What are your 'Standards'? - Page 4

**Kitesurf** · 06-28-2011, 10:13 PM

Myotis Lucifugus,

I'm planning on cooking an incredible supper.. but I could be talked into just hanging out upside down in a dark cave.

**sevans** · 07-01-2011, 08:59 PM

I really like healthy girls. Not girls that are twigs but healthy girls. They have to be fit for me to be physically attracted to them. There are plenty of those girls around, here's the real problem of finding someone I find "compatible"...as if it was measurable.

She has to be somewhat smart, be able to think outside of the box, at least be able to accept that religion might be a fraud and it's preferable for them to believe that organized religion is a complete lie, rather introverted as well I guess, have to believe in something though. I'm pretty sure only one person on the planet understands how I feel about groups but we're not really compatible as we're both straight guys and he's in a relationship... It would just be really nice to meet a girl that tokes or accepts that I toke as well, it helps with a ton of problems I have so really it's kind of a biggie too but not necessary.

Solid enough answer?

**Dru** · 07-01-2011, 09:03 PM

compatibility. chemistry. communication.

i don't think i could put it any simpler.

**Chosen** · 07-01-2011, 09:42 PM

Rather low as I expect people around me to be stupid or misunderstanding.

**Zsych** · 07-01-2011, 09:58 PM

	Originally Posted by Kitesurf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	She's honest, expects to be treated with respect and treats others with respect.

I consider it boundary issues, and lack of confidence if someone says they want to be treated with respect.

	Originally Posted by Dru To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	compatibility. chemistry. communication. i don't think i could put it any simpler.

I'd put that under ill defined and hard to search for. Unless you naturally have relatively common standards for those things.

	Originally Posted by Chosen To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Rather low as I expect people around me to be stupid or misunderstanding.

Ahh, but are you willing to be in a serious relationship with those people?

**Dru** · 07-01-2011, 10:25 PM

the standards are different for everyone. there is no other "standard".

**Alanas** · 07-01-2011, 10:29 PM

Has to like me and I have to like her.

I can't really choose what to like and what not. It's just an emotion.

**Zsych** · 07-01-2011, 10:34 PM

	Originally Posted by Dru To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	the standards are different for everyone. there is no other "standard".

Well, you can have the ability to relate to a lot of people, and find average people attractive (what might otherwise be called being normal)... and you'd find in that case that a decent number of other people share your views.

---------- Post added 07-02-2011 at 12:43 AM ----------

	Originally Posted by Alanas To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Has to like me and I have to like her. I can't really choose what to like and what not. It's just an emotion.

Its not actually that hard to figure out what kinds of things you like. Your emotions have reasons of sorts underneath them.

**g20** · 07-01-2011, 11:38 PM

I prefer them to be breathing.....at least recently.

I've given up, I just don't find it worth putting forth the effort most of the time.

besides the obvious the physical attraction, qualities that I like; intelligence and directness, I'm a little headstrong at times and I like a woman that can keep me in check, the highly compliant types are boring. The thing that has caused the biggest problems in my relationships, sometimes I need space, not necessarily a physical separation as much as I need time to process, happy to be in the same room but not going to talk about what's bothering me (preaching to the choir), hell only one GF ever figured out that if I was mad at her I would either not be there or we'd be talking about it, anything else I mostly kept to myself.

**Haumea** · 07-02-2011, 12:15 AM

By the way, Haumea, do you really think someone with, say, a 150+ IQ is going to make it with someone in the 115 range? Cutting down standards just to widen the pool seems a bit foolish; I'm not sure if the whole "15 points within someone else's IQ for a meaningful relationship" is really true, but needless to say, I can barely even connect to someone in the mid 120s on anything beyond the merest basics. It's like we're in whole different worlds. I couldn't begin to imagine trying to carry on a relationship like that.

If you genuinely have a 150+ IQ, then anyone below 140 would already be in a different cognitive bracket from you and present problems. I think the whole concept of "meaningful relationship" as you describe above seriously needs to be reassessed. I was actually of similar mind a few years ago, but have since reconsidered.

Obviously I haven't studied this formally, but my general impression is that statistically it just "ain't there." You could hit the jackpot and get beauty, character, warmth, joviality and IQ, but in my experience one or the other is lacking. [There are only so many Danica McKellars out there.
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] If those other traits aren't critical to you, go for the high IQ. But I would at least consider that sacrifice may be involved.

As for your claims about the women you've known with IQs over 130 and their general mental state and morality (or lack thereof), well... you mustn't have met many. I grew up with three woman in the 130+ IQ range, and I've known well over a dozen others, from acquaintances to family members to teachers, friends' parents and friends of parents... I think you either got extraordinarily unlucky with those you met, or are simply being pessimistic. I wouldn't be able to label even one of them as borderline psychopathic, much less with serious moral and/or mental deficiencies. In fact, the large majority had fairly standard or even conservative morals.

Then again, the chunk of women I've met in such a range probably aren't very indicative of the group as a whole. But certainly a different experience than you claim to have met with.

Well, I stipulate that the ones I met may not be a representative sample as well. But I suspect that the problem is exacerbated in the larger metropolitan areas, in the 45-and-under group.

**Zsych** · 07-02-2011, 12:22 AM

High intelligence, if coupled with a rebellious attitude, unfortunately often leads to one of the common forms of rebellion... forms that often don't make for very likable women.

**Negativezero** · 07-02-2011, 12:45 AM

Ha, just when I was about to do a mental exercise in describing the perfect girl I see this.

Appearance
Musts
She's in decent shape. Thin. He breast are proportional to her body. He ass is big enough that it's comfortable to have her sit on my lap [don't like having bones grinding on me.] She enough meat on her bones that it's comfortable cuddling, but not so much that I'm climbing over her.

He eyes are the kind I can look into for hours. The expression they hold is something I can keep looking into. She has kissable lips. Not too thin. They can be big. Teeth are a must. If she's missing one or two because of some accident I'll let that slide. If she's missing any because she's lazy and doesn't brush it's not gonna work out.

She's gotta look good naked, as a whole. He hair needs to be soft. Coarse rough hair is a pretty big turn off. I use conditioner, why can't she? Length and style aren't very important though I like longer hair.

MBTI preferences.
ENTP, INTJ, INFP, INFJ, INTP, ESTP.
IN and ETP's are the types I fall for most often. Something draws me to them in a relationship.

Personality characteristics.
Altruism is a much. If she doesn't care about others I can't do it. I just can't date a girl who only cares about herself and her man. It irks me a lot. Kindness towards others is one of my biggest turn ons. She doesn't even have to be entertaining or interesting. Just nice.

Misc.
If she's not willing to have an open mind towards sex it's not going to work out. I'm not going to pressure her and could go for years without if it's the right person. I still love sex, especially if it's with a girl I have feelings for.

If she's too pragmatic and over bearing I can't do that.

That's about it.

**Haumea** · 07-02-2011, 12:50 AM

Zsych,

I've met that type as well. It is worst when they are in the low 120s and argumentative pains in the ass. In other words they're at the top of that bracket where it's straight from the professor's mouth to their mouth, with no deviation. This is why I'm saying with the right personality you can go as low as 115 (I mean what's the point?)

**CyanideSoda** · 07-02-2011, 01:52 AM

In general I like guys who are sweet, kind, gentle, funny and confident and as far away as possible from the macho musclehead stereotype. Physically I prefer androgynous beauty and long hair. I'm not hung up on intelligence: supersmart people of either sex tend to be snobbish assholes, I'll just take a regular person anytime.

**Persona** · 07-02-2011, 01:56 AM

	Originally Posted by CyanideSoda To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	In general I like guys who are sweet, kind, gentle, funny and confident and as far away as possible from the macho musclehead stereotype. Physically I prefer androgynous beauty and long hair. I'm not hung up on intelligence: supersmart people of either sex tend to be snobbish assholes, I'll just take a regular person anytime.

I've said this a million times but I'll say it again: there are plenty of supersmart people who aren't snobbish assholes, they just don't go around flaunting it on other people because they're not snobbish assholes :D

**CyanideSoda** · 07-02-2011, 02:12 AM

	Originally Posted by Persona To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I've said this a million times but I'll say it again: there are plenty of supersmart people who aren't snobbish assholes, they just don't go around flaunting it on other people because they're not snobbish assholes :D

I don't know...I know some supersmart people like my gay friend and my boss who are really kind but their relationship to me is platonic so it makes a whole lotta difference. The one person I had an intimate relationship to and who was supersmart singed my fur. Maybe I'm prejudiced but in most of these cases familiarity breeds contempt and superiority seals the deal.

**Negativezero** · 07-02-2011, 02:35 AM

	Originally Posted by CyanideSoda To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't know...I know some supersmart people like my gay friend and my boss who are really kind but their relationship to me is platonic so it makes a whole lotta difference. The one person I had an intimate relationship to and who was supersmart singed my fur. Maybe I'm prejudiced but in most of these cases familiarity breeds contempt and superiority seals the deal.

You limit yourself for that.
I dated a girl who was a lot smarter than me. She never threw it in my face or intentionally made me feel stupid [granted some things she did and said made me feel a little stupid, she wasn't doing it on purpose.]. She was a very sweet girl, who happened to be a super smart intp.

It's sad, for them I guess, that some people wont give the smart ones time of day.

**Persona** · 07-02-2011, 02:43 AM

	Originally Posted by CyanideSoda To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't know...I know some supersmart people like my gay friend and my boss who are really kind but their relationship to me is platonic so it makes a whole lotta difference. The one person I had an intimate relationship to and who was supersmart singed my fur. Maybe I'm prejudiced but in most of these cases familiarity breeds contempt and superiority seals the deal.

Ah...yeah, I can see how that could be a problem...
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But I think it's more about people's perceptions. It can work both ways, that's for sure. My ex was weirdly competitive and resented me for being a math+language whiz, even though I thought she was brilliant in her artwork and photography. It wasn't til she started brooding about her relative inadequacy that I felt like things weren't going to work out.

As long as you have your own domain where you can feel competent and generate self-worth, it's no matter if the SO is that much more intelligent. I can see how it might be hard to connect with someone way above you, though. It's like, 'what are they thinking?' and trust can break down at that point.

Although even then, if someone is using her brain all day at work, it might be a relaxing break to come home to someone who's just going to love her and work together on home stuff and not challenge her intellectually.

Yeah. I'm not convinced IQ is a factor. Insecurity can manifest in so many other ways.

**CyanideSoda** · 07-02-2011, 02:59 AM

	Originally Posted by Negativezero To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	You limit yourself for that.

not too much...my IQ is above average...
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Originally Posted by Persona
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As long as you have your own domain where you can feel competent and generate self-worth, it's no matter if the SO is that much more intelligent. I can see how it might be hard to connect with someone way above you, though. It's like, 'what are they thinking?' and trust can break down at that point.

Although even then, if someone is using her brain all day at work, it might be a relaxing break to come home to someone who's just going to love her and work together on home stuff and not challenge her intellectually.

Yeah. I'm not convinced IQ is a factor. Insecurity can manifest in so many other ways.

In my case it was something like: why don't you do what I tell you to? I'm better than you, I know better, I have better [x]. You're just [y].

I'm not excluding intelligence completely, it used to be my no.1 standard, but I've come to see that compassion and caring can be just as important, perhaps even more so. Ah, the wisdom of years...

**benr3600** · 07-02-2011, 03:00 AM

I think the starting point is not being entrenched in the need to play endless mind games. Yes, I have already considered the probability that I will die alone.

**Persona** · 07-02-2011, 03:11 AM

	Originally Posted by CyanideSoda To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	In my case it was something like: why don't you do what I tell you to? I'm better than you, I know better, I have better [x]. You're just [y]. I'm not excluding intelligence completely, it used to be my no.1 standard, but I've come to see that compassion and caring can be just as important, perhaps even more so. Ah, the wisdom of years...

oh. Yes, absolutely. If it's in the case of something urgent, like a bomb threat, then yes, one should listen to one's partner, whether one is the more intelligent one or the less intelligent one. That should be obvious from the person's voice and such but I guess not always :s

On the other hand, if there's time to explain, it is disrespectful (and therefore toxic... not to mention arrogant) to not even try.

	Originally Posted by benr3600 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I think the starting point is not being entrenched in the need to play endless mind games. Yes, I have already considered the probability that I will die alone.

I don't understand how this would be a concern for you in particular...

**benr3600** · 07-02-2011, 03:16 AM

	Originally Posted by Persona To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	I don't understand how this would be a concern for you in particular...

Honestly, I find it easier to comprehend than your response, until you explicate your response. To what, in "particular," are you referring to?

**Persona** · 07-02-2011, 03:27 AM

	Originally Posted by benr3600 To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Honestly, I find it easier to comprehend than your response, until you explicate your response. To what, in "particular," are you referring to?

Are you screwing with me?

**benr3600** · 07-02-2011, 03:39 AM

	Originally Posted by Persona To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Are you screwing with me?

Honestly, I was under the impression that I was the one being screwed with. I gave you the benefit of the doubt, over the most likely alternate, which was that your response to my post was a passive-aggressive insult of me.

You stated that you don't understand how it would be a concern for me, in particular. Could you please point out what it is you know about me that would lead you to this conclusion, out of your extensive knowledge of me, please? We can start from there, if you'd like.

**Loneliness** · 07-02-2011, 03:48 AM

She should be a good person.
She should help me being a good person.
She should be pretty.
She should to disagree with me. Not all the time, though. (I hate words- "Yeah, i know what you mean. *end of conversation*")
She shoud smile and make me smile.

06-28-2011, 10:13 PM	#76
Kitesurf Member [06%] MBTI: iNTj Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 270	Myotis Lucifugus, I'm planning on cooking an incredible supper.. but I could be talked into just hanging out upside down in a dark cave.
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07-01-2011, 08:59 PM	#77
sevans Member [48%] MBTI: INtJ Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 1,949	I really like healthy girls. Not girls that are twigs but healthy girls. They have to be fit for me to be physically attracted to them. There are plenty of those girls around, here's the real problem of finding someone I find "compatible"...as if it was measurable. She has to be somewhat smart, be able to think outside of the box, at least be able to accept that religion might be a fraud and it's preferable for them to believe that organized religion is a complete lie, rather introverted as well I guess, have to believe in something though. I'm pretty sure only one person on the planet understands how I feel about groups but we're not really compatible as we're both straight guys and he's in a relationship... It would just be really nice to meet a girl that tokes or accepts that I toke as well, it helps with a ton of problems I have so really it's kind of a biggie too but not necessary. Solid enough answer?
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07-01-2011, 09:03 PM	#78
Dru Core Member [251%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 10,070	compatibility. chemistry. communication. i don't think i could put it any simpler.
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07-01-2011, 09:42 PM	#79
Chosen Member [06%] MBTI: XNTJ Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 278	Rather low as I expect people around me to be stupid or misunderstanding.
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07-01-2011, 10:25 PM	#81
Dru Core Member [251%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 10,070	the standards are different for everyone. there is no other "standard".
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07-01-2011, 10:29 PM	#82
Alanas Member [17%] MBTI: INTj Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 719	Has to like me and I have to like her. I can't really choose what to like and what not. It's just an emotion.
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07-01-2011, 11:38 PM	#84
g20 Member [11%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 447	I prefer them to be breathing.....at least recently. I've given up, I just don't find it worth putting forth the effort most of the time. besides the obvious the physical attraction, qualities that I like; intelligence and directness, I'm a little headstrong at times and I like a woman that can keep me in check, the highly compliant types are boring. The thing that has caused the biggest problems in my relationships, sometimes I need space, not necessarily a physical separation as much as I need time to process, happy to be in the same room but not going to talk about what's bothering me (preaching to the choir), hell only one GF ever figured out that if I was mad at her I would either not be there or we'd be talking about it, anything else I mostly kept to myself.
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07-02-2011, 12:22 AM	#86
Zsych Core Member [309%] MBTI: XNTX Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 12,376	High intelligence, if coupled with a rebellious attitude, unfortunately often leads to one of the common forms of rebellion... forms that often don't make for very likable women.
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07-02-2011, 12:45 AM	#87
Negativezero Member [25%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 1,018	Ha, just when I was about to do a mental exercise in describing the perfect girl I see this. Appearance Musts She's in decent shape. Thin. He breast are proportional to her body. He ass is big enough that it's comfortable to have her sit on my lap [don't like having bones grinding on me.] She enough meat on her bones that it's comfortable cuddling, but not so much that I'm climbing over her. He eyes are the kind I can look into for hours. The expression they hold is something I can keep looking into. She has kissable lips. Not too thin. They can be big. Teeth are a must. If she's missing one or two because of some accident I'll let that slide. If she's missing any because she's lazy and doesn't brush it's not gonna work out. She's gotta look good naked, as a whole. He hair needs to be soft. Coarse rough hair is a pretty big turn off. I use conditioner, why can't she? Length and style aren't very important though I like longer hair. MBTI preferences. ENTP, INTJ, INFP, INFJ, INTP, ESTP. IN and ETP's are the types I fall for most often. Something draws me to them in a relationship. Personality characteristics. Altruism is a much. If she doesn't care about others I can't do it. I just can't date a girl who only cares about herself and her man. It irks me a lot. Kindness towards others is one of my biggest turn ons. She doesn't even have to be entertaining or interesting. Just nice. Misc. If she's not willing to have an open mind towards sex it's not going to work out. I'm not going to pressure her and could go for years without if it's the right person. I still love sex, especially if it's with a girl I have feelings for. If she's too pragmatic and over bearing I can't do that. That's about it.
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07-02-2011, 12:50 AM	#88
Haumea Veteran Member [88%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 3,523	Zsych, I've met that type as well. It is worst when they are in the low 120s and argumentative pains in the ass. In other words they're at the top of that bracket where it's straight from the professor's mouth to their mouth, with no deviation. This is why I'm saying with the right personality you can go as low as 115 (I mean what's the point?)
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07-02-2011, 01:52 AM	#89
CyanideSoda Member [08%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 355	In general I like guys who are sweet, kind, gentle, funny and confident and as far away as possible from the macho musclehead stereotype. Physically I prefer androgynous beauty and long hair. I'm not hung up on intelligence: supersmart people of either sex tend to be snobbish assholes, I'll just take a regular person anytime.
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07-02-2011, 03:00 AM	#95
benr3600 Member [28%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jan 2011 Posts: 1,131	I think the starting point is not being entrenched in the need to play endless mind games. Yes, I have already considered the probability that I will die alone.
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07-02-2011, 03:48 AM	#100
Loneliness Member [38%] MBTI: Infj Join Date: Feb 2011 Posts: 1,534	She should be a good person. She should help me being a good person. She should be pretty. She should to disagree with me. Not all the time, though. (I hate words- "Yeah, i know what you mean. end of conversation") She shoud smile and make me smile.
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