[Shadizar]

	Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	Also, sometimes you'll find a married person attractive. It doesn't mean you're trying to initiate an affair, but you can't help being attracted.

That's biological, suffer it.

[Fishism]

It's really not blurred to me. I ask myself "Would I want my significant other to be doing this?" If the answer is "No", I don't do it. Being a hypocrite and O.D'ing on double standards is not what respectful, mature people do.

Attraction is normal, fine and even expected. What separates us from LESSER animals is our ability to resist acting on attraction because we're seeing a bigger picture and SHOULD be well aware of the consequences of our actions.

Adult sexual behaviour is OK unless someone attached by a degree to the people involved could be potentially hurt by said behaviour. The only people who have trouble with this simple concept are those in denial looking to justify their own bad behaviour.

[esperanza]

	Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	No, I'm wondering if I should feel guilty for past behavior.

I don't think so. Whatever it was, it was what it was. If you think you would have done something differently if you could have that time again, learn from it and move on - but I don't think there's any need for you to sit around beating yourself up about it. The fact that you're reflecting on it after the fact in the first place is enough.

I think for a lot of people it's perfectly healthy to have some sort of emotional outlet outside of their relationships - but if someone is seeking that externally at the expense of connecting with their partner, I think it likely points to a pre-existing issue with that relationship that would manifest in some fashion sooner or later with or without your involvement.

I've been in a similar situation with someone engaged. I think I'm a lot more similar to him than his partner in some ways, so sometimes I get where he's coming from when she doesn't - but I think he appreciates the way she balances him out. He's become a friend, so, I guess I try to empathise with him and provide support/advice where I can, without trying to undercut his relationship. Like, when it seems clear to me that they're not communicating properly, or they're hitting stalemate on points that he ends up talking to me about, I emphasise how important I think it is that he opens up to her, and I try to suggest ways he could do this in a constructive manner. I actively try to see things from her point of view, wherever possible, to put another spin on things he says. He rarely complains about her, and is pretty balanced when he does.

He's gone out of his way to be supportive to me too where it was beyond the call of duty. It's kinda weird that we talk and that we've become friends (for other reasons), but I think it works well enough.

He used to get flirty sometimes, which I found a bit uncomfortable, though I don't think he was very serious about it or anything. I'd just shoot it down in a jokey manner. He doesn't really do it anymore.

[Distance]

There's no universal set of morals. As long as the husband and wife are fine with whatever happens with third parties, it doesn't matter. But if you know your partner will have issues with your behaviour so you hide the interactions, lie directly or lie by omission, you've exceeded your own morals or relationship boundaries, hence lack integrity.

Same goes for any third party getting involved with married people. Live by what you spout and if you hold values that makes it okay to hurt others, I suppose you have integrity but not the type I can either respect or admire.

[Autumnleaf]

	Originally Posted by AnaK To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	No, I'm wondering if I should feel guilty for past behavior. Also, sometimes you'll find a married person attractive. It doesn't mean you're trying to initiate an affair, but you can't help being attracted.

No matter how attractive he is there's probably a woman somewhere who's tired of (having sex with) him.

[UnrulyR3d]

	Originally Posted by Autumnleaf To view links or images in this forum your post count must be 2 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
	No matter how attractive he is there's probably a woman somewhere who's tired of (having sex with) him.

Yeah, his wife. That is the way of things. I was attracted to one of my married friends when I first met him, but once I got to know him the physical attraction wore off. Thank goodness! We are good friends now, but trying to remain friends during that stage was really difficult.