with them. Next is also a counselor group therapy (DBT, by the way) and that's kind of neat. These people are all with mental/addiction issues, and you really DO have to watch /how you say things. Gives me practice.
Along with those, I met a neighbor and we walk together. She's taken me to some places with strangers (a big bbq) and I had to do some social interaction.
All of this is on purpose, the mission. It's all for me and my spotty skill set, which really bites me in the ass when I'm trying to fit into work.

I can't truly tell how much progress I"m making (a chart here would be flawed data), so I guess it's reading reactions. Bah.

08-08-2011, 07:10 PM	#1
Winklepicker Member [25%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 1,014	I try to always plot this out, as I've been constantly moving for so long. I have several social circle expansion missions right now, but my most recent is signing up for a conference right on my vocational-passion-hot-spot.
Winklepicker is offline post a comment

08-08-2011, 09:15 PM	#2
OutOfPlace186 Member [03%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 154	I don't have a new mission I'm happy with the few awesome friends I have had since high school. I don't need any more people in my life.
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08-08-2011, 09:21 PM	#3
Odie Member [12%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 482	Unfortunately my kind are rare. Finding them is my problem, not befriending. So I've trying to find out where they gather.
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08-08-2011, 09:23 PM	#4
JustMel Core Member [422%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 16,891	It's these questions that make me think we have too much Dr. Phil and Oprah and not enough Looney Tunes and Dukes of Hazzard reruns. To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Why would you want to expand your "social circle"? Really, why? I have finally managed to get people to accept and understand that I really don't like people and would prefer if most of them stayed the hell away. Even better is I've shown my husband how nice it is to not have quite so many in the "social circle".
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08-08-2011, 09:26 PM	#5
Tequila Member [06%] MBTI: xxxx Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 256	Forget about expanding social circle. I still haven't found my 'twin'. Someone who knows how to tread carefully on that thin fine line of life.
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08-09-2011, 12:17 AM	#6
judymrad Member [02%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 81	Does joining INTJ Forum count :+) Rather than think of this topic as expanding the number of people I know (am not so much into that either), I do like to expand the kinds of experiences I try so I can feed my curiosity. I was invited to join a women's group by one of my most trusted friends, the only one who was at the birth of my daughter outside of my husband and me. She knows I am a bit odd when it comes to social niceties, but she also knows I am a seeker for knowledge of all types, so she invites me into different kinds of things like that. (She once invited me to be in a focus group for a cosmologist who was preparing to talk about his next book to the masses -- what an incredible time that was to discuss the origins of the universe and the belief that bits of the big bang, thousands of generations removed, flow in my veins...) Anyway, I was finding the first meeting of this new group to be quite interesting and then there was a short meditation section. I have never meditated, told them so, so got a few pointers. I did not think I would be good at this, since my inner voice never seems to shut up. But, next time I am going to sit at the kid's table (i.e. outside) for this part-- I was trying to do my best, head bowed, when my earring fell off and dropped into my bra; all of a sudden I had this huge urge to laugh, could not control it and had to walk out. The other women there all seemed so "grounded" as they have experience at this type of intimate communication. I will keep going and see what I learn. The metaphor I use for my life is there is a Berlin Wall -- which my INTJness supports -- between who I think I am and who I actually am. I have been seeking the person I actually am -- one who can appreciate the F, E and S in me and not just use and trust the N and T all the time -- in a haphazard way for awhile, but started going to therapy 6 months ago and it is really helpful to have someone to bounce stuff off of. My therapist commented that I seem to pull bits and pieces of what I need from the people around me, and she says that is healthy. So I have a very small set of true friends and to other posters' comments, no desire to broaden that. But I have a broader circle of situational friends (work, school parents, the anonymous folks I play online Boggle with several nights a week, even the staff at my favorite restaurant) who also give me greater insights into how I relate the world. Joining new groups is one way to expand the situational friends and maybe learn more about yourself.
judymrad is offline post a comment

08-09-2011, 09:33 AM	#8
sunlover Member [23%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 955	I just go along in life and wait for the next entp to befriend me.....maintaining these friendships have sometimes been problematic however. In reality, I've had and have friends of differnt types, but there has always been a quick , almost effortless connection when I cross paths with entp's. Currently my longest continuous friend is an entp (not counting me esfj wife).
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08-09-2011, 09:37 AM	#9
storm eyes Core Member [146%] MBTI: INFJ Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 5,868	I may answer my emails and perhaps the odd phone call.
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08-09-2011, 12:25 PM	#10
DistortionEngin Member [04%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 173	Maybe some day I will send send some one a PM. My only social circles are INTJf, uboachan, and YouTube.
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08-09-2011, 04:22 PM	#11
Winklepicker Member [25%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 1,014	Haha, yeah, I wondered if there might not be many responses to such a question at this site... :P The only reason I'm pretty proactive about it is for moving so many times. I've learned that, yes, things can also happen naturally if I don't make much effort, but it just takes a lot longer to build even just one meaningful friendship this way. My job is also very time consuming, so I have to be intentional for my own life, otherwise my default feeling is to go home and just crash, but then I eventually just feel lonely, so I know I have to make this initial effort to speed up the process of making new friends. To each his own. I still enjoy hearing how other people do this/getting new ideas, if anyone else ever happens to do the same.
Winklepicker is offline post a comment

08-11-2011, 01:04 PM	#14
cutenoob New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 52	If/when/I am expanding the social circle, I am expanding my social skills. Really, the stereotype for INTJ has a LOT of truth in it. Been told so many times I'm blunt, rude, abrasive...and part of me thinks they need to suck it up. But that's not socially acceptable, unless you're speaking to a vacuum cleaner. So I've expanded by meeting a group weekly, enjoying interacting with them. Next is also a counselor group therapy (DBT, by the way) and that's kind of neat. These people are all with mental/addiction issues, and you really DO have to watch /how you say things. Gives me practice. Along with those, I met a neighbor and we walk together. She's taken me to some places with strangers (a big bbq) and I had to do some social interaction. All of this is on purpose, the mission. It's all for me and my spotty skill set, which really bites me in the ass when I'm trying to fit into work. I can't truly tell how much progress I"m making (a chart here would be flawed data), so I guess it's reading reactions. Bah.
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