Leaving Home

**Santi** · 06-25-2011, 12:16 PM

Hello guys,

For this time, I'll skip the fancy intro and go straight to the main issue/topic.

Few weeks ago I was told, that I'll have to move away to live alone, to a one-room apartment just before my 19th birthday, after 2 months. (extreme life circumstances).
At first, I was very excited about this change and really looking forward to it.
Despite that, as time went by, that excitement has changed to a whole different feeling. I even don't know how to describe it. If feels like I am going to lose an important part of myself and my life. I feel kinda down and depressed. And I don't even know the reason why. Maybe because for the first time of my life I'll have to depend completely on myself, maybe because I'll have limited budget to live with, maybe because of all the new responsibilities. Maybe it's just the realization of a huge step forward in my personal life and the thought of an adult life right behind the corner. I don't know. Those who I talked to, said that living alone will be interesting, it will be a whole new experience, but alongside, they think that eventually I'll start to miss my annoying sister, all the buzz around myself which used to surround me while living together with family. So I am starting to become a bit nervous and afraid(?).

So I was wondering, what was the story of you leaving home and starting a new period of your life? What were the challenges and tough things to deal up with? Maybe there were more positive things, and there is actually nothing to worry about. Please, share your experiences.

As I am INTJ "orientated", and usually INTJs perceive things a bit differently, I thought that hearing from "similar" people would help to understand myself and overcome this upcoming challenge.

P.S. Sorry for my bad English. Thou, I hope you managed to understand the main idea.

Have a nice weekend

**MaybeThanh** · 06-25-2011, 12:26 PM

I've been living on my own since I was 19. Before that, I alienated myself from my family since I was about 14. I didn't notice much difference when I started living on my own, other than this:

Everything that happens is because of you. You'll have to take responsibility, you'll take the blame, you'll have control over everything in your life and you'll have to be self-reliant (these are all good things to me, by the way).

For me, this came naturally, as the switch from a "family home" to a place for myself wasn't as big of a change as it is for a lot of other people. You do start missing social interaction every now and then, and you might get depressed because there's never anyone at home to say "Welcome home!", but the pros definitely outweigh the cons; at least they did for me.

All that said, you're going to have to live on your own at some point in your life anyway. There's no need to be afraid, just look at it from another point of view; there is much to be learned from it.

**GrnEyz** · 06-25-2011, 12:33 PM

I left home at 18... it was easy for me because I had a good job traveling the country putting in telephone switching systems.

If you have to settle for a mediocre job, I would suggest rooming with someone else. You can find shares on craigslist or roomster.com.

**Monte314** · 06-25-2011, 03:10 PM

Sorry to hear about the extreme circumstances. Life sneaks up on us sometimes.

Starting out is kind of scary for everybody, but we get through it.

I guess I would advise you not to let yourself become too isolated in your new life. Situations that require interaction with unfamiliar faces can be pretty uncomfortable for introverts, and it is easy for us to wall ourselves off. Even INTJ's are healthier and happier when they build and maintain positive connections with others.

**VENUS 2020** · 06-25-2011, 04:11 PM

Moving out is a big step, so its natural to feel some anxiety. On the plus side, you will have your own space! You can plan how you will decorate this, what items you will be moving with you, and how often you will clean :-). You can eat fast food from Sunday to Sunday without having to account to anyone for your habits. So freedom and independence are good. You just need to remember that you now have to keep yourself in check and behave responsibly since there will be no one there looking over your shoulder.

Whatever the reason, try to treat this, not as a loss, but as an opportunity to grow. You are not losing your family. You can keep in touch with your sister via phone, internet, Facebook etc. and she will likely be happy to fill you in on the latest happenings at home. I am assuming that you can also talk to your parents when you feel the need to. If the apartment allows, consider getting a low maintenance pet (fishes or a hamster) to share the space. Good luck to you.

**meldsong** · 06-25-2011, 06:11 PM

	Originally Posted by MaybeThanh To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Everything that happens is because of you. You'll have to take responsibility, you'll take the blame, you'll have control over everything in your life and you'll have to be self-reliant (these are all good things to me, by the way).

Exactly my thoughts. In my experience, one of the biggest annoyances about living with family is the total deprivation of independence. I'm better at being responsible when I gain direct consequences from neglecting something instead of arbitrary consequences. Not to mention my own (extremely) strong independence streak.

**strategist** · 06-27-2011, 11:30 PM

My parents have been pushing me to leave home, though luckily I was able to move to Canada and live with my girlfriend's family who are nicer lol. For me this was an easy step, but if I had to live by myself in a small room on a low budget it would've been more daunting for sure.

Like venus2020 said, by leaving home you're taking a step into the unknown, so it makes sense you feel anxious. You're probably overwhelmed by all the upcoming changes, so try to focus on tackling each new challenge one by one. By having clarity it will become easier to make the right decisions. As an INTJ I think you will have the advantage of being able to come up with strategies to develop a lifestyle (over time) you'll be happy with.

**therrirl** · 06-28-2011, 08:00 AM

I left home at 17, had been working for over 2 years by that time. I never even thought about it. It was college time and so I packed up and did it.

**spooky204** · 07-01-2011, 08:45 PM

left home at 25 (i know, old). lodged with an old jamacian owman for a year then had to move. moved to a large edwardian house that had 10 to 12 (could never properly do a head count) people in there at one time.

had a great time because I was away from my family. they *really* don't get me. and joined in with social stuff whenever i wanted to. it was a great life
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good luck with your transition

**MusicalINTJ** · 07-01-2011, 08:51 PM

Difficult choices.

When I was 16, I had serious considerations of moving out. But I was too unrealistic at the time. I thought I would enjoy a homeless lifestyle.

Instead, I thought I would instead go mainstream, go to college, and then do something crazy with my life.

Now I'm 21, I still live with my damn parents (and I rely on them more than ever now). I'm kind of getting close to being done with college but I feel like I could flunk out any time soon.

My only hope is to become a famous musician. No matter what, I'll be moved out by age 23.

**plotthickens** · 07-01-2011, 09:13 PM

Well, it's going to happen, so try to be happy about it.

Failing that, look at it as a learning experience.

It happens to all of us who are lucky enough to live this long. You'll be fine.

**DeepThought** · 07-01-2011, 09:33 PM

It was probably around when I was nineteen or maybe twenty. I can't recall exactly any more. My parents had moved the family again. I stayed behind for a while to finish out the semester. I then went to move back with my family, but I found the adjustment very hard. They'd moved back to the rural south after we lived several years in the burbs up north. I missed my friends, my girlfriend, having a job, my school, and having a social life (or at least things to do that didn't involve trying to push over cows in the middle of the night). I eventually enrolled in a local college and even found a part time job on campus, but I chaffed at my father's increasingly unreasonable dictates and was having a hard time with the long term relationship thing. I also found that I could no longer tolerate the southern "charm" that I'd grown up with as a young boy. Eventually, I just got fed up. Fed up with being lonely, fed up with my father, fed up with the fucking south and their backwards ways (at least that's how I perceived it as a young man). I resolved to move back up north. I made arrangements to stay with someone for a short time until I found some work and a place of my own. I told my folks I was moving out, packed and left. They were a little put out, but they didn't try to stop me. They knew my mind was made up.

After the move I was at once sad, angry and exhilarated. I was sad that I would miss my family and miss seeing my younger siblings grow up. I was still angry at my father for a time. I was also thrilled with the prospect of starting my new, adult life. Finally, I was the captain of my ship (so to speak). I had to make real decisions. Of course, it helped that I'd held a variety of jobs since I was 16 and had paying my own bills all along, so I mostly knew what needed to be done. Eventually the excitement, anger and anxiety faded as I settled into adult life. *sigh*

**babsa** · 07-02-2011, 05:55 AM

Well, after the summer the year i graduated i went job hunting, but no one was hiring, and all the managers i hunted for at their stores were pretty much avoiding me. I thought to myself, do i really want to work at a $8 an hour job for the next few years trying to save up the money for college education? I didn't think it was possible to do this, and i didn't want to become one of those that tried, and ended up just working and working until they were 24 and dunno where all the time went. I also told myself that i did not want to take out a loan for my college education, because i have never been fond with buying things with money i dont have. I didn't want to finish college and have to job hunt with no avail as my college tuition increased every year.
That's when i decided that joining the military was my best option. I remember when the day i had to go to boot camp kept getting closer and closer, i just couldn't stop worrying about it every day, but things end up better than you expect a lot of the time.

**Erasmius** · 07-02-2011, 04:47 PM

I moved out when I was 18 to go to college. You will learn a lot from trial and error, I had a good job set up through some friends and was on a scholarship so I only worked for my needs. If finances are not the bigger problem in your life then getting out there and socializing might be, as it was for me then join a club. This will allow you to maintain a link into society as to function at an optimal level.

**Jalex** · 07-02-2011, 08:47 PM

I remember the toughest part of moving to leave by myself was to do laundry and coooking for myself... besides that everything was very very smooth, and actually reallizying you don't have to call home to stay out on a Friday night is.... quite an experience.

By relaxed and enjoy it, that's my advice!

06-25-2011, 12:16 PM	#1
Santi New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 1	Hello guys, For this time, I'll skip the fancy intro and go straight to the main issue/topic. Few weeks ago I was told, that I'll have to move away to live alone, to a one-room apartment just before my 19th birthday, after 2 months. (extreme life circumstances). At first, I was very excited about this change and really looking forward to it. Despite that, as time went by, that excitement has changed to a whole different feeling. I even don't know how to describe it. If feels like I am going to lose an important part of myself and my life. I feel kinda down and depressed. And I don't even know the reason why. Maybe because for the first time of my life I'll have to depend completely on myself, maybe because I'll have limited budget to live with, maybe because of all the new responsibilities. Maybe it's just the realization of a huge step forward in my personal life and the thought of an adult life right behind the corner. I don't know. Those who I talked to, said that living alone will be interesting, it will be a whole new experience, but alongside, they think that eventually I'll start to miss my annoying sister, all the buzz around myself which used to surround me while living together with family. So I am starting to become a bit nervous and afraid(?). So I was wondering, what was the story of you leaving home and starting a new period of your life? What were the challenges and tough things to deal up with? Maybe there were more positive things, and there is actually nothing to worry about. Please, share your experiences. As I am INTJ "orientated", and usually INTJs perceive things a bit differently, I thought that hearing from "similar" people would help to understand myself and overcome this upcoming challenge. P.S. Sorry for my bad English. Thou, I hope you managed to understand the main idea. Have a nice weekend Last edited by Minerva; 06-25-2011 at 05:00 PM. Reason: Removed signature
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06-25-2011, 12:26 PM	#2
MaybeThanh Member [05%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 201	I've been living on my own since I was 19. Before that, I alienated myself from my family since I was about 14. I didn't notice much difference when I started living on my own, other than this: Everything that happens is because of you. You'll have to take responsibility, you'll take the blame, you'll have control over everything in your life and you'll have to be self-reliant (these are all good things to me, by the way). For me, this came naturally, as the switch from a "family home" to a place for myself wasn't as big of a change as it is for a lot of other people. You do start missing social interaction every now and then, and you might get depressed because there's never anyone at home to say "Welcome home!", but the pros definitely outweigh the cons; at least they did for me. All that said, you're going to have to live on your own at some point in your life anyway. There's no need to be afraid, just look at it from another point of view; there is much to be learned from it.
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06-25-2011, 12:33 PM	#3
GrnEyz Core Member [297%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 11,905	I left home at 18... it was easy for me because I had a good job traveling the country putting in telephone switching systems. If you have to settle for a mediocre job, I would suggest rooming with someone else. You can find shares on craigslist or roomster.com.
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06-25-2011, 03:10 PM	#4
Monte314 Core Member [408%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 16,340	Sorry to hear about the extreme circumstances. Life sneaks up on us sometimes. Starting out is kind of scary for everybody, but we get through it. I guess I would advise you not to let yourself become too isolated in your new life. Situations that require interaction with unfamiliar faces can be pretty uncomfortable for introverts, and it is easy for us to wall ourselves off. Even INTJ's are healthier and happier when they build and maintain positive connections with others.
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06-25-2011, 04:11 PM	#5
VENUS 2020 Member [10%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 429	Moving out is a big step, so its natural to feel some anxiety. On the plus side, you will have your own space! You can plan how you will decorate this, what items you will be moving with you, and how often you will clean :-). You can eat fast food from Sunday to Sunday without having to account to anyone for your habits. So freedom and independence are good. You just need to remember that you now have to keep yourself in check and behave responsibly since there will be no one there looking over your shoulder. Whatever the reason, try to treat this, not as a loss, but as an opportunity to grow. You are not losing your family. You can keep in touch with your sister via phone, internet, Facebook etc. and she will likely be happy to fill you in on the latest happenings at home. I am assuming that you can also talk to your parents when you feel the need to. If the apartment allows, consider getting a low maintenance pet (fishes or a hamster) to share the space. Good luck to you.
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06-27-2011, 11:30 PM	#7
strategist New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 29	My parents have been pushing me to leave home, though luckily I was able to move to Canada and live with my girlfriend's family who are nicer lol. For me this was an easy step, but if I had to live by myself in a small room on a low budget it would've been more daunting for sure. Like venus2020 said, by leaving home you're taking a step into the unknown, so it makes sense you feel anxious. You're probably overwhelmed by all the upcoming changes, so try to focus on tackling each new challenge one by one. By having clarity it will become easier to make the right decisions. As an INTJ I think you will have the advantage of being able to come up with strategies to develop a lifestyle (over time) you'll be happy with.
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06-28-2011, 08:00 AM	#8
therrirl Member [34%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 1,388	I left home at 17, had been working for over 2 years by that time. I never even thought about it. It was college time and so I packed up and did it.
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07-01-2011, 08:45 PM	#9
spooky204 New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 55	left home at 25 (i know, old). lodged with an old jamacian owman for a year then had to move. moved to a large edwardian house that had 10 to 12 (could never properly do a head count) people in there at one time. had a great time because I was away from my family. they really don't get me. and joined in with social stuff whenever i wanted to. it was a great life To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. good luck with your transition
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07-01-2011, 08:51 PM	#10
MusicalINTJ Member [16%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 675	Difficult choices. When I was 16, I had serious considerations of moving out. But I was too unrealistic at the time. I thought I would enjoy a homeless lifestyle. Instead, I thought I would instead go mainstream, go to college, and then do something crazy with my life. Now I'm 21, I still live with my damn parents (and I rely on them more than ever now). I'm kind of getting close to being done with college but I feel like I could flunk out any time soon. My only hope is to become a famous musician. No matter what, I'll be moved out by age 23.
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07-01-2011, 09:13 PM	#11
plotthickens Core Member [662%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 26,512	Well, it's going to happen, so try to be happy about it. Failing that, look at it as a learning experience. It happens to all of us who are lucky enough to live this long. You'll be fine.
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07-01-2011, 09:33 PM	#12
DeepThought Core Member [254%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 10,183	It was probably around when I was nineteen or maybe twenty. I can't recall exactly any more. My parents had moved the family again. I stayed behind for a while to finish out the semester. I then went to move back with my family, but I found the adjustment very hard. They'd moved back to the rural south after we lived several years in the burbs up north. I missed my friends, my girlfriend, having a job, my school, and having a social life (or at least things to do that didn't involve trying to push over cows in the middle of the night). I eventually enrolled in a local college and even found a part time job on campus, but I chaffed at my father's increasingly unreasonable dictates and was having a hard time with the long term relationship thing. I also found that I could no longer tolerate the southern "charm" that I'd grown up with as a young boy. Eventually, I just got fed up. Fed up with being lonely, fed up with my father, fed up with the fucking south and their backwards ways (at least that's how I perceived it as a young man). I resolved to move back up north. I made arrangements to stay with someone for a short time until I found some work and a place of my own. I told my folks I was moving out, packed and left. They were a little put out, but they didn't try to stop me. They knew my mind was made up. After the move I was at once sad, angry and exhilarated. I was sad that I would miss my family and miss seeing my younger siblings grow up. I was still angry at my father for a time. I was also thrilled with the prospect of starting my new, adult life. Finally, I was the captain of my ship (so to speak). I had to make real decisions. Of course, it helped that I'd held a variety of jobs since I was 16 and had paying my own bills all along, so I mostly knew what needed to be done. Eventually the excitement, anger and anxiety faded as I settled into adult life. sigh
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07-02-2011, 05:55 AM	#13
babsa Veteran Member [68%] MBTI: INTP Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 2,746	Well, after the summer the year i graduated i went job hunting, but no one was hiring, and all the managers i hunted for at their stores were pretty much avoiding me. I thought to myself, do i really want to work at a $8 an hour job for the next few years trying to save up the money for college education? I didn't think it was possible to do this, and i didn't want to become one of those that tried, and ended up just working and working until they were 24 and dunno where all the time went. I also told myself that i did not want to take out a loan for my college education, because i have never been fond with buying things with money i dont have. I didn't want to finish college and have to job hunt with no avail as my college tuition increased every year. That's when i decided that joining the military was my best option. I remember when the day i had to go to boot camp kept getting closer and closer, i just couldn't stop worrying about it every day, but things end up better than you expect a lot of the time.
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07-02-2011, 04:47 PM	#14
Erasmius New Member [01%] MBTI: INTJ Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 2	I moved out when I was 18 to go to college. You will learn a lot from trial and error, I had a good job set up through some friends and was on a scholarship so I only worked for my needs. If finances are not the bigger problem in your life then getting out there and socializing might be, as it was for me then join a club. This will allow you to maintain a link into society as to function at an optimal level.
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07-02-2011, 08:47 PM	#15
Jalex Member [23%] MBTI: InTJ Join Date: Apr 2011 Posts: 945	I remember the toughest part of moving to leave by myself was to do laundry and coooking for myself... besides that everything was very very smooth, and actually reallizying you don't have to call home to stay out on a Friday night is.... quite an experience. By relaxed and enjoy it, that's my advice!
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