[ElGuyay]

I think INTJs are more concerned with "improvement" of people than "comforting" people. Some people are wired to comfort everyone until they're dead (nurturing, friendly, easygoing, enabling types), and some people are wired to make other people more fit and adaptive (tough-loving, hard-driving, goal-oriented, ambitious types). The improvement types see the comforting types as pathetic, unaccomplished, mediocre people. They're also likely to see comforting types as using emotion to manipulate others, as "comforting" someone requires a certain degree of dishonesty (telling white lies, convincing people they're perfect). The improvement type is the exact opposite: they rely on honesty, even brutal honesty, because improving someone requires that that person know their deficiencies/weak points. The comforting type views the improvement type as unusually cold, distant, harsh, and logical in dealing with people. This is a classic case of two types of people with two different fundamental values in life viewing each other through their own lens.

I think this correlates with the mother/father dichotomy. The mother is traditionally the comforter, the father traditionally the improver.

I think it also correlates with the left brain/right brain hemisphere dichotomy. The left brain is numerical, symbol-oriented, linear, forward-thinking, quantitative, cold, analytic. The right brain lives in the now, it's emotional, spontaneous, concerned with being rather than doing, concerned with similarities and connection rather than separation and categorization.

I think both the comforter type and the improver type can care about someone with equal depth, but they express it in such different ways that misunderstandings can arise. The improver's methods are necessarily harsh and may seem cold in the immediate sense, reaping most of their benefits down the line. The comforter's method may seem too lax, enabling, and permissive from the long-term perspective, but that's because they aren't concerned with long-term benefits at all.

Although I'm aware of this dichotomy and accept that, fundamentally, we're all trying to do what's best for people, just using different definition of what's "best" for someone and accordingly going about doing it in different ways, I still have a hard time appreciating the comforting type of person. I feel a sense of pity, disgust, even mortification when I see a comforter type, and this manifests as aloofness and neglect at best, viciousness and callousness at worst (e.g. "Get off your ass and do something about it then!").

I can only imagine what the non-INTJs on this forum think of us when go hard down the improver road in our posts. I suppose they see us as robotic, soulless, and joyless. I'd like to say in response to that that as an INTJ I derive great joy from self-improvement and everything that goes along with it, even the pain and struggle, because I know that each bit of pain is building my character and strengthening me, securing a future for me full of success, power, wisdom, and autonomy.

I know the comforter type isn't so talented at detailing their inner urges and making sense of them for people (no offense to your type. I know you're not stupid; you're just not wired for dissecting yourself into a million pieces and laying out the blueprint for everyone) but I think some of the hardcore INTJ robots on here could stand to see things from your perspective so that we could appreciate your type instead of dismissing you.

If you're a comforter type, please speak up.

And if this theory seems wrong please critique it wherever you see a hole.

[deckard]

I don't think it's possible to be warm over an internet forum. The person must first be known in real life as someone who holds a level of intimacy with those they engage. Such reputations can be both real or masked.

I've known those infamous for providing, caring and loving being conniving, using, disingenuous and those infamous for seeming aloof and robotic as the most genuine of caregivers. Whatever little care can be mustered comes from a real place. When it abounds for any and all, I'm weary at first.

I'm a comforter type but I don't suffer crocodile tears.

[Scooby77]

Truth of the matter is, the comforting type does so because they want to be liked.
They really do want to make the other person feel good, because they are empathetic and how other people feel affects how they themselves feel.

Improvers do what they do even if it hurts someone, because we get the same type of satisfaction from accomplishment.