Being good in bed supersede personality requirements?

**psychosylocibin** · 07-26-2011, 10:00 AM

I was wondering this the other day,

Does being good in bed, or more specifically, giving a women an exhilerating sexual experience, supercede other "requirements" and attractors when it comes to attraction.

For example, Lets say you have Guy A.

Guy A is a nice guy. He isn't a pushover though. Sometimes he calls too much, or shows his sensitive side. Nothing too pushy though.

Guy B is has an "edge". He is what women would call a "bad guy". He pushes girls through an emotional rollercoaster.

Now, lets say, in a twist, despite his nice demeanor, Guy A is not afraid to be aggressive during sex and is able to give a girl an insanely great sexual experience.

Guy B, is ok, average/below average in the sack. He only cares about himself in bed and is a 2 pump chump.

**Thinktress** · 07-26-2011, 10:07 AM

This is innately flawed in that it assumes that girls prefer bad guys. They don't. They prefer rich and powerful guys. Silly men.

**plotthickens** · 07-26-2011, 10:10 AM

I have fucked a lot of guys. Some of them were great fucks: good technique and we had good chemistry. Most of those were wrong for me. Asshole, boring, stuckup, ignorant, blah blah you name it.

When I was just casual-sexing it, I didn't care what they talked like. Later I had to like them as a person before I invited them into my bed. I had learned that sex without at least a little affection was dull, like food with no salt or seasoning. Emotions make sex better. I wanted a great friend AND a great lover.

This is why all of those lovers, good bad or great, are my exes. Some of them lasted longer than others, but the ones I stuck with the longest were those I wanted to be friends with. The men I was with the longest, overall, were not my best lovers. They were my best friends.

And then I met my now-husband: he is everything I wanted. He was worth searching for. Hell, he makes my Alone Time better. Even if we never had sex again, I'd probably still be with him forever.

Sex takes up maybe a few hours a week.
Day-to-day life is everything else.
Which matters more?

**psychosylocibin** · 07-26-2011, 10:14 AM

	Originally Posted by Thinktress To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	This is innately flawed in that it assumes that girls prefer bad guys. They don't. They prefer rich and powerful guys. Silly men.

Yeah, I didn't want to spend alot of time explaining assumptions or generalizations. It was meant to be an open ended question.

**Zombicide** · 07-26-2011, 10:22 AM

	Originally Posted by Thinktress To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	This is innately flawed in that it assumes that girls prefer bad guys. They don't. They prefer rich and powerful guys. Silly men.

This is innately flawed in that it assumes girls don't prefer to have it all, rich, powerful bad boys :)

**Thinktress** · 07-26-2011, 10:22 AM

So let's just toss out the first part of your question, since it's innately flawed. A girl prefers whatever personality type she prefers. And she prefers different types of men at different ages, because her maturity level and needs change.

So ultimately, the question is, would a girl stay with someone she prefers personality wise who is not very good in bed over someone she doesn't like as much who is dynamite in bed.

And personally, I think this is a question that can apply to both genders. I have known plenty of guys who will stay with women who aren't as good in bed over women who are because they love the women who aren't more. And vice versa.

For me personally, I want both. And right now, I have both. Someone I love the most, with whom I also have the best chemistry. Which makes me very, very fortunate.

**paperclip** · 07-26-2011, 10:26 AM

Despite the flaw...

Being great in bed DOES NOT supersede personality requirements in the long run. My last partner was amazing in bed ... but after a month or two the other 90% of our relationship became too dull to bare. I have good sex with my current partner...but ultimately every other aspect of the relationship is so much more interesting and pleasant, it makes the sex seem ... less important.

**Sethis** · 07-26-2011, 10:28 AM

This question is really flawed as others said. Women will still prefer Guy B. Even if Guy A is great at bed how will she know if she is attracted to Guy B and doesn't sleep with Guy A? When you put the two guys next to each other Guy B will always win.

**VENUS 2020** · 07-26-2011, 10:47 AM

I'll take the good guy who can handle his business. Nuff said!

**Zsych** · 07-26-2011, 10:52 AM

Depends both on the woman, and the quality of sex. But if you get her to the point that she's generally having a great time knowing you, other stuff matters less. Really good sex is a good contributor there.

**Thinktress** · 07-26-2011, 10:59 AM

In all of my dating and relationships, there were only two where the sex was just so bad that I tossed the guy BECAUSE of it. And guys get really hung up on this for no good reason. They want comparisons to other bf's and tons of stupid stuff. They ask a lot of dumb ?'s that really don't make that much difference to girls.

**firebee** · 07-26-2011, 11:01 AM

Neither Guy A nor Guy B are ever going to have their ability in bed tested with me, so it doesn't matter what it is.

**ElstonGunn** · 07-26-2011, 11:02 AM

Good sex might make a person tolerate bad everything-else for a little while, but I have to believe that the disappointment in the non-sexual parts of the relationship will eventually catch up and supersede the sexual parts.

Of course, this wouldn't apply for relationships that are purely physical and things like that, but I assumed that those weren't part of the question.

**GettingBetter** · 07-26-2011, 05:37 PM

I thought this was obvious - guy A. What is appealing about guy B?

Plus good sex is generally a reflection of a good relationship.

**Jalex** · 07-26-2011, 06:21 PM

Originally Posted by psychosylocibin
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I was wondering this the other day,

Does being good in bed, or more specifically, giving a women an exhilerating sexual experience, supercede other "requirements" and attractors when it comes to attraction.

For example, Lets say you have Guy A.

Guy A is a nice guy. He isn't a pushover though. Sometimes he calls too much, or shows his sensitive side. Nothing too pushy though.

Guy B is has an "edge". He is what women would call a "bad guy". He pushes girls through an emotional rollercoaster.

Now, lets say, in a twist, despite his nice demeanor, Guy A is not afraid to be aggressive during sex and is able to give a girl an insanely great sexual experience.

Guy B, is ok, average/below average in the sack. He only cares about himself in bed and is a 2 pump chump.

Now... how is Guy A getting in bed with the girl if the girl is getting laid with Guy B?

That's the whole problem... =/

	Originally Posted by Thinktress To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	This is innately flawed in that it assumes that girls prefer bad guys. They don't. They prefer rich and powerful guys. Silly men.

Finally a woman with common sense
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**Tigey** · 07-26-2011, 09:25 PM

Guy A. Guy B reeks.

**Haumea** · 07-27-2011, 12:11 AM


	So let's just toss out the first part of your question, since it's innately flawed. A girl prefers whatever personality type she prefers. And she prefers different types of men at different ages, because her maturity level and needs change.

Yeah, women under 29 or so are today riding a cock carousel of bad boys.

Then when they're about to "hit the wall" they suddenly realize they need to settle down and find a husband.

Of course the idea that they somehow "learn" from their experience is in most cases a post hoc rationalization. More likely explanation is that they can no longer command the same kind of attention they used to, so they suddenly "reassess" their needs.

I'm sure all the special snowflakes with winning genetic lottery tickets will protest this assessment, but in an overwhelming majority of cases it is accurate.

**The Prince** · 07-27-2011, 12:20 AM

Well as a guy, I would willingly choose a girl with personality and was completely inexperienced or not so great in bed over a freak who's personality was only slightly more enthralling than that of a paper clip.

I'd over-compensate for the sweety. Bimbo ain't getting nada

**rocksteady88** · 07-27-2011, 12:31 AM

Originally Posted by Haumea
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Yeah, women under 29 or so are today riding a cock carousel of bad boys.

Then when they're about to "hit the wall" they suddenly realize they need to settle down and find a husband.

Of course the idea that they somehow "learn" from their experience is in most cases a post hoc rationalization. More likely explanation is that they can no longer command the same kind of attention they used to, so they suddenly "reassess" their needs.

I'm sure all the special snowflakes with winning genetic lottery tickets will protest this assessment, but in an overwhelming majority of cases it is accurate.

I want to believe that this isn't the truth.

I want to believe.

It's so hard not to.

**Mogura** · 07-27-2011, 12:37 AM

	Originally Posted by psychosylocibin To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Does being good in bed, or more specifically, giving a women an exhilerating sexual experience, supercede other "requirements" and attractors when it comes to attraction.

God, I hope so. I'm ugly, my personality sucks, and I'm hung like a hamster, so I have to rely on my fibrillating oral technique to compete with the bad boy alpha douchebag crowd...

**eagleseven** · 07-27-2011, 12:40 AM

In my experience, personality and creativity in bed go hand in hand. A "nice guy" who's brilliant in bed is far more wild then he lets on in public.

**plotthickens** · 07-27-2011, 06:46 AM

	Originally Posted by eagleseven To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	In my experience, personality and creativity in bed go hand in hand. A "nice guy" who's brilliant in bed is far more wild then he lets on in public.

THIS.

The media says that the bad boys are great lovers. Hell no, they're just as bad at fuckin as they are at livin. The nice guys who take the time and research and pay attention, who do well in other areas of life... are usually much better fucks.

Haumea may think that it's young women thinking their looks are fading that makes them stop chasing bad boys... which is an interesting perspective. I think we can see where that bias is by the wording ('riding the cock carousel'). In reality, women can get quite attractive bad boys well into their 40's and 50's. Those that choose to settle down with a Nice Guy in their 30's are likely finished sowing their wild oats and want someone who's good at most everything, just like Eagleseven said.

**Zsych** · 07-27-2011, 06:57 AM

Women sowing their wild oats...

**plotthickens** · 07-27-2011, 07:02 AM

	Originally Posted by Zsych To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Women sowing their wild oats...

What, did you think only men were allowed to do that?

**Autumnleaf** · 07-27-2011, 08:03 AM

A guy who lacks social skills will have trouble finding a woman to share his bed warming skills with. People with good social skills are probably more considerate in bed.

I think what many socially okay guys do wrong with women is they bore them, don't excite them. Excitement and uncertainty seems to make the ladies wetter than anything else I can think of based on my experience.

07-26-2011, 10:00 AM	#1
psychosylocibin Member [12%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 488	I was wondering this the other day, Does being good in bed, or more specifically, giving a women an exhilerating sexual experience, supercede other "requirements" and attractors when it comes to attraction. For example, Lets say you have Guy A. Guy A is a nice guy. He isn't a pushover though. Sometimes he calls too much, or shows his sensitive side. Nothing too pushy though. Guy B is has an "edge". He is what women would call a "bad guy". He pushes girls through an emotional rollercoaster. Now, lets say, in a twist, despite his nice demeanor, Guy A is not afraid to be aggressive during sex and is able to give a girl an insanely great sexual experience. Guy B, is ok, average/below average in the sack. He only cares about himself in bed and is a 2 pump chump.
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07-26-2011, 10:07 AM	#2
Thinktress Veteran Member [52%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 2,112	This is innately flawed in that it assumes that girls prefer bad guys. They don't. They prefer rich and powerful guys. Silly men.
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07-26-2011, 10:10 AM	#3
plotthickens Core Member [662%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 26,512	I have fucked a lot of guys. Some of them were *great* fucks: good technique and we had good chemistry. Most of those were wrong for me. Asshole, boring, stuckup, ignorant, blah blah you name it. When I was just casual-sexing it, I didn't care what they talked like. Later I had to like them as a person before I invited them into my bed. I had learned that sex without at least a little affection was dull, like food with no salt or seasoning. Emotions make sex better. I wanted a great friend AND a great lover. This is why all of those lovers, good bad or great, are my exes. Some of them lasted longer than others, but the ones I stuck with the longest were those I wanted to be friends with. The men I was with the longest, overall, were not my best lovers. They were my best friends. And then I met my now-husband: he is everything I wanted. He was worth searching for. Hell, he makes my Alone Time better. Even if we never had sex again, I'd probably still be with him forever. Sex takes up maybe a few hours a week. Day-to-day life is everything else. Which matters more?
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07-26-2011, 10:22 AM	#6
Thinktress Veteran Member [52%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 2,112	So let's just toss out the first part of your question, since it's innately flawed. A girl prefers whatever personality type she prefers. And she prefers different types of men at different ages, because her maturity level and needs change. So ultimately, the question is, would a girl stay with someone she prefers personality wise who is not very good in bed over someone she doesn't like as much who is dynamite in bed. And personally, I think this is a question that can apply to both genders. I have known plenty of guys who will stay with women who aren't as good in bed over women who are because they love the women who aren't more. And vice versa. For me personally, I want both. And right now, I have both. Someone I love the most, with whom I also have the best chemistry. Which makes me very, very fortunate.
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07-26-2011, 10:26 AM	#7
paperclip Member [37%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 1,497	Despite the flaw... Being great in bed DOES NOT supersede personality requirements in the long run. My last partner was amazing in bed ... but after a month or two the other 90% of our relationship became too dull to bare. I have good sex with my current partner...but ultimately every other aspect of the relationship is so much more interesting and pleasant, it makes the sex seem ... less important.
paperclip is offline post a comment

07-26-2011, 10:28 AM	#8
Sethis Member [23%] MBTI: iNTj Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 954	This question is really flawed as others said. Women will still prefer Guy B. Even if Guy A is great at bed how will she know if she is attracted to Guy B and doesn't sleep with Guy A? When you put the two guys next to each other Guy B will always win.
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07-26-2011, 10:47 AM	#9
VENUS 2020 Member [10%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 429	I'll take the good guy who can handle his business. Nuff said!
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07-26-2011, 10:52 AM	#10
Zsych Core Member [309%] MBTI: XNTX Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,372	Depends both on the woman, and the quality of sex. But if you get her to the point that she's generally having a great time knowing you, other stuff matters less. Really good sex is a good contributor there.
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07-26-2011, 10:59 AM	#11
Thinktress Veteran Member [52%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 2,112	In all of my dating and relationships, there were only two where the sex was just so bad that I tossed the guy BECAUSE of it. And guys get really hung up on this for no good reason. They want comparisons to other bf's and tons of stupid stuff. They ask a lot of dumb ?'s that really don't make that much difference to girls.
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07-26-2011, 11:01 AM	#12
firebee Core Member [117%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 4,707	Neither Guy A nor Guy B are ever going to have their ability in bed tested with me, so it doesn't matter what it is.
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07-26-2011, 11:02 AM	#13
ElstonGunn Core Member [150%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 6,039	Good sex might make a person tolerate bad everything-else for a little while, but I have to believe that the disappointment in the non-sexual parts of the relationship will eventually catch up and supersede the sexual parts. Of course, this wouldn't apply for relationships that are purely physical and things like that, but I assumed that those weren't part of the question.
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07-26-2011, 05:37 PM	#14
GettingBetter Member [23%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 959	I thought this was obvious - guy A. What is appealing about guy B? Plus good sex is generally a reflection of a good relationship.
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07-26-2011, 09:25 PM	#16
Tigey Member [04%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 191	Guy A. Guy B reeks.
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07-27-2011, 12:20 AM	#18
The Prince Member [29%] MBTI: XNTJ Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 1,173	Well as a guy, I would willingly choose a girl with personality and was completely inexperienced or not so great in bed over a freak who's personality was only slightly more enthralling than that of a paper clip. I'd over-compensate for the sweety. Bimbo ain't getting nada
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07-27-2011, 12:40 AM	#21
eagleseven Core Member [155%] MBTI: XNTJ Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 6,201	In my experience, personality and creativity in bed go hand in hand. A "nice guy" who's brilliant in bed is far more wild then he lets on in public.
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07-27-2011, 06:57 AM	#23
Zsych Core Member [309%] MBTI: XNTX Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,372	Women sowing their wild oats...
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07-27-2011, 08:03 AM	#25
Autumnleaf Core Member [227%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2010 Posts: 9,110	A guy who lacks social skills will have trouble finding a woman to share his bed warming skills with. People with good social skills are probably more considerate in bed. I think what many socially okay guys do wrong with women is they bore them, don't excite them. Excitement and uncertainty seems to make the ladies wetter than anything else I can think of based on my experience.
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